


Neko-chan's Pawprints

by Vixen_Tail



Series: Mesuji Ripples [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, And Now For Something Completely Different, F/M, Fluff, Gen, No Plot/Plotless, Random & Short, Sequel Type Thing, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-18
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-02-17 22:32:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 124,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2325566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vixen_Tail/pseuds/Vixen_Tail
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A companion fic for Déjà vu no Jutsu, filling in the blanks for certain parts not covered by the main story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hatake Kakashi's bedtime story, as told by Hatake Sakumo

"Just after you were born, I was called away for a short mission." Sakumo quirked a smirk at his son when the four-year-old leapt for his bed, to keep the older shinobi from having to stop in his story to tell him to do so. "I got your nee-chan to watch you and your kaa-chan for the night, even if it was a short mission and I should have been back that same night."

"'Cause you're paranoid." Kakashi chirped at his father, grinning broadly and ducking the swat to the head.

"Who's telling this story, me or you?"

His son blinked grey eyes at him innocently, rearranging his bedding as if that was the only thing he had on his mind.

Sakumo snorted, seating himself on the edge of the bed. "Ninja's are not paranoid, there's only those who do their preparations and those who don't do them and end up dead."

"Get on with it, Otou-sama."

"Fine, I see how much you care for me." When all the younger silver haired boy did was stare expectantly, the elder rolled his eyes back at him. "Your nee-chan thought the same you did, that I was just paranoid, but like any good apprentice she went along with her beloved shishou's orders and guarded you and your kaa-chan for me anyways. For her, it was mostly business as usual… until nightfall."

"When Iwa-nin attacked."

"You're getting a little ahead of me, Kashi-kun."

The young prodigy smiled sheepishly. "You're going too slow."

"When little neko-chan started her perimeter checks for me, an Iwagakure no Sato shinobi snuck up behind her. He was armed with a tantō, and aimed to take her head off to clear his way to your kaa-chan…" Sakumo paused deliberately, smirking at his son's rather less than amused glare for it. "…but little baby Kashi-chan giggled, attracting her attention. Natsumi-chan turned her head, listening to baby laugh at his bath, and caught the sight of the tantō aimed at her neck."

"I was so smart." Kakashi marveled to himself, ducking the second slap at his head for interrupting his father.

"You're nee-chan dove under the swing, snagging the blade she concealed in her ninja sandals and taking out her attacker. You save her life, but the Iwa-nin got her hair."

The four-year-old wrinkled his small nose. "Are you sure? Nee-chan's hair is always been long."

"It was shorn to mid-back later, they had to even it out to shoulder-length the day after." Sakumo informed him thoughtfully. "I don't know why she grew it out again… she always complained about the length."

"Shikaku-sama asked her to."

"Oh…" Blinking as he absorbed that, the kenjutsu master gave his son a strange look. "How do you know that?"

"I _asked_ her."

"Then why ask me?"

Kakashi gave his father a shrug. "I still can't imagine nee-chan with short hair."

"…moving on." Sakumo shook his head as he laughed wryly at himself. "You're nee-chan had just been attacked, cutting her hair but without much other injury dealt with. Alarmed, little neko-chan jumped to the roof and found yet another attacker trying to sneak up on your kaa-chan. Like the little neko she is, Natsumi-chan snuck up on this Iwa kunoichi and managed to take her down with little fuss."

"Two down, two to go."

"Yes, two down. Your nee-chan, having already dealt with the attackers she could find, attempted to call for backup. But that alerted one more attacker, who managed to get into the house while his fellow shinobi tried to kill neko-chan and the kunoichi attempted to find a way in from the roof. That dead kunoichi had with her a short sword, so neko-chan snagged that and then used a window to place herself between Eri-kaa-chan, who held you safe in her arms, and the only entrance that opened into the rest of the house."

"Imagine my surprise when the door opened and it wasn't that last Iwa moron, but taicho himself." The newly married Nara Natsumi interjected from the doorway of Kakashi's bedroom, grinning at both silver haired males. "This story again, Kashi-chan? It's the fifth time this week."

The four-year-old stuck his nose in the air at the assassin. "I like it, that's all that matters."

"Right yes, my mistake." The kunoichi informed him while rolling mismatched, ghost pale eyes at him.

"Neko-chan?"

Natsumi frowned slightly at her kenjutsu master, sheepishly rubbing at her left arm. "Shika's on mission, and it's a bit… lonely at home without him."

Sakumo grinned fondly at the heroine of his son's favorite bedtime story. "You know where your room is, neko-chan."

"Thanks taicho. Gaki, I'll see you in the morning." The Leopard Summoner smirked at Kakashi's protest over being called a brat, flicking her fingers at both of them in goodbye as she wandered a bit farther into the house to her old room.

The smallest Hatake huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and scowling at the doorway. "Nee-chan is awesome, but she's mean sometimes."

"That's true of most shinobi, Kashi-kun." Sakumo reminded his son dryly. "Now, back to the story. Where were we?"

"You just came in, Otou-sama."

"Right. I threw the door open to ensure you three were alright, and your nee-chan pointed the tip of that borrowed short sword at my throat until she recognized me. She was splattered with blood, her hair raggedly short, and scowling fiercely enough that I almost thought something was hurting her."

"But nee-chan wasn't hurt."

"No, she was scared. For you and your kaa-chan, because the attack happened on her watch when she promised me to watch you both when I couldn't be there. She was almost ready to attack me, if I had proved to be that last attacker that got past her guard."

Kakashi nodded firmly. "Which is why nee-chan is awesome."

The kenjutsu master gave his son a small smirk for that. "Indeed. When she realized who I was, and that she had succeeded in keeping you and your kaa-chan safe for me, only _then_ did neko-chan lower her sword. Then, after I checked to ensure you and your kaa-chan were unharmed, she and I went _hunting._ "

"Because there was one more naughty Iwa-nin to find."

"Yes. I Summoned Aki-sama to help us, and my Dogs' pack leader faithfully led us straight to him. We found him tucked away in the forest outside the walls, taking advantage of a small window of opportunity they had caused by making the patrol that was supposed to check the area sick with poisons. Your nee-chan attacked first, flushing him out of his position and straight into my grip. When we were done _demonstrating_ our displeasure with him and his fellow Iwa-nin, we dragged him straight to T &I."

Almost cheering at that, the little prodigy wiggled in his spot. "Serves them right for trying to kill kaa-chan."

Sakumo gave him a fanged smirk at that. "I quite agree with you there, Kashi-kun. Once everything was over and our fellow shinobi had a handle on the problem and the cleanup, I picked your nee-chan up and brought her home because by then it was near dawn and we both were tired. Now Natsumi-chan likes to pretend she's a tough little neko, but she's very sensitive to upsetting her important people. She was terrified your kaa-chan wouldn't like her anymore, because she had killed to protect you both and sometimes the civilians don't like seeing that."

"But she was worried for nothing, because kaa-chan still likes her."

"We didn't know your kaa-chan could move past that so quickly, Kashi-kun. Neko-chan's worry was valid at the time." He ruffled his son's fluffy hair, jerking his hand back before the younger Hatake could swat it away. "Neko-chan, that next morning, dithered in her room for a whole hour, worrying about all of it. Eri-kaa-chan finally got fed up with waiting and went to her room, only to hug the young kunoichi before your nee-chan could apologize for it. Bloodstains, short hair, and all."

"Because kaa-chan's awesome too."

"Of course I am, Kashi-kun." Hatake Eri beamed at her son, giving her husband a smile of his own. "Did you know neko-chan's here?"

"Her husband's gone on mission and she was lonely." Sakumo answered his wife fondly. "She's staying over tonight."

"Hmm…" The civilian woman eyed their son, her smile turning mischievous. "If you go straight to sleep, Kashi-kun, I'll see if your nee-chan would consent to teach you a few chakra tricks in the morning."

Kakashi nodded rapidly. "I'll be good, kaa-chan."


	2. The Hyūga Affair

Panther decided she didn't like them.

She liked B, don't get her wrong, but these Kumo-nin seemed nothing like the rapping jinchūriki of the eight-tails.

That… and they were preventing her and Minato from being able to go home for the day. She had a three-year-old son to read a bedtime story to, and she was sure her otouto had plans of his own for Naruto's bedtime.

The end of the Third Great Shinobi War had it's own loose ends to tie up, no matter the beat down Namikaze Minato gave Iwagakure no Sato first before becoming the Village Hidden in the Leave's formidable Yondaime Hokage and Konohagakure's beloved Yellow Flash.

Though the man himself will still cringe and flush slightly if you called him any of that to his face.

Fugaku and Hizashi, who had been in control of the Earth war camps near the end, might have had to smash Iwagakure's teeth in when they attempted to throw out or even rout the Sand-Leaf forces camping out on their front lawn but Iwa did fold after their last gambit failed.

Sunagakure was still staunchly pro Konoha, and Kirigakure was a bit swamped with trying to clear out the very last of any rebel Mist-nin factions to cause further trouble. They both were part of an alliance, as well, with Amegakure and now Kusagakure as support.

Bit by bit, Yahiko and Minato were working on that prophesy of their sensei's. Jiraiya got a little soppy when he heard more news about it, every damn time no matter if he heard it once before or not.

Kumogakure was the last of the Great Shinobi Nations that had yet to decide on what to do, either allow hostilities to subside and nitpick for the next few decades or actually attempt what Iwa tried and epically failed to do.

Hence why Konoha currently had a group of Cloud diplomats jawing at their Yondaime and generally wasting time just because they could.

Minato didn't look all that amused either, for that matter.

Apparently Senju Nawaki's fellow but foreign diplomats had some variation of survival sense, because they begged off any further peace talks for the day shortly after Panther had concluded she didn't like them.

The ANBU General wondered if that had anything to do with her slipping into the visible parts of the Hokage's office or not, but shrugged the thought away and turned to her Hokage while slipping her mask off. "Finally, you ready to head out?"

"Thanks for that, sempai." He spoke while rubbing at his left temple, where he usually felt the pain of any headaches his position gave to a kage.

Natsumi sniffed at him, sealing the mostly black cat mask into her belt simply because she didn't intend to do much else before changing back to her usual jōnin uniform. "I have no idea what you're talking about. In unrelated news it's my turn to read Maru-chan a bedtime story so let's go."

Her old kouhai cracked a grin at her for that. "Well, far be it for me to get in the way of my little godson's privileges. Dismissed, Panther- _sama_. I'll see you in the morning."

"Sure you will. It's not like I usually hang around awaiting your convenience, _Yondaime-sama_."

Minato acquired a bit of a sheepish flush at that. "You won't let me meet with non-alliance shinobi without being around to intimidate them for me in the first place, sempai. So I'm putting good money on you showing up bright and early, no matter how much that'll make Shikaku grumble at me."

The former assassin frowned at him. "You know, it kinda sucks when you get anticipated like that."

"Ah, but that's just a measure of how much I both know and rely on you, sempai." Corrected the Yondaime as he got up from his rather comfy couch he used when meeting with foreign dignitaries. "A mark of faith or reliance, if you'd rather."

"I'd think it is more like getting predictable."

"We do not need another Inuzuka riot, sempai."

Natsumi paused, looking back at him before she abused his hiraishin to get home unseen. "Is that an order?"

Minato frowned suspiciously back at her, pausing at his office door. "Why?"

"I'm pretty sure I can think up of something else just as odd and disruptive to annoy you with."

The Yondaime Hokage, Konohagakure's Yellow Flash, the terror of Iwagakure no Sato, planted his face in his hands. "Oh _kami_ , sempai. Don't, please."

His ANBU General snickered at him. "Just a suggestion, kouhai."

"Go home and read my godson a bedtime story."

"Sure, as long as you read _my_ godson a bedtime story."

Minato gave her a bastardized salute as he left his office to the ANBU night guard. Natsumi wondered if he realized it had been copied from Fiona's military salute or not.

\V/

"Come _on_ , kaa-chan! Hurry up."

"Mmhmm, hurrying. Watch me hurry."

Shikamaru still didn't look at all too pleased with her speed, especially since she had promised him cherry preserves to get him out of the house with her in the middle of winter. Wrapped up in a fluffy coat and the scarf Aikido-baa-sama knitted for him, he was almost too cute to take seriously.

Although Natsumi almost wanted to sulk, because the _damn bloody cherries_ were apparently more popular than one of kaa-chan's rare off days. Yes, she knew full well comparing her popularity in her son's eyes to the treat both he _and_ his father shared a love for wasn't at all fair.

Not the point.

Minato had decided that since the Kumo diplomats wanted to just stall for a few days she didn't need to be there constantly, some of Stag's guards would do just as well. Then the ass had made it a point to bring up the lack of time the both of them had to spend with their children since this crap started, and stated that since he was restricted until they decided how they wanted to do this she shouldn't have to miss out on more of Shikamaru's growing years than she already had.

Which resulted in Panther-sama being forced to give Stag the lead in what guarding their Yondaime needed within the village.

Since Natsumi had the time, she rather did want to spend it with the heir she bore Shikaku. Her son was adorable, no matter what little scrunched up face he made being called so. The fact she needed to do a grocery run was just life, because eating was part of that no matter how much their son would rather nap.

It was the actually _doing_ something that Shikamaru didn't really all that like when spending time with kaa-chan. He would much rather take a nap with her and his father instead of expending energy to do something else no matter how fun he found it.

Natsumi blamed Shikaku. Their next child had better _not_ be as lazy.

The Uchiha compound gate guards looked pretty amused at her second trip out there that same week. She gave them an old fashioned look that merely made them smirk at her.

When Shikamaru got behind her and tried to push when she stopped and signed into their compound one actually cracked a laugh.

Instead of bearing more knowing looks and little laughs, after writing down Shikamaru's name she plucked her clan's heir up into her arms and jumped for the roofs.

At least she had a way to get this over with quickly.

Shikamaru squirmed out of her hold the moment they touched down, scampering to the Uchiha run shop as fast as his little legs would pump. "Madoka-baba!"

"Well, if it isn't the young Shikamaru-sama!" The elderly woman beamed at the young Nara, switching targets to his mother. "Natsumi-sama, _again?_ "

"What can I say? Apparently it's better than naps."

"High praise indeed, coming from a Nara." She seemed pleased with that, though, slipping a few jars of the cherry preserves the Nara clan's head and heir loved so into a box for secure and safe handling. "Do you think you can carry it all, Shikamaru-sama?"

The three-year-old might be dwarfed by said box, even as small as it was, but he nodded rapidly and took it from her.

Then balanced it on his head and peered up at his mother with their shared eye coloring to ensure she paid Madoka for his treat.

Natsumi had to look away before she laughed, handing the elderly Uchiha the ryo to cover the expense of the preserves. "I am sorry to bother you again this week, Madoka-san. Really."

"It's fine, Natsumi-sama. I must say this is rather flattering, to say the least."

The ANBU General at least got her change back before the next upset to her rare off day happened.

She didn't catch the _thump_ , but she did hear the alarms around the Hyūga clan go off.

Sighing, she gave her son a slightly regretful look. "Maru-chan, I'm really sorry kiddo. I've got to go in, someone apparently wants to be naughty."

Shikamaru was almost upset enough to drop the box of preserves, which made Natsumi feel slightly better about getting forced to use them as a bribe to get him out of the house willingly. "What? No, kaa-chan! I'm sorry, I won't ask for more again!"

The former assassin saved said box, giving her son a hug and looking up at the alarmed old woman. "Can you take him to Mikoto's for me? I should really report in and see what Minato wants done."

"Of course, Natsumi-sama. I'll wait with him if Mikoto-sama's not in." Madoka accepted the box and the three-year-old who scowled cutely at getting his day with mom interrupted no matter the trouble he gave her for it.

"Thanks." She gave her son a ruffle of his little fluffy ponytail in goodbye before bolting out of the shop and up to the roofs, quickly sighting in on what seemed to be so wrong the invasion alarms rang.

Someone had decided to make a few new doors in the Hyūga compound, apparently. She could see the holes from where she was, and the Uchiha compound was nearly on the opposite side of the village using the Hokage's Tower as a guide point. Confused and a little wary Natsumi made her way there, joining a few other shinobi on their way to the disturbance to either lend a hand or to ensure it wasn't really an invasion before reporting in to whoever they reported to in case of emergency.

There was a ruin of a man getting tended to by a severe looking Hyūga iryou-nin, and Minato was giving some rather sharp but low sounding orders to Shikaku and Inoichi.

What attracted the former assassin's attention was the near _murderous_ rage on Hiashi's face.

Fugaku was talking to his fellow clan head in a low voice, but when Natsumi touched down nearby it apparently hadn't been enough for whatever had pissed off the Hyūga clan head.

…or so she thought.

Surprise hugs were more than a little awkward, especially from a man that seemed to scream ' _don't touch me_ ' in vibrant, thunderous colors.

Now vastly confused, the Nara's Lady very slowly patted the shinobi on the back. "…what?"

"The cribs, Natsu." Shikaku informed her, unhelpfully ignoring that another man had hold of his wife. "The ones you carved and sealed? One went off."

"Oh… _well_ … okay. Hiashi, _breath_. That's… _apparently_ why I did it. Of course, I really thought they would never be used and Inoichi would harass me about paranoia and extreme preventative measures for the rest of our damn lives, but still."

Said Yamanaka clan head scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Yeah… listing this as justified paranoia. _Again_. And never bringing it up, ever again. I swear, Natsumi."

"Sempai… would you mind making that seal pattern standard?"

"What, like Konoha standard? Sure, if you want me to. I think maybe reducing the force behind it, though, given the holes through Hiashi's poor home."

"No." Hiashi denied quickly, still rather desperately holding onto the fūinjutsu master that had prevented his heiress from coming to harm. "I find the countermeasures almost too benign."

"Agreed." Fugaku chipped in, much to their collective surprise. He was still eyeing the three walls the interloper had been thrown through with a very flinty look, probably comparing what would happen if anyone tried grabbing his nine-year-old freshly genin ranked heir or his three-year-old youngest out of their second story bedrooms.

"Koharu-sama wasn't all that pleased, mind you. For mass use, I may have to." Natsumi patted Hiashi on the arm and slipped loose. "I'll check the seal before I go, to see if it's rearmed itself or not."

Surprise hugs from a murderously irate Hyūga warrior was more than a little unnerving, to say the least.

She cast the bloody wreck that ran afoul of her seal work a dismissive glance. "Will he live?"

"Barely."

That was apparently Hyūga iryou-nin code for 'fuck him' and 'I don't care'.

However, it was good enough for them.

Fugaku nodded sharply. "I will have him taken to T&I for you, Inoichi."

"Don't dirty your hands," Natsumi snapped her fingers and got Stag's former ROOT kids to appear before them, "dump him in whatever cell is free, and ensure he doesn't die in the meantime."

Little Geko and her partner Falcon gave their ANBU General a nod, waiting for the medic to finish sealing the worst of the man's injuries.

"Hiashi, how's Hisana? I know Hinata-chan's okay, because my seal wouldn't have gone off without her inside, but what about your wife?"

That question got the Hyūga clan head's attention, and the man blinked silvery eyes at her blankly.

Natsumi sighed and resigned herself to awkward Hyūga hug number two.

\V/

Minato gave the little leader of the Kumo diplomats a frigid smile. "I'm sorry, can you repeat that?"

"Yoshida Tachibana is one of our most respected jōnin. I refuse to believe he attempted such a thing, especially since we are in the middle of peace talks." The shinobi repeated snottily, glaring with a visible measure of irritation at the kage of Konohagakure no Sato. "You must lie, I demand to see him or we shall report to our Raikage that you have not only fabricated a slanderous story to try justifying holding one of his most trusted shinobi hostage but are refusing to meet reasonable demands."

"Mmm… I thought that was what you said." Konohagakure's Yellow Flash spoke almost pleasantly, still with that icy smile. "Allow me to clear the air. No."

The wordy little asshole spluttered.

"Not only was this Tachibana-san caught red handed in his attempt of bloodline theft, he also dealt a fair bit of damage to the Hyūga clan compound when he ran afoul of their security measures around the clan's heiress. Then we found him bleeding out at the end of that damage. Obviously, either he had full permission to try such a thing from your Raikage or didn't care what the consequences were. Once Yamanaka Inoichi is through with him we will decide both his fate and if we wish to continue the war, and grind your village to dust just as we have Iwagakure no Sato."

The Yondaime Hokage's wintery smile turned more than a little sharp.

"You have best hope we don't continue the war, for you and your team here will be the first casualties. If so, Hiashi has demanded the right to your blood for the insult you dealt him and his by attempting to grab his daughter. A dispatch with both a report and the evidence is already on it's way to our country's Daimyo, he will weigh in if he wishes to see more war or not with this latest upset. You have a week, under the ever so pleasant guard of my ANBU forces. If I were you, I wouldn't annoy them as they're not happy with you at all."

Panther almost wanted to snort, because Stag's guard shift rotations was approaching stupidly redundant and it was _only_ the day after.

The older ANBU agents flatly refused to complain, because the thought of their Panther-sama's son might being one of those attempted for next made them all want to be on the guard shift that caught such a thing. The younger ranks were confused but followed along, because it was a kidnapping attempt no matter how you looked at it and Hyūgas were a clan to be proud of.

Even if the seals Natsumi had inked nearly five years ago prevented more than a glance or two from being stolen of little Hinata-hime.

The blue haired little princess of the Hyūga clan was adorable, tiny and dainty like her mother but with her father's looks. She had been a little bewildered as well, at the flying man that crashed through her nursery walls for no apparent reason.

Minato finally got the so called diplomats kicked out with little more fuss made, mostly by Panther handling ejecting the lot out via Wombat and a squad of Stag's finest.

Finally alone, the man sighed heavily. "Fantastic."

"Well… it could be worse…"

Her Hokage gave her a confused look. "How?"

"He could have actually gotten his hands on little Hinata-hime." Panther shrugged, waving one armored hand at him. "We could have no suspect in custody, or may even have lost the Hyūga heiress completely for a day or two."

Natsumi wondered if she had known about this… but she couldn't recall if she had or if she really was just that paranoid.

She was betting on the latter, though.

Eri and Kakashi had been a close enough scare for her, thanks.

"Though… if it's all the same to you, I kinda want to take that week we have to wait for the Daimyo's response and coddle my son."

"That is a very attractive thought, isn't it?" Minato agreed, but cast a rather dark look at his waiting paperwork. "I wish."

\V/

The Daimyo of the Land of Fire apparently wished to prevent another theater of war from being taken on, no matter his faith that the Leaf would accurately display his displeasure with Lightning Country and the Village Hidden in the Clouds. He and the people of Fire Country were apparently tired enough of war to not wish to deal with it.

Read; embargo and hinder them but don't get into a fight just yet.

Minato was almost cheerful as he reminded the remaining Kumo-nin that all overland trade routes normally went through Konohagakure no Sato, and if possible his shinobi would gleefully hamper any attempts to use them for any Lightning Country merchants until their Daimyo or Raikage could come up with something to appease the Fire Daimyo for his ninja's attempt to steal a little girl from both her family and village.

Oh, and good luck with that.

"I'm fully of the opinion that Kumo-nin are the type you have to punch in the face a few times before they behave." Natsumi informed her husband dryly, dishing Shikamaru more rice from the bowl on the table.

Shikaku cracked a smirk at that, even if the situation had given him all sorts of worries and stress while they were trying to deal with it.

"Like Sasuke-kun?"

Natsumi blinked at her son, who blinked back with their matching eye coloring innocently. "How?"

"He stole Ino-chan's bird. So Naru-kun hit him with his stuffed frog. To get it back." Shikamaru shrugged lazily, pouting at the extra mom insisted he eat before getting his cherry preserves. "Sasuke-kun got him back later. Throwing his peas at him when we were eating lunch."

Whose turn had it been to watch the kids last time there was something going on?

…Tsume's, never mind. That would be proper behavior as far as an Inuzuka was concerned.

"Then yeah, like Naru-chan and Sasuke-kun… I guess."

Now why did that make her want to laugh?


	3. Sleep Deprivation Training

_(AKA The Squirrel Incident)_

Jiraiya grinned at his old genin students, getting three wary looks in return. "Guess what?"

"You've finally found a girlfriend?" Inoichi asked dryly.

"That would be if the world was ending, Inoichi-kun." Natsumi informed him blandly, edging behind the exasperated Minato to put him between her and their old jōnin-sensei. "This is more like he found a new onsen to peep on type glee, so probably not that."

"True." Mused the Yamanaka heir aloud, rubbing at his chin as he thought. "So probably not something he's found so much as something else he's going to force us to do he thinks is fun?"

His fellow blond rubbed his face, giving the both of them a sigh. "Maybe we should just ask sensei in the first place?"

Inoichi and Natsumi blinked at him, then looked at the long-suffering expression on the Toad Sage's face as he listened to his former Team Seven members discuss his possible motives.

"Not as much fun." The kunoichi opinioned to her fellow psychology enthusiast with a shrug.

Inoichi nodded in agreement a few times. "So true."

"Sensei," Minato asked of their old team leader loudly, "what did you want?"

"And you gakis wonder why I dropped the damn team."

"Not really, we all know you did it so you'd have a greater range outside the village." Natsumi corrected blandly. "But we do appreciate the vote of confidence in our being annoying skills."

Jiraiya seated himself with a huff, expertly smoothing his amused smirk to a semi-indignant expression. "Moving on since we only have a little time to do this in, what's the longest you three can go without sleep?"

Both Minato and Inoichi blinked at him, but it was Natsumi that gave him an actual figure.

"Thirty-eight hours, forty if I stretch it while ignoring the pain and the sloppiness I tend to get that far in." With a shrug, the little kenjutsu user sat herself down next to him. "I can do a two-day stretch if I do get enough sleep the night before. Possibly, anyways. I used to be able to do two and a half days, before. I might get there again after I'm fully grown."

"How do you know that?"

She scratched at the side of her face sheepishly, not looking at Minato as she answered him. "Nightmares. Sometimes those don't let me go back to sleep in time for morning… and there were a few bad days back in the academy I didn't really want to sleep and suffer through those. So… yeah."

"So you're good enough at it to not worry about." The sannin thankfully acknowledged with only a nod, turning to the two shinobi on the team that didn't know their own limits in sleep requirements as they took seats as well. "Sleep deprivation is just something you're going to have to experience a few times to figure out how much you're good for after a certain point. There's no guarantee you'll have a safe place to rest on longer-term missions, so knowing how far you can go before that will let you plan around it."

"Unfortunately, there's only one real way to know how much tolerance you have for it." Natsumi continued for the man, a very dry smirk pulling one side of her lips up. "And that's by doing it a few times."

Jiraiya patted her on the head, mostly obnoxiously to get back at her for her half of the prior conversation and part in thanks. "So while you'll have to figure it out on your own, I can at least help you start."

Minato gave both their old jōnin leader and his sempai a considering look. "What aren't you telling us?"

"Sleep deprivation affects everyone a little differently." The Toad Sage claimed airily, pinching his fingers together to show a slight amount of space between them. "First time you do it, it's advised to have someone watch you just in case."

The assassin of their old team heaved a sigh. "I'll take Minato-kun and you watch Inoichi-kun?"

"Probably for the best." Confirmed Jiraiya, giving both fourteen-year-old ninjas in question a considering look. "I've arranged Training Grounds Seven to be cleared for the next three days, because that's as long as I can go for. Meet up there tomorrow morning, then we'll waste time until someone knocks out."

The sannin gave each of them a ruffle of their hair before getting up to leave, smirking at both Inoichi's and Natsumi's sour looks for messing up their hair. Minato kept his shaggy and somewhat short just because of that, and the brat only grinned at the both of them in return for the irritated looks.

"Sempai… nightmares?"

The chūnin kunoichi sighed at him, raking her fingers though her hair to re-gather up the strands to tie up again. "Those are just… something that might never go away, Minato-kun."

"Shikaku-kun will help." Inoichi informed his fellow blond when she refused to say more, ignoring her strange look for the comment. "They seemed to get better when we were on mission, anyways."

Natsumi pursed her lips, wondering why he refused to meet her eyes if they were just talking about her new fiancée.

Minato looked between them both, but finally shrugged as he got to his feet. "If you both insist, then okay. What should we plan for this, anyways?"

"Whatever keeps you awake." The ghost eyed kunoichi informed him slowly, still confused over the prior topic. "Books in your case, kouhai. I'm not totally sure about Inoichi-kun, but some of his family scrolls might not go amiss. We're going to have a whole lot of time to waste waiting for this to happen. I'll bring some black teas, the caffeine will help. Leave anything physical you wanted to try for later in the night or the next morning, exercise does help to keep one awake."

"Some of my fūinjutsu designs?" Asked the youngest chūnin there, still thinking it all over as he pulled her upright.

"Probably might help you." Natsumi agreed slowly. "I wouldn't plan on working on them much later on when your thought process gets a bit fuzzy, so do whatever you want to do with that early on."

"Damn, that means we're going to have to listen to them about it all day." Inoichi grumbled, glaring at the kunoichi for agreeing. "You suck."

"So?"

The Yamanaka heir blinked blankly at her. "What?"

"So what if I suck? You lick."

It took a few more moments for the two shinobi to understand, and while Minato went a little green Inoichi went brick red.

Natsumi smirked at their disgusted faces. "What?"

(ooo000ooo)

Though both Inoichi and Minato managed to see dawn's break, a full twenty-four hours awake, by mid-morning both were showing a little more strain than usual.

"Five ryo on Minato-kun falling first."

"Meh… Inoichi-kun." Natsumi countered dryly, rubbing at her left blue eye tiredly. "My kouhai's done less in respect to energy conservation, while Inoichi-kun's done a bit more just to keep himself awake."

Jiraiya hummed at that, swiping a block of sushi from her disposable plate of them. "So, nightmares neko-chan?"

Sighing, the assassin dumped the rest of her snack on his knee in order to stretch out a bit more. "I'll tell you the same thing I told the boys, sensei. That might never really go away."

"What are they about?"

"Same damn shit as before. Gets a bit more interesting sometimes, though." She corrected herself after a moment, thinking about her last set of them. "Mostly of how it ended, but occasionally I get new variations of my friends dying the same damn way I've killed others or how I did back then. Inoichi-kun claims Shikaku will help me, though I'm of the opinion that might just give me a bit more time between bouts of nightmares."

The sannin accepted that easily enough, casting a glance where the blond in question was situated. Inoichi had given up reading for the time being, probably because he caught himself drowsing over his clan's scrolls a few minutes ago. Instead, the young shinobi was running through a variation of what Natsumi wanted to call calisthenics.

"They are getting better though, right?"

"Little by little, yeah." She answered him, wondering what it was Minato was pouring over so intently.

Inoichi lasted until about midday, earning the assassin a few ryo and making the Toad Sage grumble.

While Jiraiya took Inoichi to the Yamanaka clan to get cared for, Natsumi wandered over to where her kouhai was inking something on fūinjutsu paper. "What are you doing, anyways?"

Minato didn't really answer, merely humming to show he heard her talking.

Well used to his habits and thought process, the reincarnated soldier merely took a seat across from him and tried to decipher the wet ink. As far as she knew fūinjutsu, which wasn't a whole lot that wasn't basic, it looked to be a storage seal… mixed with a very convoluted chakra storage seal.

She blinked a few times, confused, and took another long look at it.

"…the hell?"

Setting down the brush he had been inking the lines with, Minato glanced up at her with a questioning look. "What?"

"The fuck is this for?" Natsumi twisted her head, but it still didn't make any sense to her. Wondering if she should brush up on her sealing skills a bit more than she wanted to develop those, she pinned him with an irritable look to prompt him into explaining this to her.

"Well, I had a thought… and wondered if it wasn't possible to seal something living in a storage scroll. You can do it with things like fresh fruit, and it stays fresh for a bit longer than normal. Why not with a person?"

Blinking at him a few times, the assassin wondered if the exhaustion had melted both his brain and her ears. "Kouhai… I think someone would have at least tried that by now if it was. Additionally, fruits are not alive."

"I know that," he gave her a dismissive flap of the hand, still inspecting his work to ensure it was how he wanted it, "but what if it's only an energy thing? Would that allow us to seal shinobi and unseal them past certain points?"

"What, like we can do with extra weapons?"

"Something like that."

She was pretty sure she wasn't following his thought process very well, but since that wasn't exactly uncommon she dismissed that. "Well… most living things need air to survive."

"I accounted for that… there."

Natsumi peered at what he pointed at, wondering if it was just her eyesight or his brush skills that kept her from understanding that snarl of inked lines.

"Err… okay… so then… _how_ the hell is that going to work?"

"Well, storage seals have their own pocket of space. So why not have that space be utilized to support a living creature? I expanded the dimensions and included a pocket of air to be sealed at the same time, meaning as long as the seal is active it should keep something living alive enough to be unsealed at a later date."

She blinked at him, and then again when that still didn't make any sense to her. "…what?"

"Trust me, sempai." Minato informed her airily, rolling up the mostly dry fūinjutsu design.

Well, he did decide to specialize in space-time sealing…

Space?

Didn't bad things happen to living creatures in space? Space was a vacuum, right?

Natsumi blinked blankly at the ground as she pondered that, and again when she realized Minato couldn't be on his way to Jiraiya to get his design looked over. The sannin had taken Inoichi and left for the Yamanaka clan less than a minute ago. Looking around didn't reveal where her blond almost-brother was in the part of the training grounds they had decided to waste time in.

"Mother _fucker_."

(ooo000ooo)

Minato was pretty damn surprised to be seized by the shoulders and wrenched around in order to be inspected. "Sempai?"

"For _fuck's_ sake, Mina. Don't _do_ that to me." She shoved a hand through her hair, ignoring that it fell down because of her action. "You still have that stupid seal, right? Let's go get sensei to look it over before you test it."

"Oh, that's not necessary." He reassured her, not entirely sure what had alarmed her so. "I already did."

"What, took it to sensei? How? He's not back yet."

"No, I tested it."

Natsumi stared at him.

Minato grinned brightly in return. "We just have to wait and see now, if the squirrel lives or not."

"Squirrel?" She repeated blankly, then held up her left hand and curled her thumb and pointer finger to her palm. "Mina? How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Six? Wait… since when do you have six fingers, sempai?"

"Right… you'll thank me in the morning."

"What-"

He didn't say much more after she punched his lights out.

\V/

"Do I want to know why Minato-kun has such an impressive shiner?" Jiraiya asked the next day, when the two of them caught up with him about how long Minato could go without sleep.

Natsumi blinked up at him, then at the chūnin in question. "He did something stupid."

"You still haven't told me what something stupid I did." Minato pointed out a little sourly, rubbing at his black eye.

She was going to excuse him for the tone, because it was only the day after their sleep deprivation training and so he probably didn't have enough rest to be somewhat pleasant. "Yes, well… here. Take a look."

Master and apprentice both looked over the seal she spread out between them on the Toad Sage's kitchen table, a slight flush crawling up the blond's face and an amused smirk sliding across the white haired sannin's the longer they considered it.

Natsumi still couldn't make heads or tails of the seal, and she could usually rather easily read fūinjutsu her kouhai wrote out for her. She didn't know what the both of them were looking at, but she privately bet it still didn't make much sense to either of them either.

"That _is_ your handwriting, Minato-kun. Damned if I can read this, though."

Natsumi's fellow chūnin squirmed slightly in place, trying and probably failing to understand what the design was for. "Err… sempai, did I tell you anything about this?"

"You had a theory for a storage seal for living creatures… then ran off and tested it before I could catch up." She informed him archly, still somewhat irritated at the scare he gave her. "Supposedly, there's a squirrel in there."

"Supposedly." Jiraiya repeated, looking highly dubious over that claim. "Is it alive?"

"I haven't checked it yet, but probably not." Natsumi rolled her mismatched eyes at Minato's less than pleased look for the supposed slight against his ninja specialty. "Bit of a physics lesson for you both, _space_ is a _vacuum_. A storage seal is supposedly a dimensional pocket of nothingness, right? Even a few _thousand_ gallons of air probably won't remain together in any concentration useable to support a living, breathing creature with. Odds are, your squirrel is a frozen mass of gore right now."

"Well, there's a way to find out for sure." Jiraiya informed them both after a moment of processing her tidbit of information. "Go ahead Minato-kun. See what state your squirrel is in."

"It's _not_ my squirrel." He muttered, but obediently reached out and funneled a bit of chakra into the inked lines while swiping a sliced finger over it.

It belched up bloody clumps of flesh and fur in return, all of which was still smoking slightly.

"…right, you said something else about energy I didn't understand at the time."

Minato opened his mouth, then closed it after a silent moment.

Jiraiya blinked rapidly as the scent of burned fur reached them. "Err… I'm going to open a window. One moment."

"You know… there might be a market for that." Natsumi offered after another long moment, when it seemed as if the Toad Sage wasn't coming back until they cleaned it up. "If you can figure out how to keep everything from imploding, a seal that would cook your food while you travel would be rather convenient."

"Not helping, sempai."

"Was I supposed to?" She sidestepped the halfhearted swat to the arm, giving him a cheerful grin. "Well… how about no fūinjutsu when sleep deprived?"

Minato glanced at her, then back to the bloody mess on Jiraiya's kitchen table. "Err… thanks?"

"Right, well. Not it."

He gave her another look.

"What? I'm not cleaning that up, it's _your_ squirrel."

" _Not_ my squirrel, sempai."

The assassin heaved a sigh at him. "I'll stop calling it _your_ squirrel if you don't give me grief about the black eye."

"Alright."

"I'm still telling Inoichi-kun about this."

Minato rubbed his face with his left hand. "You know what? No, if I have to clean the damn thing up you're not telling Inoichi-kun. I don't want to know what he'll think of this."

"You have a deep seated resentment for tree climbing rodents?" Natsumi offered blandly, inching away from him.

"Sempai…"

"No, wait… you have an irrational hatred of cute and innocent forest creatures, and took the opportunity to extract a bloody vengeance upon them. Whatever did the poor squirrel do to you that deserved that, kouhai?"

Her fellow chūnin gave her a flat stare.

"Once I'm married, remind me to never invite you over. I'm not sure if the Nara deer herd could survive it."

He opened his mouth, probably to tell her off, but rethought whatever he was going to say. Then he gave her a bright if chilly smile. "Well… it _did_ seal a squirrel. I think it may need a human test subject, sempai."

"…and that's my cue to leave. Have fun with your bloody squirrel chunks."

"It's _not_ my… never mind."


	4. Hyūga Hinata's Bedtime Story, as told by Hyūga Hiashi

"Once, long ago, there lived a warrior woman. She was strict but fair, a competent leader of warriors fighting for the safety and security of her home in a foreign land."

The tiny, four-year-old, blue haired heiress of the Hyūga clan gazed up at her father, wide-eyed at this new story. She hadn't heard it before, and she wondered why he hadn't told this one yet. "What was her name, Otou-sama?"

Hiashi gave his daughter a small smile. "It does not matter anymore, little hime. For you see, one day she died."

"Oh!"

"But death was not her end. She somehow managed to survive her own death, though the how escaped her. She was reborn again, in a new form and place. However, she could recall her last life," the Hyūga clan head's slight smile turned a little bitter, recalling how the ANBU General had once been in person compared to how she was now, "and for the longest time all she could recall of it was the death that had been dealt to her men and herself."

Hinata blinked her mother-of-pearl eyes up at her father, sad for the woman in the story.

"That reincarnated warrior spent years alone, surrounded by other children but unable to connect to them through her grief. Until one boy with gold hair approached her and asked to be taught her warrior skills, for he wished to be a warrior as well. This once ancient warrior woman agreed, for aiding those that asked her for some was ingrained into her. So she taught him her skills, taught him to fight and think as a leader of warriors should."

"Then she had a friend then, right?" The tiny heiress, still young by any standard of judging age, clasped her hands before her, hoping that was true. "She had to be so lonely like that."

"Not quite yet, daughter. That young man learned to fight from her, and introduced her to his friends so they could learn from her as well. She was not enthusiastic of the idea, but consented because she _was_ lonely. The six other friends of the golden haired boy became suspicious of her, for she knew more than any child she appeared as should have."

"But she was teaching her skills to the young boy." Hinata protested on behalf of the story's heroine, a slight frown on her lips. "Why would they doubt her?"

"Because they were supposed to be children, and she did not always act like one." Hiashi informed her calmly, if a little sadly. "They even got the first young man to start questioning his sempai, who merely continued to teach him as if she had not noticed the questioning glances. One day, they decided to confront her about it."

"How rude."

"Yes, yes it was… although at the time they did not know that. They merely wished to ensure she was not an enemy of their home, or someone that wished them harm. The reincarnated warrior informed them of the reason why, just as bluntly as they asked her. The seven young men who doubted her were appalled, once they verified what she spoke of was true. However, they all reacted in different ways."

The tiny Hyūga heiress nibbled on her bottom lip in confusion, paying close attention even if she didn't understand why she was being told this story.

"The golden haired young man found the source of the experience his sempai taught from, and vowed to both learn as best as he could and be there for the ancient warrior as her friend. The oldest friend decided the reincarnation was a good source of advice, and treated her as a strict but reliable advisor if he needed it. The younger three decided to try to help her, for they had skills that would enable that. The last two, brothers that had shared everything in their lives before, decided to treat her differently. The otouto set out to befriend her, but the nii-san was unnerved by what she had gone through and distanced himself."

"Well… at least she now had some friends."

The father of the young girl smiled slightly at her. "Fast forward a decade and a half, and those friends were all grown up, again in the case of the ancient warrior woman, and had families of their own. The golden haired young man had become a leader in truth, his sempai his trusted second he relied on. The oldest friend protected their home for them all, as he was destined to do. Those three younger friend had their own responsibilities as warriors and families, one of the young men actually taking the warrior woman as a wife, and the two brothers served the golden one as trusted warriors. They had added more friends and lost a few beloved people, but they still protected one another and relied on the others if they needed to."

Hinata beamed at that. "That sounds nice, Otou-sama."

Hiashi quirked a fond smile. "It is. Now, at this point of the story, they all had their own skills and abilities and traded them between each other freely when needed. That golden haired leader of warriors and the ancient warrior woman both specialized in an arcane skill, which relied on ink and power to work. The man specialized in using it as a weapon while the woman specialized in protection. She was also a very formidable woman who loved children and dreamed of having her own someday. Knowing this, her friends had her protect their own until she had her dreamed for children."

"Otou-sama?"

"Just a little longer, daughter, and you will understand."

Hinata nodded calmly, settling back into her seated position. "Of course Otou-sama."

"Because of being asked to guard her friend's children, the ancient warrior woman wondered how she would stretch her guard wide enough to protect all her friend's children when she finally had her own. Her wondering brought to mind both her new and old skills. Her arcane powers of protection and a skill taught to her by her otou-san in her last life, that of carving wood. She combined the two, and crafted cribs that would protect any child set inside one."

She blinked her pearly eyes up at him, then snuck a glance at her own bed. She knew, from a situation nearly a year ago, that her bed protected her from a kidnapping attempt. Hinata wondered if this story was more than her father was not implying.

Hiashi knew perfectly well where his daughter was looking, and continued to draw her attention back to him. "That nii-san among the friends had only just renewed his contact with the ancient warrior woman, after avoiding her out of unease for nearly a decade out of his own disturbed feelings for what she had thrived through. She had been a good friend to his otouto, and did not hold his avoidance against him. Because she did not hold it against him, she gifted another of those protected cribs to him as well."

"That was kind of her." Claimed the Hyūga heiress, rapidly running the names of everyone she knew might have been the ancient warrior woman through her mind. She wondered…

"Kind… and it also save that nii-san's first child when someone tried to steal her from her home less than three years later." He smiled down at her, and the puzzled look she wore trying to figure the story out. "However, before such a thing happened someone else tried to attack that golden haired leader's new family. That ancient warrior fought to prevent that, but in the fullness of the fight she sacrificed that part of herself that was ancient to seal away a great demon before it could threaten their home."

Hinata gasped out of horror, wide eyes on her father's slightly sad smile.

"She survived, if only just. However, the events of how just she survived and the changes from that may never be fully known to her friends and family… or even herself. All that made the nii-san feel worse about his avoidance, knowing she had no way to help the part that unnerved him but he avoided her anyways."

"Otou-sama, I don't think that the nii-san should blame himself for that." She professed, leaning forward slightly against Hyūga manners to express her feelings on that point. "She obviously still considered him a friend even after being missing a whole ten years."

"She had, and he decided that if at all possible he would not do something like that again." Hiashi agreed lightly. "Now daughter, tell me. What was the point of this story?"

Hinata blinked at him, considering the story as a whole and not as possibly something true that she might figure out eventually. "Not to judge others, Otou-sama?"

"Not quite, little hime. The point is not to judge others for things beyond their control. That ancient warrior woman could not help the events that made her live through her first death, but the nii-san held that against her anyways. Had she not decided to forgive him for it, his first child might have been stolen from him."

"She sounds nice though, Otou-sama. She did forgive him for it."

"Ah, but he might have lost the chance to both thank her and make amends for his avoidance had that demon monster proven to be too much for her to fight." Claimed the head of the Hyūga clan, as evenly as he could. "Learn from the mistakes of others, daughter, and realize your mistakes so they can be mended quickly. Do not leave it for later, for there was almost no later to do so in for that nii-san."

Hinata nodded once, firmly as she fixed that into her memory at her father's bidding. "I will, Otou-sama."

"To bed then, little hime. I will see you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Otou-sama." She gave him a deep bow, rising up and moving to her protective bed only slightly unstably from sitting in one position so long.

Hiashi gave his heiress a slight smile of her own as he moved to her bedroom door. "Goodnight daughter."

Hizashi was waiting for his older brother outside of his niece's room. "You do know Natsumi does not blame you for that, right?"

"It does not make me feel any better about it, or for what nearly happened if she had not proven so forgiving." He informed his younger twin, lowly because Hinata might be trying to listen in, as he moved them both farther from his daughter's bedroom. "Hisana might not have been able to use the crib's seal to protect them both from that Kumo-nin had she not, and my wife and daughter might have come to harm otherwise."

"However she had and your wife did, so she and your daughter are safe. Dwelling on past mistakes does not become you, nii-sama. It is unseemly for a Hyūga warrior to wallow in guilt." The Hyūga branch head gave his elder brother a broader smile than the clan head seemed capable of. "Besides, you tell that story one more time and little Hinata-hime might actually figure it out for herself. There are not that many 'golden hair leaders' who have women warriors to call sempai by we are friends with... and only one pair that can seal."

"I will not tell it again, I merely wished to impart the lesson on her strongly enough so if she ever learns of young Naruto-kun's burden she will not judge him for it."

"Mmm, sure nii-sama." Hizashi agreed, giving a bland smile in return for Hisahi's sharp look. "I need to go put my son to bed, if you have no more need of me?"

"Go, I will see you in the morning." The elder twin informed the younger, just as blandly. "Tell Neji-kun I will set aside an hour for his kata practice next week if he is good for you and Misaki tomorrow."

Said younger twin chuckled lightly. "That will guarantee good behavior, for sure."

"I do appreciate the offer to mind the clan while Hisana and I are gone, otouto."

"Well… it is not every day one's anniversary comes up, nii-sama. Think of it as my present for you both." Hizashi gave his older brother another smile. "Bring me back a souvenir, if you could."


	5. The Sealing of Shukaku (Komushi's New Apprentice)

Komushi liked to think he had a very strong tolerance for strange or random things. He had to be, his old fūinjutsu master could do strange and random things almost without thought at the drop of a senbon. Repeated exposure to that Leaf kunoichi alone forced one to adapt quickly or get trampled, and he _had_ survived nearly two years of living under that woman's roof.

Some things, though, made him wonder if he wasn't the strange one.

Komushi looked between the Honored Siblings of Suna, the Sandaime Kazekage, and the kage's son standing with his currently pregnant wife; all of them crowded into the Kazekage's office for a late night meeting. "Uh… forgive me for saying so… but that's a _bad_ idea."

"You think so?" Chiyo-baa-sama questioned sharply, almost glaring at the darkly tanned shinobi. "And what do you base that opinion off of?"

"That I'm the only _formally trained_ fūinjutsu user in Sunagakure?" Once, long before he ever got jōnin rank, Komushi might have been unnerved to be on the opposite end of an argument from his best friend's revered grandmother, but that had been before getting taught a highly lethal skill set by a particular Nara kunoichi. He still privately thought his old shishou was a bit scarier than the old puppet mistress. "Fact of the matter is, if we wished to get a head start that way then any seal attempted for that would have to be applied when the child is still within the womb. However… trying that would just invite risks to the stability of the seal, either from applying it before the child has a stable and developed chakra network or from the difficulty in applying it in the first place. Not even taking into account any risk to the okaa-san herself during application, there would still be the risk that the bijuu utilized would either have greater access to the child or even become free due to the deterioration of the seal from the okaa-san's own chakra network interfering or attempting to dissolve the foreign chakra present within her. It wouldn't naturally be part of Karura-sama's own system or her child's, it would be mine and the bijuu's, therefore she would treat it like chakra poisoning at the very least. While sealing a baby is the preferred method, I don't think any attempts to seal an _unborn_ baby will work as well or better than the usual way."

Satoshi, hearing the risk that would put his daughter-in-law and his latest grandchild under if they wished to go through with the suggestion given to their fūinjutsu user, scowled heavily and dismissed the suggestion now that he had heard his seal user's opinion on it. "Then we will attempt another method. Komushi, develop a seal for application _after_ the birth. If we must have a jinchūriki, we will have a _stable_ one."

His son almost looked as if he wanted to protest his father's decision, as it had been his idea that was just turned down, but Karura squeezed her husband's arm and he instead remained silent.

Chiyo looked rather approving, but if that was over Komushi arguing with her or hearing the worst of the ratifications he had foreseen after only hearing the suggestion the seal user didn't know. Ebizō didn't look nearly as satisfied as his elder sister did, but the jōnin Sand-nin was going to attribute that to his supposed 'Leaf influence'.

Why it was the elder siblings were split on the opinions of the Sand-Leaf alliance, Komushi was going to attribute to their nearly legendary petty rivalry. Chiyo was for if, therefore Ebizō was against it because she was all for it.

He just wished they would get over it already.

As interesting as it was explaining a few less known things of the art of fūinjutsu to Chiyo, he would appreciate not getting suspiciously glared at by her slightly younger brother while doing so. He would also like it if he wasn't challenged to explain certain things in the middle of doing something else, or the grumbles over the character of the kunoichi who taught him.

He was fond of his fūinjutsu master, it was inevitable when the woman went out of her way to ensure he was both intact and fully instructed as best she could even when injured or under orders.

Speaking of which. "Kazekage-sama, permission to travel to Konohagakure."

Satoshi gave him a level look, as if mentally weighing the request and his reasoning for asking. "Why?"

"To get some clarification. I don't think shishou can directly help me, from how she very pointedly never told me certain things and the holes she was probably ordered to leave in my lessons I got that much, but she may have some advice I can use for creating the seal you wish to have for this." Komushi quirked a wry grin at his bemused expression. "Shishou is very much like the cats she Summons. If you order her to do something she doesn't like or doesn't agree with, she'll test it and find herself loopholes to exploit. She was ordered not to tell me certain things, so she very _pointedly_ never told me certain things in a way that I knew she couldn't tell me."

"Are you sure she will aid you?"

The jōnin gave the Honored Grandmother a lopsided grin of her own. "Shishou is fond of me. I know that, because she'll only play with those she likes. Even if she can't tell me anything directly, she will still ensure I get something out of asking."

"I have a few missives that need to be taken to Konoha." Satoshi offered after a moment of thinking about it. "You and Sasori may have some time to congratulate your old shishou over the birth of her clan's heir, which so happens to be her own son. What you do with any extra time is up to you both."

"Thank you, Kazekage-sama."

(ooo000ooo)

"I still think she's creepy."

"Given who she is molded after, I wonder what that says about you." Sasori countered evenly, putting the finishing touches on the puppet he had named Nakatomi. The kunoichi puppet had sustained some damage in the redhead's last war deployment, and now she was fixed the puppet master reaffixed the Konohagakure ANBU mask back on to her face. A cat mask with two curving black lines on each side. "I would have thought you would favor her."

Komushi pulled a face at his best friend, still warily eyeing the puppet that unnerved him.

There wasn't really a reason why the fūinjutsu user was wasting time in Sasori's puppet workshop, other than the fact Komushi liked to inspect his seal work sometimes and ensure it was still working as he wanted it to. They were the first bits of fūinjutsu he had inked in Sunagakure, and as long as they stayed working he knew he could leave the rest of it alone. Once they lost power, or didn't work exactly as they had when the ink was still fresh, he would then touch up the rest of the seals he had inked into certain parts of his village for security reasons.

Of course, that also meant he had an official reason to go bother his best friend some days. Which, while convenient, wasn't quite his problem that particular day.

It had only happened once, but he had seen his shishou in her ANBU uniform. The change had been jarring, from the jōnin kunoichi to ANBU captain. It was one thing to know a person was lethal if irritated too much, it was another to know that was also a woman that liked to watch him turn beet red or almost smack himself for missing the point of a lesson could be like that. Almost cold, calculating, and near silent instead of mischievous, playful, and patiently caring.

Nakatomi sharply reminded him of that occasion, and the odd feeling it had left him with.

Sasori was an artist, and a very good judge of physical size. All puppet masters were, because of controlling a human sized replica from however far away forced them to be or miss their targets. Nakatomi was a near perfect replica of Nara Natsumi's physical shape and size, as she was the day she offered to Sasori to teach his best friend fūinjutsu.

"Are you sure you don't mind coming with me?" Komushi asked instead of continuing that conversation, because the both of them knew it wouldn't be going anywhere new.

"You already wrote to Natsumi-dono, she will be expecting the both of us. I would like her advice for wielding a sword." Setting Nakatomi's weaponry back in place, both the poison wells in her palms and the katana she used as a weapon, Sasori resealed his puppet for easy transport. Storage seals variants were the one thing he had pestered his best friend into teaching him the moment he returned to Suna. "I am interested in meeting her son, as well. He may prove interesting given time."

"You and shishou, I swear."

"You should not complain, Komushi. You were the one to benefit from Natsumi-dono deciding I was interesting enough to want to keep an eye on."

The darkly tanned fūinjutsu user grinned sheepishly as his best friend finished tidying up his workshop tools. "True, and I am thankful she decided you were. Who knows where I would be now without that apprenticeship?"

\V/

Nara Shikamaru blinked at this new person he was being shown.

Sasori blinked back at him, waiting to see what the baby would do.

Yawning, the heir of the Nara clan decided a nap was more entertaining than continuing to stare down a Sunagakure jōnin shinobi puppet master.

Komushi snickered while Nara Natsumi rolled her eyes at her own son, then she turned to her old apprentice sitting in her home with a small smile for him. "Your letter didn't say what this trip out here was for, Komushi, but I am happy to see you have all ten fingers still."

Sunagakure's sole fūinjutsu user grinned back at her, he had missed her even if she liked to make him blush horribly sometimes. "Mostly to see your baby, shishou, but I do have a few questions."

"Hmm…" The kunoichi pursed her lips, drumming the fingers of one hand on the floorboards she was seated on as she considered that. "Are these questions about the things I pointedly never told you about?"

Komushi's grin fell and he sighed. "Yes. I know you probably can't tell me, shishou, but I would desperately like whatever help you can give me."

He knew it was a long shot, but the woman was probably the best method he had to get _anything_ out of Konohagakure's fūinjutsu masters on the topic of jinchūriki seals. If his old shishou was unable to, it wasn't likely he would get better aid anywhere else.

"I am still under orders, so I cannot directly inform you of what you wish to know."

"Directly?" Sasori repeated shrewdly, distracted from examining the baby Nara heir. "Can you indirectly aid us then, Natsumi-dono?"

"I have already. I very pointedly never told Komushi what he is now asking about, the gaps should be rather noticeable." Shrugging, the Leopard Summoner grinned a bit toothily at them both. "Additionally, my sometimes thick apprentice should wonder why I gave him _two_ gifts for his completion of his fūinjutsu apprenticeship when the tradition is _one_ useable but costly item and some supplies. If I ask, I may be denied to do even that much as this is Uzumaki territory he is asking about."

"Oh." Komushi felt like smacking himself, a feeling he distinctly recalled from his apprenticeship under this same kunoichi. That had been unusual, but he had written it off as her being herself and not something to poke at. "Well… oh."

Sasori gave his best friend an exasperated look.

"Be _sure_ of your seal work, Komushi." The Leaf kunoichi stressed, a faint line of worry creasing her brow as she sternly looked at her old apprentice. "Screwing up this is a whole lot worse than just exploding what you're working on. To test your theory, whatever it is over or about, try sealing a storage seal to yourself first."

He nodded distractedly, still wondering what she hid in his fūinjutsu apprenticeship mastery gifts. "Hai shishou. Will you still ask?"

"Yeah, and it's my otouto now so I might actually get permission to help you a little. How much would be mostly up to him, though."

"I liked Minato-san… sama." Correcting himself sheepishly, Komushi started grinning again. "He was very patient with me when I asked him questions."

"But he's now married to Uzumaki Kushina-hime." Natsumi reminded him, a touch dryly. "It might just be up to her, what I will be able to tell or show-"

Shikamaru suddenly hiccupped, startling himself out of his nap. Scrunching up his nose in dislike, the baby gripped his mother's tank top and pouted up at her.

"That's not my fault, you're the one that did it." When her son didn't seem too phased at that denial, the Nara kunoichi sighed. "Excuse me, gentlemen, I think someone may be hungry."

"Aa… should we leave?" Sasori had a good poker face, but Komushi blushed horribly at what his mind showed him.

There were some things one did not wish to know or see about their instructors. The darker of the two Suna-nin would have appreciated going his whole life without getting that image in his head.

"Naw, I'll go upstairs. You two are free to hang around if you want."

"I think we should go," Komushi insisted, warily looking around at the Nara clan head's study, "Shikaku-sama still scares me."

She blinked at him, surprised. " _Still?_ "

"Naras are scary, shishou." He insisted again, getting up and helping her up because she did look a little stressed and a tiny bit tired already and it wasn't even noon yet. Komushi really did wish he had the guts to ask what was bothering her so much, even if he couldn't help her. "He showed me once, what a Nara could do with one's shadows. Then he told me one could not out run their own shadows. I don't want to see that again."

"He did, did he?" The Nara kunoichi rolled her eyes, her faintly annoyed look changing to fond exasperation when her baby snagged hold of her hair to tug on. "Well alright then, I'll see you two tomorrow?"

"Hai, shishou."

"Very well, Natsumi-dono."

Natsumi waved them out, trekking up the stairs while her old apprentice showed himself and his best friend out of the house.

Komushi led the way back to the hotel they had arranged to stay in for their visit to the Village Hidden in the Leaves, because he was that much more familiar with Konohagakure streets than his best friend. "Well… this is a bit more lucrative than I thought it would be."

"We might not have had to leave Suna had you checked that." Sasori observed dryly, interestedly watching the forest's edge the Nara clan's compound was built around. "Why did you never check that?"

"Shishou carved and built them, I thought it was just because she bought enough wood for two and not one since she made them both herself." He defended himself sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck. "I wonder what she left me, though."

"You may be able to ask straight out."

"No, no I won't. Shishou will never let me live that down."

(ooo000ooo)

Nara Natsumi managed to secure the permission to fill in the holes she had left in his instruction, and set aside most of a few weeks to do that instruction.

Sasori ended up using his puppets to amuse Shikamaru with a few times, much to his bemusement.

Komushi, since his shishou did manage all that for him, outlined roughly what his Kazekage wished for. Behind her rather formidable security seals, but he did.

She was, quite frankly, horrified.

Then she snagged one of the loose rolls of paper, the one that had natural energy of the human form displayed on, and smacked him upside the head with it. "No."

"Shishou-"

She bopped his nose next, scowling. " _No_ , Komushi. A chakra storage seal _is_ a derivative of the jinchūriki seals, yes. But a chakra storage seal is stripped of all the things that would allow it to safely seal a _corrosive entity of chakra that thinks for itself within a human form_. Stop taking sealing advice from Chiyo-baa-sama. She's a lovely old woman, sure, but _not_ a fūinjutsu master."

Now that had been pointed out for him, Komushi blinked at the Leaf kunoichi while clutching his abused nose. "Oh… oh right. No, that would have been bad."

Natsumi looked slightly pained at that admittance. "Yes, _bad_. So, I'm not sure if Suna has a standard seal pattern for this. Quite honestly, I don't care either. Your village's past jinchūriki aren't exactly the best of the lot so in the interest of inter-village cooperation, and because having a jinchūriki of our best ally be as crazy as a squirrel that ate fermented fruits is a bad thing all around, I got permission for you to have a copy of the Uzumaki made seal for your own use."

Both Sand ninja stared at her, she cocked an eyebrow back.

"What?"

"The seal, shishou?"

"Did you _never_ wonder why I gave you two fūinjutsu apprentice mastery gifts?" She asked archly instead of producing the seal, sighing at his rather violent blush. "I needed more space, for your information."

Komushi's jaw dropped, and he stared at her.

When it looked like she was seriously considering hitting him with her rolled up piece of paper again, the darkly tanned Sunagakure shinobi hastily recollected his scattered wits.

"So then… I already have a seal for this?"

He got hit again anyways, and she dropped the abused paper while eyeing him sternly again with her mismatched eyes. " _No_ , for… just no. You have a _template_ , Komushi. If you do not understand what you're doing, the seal will not be as secure as your fellow shinobi would wish. You have a _template_ to dissect and learn from, but that is not finished nor completely ready for use."

"Aa… someone is awake." Sasori interrupted them, nodding to the baby heir of the Nara clan.

Natsumi and Komushi both turned to the couch, where the baby had been situated for his nap. Shikamaru blinked back at them, seeming amused at the abuse his mother had heaped on her old student. The kunoichi narrowed her eyes at her son, who blinked at her again with big eyes and tried to wave a hand. Relocating her son prevented any crying, and the baby seemed perfectly content to just be held instead of be fussed over. She rolled her eyes at him and turned back to her old apprentice.

"Shishou? Why can you tell me this now and not back when I was still learning?"

"That's a bit of an involved story." She claimed, grabbing something soft and fuzzy for her baby to practice his grip on. "You did hear how we lost two Village Elders, yes? One of the two was the reason I wasn't allowed to, and now that they're gone and Minato's going to be our next Hokage I have a bit more leeway now rather than then."

Komushi nodded thoughtfully, wondering which two it had been and if he could figure out if either of them died of less than natural causes. "Thanks, shishou."

"Write me a letter afterwards, just so I know you're still alive." Natsumi instructed dryly with a small smile. "You don't have to tell me anything about it, I just would like to know you have all ten fingers after attempting this."

(ooo000ooo)

Komushi lasted until his very last night they were allowed to spend in Konohagakure no Sato, then both what he had been ordered to do and what he was planning on crashed down on him.

Admittedly he had known _what_ he was doing, but the logistical problems of _how_ had been enough of a distraction to keep his mind off it.

Thankfully, his fūinjutsu master had a two-month-old baby. That pretty much guaranteed she would still be up even in the middle of the night, or at least sleeping lightly enough to both wake up and hear his concerns.

It wasn't until the very bleary eyed kunoichi sat him in her kitchen and made them both tea did Komushi have another crisis of his conscience, given she was a Leaf ninja and he a Sand shinobi.

Nara Natsumi merely blinked at him sleepily while he internally panicked over his choice of subject to worry about. "Fuck's sake, Komushi, spit it out."

"I've-"

It was as far as he got, still wondering how to inform her of his current concerns and not give away his village's secrets at the same time.

Another reason inter-village apprenticeships probably didn't happen very often, but not much help to him at that moment.

"Sunagakure no Sato wishes for a jinchūriki, they asked you to do said sealing." She started for him blandly, her left arm supporting her head off the table between them while she kept an ear out for her son. "You had questions to that effect, so you came here to ask me the technical details. Obviously, both your and my own village leaders know and support said sharing of information. Deep breath, start from the beginning."

He blinked at her a few times, inwardly thankful his shishou hadn't lost the ability to almost pluck his worries from his head. "A _baby_ , shishou."

"Yes, that's typically how this crap goes."

"But it's a _baby!_ I'm going to seal a-a _bijuu_ into… _someone's_ baby!" The Suna-nin gripped his own hair, keeping his voice low because he wouldn't put it past Natsumi to hit him with her teapot if he woke her own baby. "Why?"

"Because it's _safer_ that way, both for us and the baby in question." She spoke bitterly, her mismatched eyes on the teacup in her right hand instead on him. "What you need to keep in mind is that he or she _is_ someone's baby, and ensure whatever seal you end up using is the best thing you can script for it. Even afterwards, no matter what happens, keep in contact and frequently remind others that whoever ends up the jinchūriki _is_ human no matter the unwilling boarder in their guts."

"But-"

"Komushi, if you're going to do this shit do it right." Natsumi finally looked up at him, glaring to ensure her point was made. "I've met a few jinchūriki, you know. I've also kept an ear out for the others. There are many ways they are treated, but mostly they're either exploited or scorned to the point I seriously wonder why they haven't slaughtered their villages yet. Han of the five-tails? If I didn't know better I'd say he _hated_ his fellow Iwa-nin."

"Know better?"

"Rōshi of four." She clarified, not sounding at all pleased with the conversation topic. "But from what I've seen, they pretty much stick together if they can. Iwagakure no Sato's jinchūriki aren't very well treated, but they're both stubborn and hard headed so that will probably never change unless someone gets in a lucky hit. There's that jinchūriki in Taki, _they flat out avoid him._ If he died on mission I wouldn't be surprised if they threw a party out there. B and Yugito out of Kumo seem to have the best option of very bad ones, I'd say even better than here honestly. At least they have some freedom and probably more respect than even here if ours was ever widely known."

He sighed heavily, cradling his still steaming tea between lightly scarred hands. "I don't want to do that to someone, shishou."

"That makes you a better person than half the population of the Hidden Countries." Natsumi informed him dryly. "However, we're ninja and wants normally don't play into our orders. If someone has to, then it should be the best fūinjutsu user Suna has for it."

"The _only_ fūinjutsu user we have." Komushi corrected her, just as dry as her tone of voice.

"I don't know… from the way your Chiyo-baa-sama keeps _suggesting_ things that are, quite frankly, ridiculous, she might fancy herself one of us."

"I've seen her meager store of seals, shishou."

"And?"

"Oh _kami_ no. I'm surprised half of them actually work."

Natsumi cracked a small smile for him. "If you didn't know the oh so _scary_ art of the ninja wielded brush, it would probably be her attempting the sealing."

Komushi pulled a face at her suggestion. "I highly doubt it, shishou. Chiyo-baa-sama frequently reminds everyone that she doesn't like fūinjutsu."

"And yet?"

He sighed at her.

Her smile turned into a slight smirk. "I know you probably want to talk to me about the moralities of actually _sealing_ a bijuu into someone's baby, Komushi, but I've pretty much violated almost all of mine over the course of my kunoichi career. I've never cheated on Shika and I've not been the cause of death of anyone under the age of ten, which is the last of them I've held to. So I'm probably not the best one to talk to about this level of crap you're struggling with. Kami _knows_ I've still got a few issues I'm trying to come to terms with."

Frowning, Komushi belatedly recalled what else Nara Natsumi did before having a baby heir for her clan. "Oh."

"And I'm pretty sure Sasori might be a better person to talk to, given that he's from your village and not me."

He blinked at her, and she pointed to the back door.

"He's on the porch. Be a dear and take him a clean teacup while you two drink the rest of the pot." Natsumi cocked her head, looking over to the entranceway that lead farther into the house. "Hubby mine, you had best be here to fetch a bottle and not to raid the preserves again."

"Who said I couldn't do both?" Shikaku asked lightly as he wandered into the kitchen, nodding at his wife's old apprentice. "Komushi. Is there a reason why Sasori-san is standing on the back porch?"

The noise of baby fussing reached them the same time the Nara clan head reached the fridge, reminding the Sand-nin of the beginning of his apprenticeship when he used to live with them. It was probably a good thing he finished his lessons before they had to try raising a baby as well. Kami only knew how irritable they both had to have been when adjusting to their son's needs. "Oh, I've apparently got to talk to him but shishou…"

"I made them tea, Shika. I'm going back to bed if you got Maru-chan." The kunoichi finished for him, hiding a yawn behind a clawed hand. "Remember the porch isn't sealed for privacy, Komushi… and just leave the pot and cups on the table when you two are done."

\V/

The first thing Komushi did, once home in Suna's desert village instead of Konoha's forested one, was head home and pull everything off his scroll case and writing table.

Curiosity didn't just kill the cat, it tended to end a few shinobi as well.

Sasori followed him and pitched in, mostly just to see what seal his fūinjutsu master had snuck him long before it became something he had to ask for.

Natsumi had, thankfully, built both pieces of furniture with the intent to be pulled apart later, and even a few years of use hadn't diminished the dark stain she had used to mock out a Four Symbols Seal copy for him. The stain had been applied to the underside of the cedar wood, broken apart where the edges of the wood slats ended but still recognizable as an Uzumaki seal.

Mostly due to the large swirl in the middle that tended to end up the focus of any seals that clan had created.

"I had wondered why she used that style of jointing and not glue." Sasori informed his best friend, pausing in his work to inspect the seal template. "Normally furniture that supports weight is glued together."

"I did say shishou was fond of me." Komushi claimed as he dug out a fresh sheet of paper. He'd copy it for later study, and so he could put his writing table back together for use. "I'm not really surprised she managed something like this even back when she wasn't supposed to be doing things like this."

The puppet master finished unscrewing some of the hardware that allowed the writing desk's drawer to pull out, exposing the last of the seal for copying, before getting up and tucking his tools away. "How long do you think this will take you?"

"A few months, at the very least. I know how to take this apart and rescript it for myself, it's just getting the time to work on it that will be somewhat difficult."

Sasori blinked at him, then at the wood laid out on the fūinjutsu user's study floor, and then back to him. "Maybe you should finally accept an apprentice?"

Pausing, Komushi frowned back over his shoulder at his best friend. "Do I have to?"

"Well… from what baa-sama has said they are rather keen on you passing on what you learned to someone else." He informed him calmly, then gestured to the seal mockup on his apartment floor. "And taking an apprentice would allow you more time to yourself while you ground them in the basics. Satoshi-sama will probably relieve you of some of your duties while you teach, and then you can task your student with some of them instead of handling everything yourself."

"Hmmm…"

"Additionally, I am to ask what you would like in a student." Sasori continued when it seemed as if his best friend was actually considering it. "So we may start looking."

"Shishou said to start with someone not of my chakra nature, or I'll be tempted to lead them through by the nose. Like, years ago." Komushi thought aloud. "Handwriting isn't as urgent, because that would require additional refinement anyways. So someone that wishes to learn, and probably fūton natured. We could develop standard seal patterns like that, seals everyone may use and not something I have to ink."

"I will let the Kazekage know."

Startled, the darker skinned jōnin stared at his pale fellow.

Sasori smirked as he slowly edged to the doorway. "I think Satoshi-sama wished you to teach one of his grandchildren, actually. Temari-chan. So your requirements are perfect."

"Sasori! Don't-"

"Kaa-san would like you to come over for dinner sometime soon, I will see you later Komushi." The puppet master spoke over him, rather quickly making his way out of the fūinjutsu user's apartment.

Komushi gaped after him, then huffed as he turned back to the seal copy.

He had the sinking feeling he may be getting in over his head, however Sasori was correct in that an apprentice would help out a little. He really should have taken one years ago, but given how long his own shishou had taken to teach him the basics he had kept putting it off.

Although… teaching the four-year-old granddaughter of the Kazekage a highly destructive, possibly lethal shinobi art?

Maybe he should start with a year or two of calligraphy practice first.

(ooo000ooo)

Young Temari was not amused. "Why do I have to learn?"

Because Komushi would be sealing a bloodthirsty beast made up solely out of chakra into her youngest sibling, and this way she would be perfectly placed to help him keep an eye on that seal as the years stretched on. The jōnin fūinjutsu user was pretty sure she wouldn't like that explanation, so instead he dug around in his small stash of sealing supplies.

What did young children like at her age?

"Mari-chan, please just give it a try." Karura frowned slightly at her willful eldest child, getting the tiny blond to sulk. "It is a highly respectable skill, dear."

Komushi pulled the seal he had been looking for out of his stash of premade ones, wrapping it around the hilt of a kunai.

Temari, still scowling, warily eyed the paper. "What does that do?"

She didn't sound all that pleased, but at least reluctantly accepting that she wasn't going to be given a choice in this.

Sunagakure no Sato's soon to be fūinjutsu master grinned lightly at his soon to be apprentice. "This? This is a seal my shishou is known for. She specialized in explosives, you know."

Temari blinked at him as he flicked the kunai to the far end of the home of the Kazekage's training grounds, then gaped at the explosive that went off at a mere flick of Komushi's chakra.

Thankfully he did have somewhat of a reputation for testing seals wherever he might be, so the guards on the currently pregnant daughter-in-law of the Kazekage and her firstborn daughter didn't attempt to make him a head shorter for using explosives near them both. Given that all that was left of his sealing master's seal was a crater and probably melted shards of metal from the kunai, he ignored that and them when they peered over to see what the hell he was doing.

"Just so you know, fūinjutsu users start learning to seal on explosive seals." Komushi tempted her with a slight grin. "That's how my shishou learned to do this, it's how I learned to do that, and it's how I'll be teaching you to do it."

The tiny girl, just out of toddlerhood, blinked blankly at the hole in her family's yard then at the young jōnin that caused it with a slip of _paper_. "Okay… teach me."

"Yes, well… first we have a slight issue. I'm afraid it's fraught with peril and possibly the one point that makes or breaks a fūinjutsu user."

"I can do it. I'm the Kazekage-jii-sama's granddaughter." Temari claimed stubbornly, getting more attached to the idea of learning to seal if it was so difficult.

Komushi tried not to smirk at her. "Are you sure? It is almost horrifying, what we need to do."

"Try me."

Karura frowned slightly at them both, confused. She hadn't heard of this, and wondered if she should have been less enthusiastic to have her daughter become the second fūinjutsu user of Suna.

"How's your calligraphy?"

Temari blinked at him again, this time in a horrified fashion. Her mother tried to hide her snicker.

The jōnin nodded, almost faux sadly. "I know, terrible right?"

"You suck."

"Temari-chan!"

"I got bored with calligraphy practice two minutes into my own apprenticeship." Komushi informed the little girl, only slightly mournfully. "Unfortunately, it _is_ a specialization we all require to at least attempt mastering in order to be good fūinjutsu users. My shishou made me practice almost two years before letting me start on the better parts of my lessons, the one where I blew up ink jars for practice. Do you think you can do better, Temari-chan?"

She considered him, while sneaking glances to the hole in her family's training yard. "I bet I can do it in a _year_."

"I will hold you to that, then." The jōnin claimed lightly. "Best part of it is that learning to read fūinjutsu designs is started at the very beginning, so you'll at least be able to break up the boring bits with that."

Temari nodded sharply at him, then with almost a doomed expression retreated inside to locate where her calligraphy supplies were. Karura sighed at her daughter's lack of manners, giving the shinobi who would be teaching her daughter his ninja art a small smile. "I'm sorry about that, Komushi-kun."

"Oh you'll probably hear bad things about the methods I'll use to teach her, don't worry. But since I was taught in a very… interesting manner, it's how I'll have to teach her… at least at first." The jōnin reassured her easily as he got up, snagging his supplies on the way. "It will be a learning opportunity for us both. And, once I have her trained up to start exploring how her own scripting methods differ from my own, she'll be the one teaching my next apprentice the beginning bits. Two or three years from now, probably."

"Then you're sure she can do what took you two years to master in one?"

He nodded a few times. "Easily. She won't have her lessons spaced between both her shishou's mission work for another village and suiton jutsu lessons. My apprenticeship was for both fūinjutsu and water natured chakra use, Karura-sama. She'll probably get to inks by her next birthday, and maybe actually inking her own seals just before starting her formal shinobi training."

She accepted that easily enough, hesitating before following her daughter's path back into her home. "Komushi-kun, are you sure you can do… that?"

"Shishou managed to give me both an example of the best seal used for that, and corrected a few misconceptions for me." Komushi reassured the kunoichi, suppressing his desire to cringe at the request for information. No matter what, this would be the mother of their jinchūriki he would be sealing. How he felt about his orders to do this was still somewhat murky for the Suna-nin. "A few months of dedicated work on it, and I'll have both a working seal and some things to test on myself before I'll get anywhere near your baby with a bloody ink brush."

Karura blinked at him. "You will be testing on _yourself?_ "

"Well… yes. Natsumi-shishou gave me a few exercises to test my hypothesis so you and your baby will not need to risk an unstable seal." Komushi clarified thoughtfully. "She has a child of her own, Karura-sama. Shishou wasn't exactly surprised to hear what I had gone out to see her for, but she did tell me that if I was to be the one to do this I should do it right. She also informed me of the more visible jinchūriki and how they are treated, and that keeping contact and reminding everyone that said jinchūriki is still human was something I should do."

The kunoichi was silent as she processed that, frowning slightly at her home. "Thank you, then. Inform your shishou of my thanks as well, the next time you write her."

He nodded once, still feeling incredibly guilty over the whole issue.

Komushi's talk with Sasori on the Nara clan head's home's back porch, sealed for privacy as his old fūinjutsu master warned him to do, had helped somewhat. Not a whole lot, because some of it was more than just confusion over the orders he had received, but it _had_ helped. Personal feelings over his orders were more of his own problem, something his best friend couldn't assist much with other than lending him an ear sometimes.

Hopefully, before he actually had to seal the woman's newborn child, he could at least stop the automatic flinch that he wanted to do whenever the subject came up.

\V/

Komushi spent the next three months working on the seal he had been given, deconstructing it and then piecing it back together.

Temari, though having been bored of her own calligraphy practice nearly as quickly as her new shishou had been when he was an apprentice, was keen on her actual fūinjutsu lessons on reading seals whenever he could give them. The distraction, while a daily occurrence, didn't last nearly long enough for Komushi's peace of mind.

The other distractions weren't nearly as welcome, though.

The sole fūinjutsu user, still, of Sunagakure blinked at Sasori's grandmother and Satoshi's son. Then wondered if he could give himself a concussion hard enough to forget the last three minutes. "No."

Chiyo frowned at him. "What do you mean 'no'?"

"No. There's a reason why I use _my own blood_ in my fūinjutsu ink, baa-sama, and it's not because of any security reasons. The blood contains a slight amount of chakra, and if we use Karura-sama's blood it will not aid me in inking this seal but fight me because Karura-sama and I do not share chakra natures, much less have comparable signatures." Komushi clarified for them both, rubbing a hand across his face in exasperation. "It might even draw her chakra into the process, which will do her no favors after giving birth. Especially if you wish me to do it the very moment little Gaara-chan is born, as that might just kill her if she's pulled in."

"My husband needs to recall that he is _not_ a fūinjutsu user, Komushi-kun." The kunoichi currently being talked about loudly announced as she carefully made her way into the room the two had cornered the jōnin in, frowning at the reasons for the delay in Temari's lesson for the day. "He should really leave the sealing details to you and not badger you with trying to handle more on top of what you're already trying to do."

"Wife-"

" _No_ , husband. Komushi-kun knows what he is doing, far better than anyone else in this room would. Stop bothering him." Karura rather pointedly informed both her husband and the Honored Grandmother. "He even went and checked with his own shishou to ensure he knew what he was doing. Neither of you would allow someone else to instruct you how to do your own jobs, why try it with our only fūinjutsu user? Komushi-kun, Temari-chan is waiting for you."

The two kunoichi actually _glared_ at each other, enabling the named jōnin to sneak around and escape the conversation.

Yashamaru, Karura's younger brother, cheerfully waved at his fellow jōnin as he shamelessly eavesdropped on the ensuring argument his pregnant sister started with the Honored Grandmother. Komushi merely continued to where his young apprentice was probably impatiently waiting on him.

Perhaps Karura wouldn't mind switching locations for Temari's lessons to Komushi's own apartment?

\V/

"Are you ready?"

"Ha… no. Not even a little." Komushi informed his best friend, cringing slightly at the sounds of a kunoichi in labor.

Sasori blinked at him, slightly surprised. "I thought you claimed your seal was ready?"

"It is, just… we will not know if it will work unless we test it… and there is only one bijuu and one baby to become the jinchūriki." The darkly tanned shinobi could only shrug at his fellow, firmly keeping his eyes on his own fūinjutsu supplies and not on their Kazekage or the Honored Siblings standing on the other side of the hospital hallway. "So this will be both a test and actual sealing, because there was no way to accurately test it beforehand."

"You did Natsumi-dono's suggestions, yes?"

"I have three storage seals attached to my own chakra network, if that is what you're asking." Komushi shrugged again, wincing at a particularly loud shriek of pain reached the waiting men and one woman. "So I know how, and I have both a very good example of what and developed my own, but again…"

"So it will work." Sasori informed him with all seriousness. "Belief is important, Komushi."

"So is my mental health, and kami knows that's not helped much."

"Then you shouldn't have become shinobi."

Komushi gave his best friend a flat look for that unhelpful comment, Sasori merely gave him a creepily serene smile.

"Komushi-san? They're ready for you." Yashamaru informed the room at large, looking slightly worried even if he tried to hide it from them all.

The jōnin sighed, and picked his supplies up. "I will need a steady set of hands, Yashamaru-san. Can you assist?"

(ooo000ooo)

"So far, it seems to have worked. We will not know for sure until little Gaara-chan can actually somewhat control himself and we can measure any variation between him and his siblings, Kazekage-sama, but that will probably be a few years yet."

Satoshi nodded slightly, looking over the reports of both his daughter-in-law's recovery and his latest grandson's health. "What of the dark rings around his eyes?"

"All jinchūriki have physical signs of their… situation." Komushi informed him, thinking back to the warning his shishou gave him about such things. "Some are obvious and some are not, and given Yashamaru-san's lack of findings for a physical reason it may just be because he's now a jinchūriki and not any other reason."

"You still intend to inspect the seal periodically?"

"Yes, though Gaara-chan's own chakra should stabilize the seal I would prefer checks to ensure no deviations occurs while he grows."

The Kazekage pinned his only fūinjutsu using jōnin with an inquiring look. "Have you heard my son's proposal to train him?"

"Well… yes." Komushi confirmed slowly.

"What do you think?"

"That I'm glad Karura-sama will probably smack him upside the head once she is released from the hospital and keep him from doing that."

Satoshi blinked at his shinobi, keeping his expression blank. "Explain."

"Gaara-chan is still a baby, Kazekage-sama. I would probably murder anyone that asked to treat my own child that way. Unless he becomes dangerous to himself or others, there isn't a real reason to treat him differently than his siblings. Isolation from his family and any potential friends will do his loyalty to the village no good, and will probably cause the worst of the behavioral problems in other Hidden Villages' jinchūriki to show in him. Kumogakure no Sato seems to have the best set of them, and those two are treated better than any other country treats their own. If we want Gaara-chan to be stable, treating him like a pariah will not help us."

The Third Wind Shadow blinked again, inclining his head to acknowledge the point. "I see."

When a long moment passed without Komushi getting dismissed, the jōnin prompted the kage. "Satoshi-sama?"

"Would you follow my son if I named him the Yondaime Kazekage, Komushi?"

"Yes."

"Would you respect him?"

"Err…"

The older shinobi smirked slightly, and to his surprise Komushi didn't see any bitterness to the old man. "Who would you respect then?"

"Sasori?" The jōnin tried uncertainly, wondering if he was going to get in trouble for this.

"I see. Dismissed, Komushi. Inform me if anything changes in my grandson."

"Hai, Kazekage-sama."


	6. Drabble in Three Parts

**The Beginning**

The first crack happened because of her hands.

The hands were something one couldn't _not_ see, they manipulated the world around oneself therefore you could not be anything but familiar with your own hands.

Fiona and Natsumi did not have similar hands.

Why it was that day she realized it was a little beyond her even long after said day. It could have been because that was when her spirit finally 'woke up and smelled the coffee', or possibly the first time her tiny toddler brain had the connections to actually use the information she could've possibly been born with.

Either way it had happened, it was the first time the connection finally happened and what was left of Fiona started cracking.

Well before she learned to hate mirrors, the part that survived of Fiona and what would later become Natsumi feared seeing her hands.

There was a reason they were so scarred up now, in a world of chakra using healers that could and would ensure one didn't have scars from any misadventure as long as you got to them in time.

Fiona had inherited her father's hands. Broad craftsman's hands, with blunt tips and strong palms. Good for applying force to her woodworking tools and strong enough to keep up with her life as a US Army soldier. If Fiona had ever been questioned on it, she would say she liked her hands.

Natsumi had delicately slim ones, with elegant fingers that later became tipped with sharp, cruel claws from her Summoning Contract. Oddly, the deceptively delicate hands were hated by their own owner. Not merely because it meant she no longer had Fiona's, but because they were more like what a kunoichi's and assassin's hands should look like.

Staring at your own baby pudgy hands and realizing that they were _not your hands_ … well, that had been a day that would take years to dull the sickening horror of. She still had nightmares decades later.

What she had been doing and why she had been there were details Natsumi had long since lost, but she will probably always recall the horrified and numb attempt to prove that those were _not_ her hands. Gripping a wooden block with her left hand and smashing the pointer finger of her right proved only that those _were_ her hands… because that had hurt.

What Mana had thought of her daughter's strange behavior that day would forever be an idle wonder, because after helping Natsumi wrap up her tiny, bleeding digit the elder kunoichi left her wherever she had been so Mana could go run her mission.

Not too long after that day, Natsumi moved to the orphanage for the rest of her so called childhood.

She would like to claim that she would have told the elder kunoichi what that had been about if she had ever returned… but that was only with the knowledge of hindsight twenty years later that Natsumi could make that claim.

Mana had tried everything available to her to safeguard her daughter and her future, what she would have done had she learned her daughter wasn't really an innocent child was something else that gave Natsumi nightmares.

* * *

**The Middle**

Minato saved more than just Natsumi's sanity.

Because no matter how much he had grown up, no matter how much stronger or smarter he was than her now twenty years later, there was still a small part of him that was still that nine-year-old who looked up to her as his sempai.

That had made Natsumi grit her teeth and tackle her problems as best as she could, just so she didn't shatter that part of him. It had been the driving force behind her tolerance for Inoichi's meddling, for putting up with the academy during the boring parts, and for her sticking with assassin long after she could switch her classification for something else.

Then he became her reason for continuing on after reaching a shaky but stable mental footing, because Minato didn't know what she supposedly did. He didn't know the ancient Uchiha founder that survived long after being tuffed out on his ass, or that said Uchiha would try to strike at him and his wife when she would be in the middle of birthing their firstborn.

The point of which Natsumi could look around and not suddenly recall a piece of a half forgotten story from another life that would try to destroy the village they both loved so had been surreal.

It had been a driving force behind her for so long, suddenly not having anything to plan for or try to work something around had been jarring.

At a lost for what to do, because she was alive after all was said and done and she hadn't expected that, Minato's expectations for her to handle ANBU for him helped her out long enough to find a new cause to live for.

Shikaku and Shikamaru helped her immensely as well.

She was pretty sure her husband suspected there was something more than just a near-death experience that tripped her up those few weeks after being released from the hospital, but he didn't seem too interested as long as she did recover and then regain her footing.

He knew that if she had more trouble than she could deal with she would go to him or Minato or Inoichi for help, and was content to leave that up to her if she wanted help. Part of the reason why Natsumi loved Shikaku so, he wouldn't pry unless she was doing herself damage keeping it to herself.

Now instead of living just so Minato might have an edge when he sorely needed one, Natsumi lived to see her baby boy become a jōnin and take over for Shikaku as clan head.

…and to spoil a young Namikaze Naruto then send him home for Minato to deal with, just because she could.

Possibly to have her other wished for children as well.

Shikamaru needed a sibling, and she was still alive.

* * *

**The End**

Natsumi dreads it, to the point she selfishly wants to die first.

She doesn't want Shikamaru to have to try putting his broken mother back together if anything happens to Shikaku or Minato. Or for Kakashi to have to tread carefully around her like he did to Eri after Sakumo's death when all he really wanted was to hug his mother.

For all of Inoichi's work, Shikaku's help, and Minato's reinforcement; Natsumi knows perfectly well most of her is merely gossamer thin veneer. Certain reactions and behaviors she has are only there so a group of nine and ten-year-old kids wouldn't realize how badly off she had been before they decided to help her.

She already had one foray into insanity already, Natsumi wasn't sure if anyone else had caught that. Sakumo's death had caused her to become more than a little unhinged, and Danzo had been the only witness to exactly how cracked that thin coat of pleasant if crazy kunoichi had become.

Inoichi didn't randomly wander into that ever so _detailed_ memory of Fiona's death… Natsumi pushed it on him in full when he tugged it because he brushed up against a lot of sore spots in his lone foray into her head.

That had been the birth of her vicious streak, which didn't get any more manageable as the years went on.

For what if cost and gave her, Natsumi curiously doesn't regret it. She has repeated nightmares of it no matter how long it had been, and her exemption from a Yamanaka mind walk was worth it's weight in gold.

It was only because of them that Natsumi bothered to start caulking over her sharp edges so they wouldn't get hurt again, and without them she wouldn't have a reason to keep it up.

She knows the end will be a messy, broken affair. There really isn't another way for it to work, because she wasn't the kind of woman that would accept illusion or falsehoods for long.

It makes her a little wistful, over the fact she didn't die when she passed out the night of Naruto's birth.

Fiona had been just as cruelly vicious… she insured Natsumi would live after all.


	7. Shikaina's Birth ... or Why Naras Are So Lazy ... or A mini-Shika Adventure ...

Shikamaru's favorite part of the day was the mornings and evenings.

Not the parts everyone else though of when asked of the morning and evening, but the parts the Nara clan held sacred.

Two hours before dawn and the two hours after dusk, the time the Nara clan trained in, were the parts of the day the Nara heir liked best.

As a shinobi clan of shadow wielders, they were more powerful in the dark. When the shadows stretched everywhere and a Nara was only limited by themselves rather than what amount of shade they had at hand. That didn't mean they didn't train in the sunlit hours, but it was just easier on them to warm up or work on something in the dark.

Besides, daytime training was reserved for their teams and non-clan friends.

Every morning, in the dark hours before the sun rose, his mom would silently stalk into his bedroom and wake him up by tickling his ears with her cool fingers. Once he was awake, showered, and dressed; she would lead him outside so they could observe the traditional training hours.

At first, he had only watched his parents condition themselves as he struggled to stay awake for it. His mom with her katana and occasionally a Leopard or two and his dad with his own kagemane no jutsu and taijutsu.

They had only recently started teaching him the Nara clan's katas and he now joined them in limbering up in the mornings or practicing in the evenings.

After the morning practice, once they watched the sun rise together as it burned away the Nara clan's preferred training conditions and after they ate breakfast, they would normally pile into his parent's bed or the study's couch to nap or laze the time away until one or all of them actually had to leave the house.

Once night fell and they finished with the evening training hours, they would spend a quiet hour or so on the back porch merely watching the stars together before heading to bed.

However, his mom didn't join him and dad that morning. She hadn't for the last _two weeks_ , instead she collected Akira-chan and carefully strolled off with one hand pressed to her very big belly as she wandered away.

The four-year-old Shikamaru knew what pregnant meant, and that it wasn't a permanent condition. He knew full well that was how he came to be, because his mother was his mom, and he was rather interested in actually having a sibling.

Anything that could prevent a ninja from training had to be serious, though. Even the rare times his mom had been sick didn't stop her from observing the traditional training hours, she just grumbled a bit then.

It made him wonder if he hadn't been a little hasty in reassuring his parents that he wouldn't mind being a big brother at all. This seemed to be a fair bit more serious than he had thought at the time.

(ooo000ooo)

Shikamaru gave his best impression of his mother's 'not impressed' stare so his current playmate would understand he wasn't on board with that suggestion.

Namikaze Naruto merely stuck his tongue out at him in response. He supposed his god-brother had gained some immunity to mom's less than amused looks for whatever mischief he got up to under her watch. He got exposed to it more than Shikamaru did himself, which also probably meant he also needed more practice at it in order to make the blond ever rethink his proposed course of action.

"Come on, Shika-kun! It's the _Chūnin Exams_. We won't host another until after we leave the academy." Enthused the son of the Yondaime, ignoring the little Nara's lack of excitement for the whole situation in general. "When else are we ever goin' ta get as good of a view of it?"

"When we go do it ourselves?" Shikamaru ignored the pout, Naruto was surprisingly good with suckering others into doing what he wanted with that expression. "Look, Naru-kun, kaa-chan's stressed enough as it is. I'm _not_ doing anything to add to that."

Naruto scratched at a whiskered cheek as he thought that over. "You're-err… right. 'Suppose not, then. Aww… I wanted to see it."

"Why not ask? The Hokage's supposed to be there, he might take you along with him."

He blinked big blue eyes at him, surprised and bewildered as if the thought had never occurred to him. Shikamaru heaved a sigh when Naruto scrambled upright and then inside his home to ask his mother if he could.

Some days, he wondered why he hung out with the hyper blond. Then he remembered he got exiled to Minato's and Kushina's home when his parents both had other things to do. That didn't include the days both he and Naruto got sent to a different home, or when some of his parents' friends needed their kids watched for a few hours.

"Aww dang. That would've been fun." Yamanaka Ino merely grinned brightly when the Nara heir turned the same look the other blond had been given. "Come on, Shika-kun, you know it would have been interesting to go take a look."

"Sure, until someone noted one or few of us were missing from where we're supposed to be. Then we would have been in more trouble than I want to deal with."

"True. We probably would've been grounded until we _started_ the academy." Her grin turned into a smirk, and she tapped a pink painted fingertip against her lip. "Unless, of course, someone could manage to talk one of our parents into taking us along. Real smooth, Nara."

"Naru-kun's just like that. Whatever happens from his attempt to talk to Mina-ji is all on him." Shikamaru countered lazily, going back to the book he had borrowed from hime-ba-sama earlier.

It was that or nap, and the little Nara heir was already recovered from that morning's practice session. He wasn't tired enough to go back to napping just yet.

Ino, sensing the only available child in the Yondaime's backyard was getting distracted, pouted. "Oh come on, I'm bored."

"Not my problem."

"There's nothing to do!"

"Practice your calligraphy."

"That's not even funny. Seal users are way too picky about that." Scoffing, the daughter of Konohagakure's Head of Interrogation crossed her thin arms over her chest and pouted as hard as she could.

Shikamaru wasn't impressed with her argument either. For one, he was toying with the idea of asking his mother to teach him some fūinjutsu himself, and he knew already that the art needed a lot of refinement if he really did get around to asking. Additionally, he had seen her father fold under that look regularly and one rare time when his own had done the same. He, however, was immune from growing up with her. "Read a book."

"I've already read all of Naru-kun's books," Ino protested, giving the one he held a second glance, "and Mina-ji's are all too hard."

Given that the book was one of their Yondaime's and Shikamaru was already tripping over a few unfamiliar kanji a few pages in, it probably was a little farther out of her range than she was comfortable with. "Then wait for Naru-kun to come back."

"He'll run me into the ground."

"But you won't be bored anymore."

She scowled at him. "You just don't want to move, do you?"

"Not really."

Ino flounced off with a huff, muttering things under her breath that he was mostly sure she learned from her father when he hadn't been paying attention to how close his daughter was. Shikamaru waited until she stopped near the flower patch in the far corner, because for some reason he was always asked where Ino got to as if he was her keeper, before going back to trying to figure out the book he borrowed.

(ooo000ooo)

"You got him to _read_ this?"

"Some of it, I'm pretty sure he couldn't understand a few things but it did distract him for a few hours." Kushina shrugged that aside, carefully keeping the smirk off her face because their kids could come down the stairs at any moment. "But you wanted to know if he was learning anything when he pretend naps through the few lessons we've all been giving them, and that's a good measure for how well he can read right now. He didn't ask any questions of me, so I'm assuming he understood enough to understand most of the topic."

" _A Guide to the Land of Hot Water_." Natsumi read the title stamped on the spine aloud, dearly wishing to rub the bridge of her nose… but with her nails the way they were that wasn't a good idea. "Why does Minato even have this? It's not like Hot Water was ever a difficult country to get though. They're more hippy-ish than _we_ are assumed to be."

"I actually have no idea." The redhead informed her with a slight tint of surprise to her voice and an easy shrug. "Something I'm mean to ask him as soon as he gets home. But it was the least interesting thing we've got, and I figured something dry and technical would get Shika-kun to ask for something else if it gave him some trouble."

"It'll be a few more hours, Minato's currently with my hubby trying to figure out how we're going to separate the different chūnin candidates being sent here so the Fourth War won't start in the middle of a hotel hallway."

Kushina snickered, flicking jade eyes out her front window to where the Hokage's Tower would be if there weren't so many trees between her home and their kage's office. "That, and a few other things I've heard Minato had to deal with in the last few years, makes me glad he's the Yondaime and not me."

"Paperwork, eww." Natsumi agreed, only slightly sarcastic as she handed the book back. She had more than enough of that as it was, both useless books on random things and the ever dreaded paperwork.

Really, who needed a _guide book_ for Hot Water? It was practically all onsen resorts or spa clinics, peppered with a few random farm communities. She saw enough of it under Jiraiya's wing to be rather sure of that.

"Are you going to be okay walking home?"

"Is there another way to get there?"

Kushina, halfway to the bookcase the volume had been borrowed from, blinked back at her blankly.

"Cause I have to get home, honestly, and I'm pretty sure I'm not going to pop by walking the bare half-mile to the Nara compound. I still have to make dinner and for some reason I want cabbage." She thought about that. "Stir-fry, I think. With chicken."

"Vegetables?"

"Mostly. Last week it was radishes fried with candied ginger."

Kushina slotted the book home and then took a glance at Natsumi's seven month pregnant belly, a smirk teasing her lips. "So if Maru-chan cause you to down milk like it was going out of style, then what does this one mean?"

"That he or she probably isn't Maru-chan. Although, I'm only pretty sure of that."

She gave the former assassin a dry look in return for that.

Natsumi rolled her mismatched eyes. "Shika said we could be surprised this time. I'm going to be surprised. So no, sorry. Can't help you win that bet you've got against Mayuko on what gender Shika-baby number two is."

Kushina snorted, but whether over the unimaginative name Natsumi had bestowed her baby bump or the unhelpful nature of her comment was questionable. "Seriously though."

"It's like, less than I walk every morning within my clan's compound. And just in case I might happen to lose my way, I'm pretty sure one of the multiple guards I've got will graciously volunteer to guide me safely home."

Much to the confusion of three-fourths of the village a nearly always present Nara guard and Leopard Summons, two ANBU shadows, and just about every Uchiha MP she passed would count themselves as one of Natsumi's guards. Which didn't include the odd Hyūga, Akimichi, or Yamanaka she encountered that made it more than obvious they were keeping an eye on her for as long as she was nearby.

If she hadn't been kidnapped the first time she was pregnant, she might have protested the scrutiny.

Stag alone kept a rotating shift of guards on her and she was getting rather familiar with Shikaku's second cousin, who normally just coordinated the Nara compound guardsmen. Her two Leopard guards were rather amused that they were probably only Summoned just for show. Akira was less so that Tsuyoshi, but her father had been killed the last time their Summoner had been pregnant. Now Akira had to continually remind Tsuyoshi that they weren't just there to eat a few pounds of fish or nap most of the day away, but it looked as if that was the most of what they would be doing for Natsumi.

As Konohagakure no Sato's ANBU General it made her job a bit harder than it should have been, but she had long since established a method to keep a finger on things back when Shikamaru had been only just born and Shikaku had been deployed for the final parts of the Third Great Shinobi War. She had been forced to run ANBU through her Watch Captain and the Sabotage and Seduction Commanders, curtailing any attempt to visit the subterranean headquarters while everyone insisted on keeping her location so visible.

Natsumi was pretty sure her poor ANBU rookies were confused and a little scared of her sudden total disappearance from the halls of their HQ, and her veteran agents were probably not helping things at all. The ghost rumor was _still_ rather popular.

Kushina rolled her eyes at her. "You complain, but I know you're rather pleased with all the fuss."

"Well, yeah. Have you seen this thing?" The Nara's Lady gestured to her belly, which she could already use as a shelf if she wanted. "I can't do more than waddle right now."

"I'll give you that." Eyeing said feature, the wife of the Yondaime pursed her lips. "I'm not too sure I want to go through that again…"

"You're thinking about it?"

"Possibly. Maybe after Naru-kun starts his genin career." Kushina glanced to the hallway, calculating just how much time their respective sons actually needed to wash their hands. "If you two want to stop eavesdropping, we'll get going already."

Naruto, without an ounce of shame for being caught out, bolted to his mother's side with a broad grin. Shikamaru followed in his wake, ambling in a stroll carefully copied from his father more than anything.

"Ramen!" Cheered the bouncing blond boy, giving his godmother a bright grin of her own. "Hi Sumi-ba-chan!"

Natsumi blinked at him with a smile of her own. "Hello Naru-chan. Ramen?"

"Kaa-chan's taking me to Ichiraku Ramen."

"So we can make dinner later without him starving." Kushina finished for her son dryly, threading her fingers through Naruto's short hair. "I figured Minato would be late again, he has been for the last few weeks."

"So… what if someone tells Minato that his daily habits are becoming predictable and he needs to be more random?"

"I'll beat the ever living snot out of them." She informed all three of them brightly, giving Natsumi a sharper smirk than usual. "Why? Have you heard something?'

"No, of course not." The Leopard Summoner denied just as cheerfully, steering Shikamaru on towards the redhead's front door where Tsuyoshi was waiting for them and giving the two behind her a backwards wave. "At least, not until I have a few of the many guards I've got in range to help me."

(ooo000ooo)

"You're late."

"Not my fault. You've met my teammate Obito, right? He can't go a day or so without getting into something, and someone's got to ensure he can pull himself out of it." Kakashi informed his pseudo and only slightly legal nephew cheerfully, hunkering down to Shikamaru's level. "Natsu-nee said you wanted to talk to me?"

"Shouldn't you be resting? Or whatever old men do when they get back to the village?"

"…I would like you to know I found that so funny it wasn't."

Shikamaru cracked a grin for the silver haired Hatake, pushing himself upright as he gave up cloud watching on a clear day. "So…"

"So?"

"Kaa-chan's pregnant."

"I've noticed. In fact, she's been that way since late last fall." Kakashi remarked levelly, letting himself fall backwards to a seated position because he _was_ slightly tired from the mission even if he was putting off the whole resting up bit. He also manfully refrained from commenting that it was very likely said Nara baby number two had been conceived the night of his elder sister's wedding anniversary, if only to not gross out the young Nara heir he was talking to. "Did you miss that? I'm pretty sure she told you about it."

"Yeah, but… now I can sometimes _feel_ the baby move when she lets me, and kaa-chan's _fat_."

Snorting, the jōnin shinobi quickly checked to ensure they really were alone in the clearing of the Nara's forest. They might be only somewhat concealed from the clan head's house behind some bushes, but Kakashi was willing to bet Obito's precious goggles that they were being watched by two or more Naras at least. "For the love of the kami, Shika-chibi, _don't_ tell her that."

"I'm four, not stupid."

"Right, yes. Four." He nodded a few times, trying to recall what he was like at that age. Badgering Natsumi and his own mother for more things to learn or to be sent to the academy… probably a good thing this four-year-old was afflicted with a Nara's laziness to balance his genius. "So what about… nee-chan's being fat and pregnant is giving you fits?"

Shikamaru crossed his arms over his chest and chewed on his lower lip, trying to figure out how to phrase his problem. "I… guess it didn't really sink in? It wasn't like there was any changes until lately. What is a nii-san supposed to do, anyways?"

Kakashi was pretty sure telling the brat he should just be an older brother wouldn't go over well, and he didn't really want to piss off his sister because she had the memory to get her revenge well after she finished being pregnant and picked her katana back up. Instead, he gave it a little thought and figured out how to address the kid's confusion.

"Pitch in a little. That's pretty much it, really. If your baby sibling is being loud or fussy for no reason distract him or her for your parents." Racking his brain didn't help him more, Kakashi wasn't sure what _would_ help the young Nara heir out, so the shinobi shrugged instead. Whoever decided it had to be him doing this heart-to-heart was going to be stabbed, repeatedly. "Recall when we taught you about instinctive reactions like flinching? This is another instinctive reaction, but you'll only really understand when you finally get a good look at your baby sibling."

Heaving a sigh for the unhelpful advice, Shikamaru ran his thumb along his jawline like he had watched his father do many times before when thinking on something complicated. "That doesn't help, Kashi-ji."

Kakashi shrugged again, a bit distracted on thinking about who he could foist his little nephew off on. Itachi maybe? Damn Kochi for going to visit his brother with his own damn brat, he was both a father and a big brother and could've handled this easily. "Why worry? It's just something that you have to experience for yourself before you really understand."

"You can say that now because you're already a nii-san." Shikamaru gave the older male the look he thought that deserved, scowling up at him just because. "Think back, all those many years ago, when _you_ were about to become one and tell me what you now thought you should have been told then."

"You know, these cracks against my age make me less likely to help you out."

"I'll tell kaa-chan what _really_ happened to the tea set Tsunade-sama gave her when she was on mission to Kiri, and that Obito-san had nothing to do with it."

"Your blackmailing skills are good, remind me to admire them when they're not being used against me."

"Let's see, it involved you and said tea set and a runaway Dog Summons by the name of Bisuke."

Kakashi blinked slowly as he processed that, he had been _sure_ the brat had been a little too young to really recall that incident in any useable detail. It had been a whole year ago, should he be more interested in the now? "Alright, don't be so hasty. Nose plugs."

Shikamaru blinked back at him, confused. "Nose plugs?"

"Babies _stink_ , Shika-chibi. I really did wish someone had informed me to find a decent set of nose plugs before Midori-chan was born." Giving an eye-smile to ensure the kid knew he was being sincere, Kakashi shrugged and ruffled his own hair with both hands. "Other than that, I was a little too fascinated to really care about what I did or didn't know about being a nii-san."

"Huh…"

"Then again, I did have a rather awesome if kind of mean role model. Natsu-nee helped me through some of it, and the rest I picked up on my own."

A twitching in the Nara heir's left eye informed the older Hatake that maybe that didn't help enough to get him off the blackmailing hook.

"You know who else you can ask? Itachi-san and Ibiki. They both are nii-sans as well, they might be able to help you out more than I can."

"Itachi-san's on mission, diplomat guard. He's not expected back for another few weeks." Shikamaru informed him tartly. "But... Ibiki-ji-san? Really?"

"Really. I think his otouto is about to graduate from the academy sometime this winter, actually. Since said otouto is still alive, and Ibiki is still on good terms with him, then he's a valid source of information."

After a long moment staring at the man, the younger boy huffed. "If that's what you're judging by so you can shove me off onto someone else, you have very low standards."

"Hey."

"I could also go up to random kids at the park and ask them the next time tou-chan takes me just to escape kaa-chan's mood swings, but you wouldn't want your little nephew doing that, right?"

"My cute little nephew _also_ just tried to blackmail me."

"So? We're ninja, it's what we do."

"Point, except you're not a shinobi just yet… and I now have something to hold over your head, that you tried to blackmail me."

Instead of getting surprised or disgruntled, Shikamaru just smirked in his face. "Kaa-chan would only be amused with me after getting irritated with you, and tou-chan would say that's what you get for breaking her favorite tea set then lying about it, badly. Out of luck there, Kashi-ji. I don't care if you try to tell them, because then we'd have to tell them what really happened to kaa-chan's tea set to the point that I could use it as blackmail."

The silver haired Hatake clan head rubbed his cloth covered chin thoughtfully. "Hmm… I foresee a problem with that."

"Maybe you do. I've apparently got to go ask kaa-chan if we can go visit Ibiki-ji-san. Somehow, without letting her know why."

Distracted from trying to find a way to inform Natsumi that her son was a little free with his coercion attempts without getting himself in trouble, Kakashi gifted the younger kid with a confused look. "Why?"

"Because." Deciding the older shinobi was a lost cause, and it hadn't really been his best option to begin with, Shikamaru decided to be just as unhelpful. Getting up, and brushing the odd twig and leaf off himself, he started back to the house to find something a little more interesting than staring up at a cloudless sky to do.

"That's all you're going to say?"

"You want more? Give more."

Smoothly rising to his full height, the Hatake ambled along after him and offered something before they reached the house. "Ask before you pick your baby whatever up. Apparently their neck and head are fragile for the first few months. Have Natsu-nee show you how to handle your soon-to-be-sibling if kaa-chan or Aikido-baa-sama aren't there."

Shikamaru thought about it, but it was something even if he was sure his mother would've warned him about it before it could possibly be a problem. "I don't want kaa-chan to know because I already said I'd be alright with it a few months ago."

"Don't want to seem as if you lied?"

"Something like that, and Ino-chan was talking a few days ago. About how excited I had to be with an impending sibling coming soon, and everything she would've done if it had been her kaa-chan."

"Hmm, listening to a _girl's_ gossip? For _shame_ , Shika-chibi."

"Yeah well, stuff it."

Strike one. Shikamaru wasn't too clear on what the strike was against, but since his mother tended to mutter it as a count of when she ran into a dead end he figured it was something to express her displeasure.

Either way, habit caused him to think it.

(ooo000ooo)

Shikamaru wasn't surprised when mom opted out of the evening training session.

She had done it for the last two weeks as well, so he at least expected her to do it.

Instead of going inside, though, his mom settled on the porch with Tsuyoshi at her back to watch dad instruct Shikamaru in the Nara clan's taijutsu in the fading twilight.

Which resulted in two very distracted Naras, because dad kept glancing over to where mom was lounging instead of concentrating on his son and heir's efforts to hit him. Given that even distracted he was still more of a match for Shikamaru's clumsy taijutsu skills, the Nara clan head could probably afford the distractions unlike how badly it was effecting Shikamaru's skills.

However, when he ended up _tucked under one of the older Nara's arms_ for a whole two minutes just so he could check on mom, Shikamaru was willing to give up on taijutsu practice for the night only ten minutes into the training session.

Mom laughing at him and his predicament didn't help a whole lot.

After another hour or so of clumsy attempts to at least touch his dad, a failure to do so that grated a little because the older Nara was more than just a little distracted and he still failed to do more than tire himself out, the two of them ended up with mom and her Leopard on the porch instead of trying to use the end of the two hours for more training.

Instead, the three of them watched the shadows of the Nara's forest bend and twist under the control of their fellow clansmen. Shikamaru was content to do so only because his mom was running her claws lightly through his hair while they watched.

He wasn't entirely certain when he fell asleep, but then it didn't really matter. He was still working out how much napping time he needed to counter the early mornings and late nights, therefore falling asleep unexpectedly was allowed at his age.

\V/

"Naras are so _lazy_."

"What was your first clue?" Shikamaru asked without even opening his eyes, content to mostly ignore this heckler. He was still tired, and not particularly willing to give up his comfy spot just to deal with whoever it was getting snotty.

Chouji sighing behind him let the Nara heir know that whoever it had been wouldn't be chased off so easily. Neji seemed content to huff in all his stuffy clan superiority, ignoring the interloper the best the six-year-old could.

Cracking a yellow eye open, because for whatever reason the yellow unnerved the younger Uchiha clansmen, he gave the Uchiha kid his best impression of his dad's ' _what_ are you _on_ ' look.

Sasuke was giving his cousin whatever his best Uchiha MP look as well in a decent attempt to scare the brat off, but apparently the second son of the Uchiha clan head wasn't nearly as scary as that clan's heir. Up until the soon to be five-year-old Inuzuka Kiba barreled his way past the brat and knocked him off his feet.

"Kaa-san said yes to a birthday party!" The dog boy all but shouted at the top of his lungs, skidding to a halt with the help of the Akimichi heir keeping him on his own feet. Looking back to the kid he knocked over, Kiba sniffed in mock disdain. "Dude, really. You don't have to fall over yourself, ya know. Sasuke will bring you if you really want to come that badly."

Snorting, the young Uchiha that was somewhat tolerable stepped on the back of the not-tolerable one. "I think not. He requires a bit more polishing before we allow him out of the clan's compound."

Shikamaru privately betted with himself over Sasuke copying that word for word from his brother. "You're going to get your dog this time, Kiba-san?"

"Finally, yeah. Then we'll see what nee-chan's three can do against me and _my_ dog! …or dog _s_. Ya know, depending."

Neji gave him a flat stare but Chouji was the one who paused to give the Inuzuka a questioning look. "Won't your dog actually be a puppy? …or pupp _ies_?"

"Aww… crap. That's right." Kiba looked disappointed for all of a moment before shrugging that off easily enough. "Whatever. We'll just have to train up a bit before, that's all."

Sasuke got bored of keeping his balance on his struggling clansmen's back, even if he was rude, hopping off to give his attention to his guests. "Will your okaa-san allow us into the kennels again, Kiba-kun?"

"Everyone but Shikamaru, probably."

Shikamaru didn't really care, because as far as he was concerned Akira and Tsuyoshi were better than any old dog. Out of all the things his mom could teach him, what the Nara heir had his sights solidly on was her Summoning Contract. "I'd prefer a nap instead, so no thanks."

"You're so weird. But awesome, kinda." Kiba hastened to tack on, giving the Uchiha that had been trying to heckle the young Nara heir a teasing look and a toothy grin. Proving that knocking him over hadn't been as much of an accident as it could have been. "Even if you do smell of cat."

"Are we waiting on anyone else?" Shikamaru asked instead of answering, keenly intent on getting a bit more sleep to make up for that morning's training session. If he wouldn't be left alone to do that here, then he wanted to go to the Uchiha clan head's home instead and do it there.

"Hinata-hime and Ino-chan." Sasuke informed him seriously before Neji could, because as the second son of Fugaku it was his job to keep track of important if young guests in his clan's home grounds. "Then we can go see what okaa-chan has for us to eat before lunch."

"What about Naru-kun?" He had to ask, because as his god-brother it was his job to watch the blond's back.

Kiba was his god-brother as well, but more of a dog-brother that yelled way too much.

Sasuke looked a little disgruntled, as he always was when the son of the Yondaime was mentioned. "He's not here today. He's with his Otou-sama."

(ooo000ooo)

"I don't know why, but I'm more tired now than I was when only just pregnant with Maru-chan." Natsumi informed Mikoto, browsing through her fridge as she plated up some snacks for the clan kids she volunteered to watch that day.

The Uchiha genjutsu mistress ignored the Nara pawing through her fridge, they had all gotten used to the pregnant former assassin getting into another's fridge the last time around and it was easier to ignore if you had once gone through the craving part of pregnancy yourself. "The baby is a Nara, why are you surprised?"

"Second pregnancy was supposed to be easier, remember?"

"You weren't as sick this time around, were you?"

"Well, no." Natsumi allowed thoughtfully, closing the Uchiha's fridge with carrots in hand. "That's true, I suppose."

Mikoto left the snacks where they were, seating herself at the kitchen table with the ANBU General and accepting the carrot stick held out for her.

Natsumi had never gotten over the impulse to feed those around her when she sought something to eat. It was reassuring, in the same way the sun would always rise and the rivers would always flow. Natsumi would always feed you if you were in reach, even if it was your own food.

Snapping off the tip of her own carrot with her teeth, the Uchiha kunoichi watched as the Nara one munched on her own for a few minutes. "So, done with your errands?"

"For now, yeah. I'll take Maru-chan home with me if he wants, but there's still the paperwork I'll never get out of doing even on my deathbed."

"Ah, paperwork. The dreaded end of all competent ninja." Mikoto smirked around her carrot, giving her fellow kunoichi a wry look. "I have more than enough of my own to do, you won't find any sympathy here."

"They ought to warn academy kids of this crap. Become a shinobi, fight for your village for all of ten years and then forever battle the evils of bureaucracy!"

Masterfully controlling the snort, the Uchiha's Lady discarded the remains of her carrot and rose to snag the plate of snacks she had made for the clan children in her care. Natsumi sighed and broke off the nibbled end of her carrot using her nails for leverage, quickly popping the bit into her mouth and leaving the rest on the table with Mikoto's.

The children spilled into the Uchiha's formerly quiet home with a loud thump, because apparently Hinata tripped Kiba when the Inuzuka brat somehow upset Ino and Neji prevented her from joining him on the ground. The boy ended up trampled when Sasuke didn't care if he was in the way and Chouji didn't realize he was there, and getting stepped on by an Akimichi, however unknowingly or young said Akimichi was, hurt like hell.

Shikamaru, grass stained and a little rumpled already, looked pathetically grateful she was there to pick him up.

Hinata tried to sound serene and calming as she fussed over the pile-up, but the amused tilt to her lips gave away the lie. Luckily for her Kiba wasn't the sharpest tack in the box, and probably wouldn't ever be, so since Ino was calming down now that the Hyūga heiress had gained her some revenge the kids allowed themselves to be lulled by the Uchiha's Lady's snacks instead of quarreling over how the trip-up happened. Neji practically radiated smug approval for his clan's heiress' actions while she pretended wistful ignorance of said actions, Sasuke just smirked like the brat he was, Ino sat as close to Hinata's protective presence as she could, while Shikamaru and a bruised Kiba reassured Chouji that stepping on the Inuzuka boy wasn't really that big of a deal.

Mikoto gave Natsumi a pointed look over the kids' heads.

Once snack time was over with, the Nara's Lady volunteered to take the Yamanaka and Akimichi heirs home with her and Shikamaru.

Because the Uchiha genjutsu mistress had to have her hands full with the Hyūga kids in the Uchiha compound and Natsumi didn't envy her that task at all.

She did overhear something that made her wonder, though, just before they left the house.

Shikamaru cornered Sasuke instead of joining Chouji near the door to wait on Ino, giving the young Uchiha the most serious look he could. "When is your nii-san due home?"

"Mission parameters indicated at least a week in field, not counting traveling time, nii-sama should be home later this week or early next." Carefully pronouncing the long and somewhat tricky words just made the youngest son of Mikoto's sound three shades of adorable, but her own son just grunted.

"Tell him I have a question for him, not urgent but something that needs addressing."

Sasuke nodded solemnly, probably because his big brother was an heir of a shinobi clan and so was the young Nara he was talking to. Being his brother's social secretary probably wasn't something he was too enthused with, but it did sound somewhat important. "I will."

Natsumi was confused and a little curious. What did her son need to talk to Itachi about?

\V/

"Stealing your gaki, nee-chan!" Kakashi hollered into the house as he snagged Shikamaru.

"Oi!"

Ignoring the objection, the Hatake clan head swung the young Nara up to sit on his shoulders and hoofed it as fast as he could out of the Nara clan compound.

"Just so you know, I'm only doing this so you'll never tell Natsu-nee about the tea set thing."

"Deal." Shikamaru informed him blandly, gripping silver hair hard as the village blurred past the two of them.

Kakashi only slowed when they reached the main street of the village, dropping down to the civilian foot traffic as easily as any Leaf shinobi worth their hitai-ate. With his perch on the admittedly very tall Hatake's shoulders, the Nara heir could see exactly where they were going.

Most children wouldn't be very pleased with a trip to T&I's headquarters, but Shikamaru wasn't just any kid.

The silver haired shinobi was just any ninja either, he got the admittedly strange duo past most of the security checks rather easily. The truth was sometimes stranger than fiction, and Kakashi excelled in bullshitting enough to use the truth when it suited him.

Right on up until they encountered the Head of Intelligence only feet from their target, at least.

Inoichi-ji-san wasn't as easily circumvented. "Does Natsu know he's here?"

"She knows I have him." Kakashi informed the famed interrogator with all the nonchalance he could muster on demand. It was a lot from the Nara heir's point of view.

"But not that he's here. Why?" Inoichi pressed on, looking a cross between bemused and concerned.

"I'm being blackmailed."

The Yamanaka clan head stared blankly at him, then gave Shikamaru his attention rather than try to extract answers out of the notoriously twisted shinobi he was being carried by. "Maru-chan? Why are you two here?"

"To see Ibiki-ji-san." It wasn't his fault, Kakashi started it.

"I see." Even as he said it, the shinobi frowned at them both as if he couldn't.

Sometimes, dealing with Yamanakas gave Shikamaru a headache. Why couldn't they ever say what they really thought? Ino had the same problem her dad did.

"Well… he's on break for the next ten minutes still, I suppose-"

"Great! Thanks! Bye!" Kakashi chirped with faux cheerfulness, whisking them both down the hall to Morino Ibiki's office in the Torture and Intelligence building. Shikamaru did his part by waving lazily at his uncle as they bolted pass.

Ibiki wasn't any more amused than Inoichi to see them there.

"I'm being blackmailed," Kakashi informed him with all due seriousness, patting the Nara heir on his head once he plunked the kid down on one of the chairs in the office before ducking right back out of the room, "you two have fun."

The interrogator stared at the son of his old jōnin-sensei, then at his office door. "He abandoned you here, didn't he?"

Shikamaru shrugged dismissively. "Probably."

Sighing heavily, the massive shinobi gave up on what he was working on to lean back in his chair and stare flatly at the four-year-old that had been suddenly dumped on him. "Blackmail?"

"Kaa-chan's tea set."

Ibiki looked intrigued enough that the little Nara informed him exactly what Kakashi had wrangled his silence on. Unfortunately for the Hatake clan head, Shikamaru had only agreed not to tell his mom about it. Natsumi's second fūinjutsu apprentice and old genin student agreed that it was an oversight he would be delighted to help his fellow jōnin out with, with a nasty grin that he probably shouldn't be giving a four-year-old.

There was a reason Ibiki-ji-san was Shikamaru's second favorite uncle out of the lot of them he had, and not just because he was the most normal one.

Arranging to take the young boy back home took a little doing, but Ibiki strolled out of the T&I building with Shikamaru ambling close on his heels within an hour of getting the Nara heir dumped on him.

"So what did you want to see me about?"

"I'm going to be a nii-san. What does a nii-san do, anyways?" Shikamaru asked him with all the confusion he had gained over the topic.

"Pitch in." Ibiki grumped sourly, glowering a path through the afternoon traffic they were wandering through.

The Nara heir gave his broad back a flat look. "That's exactly what Kashi-ji said."

It was enough to prick Ibiki's touchy pride, and the scowl on the shinobi's face got that much darker from how far it was clearing their way. "A nii-san is supposed to protect the otouto the best he can, and guard his imouto from other boys. Good enough for you?"

"I guess."

It was something different at least, and more than he had before going to see the interrogator. Shikamaru figured that would be the best he could get from the adults around him, his last hope was the Uchiha heir.

Strike number two.

Now, how to explain this adventure to his mom?

Or worse yet, his dad when Inoichi-ji told him of it?

(ooo000ooo)

Mom opting out of the nightly training sessions again wasn't surprising at all, but at least dad managed it a little better that night.

Shikamaru still failed to even touch his old man during the sparring part, much to his own disgruntlement.

In the end they did actually managed to train the whole two hours, and the Nara heir ended up in a boneless slump next to his mom's hip while she leaned into their clan head.

"My feet hurt, and I didn't even _do_ anything." Natsumi informed her son with a mischievous grin.

Shikaku bent his long frame over her, giving her a steady look. "Shouldn't you be at the point of _not_ doing anything?"

"I am, and I've taken care of the last of the things I couldn't get out of. Those two, you know who, will take over the rest until I get back to it."

Shikamaru ignored the hints of whatever mysterious thing his mom did during the day with all that paperwork that appeared from nowhere, crawling into her lap next to her big baby belly because he was that tired. It was the first time he had actually trained all two night hours as well as the morning session, and he would need a bit more adjustment to his daytime napping from the look of things.

"Additionally, I wanted to ask about that comment of yours."

"What comment?"

"About making them godfather." The kunoichi informed him seriously. "Can we? They need something else, they lasted all of a year out of there before wandering back because they have nothing else."

Shikaku puzzled that over for a moment, eventually shrugging at his wife. "I want to actually meet them first. Not how we have already, I mean in the flesh without the clay."

"Alright then, godmother?"

"Mayuko. I think." The Nara clan head suggested.

"I'm fine with that. I'll ask them, or send a messenger, tomorrow."

Shikamaru drifted off to sleep before he heard what else his mom wanted to talk to his dad about.

\V/

He really should have expected it, given what mom told his dad last night.

At first, he really only liked that mom didn't seem at all that fussed to get up out of bed after they were done with the clan training and breakfast that morning.

Then Naruto barreled into the house with all the subtly of a bull in a tea shop, and Shikamaru realized what his mom meant by taking care of the last of her things she had to do.

It meant the Nara clan head's home was the designated spot to drop off other clan kids, probably until mom finally had her baby.

He was normally fine with the whole switching homes for a few hours thing, he didn't really want to be left at home with a Nara or Leopard guard or taken to the Akimichi's clan head home for a few hours. Seeing other clan compounds was interesting, and switching it all up kept all of them rather interested in learning about why it was done that way instead of how their own clans ran things. It was something to do, and they would grow up to be the next shinobi clan heads and their seconds so that knowledge might help them out later on down the line.

…or at least that was how they sold it to their respective clan elders.

However, his mom would be pregnant for another month and however long from what Tsunade-sama had said. That meant a month and however long of everyone going to the Nara clan instead of somewhere else.

A month and however long of Neji and Sasuke being stiff with each other, of Naruto somehow needling the Uchiha unknowingly, of Ino excitedly chattering to a quiet Hinata, of Kiba reeling from place to place with all the grace of a drunk, three-legged dog. All day _long._

At least Chouji knew his way around the Nara clan compound well enough not to be a bother.

Shikamaru was _doomed_. He was never going to get enough sleep this way.

Thankfully, at least, it seemed as if his mom had called in reinforcements.

Senju Tenzou and his sister Naomi had a brightly cheerful and wiggling Naruto in a firm grip long before his mom managed to make her way down the stairs.

Shikamaru wasn't sure, but he was more than certain the two of them fit into his family more as his cousins than as his uncle and aunt. He didn't know why he felt that way, but it was how he thought it should go. Tenzou and Naomi were the children of his mom's sensei, though, so they were technically his aunt and uncle rather than cousins.

At least as far as the twisted family tree was concerned.

He still needed to sit down and puzzle that thing out again, he was sure it had gotten a bit more snarled when Nagato-ji found Uzumaki Karin-san and her family in Kusagakure last summer.

"Shika-kun! Tenzou-kun's here!"

"Aa… I see that, Naru-kun." Shikamaru could be excused for his less than enthusiastic response, he was still tired and they were probably early.

If Naruto wasn't early he was always late, enough so that if you noted he was late it would be an hour or two before he showed up. It wasn't his fault, sometimes things happened and his parents got distracted on their way. There were downsides to being the son of Konohagakure no Sato's Yondaime Hokage, and being late some days was one of them. He couldn't exactly run himself around the village, any number of people would panic if he tried.

Naruto swung his small body just so, slipping from the thin sweater he had been wearing to bounce over to his lazy friend and god-brother. Tenzou blinked at the hand suddenly not holding anything but a swath of orange cloth even as his sister snickered at him and his expression.

"Kaa-chan said we'd be spending the week here. Isn't that the coolest?"

The Nara heir blinked at his god-brother as Naomi calmly strolled over to help his mom over to her couch in the study. "Just the week?"

That was a lot better than what he feared it would be.

"Yeah. For some reason, Sumi-ba-chan shouldn't be stressed more than she is." Naruto informed him with all the seriousness he could press into one statement, which was a surprising amount for a normally cheerful kid. "Cause we don't want ta cause problems with the baby."

"There can be _problems?_ "

Shikamaru did not yelp. No he did not.

Tenzou coughed lightly, holding Naruto's thin orange shirt out to him. "Aa, yeah. Those. She had some with you as well, Maru-chan."

Realizing the older Senju _was_ , in fact, an older brother suddenly got him the intent interest of the Nara heir pinned to him. After checking to ensure Naomi had thoroughly distracted his mom, that is.

First things first. "What kind of problems?"

"You cost her a kidney." The Mokuton user informed him blandly. "That also caused you to be born almost a month early, truth be known. As far as I'm aware, and this is what I know from living with both Hahaue and Naomi, all they're really concerned over this time is that she doesn't incur any additional internal damage. From what I know about her being pregnant with you, she had just come out of the last of the major fighting in the Third War before getting pregnant and that's why she lost the kidney she did."

Naruto poked the older shinobi in the chest with one finger. "Four years old. Four. Years. Old. Try that again, but keep in mind you're talking ta four-year-olds."

Tenzou gave the blond kid a pointed look. "I know perfectly well you understood that, but if you must. They want her to be as lazy as any good Nara, otherwise she might have this one early too."

"Naras aren't lazy, we're conservative." Shikamaru informed him with a smirk. "We're conserving energy."

The Senju snorted, but Naruto actually took that seriously.

"Conserving energy for what?"

Giving his occasionally insightful if a little thick god-brother a smirk of his own, the Nara heir shrugged unhelpfully. "Tradition."

It was, after all, tradition that no one but Naras, Yamanakas, and Akimichis know when the Nara clan trained. Not even his mom had gone against that one.

The Namikaze scowled at him for all of a moment, until Kiba tromped in full to bursting with ideas he wanted kicked around for his birthday party and he got thoroughly distracted. Tsume and her Kuromaru both gave a nod of recognition to the Senju kneeling at the Nara heir's side before they left the Inuzuka boy with the blond.

"Tenzou-kun? Can I ask-" Shikamaru double-checked that his mom was distracted before turning back. "you a question?"

"Sure?"

"What does a nii-san do, anyways?"

Rocking back on his heels, the shinobi gave the son of his neko-taicho a long look. "May I ask who have you asked that of already?"

"Kashi-ji and Ibiki-ji-san."

"Err, Shikamaru-kun… Kakashi-sama is a shinobi who can say a lot without saying much of anything, and Ibiki-san is a man of few words to say the least."

"I noticed."

Tenzou smirked wryly at that tart comment, steering the young Nara on to keep both Kiba and Naruto in his sight while they talked. "Well then, what did they tell you?"

"Pitch in and protect them. Which was all well and good, but not much help." Shikamaru informed him with all the bruised pride of a kid who went out of his way for something that didn't pay off as well as he'd like. Explaining his jaunt to T&I alone had given him a decent amount of trouble, and he was still sure Kakashi would make him pay for telling Ibiki about the tea set thing. "Oh… and Kashi-ji wanted someone to tell him to pick up nose-plugs before Midori-chan was born."

"That _is_ what a nii-san does, you know… except for the nose-plug thing. I'm pretty sure that's just a canine sense of smell thing. Hana-san has said the same thing."

Stalling out on that point, the Nara stared at the Senju.

Tenzou sighed. "So it isn't so much a question of what to do you are confused by, but more of a 'what it will mean for you' that confuses you. Am I right?"

"Huh… yeah."

Shikamaru turned that over in his head, but refrained from asking Tenzou what he thought when he was about to become a nii-san.

The reason why the Nara was sure the two youngest Senju clansmen fit in more as cousins than aunt and uncle was because no one ever spoke of Tenzou's or Naomi's early years.

The only ones that had 'you were so cute at that age' stories about them was his own mother and the Yondaime's secretary, a one-legged ex-shinobi named Ito-san they respected highly for some reason.

The last time anyone foolish enough actually tried to comment on those years they got a face full of very irritated Leopard Summoner and one pissed off Toad Sage. Admittedly the young idiot had tried to tell Naomi she had been hidden for most of her life because she was a disgrace to the Senju name, as if her lack of Senju clan features mattered when her own brother was the one to bring the Mokuton kekkai genkai back into the clan. His mom had claimed she was pissed that her reasons for hiding the two of them for the Slug Princess and her sensei was referred to in such a way and Jiraiya claimed he was pissed his daughter was slandered in such a way for taking after her Uzumaki ancestors more. Tsunade had just been pissed off, and rumors abounded that she might have smashed her desk by trying to set down her coffee mug when she heard of the incident.

Those were reasons to react to that how they had, but Shikamaru had also heard what his mom had said to Naomi much later in both the Toad Sage's and Slug Princess' hearing. That the brat 'couldn't know' so she shouldn't give his words any weight.

Couldn't know about _what_ … was something he wasn't too sure he wanted to know about. Especially with how serious it had all seemed at the time.

Shikamaru did at least know it wasn't quite as it seemed, more than probably most the village did. They seemed perfectly happy with it however it was, so he knew it wasn't his problem to dig into.

"Thanks, Tenzou-kun."

The Mokuton user spared him a pleasant grin, before using his ever so vaunted kekkai genkai to separate the Namikaze and Inuzuka boys before their little scuffle spilled into the Nara's forest.

Then hung them there in the air until Naruto apologized and Kiba gave a sheepish one of his own to Shikamaru, because they were his guests and they had been fighting without allowing him the time to play mediator.

Shikamaru sighed, resigned himself for doing that most of the next week, and set about convincing Tenzou to let them down.

\V/

He didn't recall Sasuke's tidbit of his older brother's whereabouts until he got face to face with the Uchiha heir himself.

Honestly, he had been a bit full up trying to juggle his naptime requirements and a nearly overflowing house full of other clan kids… and not stressing his mom out. There was a new kid in the group to try and placate, the daughter of an old friend of his mom's named Sakura-chan that preferred spending time with either Hinata or Ino, and an Inuzuka getting more hyper by the day setting off and egging on the already hyper Namikaze to watch. Shikamaru had his hands full, and would be very grateful for the last month of his mom's pregnancy being free of the others at least.

Itachi didn't seem to mind drifting around the Nara heir until the younger kid got his wits together again, that was a plus at least.

"So I had a question. It was 'what does a nii-san even do', but after talking to Tenzou-kun it turned into 'what will it mean'." Shikamaru informed his fellow clan heir as seriously as he could, feeling a little ragged over the whole topic already. "Can you help?"

"Aa…"

The Nara belatedly recalled Itachi was another of those that could be described as someone of few words. He should have asked Tenzou when he had the chance.

"It's not so much what it will mean for you, but what you want it to mean for them." The Uchiha surprised him by answering rather cryptically. "Do you want your younger sibling to look up to you as a shinobi? As a protector? Or maybe a mentor, even? No matter what, you will be his or her nii-san. What do you want it to mean to your younger sibling?"

Shikamaru thought about that for a long moment, giving the older chuunin a nod. "Thanks, Itachi-san."

Leave it to an Uchiha to twist a question back in on itself, but it did give the Nara something to think about.

\V/

Shikamaru stewed over the question for another week, then tried to answer it the week after.

Then his mom's water broke, right in the middle of the Chūnin Exams, and he didn't have the time to ponder it anymore.

At least she did go into labor in the middle of the Chūnin Exams and not at the beginning or end, which meant everyone had a moment or two to attend the birth of the Nara clan head's second child.

His dad had to go get his hand broken, from what his godmother dryly informed him of when he reached the waiting room of the hospital, so Shikamaru spent some decent time with his godfather and his favorite uncle.

Who then proved himself the Nara heir's favorite uncle all over again when he rather easily solved the question that had been nagging at him for months.

Minato smirked rather broadly when hearing the little Nara's problem. "Speaking as one of those otoutos that had a _nee_ -chan to look up to, my favorite part was the fact she would spend her time on me first. Sempai always checked up on me, even if she tended to leave me to my own devices most of the time. What you should do is rather like what you kaa-chan did for me. Be there, even if only to pick on him or her. You don't really have to do too much more, at least not as long as your kaa-chan and tou-san are there."

Shikamaru let his forehead hit his godfather's knee out of pure exasperation.

He had been asking the wrong half of the sibling equation the whole time?

A rusty chuckle drew his attention over to his sibling's soon-to-be godfathers, a pair of shinobi, twins in fact, by the names Ichirou and Jirou. The younger was the one with scars cutting into the right side of his face, Jirou, and the man nodded his agreement to the Yondaime's answer.

Given they were twins and their names meant 'first son' and 'second son' respectively had caused his dad to remark that their parents had the worst kind of humor imaginable when he met the two of them.

Worse, the two of them had agreed rather dryly as well.

It was typical of what his mom tended to think was funny, anyways, so it wasn't too surprising she had wanted them as godfathers.

Shortly after Minato proved himself superior to all the other uncles the little Nara had, Shikamaru actually met his new sibling.

Then he realized what Kashi-ji had been talking about when Shikaina blinked grey eyes at him sleepily from the crook of their dad's arm. The arm that didn't have a broken hand, anyways.

Huh, he had an imouto.

"You're not even an hour old, and already you're so troublesome."


	8. Part Five : The events behind Scene 19 – Natsumi sleeping over at the Nara compound

_(FYI : this is while Minato and Kushina were getting cozy in Natsumi's new jōnin apartment so she spends the night at the Nara clan's compound with Shikaku, details of which are mentioned in_ _ **Part Seventeen : Change of Plans Part 2**_ _Scene 19)_

Nara Shikaku had expected a quiet night.

As far as he knew, there wasn't anything too major going on either in the village or in his clan so he pretty much had the rest of the afternoon and night to himself.

He knew full well that as the heir of the Nara clan he wouldn't avoid getting jōnin rank very long, but the lack of things he had seen Minato and Natsumi have to deal with already made lingering as long as he could at a lower rank appealing. There was a certain operational security in being only a chūnin, clan affiliated or not, something he was taking shameless advantage of while he could.

He snagged himself something dry and technical to read, then tossed himself on his bed to waste away a half an hour or so until he was tired enough to nap a bit before finding himself something to eat.

It was how he managed to pass little more than ten minutes, then he suddenly got a lapful of a very particular, recently promoted jōnin kunoichi.

Who just so happened to be his fiancée.

Shikaku swallowed a swearword and released his kagemane no jutsu so he didn't impale his soon-to-be-wife… and then his hormones caught up to the situation.

Mesuji Natsumi batted her lashes at him, leaning forward, pouting slightly, and breathing slightly hard from whatever she had been doing before diving through his bedroom's open window. Most of all, and more importantly as far as his mind was concerned, she was sitting astride his lap _in his bed_.

"Can I ask a favor?"

Shikaku was a perfectly healthy young man, and his equally healthy and pretty fiancée was perched on his lap pouting at him. He was sure the place his mind went wasn't what she was talking about, but he couldn't really help it. "Uh… Natsu?"

She sat fully _upright_ , her pout turned into a thoughtful frown as she looked out the window she used to get into his room. "I… err… need a place to stay for a few hours. I would've crashed Minato's apartment, but he recently moved and I don't know if I'm included in what seals he's got up now. And he's a little distracted at the moment, which is why I need somewhere else besides my new apartment, so I can't freaking ask in the first place."

The kunoichi turned back to blink her mismatched eyes at him in an attempt of an overblown begging pose she probably though was more amusing than actually seductive. "Please?"

Shikaku firmly reminded himself that the physically young woman in his lap was both an assassin and an ANBU agent, who could probably kill him no matter how underdressed she seemed to be at the moment.

It didn't exactly help him much.

Then he reminded himself of her rather unique history, and that she was actually older than she looked, but he got sidetracked as her chest hitched when she took a deeper than normal breath to regain her control over it.

… _bouncy_ …

Dragging his eyes off her chest before she noted where he was getting distracted, Shikaku instead focused on her mismatched eye coloring. "…okay. Do you want a guest room… or something?"

He could do that, there were four bedroom in his childhood home. His parents had one, this was another, and there were two made up for anyone who ended up spending the night. The one Chouza and Inoichi used when they ended up sleeping over was already ready for anyone that needed it.

That way he wouldn't get tempted to offer his own bed for the kunoichi to use, though he knew full well he would still think about it.

"Guest room?" Natsumi cocked her head, surprised. "What's wrong with wasting some time right here? It's not like I'm going to need more than a few hours, and it's not even dark yet."

"Here?" The Nara managed in something approaching a strangled tone of voice.

"Well… yeah. I mean, we're going to be married as soon as you finally manage to get your promotion so there really isn't much of a reason to be shy at this point." She informed him slowly, looking a bit blank suddenly. "Is something wrong?"

Shikaku gaped at her for a long moment.

Given where she was sitting, she should be able to feel _exactly_ what was wrong with him.

"Shika?"

"Do you want dinner?" He got out almost too quickly, gripping the scroll of paper he had been reading before her advent into his room. If she was ignoring that, then bringing her attention to it probably wasn't in his best interest. "I can run and get us something. Tou-san and kaa-chan aren't home, so it'll just be us."

"Why? There's a perfectly alright kitchen downstairs. I've used it before, remember." Natsumi inspected his expression closely before moving to get up and slide off him. "Anything in particular you want to eat?"

"I don't even remember what kaa-chan has."

"Mmm… I'll find us something." She tossed over her shoulder, padding her way out of his room. "Give me a bit and we'll eat."

Shikaku probably took longer than was strictly polite in following her downstairs, as Natsumi was still a guest for now until their wedding made her a Nara, but he needed the time to recover a bit of his self-control. Which wasn't helped at all when he entered the kitchen and got a very nice view of her ass, because she was trying to reach a bowl on a high shelf and was kneeling on the lip of the kitchen sink just for the boost.

Short as she was it only brought her hips up to about up to his stomach, while if he really wanted to try the same thing he could probably reach the ceiling.

Stalled between offering to grab whatever she was after and merely snagging it without asking, the logistic of the latter act sorely tempting him since he would have to reach over her, Natsumi managed to get her hands on a medium mixing bowl and dropped to the floor again before he recollected himself.

"Need any help?"

"No, not really. I was just going to mix up some chicken fried rice, if that's alright with you."

Shikaku decided a retreat was due, and slid into a chair situated next to the kitchen table. "I really was just planning on grabbing something from the market stalls set up near the main street, you know. Thanks, though, in case I forget to say it later."

"A Nara forgetting something? Please." She tossed a few vegetables into her bowl, as well as the leftover rice and chicken that had remained after yesterday's dinner. Natsumi took a few eggs before shutting the fridge with her hip. "You've got a memory on par with Minato's, and he's irritating when he's constantly reminding me of crap I've forgotten."

The wok was stored in one of the bottom cupboards, and Shikaku decided he might just forget his own name if she bent over like that again.

Hormones were a very lethal thing, as he was fast discovering. This was worse than his stupid crush on her a few years ago, at least back then he could forcibly redirect his attention.

While struggling with his automatic reaction to noticing a few bits and pieces of the kunoichi he would be marrying in as little as a year, she managed to dice up the carrots and fetched the oil out of the pantry. Natsumi also seemed to be waiting a response to whatever else she had said.

Which he hadn't heard her say as he had been distracted by the curve of her ass.

Shikaku figured this would be a long evening for him.

(ooo000ooo)

He wasn't all that surprised when she came back after checking on whatever had tossed her out of her own apartment.

It figured that was how his luck would go. There had to be some kind of catch when you snagged your childhood crush for a bride.

Shikaku did, at least, clean up the dishes from dinner and took a very cold shower while Natsumi had been gone. Thankfully, at least, she didn't immediately straddle his lap again when she came back.

Instead, she seemed more interested in talking to him for however long she would be wasting time for.

"So, not that I'm complaining mind you, why are you spending the night if you have a new apartment to live in?" Shikaku had all of a few minutes to decide if he was going to introduce her to the Nara clan traditions a little early or figure out a way to distract her for two hours. Currently he was stalling a little on distracting her, but everything he could think of could either end really badly or really well for him.

"There's way too much drama going on there at the moment."

Shikaku blinked down at her. "Drama?"

Natsumi snorted, stretching out on the Nara's bed. "Despite what Kushina thinks, I'm sure it's not as bad as she was expecting."

The genius hesitated, one hand almost to the light switch. "Can you tell me what it was about?"

"No, for the same reason I couldn't be the one to tell Minato."

"Oh, I see what you mean about drama."

The assassin blinked, not expecting that. "Shikaku, do you know already?"

"About the jinchūriki laws and all that? Yeah. I got to wondering why you were frowning over the gift you were giving your kouhai, and why you gave it without the seals needed if you had asked me about them in the first place."

She blinked again in the sudden darkness. "You rock, Shikaku."

"And I still can't figure out why that's a good thing to you." Naras were more comfortable in the dark, and he was mostly sure that if he overstepped her boundaries she would at least tell him before getting violent.

Hopefully.

Natsumi did obligingly shift over when he padded softly back to the bed, so he would have the room to join her on it. He wasn't sure if her not questioning him on turning off the lights was a good thing or not.

Shikaku's eyes had probably adjusted before her own had the time to, since he had spent a large amount of time in semi-darkness in his life and was used to it.

The last dying rays of the sun had yet to give up the last bits of sky, meaning he had very little time to commit to a course of action. "Hey, Natsumi?"

"Mmhmm?"

"Is there any particular reason why you've been teasing me for the last couple of months? I'm not complaining, mind you, but…"

"I've been trying to get you to touch me." She rolled over so she was facing him, poking him in the chest a few times with a finger. "You're always so… so _nice_ about it, but you don't do much other than hold me if I slip into your lap. It makes a girl worry, for your information."

Utterly confused, the Nara heir bodily repositioned his fiancée so she was back to sitting astride his hips. "Worry? About _what?_ I was waiting until you said I could!"

Natsumi planted her hands on his shoulders, ghost pale eyes narrowed as they locked onto his own. "Who the hell told you to do that?"

"Ino did."

She went rigidly still. "Oh… I'm an idiot."

"Well, so long as one of us knows what's going on…" Shikaku drawled out, a little annoyed. Only a little, because he finally could allow himself to plant his own hands on the curve of her ass and wasted no time doing so. "Care to clue me in?"

There was a bit of silence, but she did eventually inform him of what seemed to be their problem. "Inoichi started poking through my head when he was all of nine- _freaking_ -years-old. One of the things I would never tell a damn nine-year-old is my old sex life, such as it was. My refusal to discuss that with him until he at least had a few girlfriends himself probably made him think I was insecure about something. Which is rather pointless, honestly. This body isn't my old one, it's hardwired differently. So while I may not be the prettiest girl in the box, I'm not ugly or anything and I'm fine with that."

He now had more than enough questions for the two hours he needed her distracted for, and almost explicit permission to do something a bit more physical if he needed. "So we're blaming Ino for…?"

"Two or three months of awkward frustration." Natsumi informed him blandly. "Since I was a little worried that maybe you weren't all that attracted to me, you never did take any liberties even when I thought you really would."

From the set of her face he was willing to bet she was planning something rather mean for his teammate.

"Did you miss something poking you in the ass all the time you spent perched in my lap?"

"That's a human reaction to anything _alive_ and warm in range at our age, I'll have you know. It's the same thing behind the Hyūga twins staring at any kunoichi ass a few years ago, or Inoichi suddenly deciding to play coy with all the women in arm's reach."

Shikaku stared at her hard for a moment. "Not going into what Minato-"

"I'm denying that I ever saw that happen. Hush you."

She did look a slight bit paler, but he supposed that was appropriate since she did dote on her other old blond teammate like a sibling would.

"Question then."

"Go for it."

Natsumi sounded fairly distracted, but then again she was exploring a fair bit of his chest with her hands. Probably in an attempt to rid her mind of the previous image he caused her to think about. He was having a bit of a hard time not getting distracted himself, he had her whole lower body in his grasp.

"How do you know your body is so different from your last one?"

"Other than the obvious dimensions details? I'm shorter, I've got wider hips, and a much bigger chest. Obviously, what I would have had in my last body is a bit more compacted or stretched out in this one." She quirked him a wry smirk. "No, I haven't tried anything too kinky just yet. It was actually my hands that let me know this was fundamentally different than what I was used to. Relearning to write and carve, that is. I used to have more strength behind my old hands, and conversely these are a bit more finely controlled than I had then. Which made for awkward moments when I didn't quite have the grip I needed on a few things while this body was younger."

Shikaku's mind stalled out on the kinky bit, wondering for a split second what she was referring to trying before he got a very good idea what that might be.

It was either exploring herself or actual sex, and since he knew full well what males she normally spent her time on he was sure it wasn't the latter.

There was always the possibility he was wrong, but it was easy enough to find out if he had to know.

Planting his elbows firmly, he hauled himself a bit higher up the bed. Since Natsumi had been sitting on him she ended up on her back between his thighs at the abrupt movement, blinking up at him in slight confusion.

"Wanna find out?"

"Now?" She sounded more amused than shy or uncomfortable, smirking up at him wickedly as she made herself comfortable. "You sure you want to watch that?"

It couldn't be any worse than what he had been distracted by for the last couple months, his imagination rather stubbornly centered on her attempts to entice some kind of reaction out of him and what he could have done in return had Inoichi not told him to be careful.

Shikaku found out he could be very wrong about that. Reality bested any hormone fueled daydream in spades.

A very real Natsumi also didn't somehow disappear on him, either.

(ooo000ooo)

He woke up in the dark hour before sunrise, out of sheer habit even if he had a bit of a later night than usual.

Then wondered, exactly, how much trouble he was in. Skipping a training session the Nara clan held wasn't too much of a big deal, but two in a row would invite questions at the very least.

Natsumi ended up spending the night, because she never did get around to leaving his bed to kick Minato and Kushina out of her apartment when Shikaku was distracting her. Since she was still there, he had to either keep her asleep for the morning session or distract her a little more.

If she woke and he was gone, it was likely she would look for him and end up wandering into an active training exercise by accident.

The Nara clan's forest at night was almost instantly _lethal_ to non-clan members that wandered in there, the whole reason why the compound was set back a bit and between the Akimichi and Yamanaka clan compounds. Everyone in those three clans knew better, but Natsumi didn't. Caught between traditions and her safety rather limited Shikaku's options on what to do.

That wasn't even the tip of his problems, because his parents would be home after dawn's break to see what the hell was up with their son and heir skipping training… and it wasn't likely Natsumi would be gone before that. His father might have spent the night with the clan's beast master to help him care for the ailing and old lead stag of the deer herd, and his mother taking the opportunity to visit her sister, but they were still in the compound.

Worse of all, she was in his bed and in his arms. In a compromising position to say the least.

She didn't bother to dress herself even a bit after letting him play with her some, only Shikaku could put in a claim to be wearing a stich of clothing. Her ass was, again, planted into his hips while they lay on their sides in his bed. The bit he was sure he would probably get in trouble for was that his hands had wandered in the night, one was tucked up between her impressive rack and the other was rather firmly wedged between her thighs.

Something very _wet_ and _warm_ was distracting the hell out of him yet again.

Indecision only really lasted until something drew her slightly from the realm of sleep, either his hold on her or her own internal body clock, and removed another few options for the shadow master to use.

Her _hips_ rolled with her stretching out a bit, and with where she was positioned that wasn't very kind to him.

Shikaku also found that his self-control didn't really stretch that far when it came to his bride-to-be, and that Natsumi had nearly none when it came to him too.

If asked later, he would claim his fingers slipped… and _upward_ really only left one place to go with how far down his fingers had gotten.

A dark head hit his collar bone as Natsumi woke up fully with a gasp, twisting her body in his hold in response to the unexpected action. One of her slim hands gripped his hip while the other reached back to fist his hair. " _Shika_ … that is _not nice._ "

He could feel her shiver, as it traveled down her spine then practically _into_ his hand. Rolling them both over so she was lying spread out over him, because although it was still dark he rather liked the view before his blankets covered their lower bodies, gained him a blue eye cracking open to glare at him.

"Morning."

He might have sounded a bit too smug there, because she snorted then ground her hips back into a very stiff part of his anatomy. " _Good_ morning to you too, Shikaku. Is there a reason we're awake right now?"

Letting go of her generous chest allowed him to slide his other had down her belly to cup the back of her thigh and pull it up slightly, giving his other hand a bit more room. "Mmm, no. Not really."

"I can get very _not nice_ myself, Shika." She informed him seriously, twitching involuntarily as he revisited territory that had only recently been mapped out. "You might want to take that into account before you get in over your head."

"I thought I was being nice, Natsu." Shikaku pressed another finger upwards, smirking as she hissed and tightened her grip on him.

Natsumi tugged the hand she had behind his head free, then reached between them to take a firm hold on his sensitive anatomy. "How about I show you how _nice_ you're being? I'm pretty sure you'll agree with me about the _not_ thing."

Having spent more than enough time with a hard-on and no good options to deal with it already for months, he wasn't that keen on it.

Natsumi might be a jōnin kunoichi, but a Nara could _move_ if properly motivated right. She ended up spilled on her stomach beneath him fast, the wrist of the hand that had been gripping him in his grasp and his knees spreading her thighs open. Wasting no time fitting them back together, Shikaku threaded his fingers through her hair so he could turn her head and kiss her.

Somehow she eventually ended up on her back, cradling his hips with her knees. Probably between when he finally had enough light to properly appreciate everything he could see of her and when she finally got her small hands back on him again.

Then his mother knocked on the door. "Shikaku-kun? Is everything alright?"

Natsumi whimpered lowly, pressing her lips into his neck and tightened her hold on him.

Not exactly the best way to put a stop to things, in all honesty. "Yeah, I'll be down in a bit kaa-chan."

"Bring Natsumi-chan down with you if you would, dear." Aikido brightly informed her son through his bedroom door, before she made enough noise to inform the both of them she was leaving them to it.

"You're okaa-san is an evil, _evil_ woman."


	9. TenTen's day out with Natsumi

As far as she could see, TenTen rather lucked out with her genin team.

It wasn't the best team ever, but it also didn't seem like they would end up as a bad one either.

Hyūga Neji might be a little _too_ pretty to possibly be human, but she was somewhat sure that was just because of his clan. The guy was practically perfect, as far as being shinobi was concerned. The fact he was stiffer than a kunai and about as conforming as a steel sword was just something she had to learn to tolerate. For those that got caught up in his pretty face and nearly perfect hair, they were almost all turned off due to the boy's arrogance and superiority streak he put no effort into concealing.

Rock Lee, though he might take his hero-worship of their jōnin-sensei a bit too far, was at least very polite. If he did end up copying their sensei to the point of trying to become a mini clone of the ninja, well… TenTen was sure there could be worse things Lee could've fixated on. Hopefully he'd end up as a less intense version of their team's jōnin team leader.

They worked well together, mostly, and TenTen decided that her genin team could be different shades of awesome if she really wanted to help her fellow genin actually click somehow.

Therefore she rather liked, or at least tolerated well, her team.

The point she really wanted some help on was their jōnin-sensei.

TenTen didn't really know what to make of the man, honestly.

Maito Gai was… probably a few arrows short of a full quiver. He was an impressive jōnin taijutsu master, a veteran of the Third Shinobi War, _and_ impressively well connected somehow, true. He was also clad in enough green spandex to pop an unwary person's eye out and seemed to have no other volume other than ' _booming loud shout_ ' sometimes, but he _was_ a jōnin shinobi and therefore allowed his quirks.

On the other hand, the _YOUTH!_ thing was a little… weird. Not to mention the bowl cut, orange leg warmers, or what she was sure were impossibly shiny teeth.

The man was also polite to a fault, and how he could be so and a ninja at the same time confused her. Even Hatake Kakashi-sama, her jōnin-sensei's apparent best friend, was nearly a complete _asshole_ as far as the young kunoichi could see.

Why they were friends was beyond her ability to understand. She attributed most of it to the last war and ignored it for the sake of her sanity, truth be known.

She had nearly had the jōnin pegged down, mostly, then he would do something that threw her off a bit.

Like a few days ago, when he took her aside and asked if she wanted him to answer any questions she may have about a kunoichi's role in shinobi life.

To be perfectly honest, he actually picked her up and moved them over three clearings from their team's usual meeting spot _then_ asked. TenTen appreciated his tact, his voice easily carried pretty far and the topic wasn't something she wanted either Neji or Lee to know about it being discussed. However, he was _male_ and she wasn't really that comfortable with the idea of asking him her questions.

TenTen didn't have a whole lot of options, though. She was civilian born, which she had long since learned to mean there weren't any shinobi in her immediate family who could help her if she had questions or issues. That also meant she wasn't quite as lax as most ninja raised kunoichi about gender roles or her modesty, something that would just take time to become comfortable in spite of if ever talking about the topic with her jōnin-sensei again.

Since Gai-sensei had shown a sense of tact that had thrown off her understanding of him, she explained that if she had to ask she would appreciate if he could find a kunoichi for her to ask questions of.

He didn't take offense, which she hadn't been worried about in the first place, or even reminded her there may be times she couldn't put off talking to him about something, which she knew full well, but simply informed her that could be possible if she minded waiting a few days before getting any answers to her questions.

TenTen had agreed, mostly because he was being understanding about her hang-ups about talking to him over this topic… and she wanted to see what kind of kunoichi her sensei would know well enough to ask for something like that.

It was horrible, mean, and a little petty of her. Gai-sensei was a jōnin shinobi of skill and some renown, he probably knew a lot of women both in the shinobi corps and outside it.

Her curiosity wouldn't let it rest, though.

Worse, when the team met up this morning, they only did an hour of training before Gai-sensei announced they were going to meet someone. That had made TenTen slightly self-conscious about the whole thing.

Gai-sensei was pretty fanatical about training, and to cut it short just for her insecurities…

Then the kunoichi his sensei somehow knew ambled into the winter-barren Training Grounds Sixteen.

Long-sleeved Nara clan jacket, a katana slung across her back, and mismatched eye coloring?

How did Gai-sensei know the Nara clan's Lady?

"Gai."

"Sensei! It is always a glorious day when you grace me with your Youthful presence!" He boomed out while almost _bouncing_ in place, gifting the mildly amused kunoichi with a fond and shiny grin.

TenTen nearly face planted in the dirt. This was Gai-sensei's _jōnin-sensei?_

"And, as always, if you grow any damn more I'll remove your bloody kneecaps." Natsumi informed him just as cheerfully, if not as loudly. "You're tall enough, stop it."

The shinobi's grin grew slightly, oddly enough, but then he made it all the stranger when he actually moderated his tone a little for his next statement. "Sensei, have you given any thought that maybe we're not growing more but you might be shrinking?"

She came to a complete stop, staring at the taijutsu master she had apparently trained. "…Gai, would you care to play tag with Tsuyoshi? It's been so long since he had a nice chase… I think a few hours will do you good."

"Err… sensei-"

"Too late, I'll take care of your gakis for you. Have a nice run."

In a move TenTen missed entirely, the Nara slit her thumb somehow and slammed a hand on the ground. The billow of smoke was easily dissipated in the open air of their training grounds, and the massively _large Leopard_ blinked up at Gai first then back at his Summoner. "Natsumi-sama?"

"Play a little with Gai for me, Tsuyoshi. He's being naughty." The kunoichi informed him with the pleasant if bland tone the Nara clansmen were well known for. "Off you go."

The Leopard, Tsuyoshi, sniffed at her lightly then turned a very frightening look on Team Ten's jōnin-sensei. His muzzle barring a large number of rather long and sharp teeth as he probably tried to grin at the very green shinobi. Gai-sensei, who hadn't lost his grin at all, beamed back before bolting with all the speed he had, a few hundred pounds of very large feline hot on his heels.

"He's been hanging out too much with Kashi-chan… or Ibiki." The kunoichi mused almost to herself as the strange duo left the clearing, closing the gap between her and the three genin. "Hello Team Ten. I was really only supposed to take TenTen-chan for the day, but apparently you're all coming with me."

"Natsumi-sama." Neji greeted her politely, as if she hadn't summoned a massive cat to chase off their jōnin-sensei. "May I ask why you are here?"

"Nope. And seriously, Ne-chan, you know better."

TenTen _gaped_ at the gall the kunoichi had to call her prickly and prideful teammate that, then about passed out when the young Hyūga grimaced and obediently rephrased his greeting.

"…Sumi-ba-chan, it is good to see you again."

"What the _hell?_ " She blinked at the strangled sound of her own voice, but even if she hadn't intended to say anything the sheer weirdness of what was going on kept her talking. "No, seriously. What. THE. _HELL?_ _How_ do you know her, Neji-san? What was _that?_ With the cat?"

"Technically, it was a Leopard. They don't like being called cats." The Nara's Lady interjected lightly with a shrug, pressing the slightly bleeding digit into her mouth.

Her usually overly formal and very self-contained Hyūga teammate actually _sighed_ when the older kunoichi seemed content to leave it at that. "There is this thing, you see. It is called the twisted family tree, and by that she is my ba-sama."

"Chan."

"My ba-chan." Neji repeated, only slightly irritated at the correction. "I tried to stop calling her that when I joined the academy, she has since refused to allow it."

Which didn't really help TenTen out much, truth be known. Besides, she was pretty damn sure there wasn't any connection between the Hyūga clan and the Nara one other than the fact they were both Konohagakure no Sato shinobi clans. At least something like that would've been taught in the academy, or even mentioned once or twice.

"About the twisted family tree, by the way, your team has just made it worse." Natsumi informed him with a measure of gravidity the younger kunoichi didn't understand.

"How? It has been less than a year."

"Lee-kun's an _orphan_." She shrugged, tipping her head back and rolling off more information that just confused the poor girl. "By the same jōnin-sensei legal ward rights that started this whole mess, Lee-kun would actually be Gai's legal son. Then since Gai became an orphan before the age of sixteen and while he was my principle student, it makes your teammate my grandson. By a different set of shinobi legal rights, you all are siblings in a way and therefore my own grandkids that way too. Which doesn't take into account the other, thankfully only semi-legal, links the Hyūga clan still has to the rest of that twisted mess _and_ the rest of us."

TenTen blinked at her, at the suddenly very pale Neji, then turned to look at her other teammate.

Who, she realized, had yet to make a sound since the kunoichi strolled into their training grounds and effortlessly chased off their usually over protective jōnin-sensei.

Rock Lee was staring at the Nara with very, _very_ shiny eyes. "Baa-sama?"

"I'd prefer chan, kiddo." Natsumi informed him calmly, as if she hadn't just explained how he, and the rest of them, got adopted into the strangest legal mess TenTen had ever heard of. "You can even call me Sumi-baa-chan if you want. Come on, there's still a few more the lot of you should meet."

(ooo000ooo)

Nara Shikamaru, recent graduate of the academy and fellow genin, listened to his mom explain what they had guests over for.

Then the Nara heir sighed heavily at Neji, who strangely went even stiffer. "You _had_ to make it worse?"

"It wasn't _my_ fault. It's Gai-sensei's."

The younger Nara had his mother's very strange and pale eye coloring, but physically tanner and male if shorter due to his young age, and he huffed before shaking his head at TenTen's usually prickly teammate.

Neji acted as if he was slightly ashamed, in a very stiff Hyūga way, _and it wasn't even his fault._

She was in the middle of wondering when the hell the world would make sense again.

They were standing in the Nara clan head's home, apparently discussing a semi-fictional family tree. Neji was treated more as a distant relation than a guest, in a clan that wasn't the _Hyūga_ one, and apparently the rest of Team Ten had the relations to not be closely watched for being in a shinobi clan compound. This had apparently been going on for _years_ , both Neji's treatment by the Nara clan and said fictional family tree.

Lee was of no help, he was way too dazed and daydreaming about something. Probably waiting for the moment he could ask Gai-sensei if the whole semi-legal family tree thing was true.

TenTen wondered if this was her punishment for wondering about her sensei's possible love-life. Instead of maybe a kunoichi he was sweet on or another friend of his, she somehow managed to get his jōnin-sensei who decided to adopt them all.

"Whatever, want to play a game of shogi?"

"Maru-chan… be nice and take your other nephew along." Natsumi informed her eldest son cheerfully, balancing the five-year-old Shikaina on one hip as she beamed at him. "I've got to talk to my granddaughter. Shoo."

TenTen was a little sad to see the littlest Nara didn't have her mom's unusual eye coloring. After you got used to it, it was kind of cool.

"You get way too much amusement out of that thing, kaa-chan." Shikamaru informed her drolly. "One might think you sit around and plot out how to snare the rest of the village up in that mess."

"I do no such thing, and you know it. I merely ensure when we get new members they know where they fall in it."

"Which means you sit there, plot it out, and cackle over it."

"Very true. Hey, take your imouto with. She's due for a nap." The elder Nara set the little girl down, who faithfully tottered over to her big brother and snagged hold of his hand. "I'll send Akira over to fetch you when I've got lunch made if we're too long."

"Fine." Gesturing for Lee to follow, the Nara heir led his little sister and Neji off into what seemed to be a study. "Come on, they're going to talk about girly things."

"Yes, because katanas are _so_ girly." Natsumi spoke loud enough for her voice to follow her children, and apparently her grandkids. "Come on, TenTen-chan. You look like you could do with some tea."

Meekly, she did. Aware that demanding answers from the jōnin probably hadn't been the best impression she could have given, and wow would that be embarrassing to recall later, the young kunoichi just slid into one of the Nara's kitchen chairs and watched her apparent grandmother make tea.

"The twisted family tree thing is only as real as you want it to be, to be truthful." Natsumi informed her without ever turning to look at her, taking down a canister of tea leaves from her cupboards. "It's less of a real thing and more of a very technical, if slightly legal, joke. Most of the connections you'll come across are all only there in case of the worse, like mission injuries that render you unable to decide for yourself. That way there will always be someone with a vested interest in ensuring you have the best of any options. For you, so long as Tatsuo-san is still alive, I'm not really your baa-chan."

TenTen would never admit how relieved she was to hear that. "Ano… you know my tou-san?"

"Yes, he and my kenjutsu shishou made my katana." She placed a pot of green tea on the table and gave the younger kunoichi a cup. "You might have heard of me before, because I knew you well before Gai asked me to do this."

It really only took a few moments of thinking about it, because this was a slightly notorious kunoichi who was gossiped about a lot and her dad had only made one katana for the Hatake clan she wasn't too sure who owned at the moment. "You were the honorable Hatake Sakumo-sama's student?"

"Yep, which is where the family tree joke started from. While I was taicho's student he and Eri-kaa-chan had Kashi-chan, and he asked me to help her out a bit while I was still learning from him. Long story short, we used the ninja student-ninja master legal tie in a way that wasn't strictly legal at the time. That created a bit of a loop-hole when the actions I took on the Hatake clan's behalf were confirmed by the clan head later on. Who, at the time, had been deployed when I stepped in as the senior kunoichi of the clan even if I was actually of the Nara one legally."

That did explain why both she, her son, _and_ Neji treated it as if it was a real thing. It _could_ be, if needed. Like any tool, it was just one more in the arsenal shinobi kept sharp to protect themselves. A very strange one, but useful nonetheless.

That also meant… "Can I see your katana? Please?"

Natsumi hadn't set it down when she entered her own home, and TenTen only belatedly realized she had been waiting for her to ask. That was long after she finally managed to see the full blade, the only chakra absorbing katana her father had ever made.

Unless Kakashi-sama decided to try his hand at helping her dad forge one, there would never be another.

With her own chakra she tested the blade, feeling how it would respond. It passed through the metal as if it was just part of her own arm, slowed only by the distance it got from her chakra network. TenTen had expected it to show wear that said it's wielder was a suiton jutsu user at the very least, which made her wonder if she could feel rust developing with her chakra senses or not, but it really only felt like a newly forged blade to her. "That is _so_ cool."

"If Aina-chan decides she doesn't want to use it, it'll go back to the Hatake clan's armory after I'm gone. In that eventuality, though be aware she might just decide to use it, Kashi-chan would accept that you have a right to it and might let you use it for your own kunoichi career. Taicho helped your otou-san forge it, after all."

"I couldn't-"

"I insist." Natsumi spoke over her, looking slightly bored really. "Maru-chan decided he didn't like the feel of it, and that leaves only Aina-chan as any possibility I can pass it to my children… so far, at least. If you can and want to, and it's unclaimed, there isn't a reason for you not to."

Slowly returning the unblemished katana back to it's sheath, TenTen thought about that before insulting her hostess with another refusal. It _was_ only an eventuality, if her rather cute daughter didn't want to use the sword. In that case, it would be a crime to allow the blade to sit unused for another generation or two before someone else picked it up. "Alright."

Rolling her eyes, the older kunoichi reached into one of her chūnin vest pockets for a slip of paper. "Alright then, now for the not so fun stuff. Questions? Gai said you were rather firm that you had some."

The younger was instantly curious about the seal, which was probably for privacy in a household with a few young shinobi within. Fūinjutsu was something she had been hoping Gai-sensei would introduce to the team, but he seemed more intent on getting their teamwork up to snuff. Since this was his jōnin-sensei, and she was both an fūinjutsu and kenjutsu mistress, that mean he _had_ to know some.

However, that was for another time.

"One of tou-san's other customers made it sound as if I might be taking seduction missions for the village right after grad-"

"No."

TenTen blinked at the abrupt answer, peering up from her teacup hesitantly. "That's _it?_ "

"Seduction is actually a branch of the ANBU black ops Divisions. They handle any Seduction missions, and those are all volunteers. Unless you really want to, you'll never do a seduction mission." Natsumi bit her lip and thought about it a bit more, then shrugged. "The only time any kunoichi could be pulled for something like that is if the jōnin-sensei and or team leader said okay, and those missions that need a non-ANBU agent for are usually child molester assassination requests. For bait, honestly. Even then he, she, and or it would never get close enough to touch you even if Gai gave a green light to use you. And that would only happen if every genjutsu user who could hold a realistic image for two seconds had all been mysteriously killed off or in the middle of other missions, and every kunoichi who could even remotely fit the description of the needed bait were dead or spoken for. Which wouldn't happen at all, because Gai can use genjutsu himself and would probably go in your place anyways."

"Oh." She internally vowed to do something to make up for her initial and rather bland indifference to her jōnin-sensei. Gai-sensei was _awesome_.

"We've come a long way since the Warring States Era, TenTen-chan. You will _not_ have to do anything you're not physically ready for just to survive. That was the reason the Hidden Villages were founded, so we can protect each other."

The Nara's Lady didn't seem to care if TenTen needed a few minutes after that, she actually seemed rather content just to have company as they drank tea.

"So… the, uh… the birth-control…?"

"Tsunade-sama's hormone controlling pills? Yes, they will keep you from bleeding every month unless you take the counter dose or let them wear off yourself. So long as you take one about every three days, you probably won't get pregnant either."

" _Probably?"_

"Well… I know a kunoichi that should have been on it and got pregnant twice before she had her ability to have kids removed. But Tsume isn't exactly the best at recalling when she has to take her meds." Natsumi informed her with a smirk. "Kuromaru's better, actually, and he's not even human."

TenTen blinked up at the older kunoichi. "Who's not human?"

"The alpha of the Inuzuka clan's ninkin, Tsume and her nin-dog Kuromaru."

"Oh… ah, okay."

"There is a bit of risk to it, so you know." She tacked on after another moment. "The longer you're on the hormone therapy treatment, the greater the likelihood you might have issues conceiving when you want children. For most kunoichi, that's not a problem because they don't have specializations where they risk their body's integrity. Close-combat kunoichi tend to have even more trouble, even I did and I'm more short-to-mid range than close-quarters. I actually know a kunoichi, retired tokubetsu jōnin tai user, who could only have one due to the hits she took to the abs. She's perfectly happy with her one, but you should plan accordingly and take only the risks you know and accept the consequences of."

How do you plan for something you didn't even know if you wanted? TenTen frowned thoughtfully, but all she really wanted from life was to learn some fūinjutsu and maybe spar with this kunoichi using katanas one day.

"TenTen-chan, you don't have to ask all your kunoichi questions today. Your sensei and tou-san can get a hold of me if you need me, and we could even make this a weekly or monthly thing." Natsumi informed her after they had finished off the tea. "Gai should be nearly done tiring out my Leopard, and the boys will be hungry soon. Is there anything you need an immediate answer to right this moment?"

"Err… my…" Embarrassed, the younger kunoichi crossed her arms over her chest.

"Are they bouncing?"

"Yes?"

Natsumi looked rather amused. "Right, I'll have to take you shopping then. Let me feed the horde, and inform Gai that I'm taking you, then you and I can go get a few more kunoichi and make an afternoon of it."

"Sorry…"

"For what?"

"Taking up your time? For being difficult with sensei and making you step in because you're a kunoichi and he's not?"

The Nara snorted at her as she started peeling up the paper she had placed on her kitchen table. "Please. Any female worth her salt wouldn't talk to Gai about feminine issues unless he was the last option available. Since he's not, you did what I'd expect any young woman to do. Besides, I was the one that asked your tou-san to send you over to us and I _told_ him we'd take care of you. You wouldn't make me a liar, would you?"

"You… are… no liar, sensei! Yosh!" Gai-sensei _panted_ out as he stumbled into her kitchen, an equally tired Leopard slinking after him. "That was… very fun, my friend. We should most… definitely do this again… to keep us both Youthful!"

Tsuyoshi gave a gravely purr as he staggered into the shade offered by the table. "Let's, Natsumi-sama doesn't get in very many fights anymore."

"I'm retired, thank you both." Natsumi interjected, pulling a bowl out of somewhere and filling it with water for the massive feline. "I don't do more than spar on occasion. And murder unholy masses of paperwork, but that's a given."

Gai allowed himself to slump into one of the kunoichi's chairs, seemingly noting TenTen only just then. "MY MOST YOUTHFUL STUDENT! HAS-"

"Inside voice, Gai."

The jōnin shinobi coughed. "-has sensei aided you as you needed?"

"Mostly, sensei."

Natsumi poked her jōnin-sensei in the head a few times even as she handed him a glass of water. "I want her to visit once a month, and I'm still stealing her for the rest of the day to take care of one last thing. Your other students are with Maru-chan and Aina-chan, and Lee-kun _is_ going to be taught the Mesuji style taijutsu. Yes?"

"Hai, sensei."

"Minato will put this down as a D-rank mission, replacing TenTen-chan with Maru-chan. Have him pay you as such around dinner."

Gai frowned, a little confused. "Sensei?"

"You're watching my kids, more specifically Aina-chan, while I help TenTen-chan."

"We could do no less, sensei!"

"Damn straight."

TenTen snickered slightly. Maybe, if she ever got jōnin as a rank, she might possibly get her own genin team and introduce them to her own jōnin-sensei. This was fun to watch.

Lee, probably alerted by their jōnin-sensei's loud voice, practically burst into the kitchen with the energy he had been curiously missing for most of the morning. "SENSEI!"

"INSIDE VOICES, please."

"My apologies, Nara-sama…" the genin trailed off when he got a very pointed look from the retired jōnin, "err… baa-chan. Sensei? Is it true?"

Gai glanced between his old jōnin-sensei and his student and lowered his glass. "I take it you found out about the family tree then, Lee-kun?"

TenTen's bushy browed teammate buried his face in one green clad arm, in a motion copied from when their sensei got a little over-emotional. "Yosh, sensei. But is it true?"

She had yet to figure out if that was just dramatics or if they did cry that much.

Gai gave his mini-me an overly shiny smile, a thumbs up, and a broad wink. "I am most joyous to be able to confirm it, Lee-kun!"

Natsumi leaned over to TenTen, hiding her mouth behind the back of her left hand. "He once tried to copyright that pose."

"Even better! Your most Youthful baa-chan has given permission for me to instruct you in her family's taijutsu style!"

"Eeh? Isn't baa-chan a Nara?"

"I wasn't before my marriage to Shikaku." Said Nara informed the miniature of her old genin student with a shrug. "Gai, since he was legally my ward for a few good years, has kindly agreed to keep the Mesuji style in use for my kaa-san. Since she died not too long after I was born and I prefer my katana. Now we would like you to take it into the next generation and pass it on once you have a student of your own. Or a kid, but since student is more likely to happen first…"

Lee lunged for the kunoichi, hugging her around the middle. "I will be your best grandson, baa-chan! Thank you for the faith you hold in me to carry your family's legacy on!"

"Honestly, at the moment, you're my only grandson. I have a granddaughter, but she's in Suna and I don't get to see her." Natsumi spoke, almost to the wall instead of to the genin as she patted his back with a measure of aplomb TenTen was slightly jealous of. "So since I can see you whenever I want, you're already my favorite."

She then, after bracing Lee with an arm firmly keeping him against her stomach, spun and pointed a finger in her son's face.

"Don't. _Even_. We do _not_ need another Gai-Kakashi friendship."

Shikamaru actually lost his bored look for an alarmed expression. "Okay."

TenTen pricked her metaphysical ears. Shikamaru knew _how_ that friendship happened?

(ooo000ooo)

"Actually, the only fūinjutsu Gai has is his Summoning Contract. He's got the memory for the standard patterns, but his natural creativity didn't transfer well to paper… to say the _least_." Natsumi informed TenTen as she led them to her father's forge.

Uzumaki Kushina, and how unreal was it that a newly graduated genin kunoichi was _hanging out with the Yondaime's wife_ , nodded a few times. "I recall you telling me about that. Poor tree, I don't think the other half ever grew back."

"Instead, have him give you the standard patterns for now and practice tracing and using them. If you really want fūinjutsu as a specialization, and we'd love for you to pick it up honestly, something can be arranged with one of the users looking to get their mastery."

"Really?"

"I really should get mine, there's no point in hiding my skill anymore with what we did to the Uchiha clan compound, so you might just be my student in a few months." Kushina gave her a bright grin, twirling to walk backwards and either keeping track of her surroundings with her kunoichi skills or trusting the other two to do it for her. "And we'll put a few more kinks in that twisted tree."

TenTen, for all the insecurities she started this day out with, decided this had been one of her favorite in her genin career. The shopping thing hadn't really been that much fun, much to Kushina's apparently eternal disgust, but it turned out Natsumi didn't really like clothes shopping either. Instead, she used most of the time the fiery redhead had been picking out things for her to try on to pick the Nara kunoichi's brain about fūinjutsu.

Which eventually led into a few hours wasted at a paper and ink merchant both older kunoichi knew well, outfitting TenTen with enough ink and chakra absorbing paper for her to try her hand at sealing.

She did feel a little bad, because the paper and ink were expensive and they had already spent a bit of money on her in the clothing merchant's shop, but both of them had brushed her off when she tried to protest. As apparently tempting another female fūinjutsu user was worth more than a few hundred ryo to them.

Natsumi frowned suddenly, looking up to TenTen's home and her dad's blacksmith shop. "I probably should have done this before, but TenTen-chan? I need the name of whatever idiot told you that you might do seduction missions right out of the academy."

An ear-splitting _crack_ informed the younger kunoichi that the Yondaime's wife had been using chakra to walk backwards and not hit anything, because now that she was instantly irate she lost control over it and it split the cobblestones under her ninja sandals. "Who did _what?_ "

"Hime." The Nara's voice was a little flat as she spoke, but the redhead did smooth her angry expression. "Obviously, that's not done anymore. Not for the last thirty years. But whoever tried to tell you that is attempting to seed mistrust or crack your faith in the village, kiddo, and we need to know."

That sounded worse than TenTen had thought it had been. She had assumed the old biddy had just been trying to scare her. While it had somewhat worked, and gave her all sorts of worries, did it really mean what Natsumi was saying?

"Oshiro Megu-san, Natsumi-sama." The choice was taken out of TenTen's hands when her dad spoke up for her. He hadn't been happy when his daughter had become upset, but the woman had been a customer at the time so he just ensured TenTen never had to deal with her again. "And may I say I am delighted my daughter has found her way to you."

"You could have told me yourself, Tatsuo-san, or Kashi-chan. We would've kept an eye out for her sooner." She rebuked gently, mock frowning at TenTen's dad. "We'll take care of it if it is anything."

"I was waiting for you to come to the shop yourself, Natsumi-sama." Tatsuo returned with a wry smirk. "So I could introduce you two."

Gaping, the younger kunoichi watched as her usually very formal dad, at least when he was dealing with customers, tease the Nara's Lady.

Apparently, Natsumi wasn't yet done tipping her world view over on itself.

A hand settled down on her head, and TenTen was distracted from her dad's conversation by Kushina kneeling down and looking her straight in the eye. "You do understand that will not happen, right?"

"Hai, Kushina-hime. Sumi-ba-chan already had that talk with me."

"Good, next time inform your sensei. It might not seem like much, or just spiteful without cause, but it might not always be. Either way, it is disruptive and dissent sowing in the kindest terms. Therefore it does need to be addressed." The Whirlpool Princess huffed, giving the back of her friend a fond if annoyed look. "You'll have to excuse Natsumi if she's being a bit suspicious or overreacting, but she really doesn't like it when someone attempts to harm her precious people. And since you're Gai's, that makes you hers as well."

It was kind of nice, actually.

Like having family in strange and weird, if high ranked, places.

"It's fine, Kushina-hime. I understand."


	10. Fiona's POV

At first, she didn't really know what was going on.

For the longest time there were only flickers of something just outside of her reach, images too foreign to understand right away that drifted off into the ether like they were never there. They came at odd times, were sometimes both horrifying and disgusting or odd and just strange, so while jarring they were pushed to the side because she never had the mental capacity to worry about it.

Mostly, she was a little caught up reliving her last few moments in a never ending loop to really concentrate. That was her excuse and she was sticking to it.

The odd images and snatches of things she almost recalled came and went, sometimes lingering only just long enough for her to start understanding a bit or becoming confused. People and places she didn't know became somewhat familiar after a while, even as the darker images and bloody things she glimpsed became more common.

Fiona didn't exactly realize those flickers of _something_ were actually parts and bits of another's life until she woke standing in a world with a red sky.

Watching dazedly as a man tried his hardest to make Natsumi scream.

How she knew the strange woman's name was a question that only lasted a split second, then Fiona remembered.

 _Everything_.

Which, in a word, was not fun.

Natsumi had been just as dumbfounded as the Uchiha bastard when Fiona drilled her fist into his jaw. Then when the man tried to ensnare the soldier in his genjutsu ( _and seriously, what the fuck?)_ he was just as surprised as the two women when it seemed as if Fiona herself was unaffected.

It could have been because Fiona was dead, or just because they were already in a Tsukuyomi genjutsu and another one could _not_ be layered on top of another. Or because of whatever Kurama bastard thing that allowed Fiona to be aware of everything that could be laid at Natsumi's feet.

Any way it happened, Fiona wasn't snared. She wasn't effected, and was free and clear to ensure the woman being tortured wouldn't have to suffer through it without having at least some way of fighting back.

Natsumi, like the cold-blooded bitch she was, jumped on the opportunity Fiona presented. The woman ( _kunoichi?_ ) cast aside any morals and pride she might have had on the fragmented idea that maybe the dead solider could do what she probably wouldn't be able to do.

Ignoring her hadn't worked, Fiona tried it for the first few hours.

Snapping at the assassin in between beating the shit out of the rogue Uchiha didn't exactly get the woman to shut up either.

It was between the odd wonder of when, exactly, they might just get out of the red colored world and the part where Natsumi tried to figure out how to bribe a dead woman that Fiona actually started sorting through her own head, in between beating the tar out of the man who thought he could do anything to Natsumi without consequence.

Having memories that weren't your own was an odd experience. Interesting, but still odd.

Having memories of the assassin who operated for a decade and averaged about fifty to a hundred kills a year was a _sickening_ experience.

Natsumi had Fiona's skills in psychology, though. She also had the dead soldier's life experience and an insider's knowledge of her head and habits, she intimately knew just how to manipulate her into doing what she wanted.

The moment the Nara kunoichi realized the dead solider knew just exactly what she was and what she did was around the same moment Fiona realized she would probably end up doing what Natsumi wanted anyways.

They both held a few things in common, a hearty dislike for self-delusion was one of them.

Fiona might have been a little bitter at that, because in any way you looked at it Natsumi ( _her successor of a sort?)_ was a killer.

A murderer who killed in cold blood and had no problem going home to her husband and carrying on like she did nothing wrong. Someone who refused to allow herself to dwell on the price tag her little life extracted on others.

Someone Fiona would have had no objection to shooting herself for her crimes once upon a time.

When Fiona stopped snapping at Natsumi, the only just retired assassin turned her attention to convincing the dead solider that she wasn't quite that bad.

Most of the kunoichi kills were all people that perpetuated greed or crime, that there were only a few assassinations she had done that targeted purely innocent people.

Fiona maintained that killing for money was a crime no matter how you looked at it and Natsumi sharply returned with a question of how her work was any different than Fiona's. They both were paid to kill, Natsumi was just more forthright about herself while Fiona tried to hide her killing behind duty and orders.

It drew out into a bitter, nasty fight between the two of them.

Almost to the point they nearly forgot the Uchiha that had caused Fiona's awakening.

He didn't get far, but he managed to shove something sharp and long through the dead soldier's chest.

Of course, being dead and in the Tsukuyomi just meant Fiona couldn't die again… but his expression when both women turned on him was distantly amusing in hindsight.

After the two of them dealt with him again ( _for about three hours that time, which would be the longest they made him knock out for_ ) Natsumi quietly asked if Fiona would have done anything differently if the soldier was actually the one to wake up in her body.

Which caused the soldier to finally realize that projecting her values on the assassin was a little unfair of her ( _different world, different values_ ), and that she never really wanted to live again… and that she didn't want to exist as an undead moral compass for a retired assassin who really should know better.

Which, from what Natsumi knew of the Kurama kekkai genkai, would now be Fiona's fate.

For the rest of Natsumi's lifetime, Fiona would be mostly unable to do more than witness everything unless the former assassin forked over enough chakra for her to manifest. From her ANBU work to her home life, Fiona would just only be able to watch.

That hurt her to think about, and made Fiona feel exhausted.

Natsumi had learned from her life, though. The former assassin hadn't waited for her life to gain some structure before looking for a significant other, she let things happen as they would and managed to find someone Fiona was actually a little jealous of her getting.

The assassin was based off of the solider, though, Natsumi knew where Fiona's head went even before she could say anything about it.

She suggested the Dead Reaper Seal, both to save the ANBU General's Hokage and to let the soldier finally rest fully.

Natsumi let Fiona think about it, for a couple hours, before commenting in an almost innocent way how much Minato would probably like to meet her. And Kushina, who had already asked once before.

Maybe even her husband? He did technically marry two different women, he should at least really meet both of them.

Fiona internally cringed at that last quip, because _that_ was all different shades of awkward to think about.

Natsumi was Shikaku's wife, not Fiona. He had married the assassin, not the assassin and her undead alter ego.

Tiredly, Fiona agreed just so she wouldn't be stuck with the ANBU General for the rest of her lifetime. If there was one thing she really _didn't_ want to deal with, it was Natsumi's sex life.

Which wouldn't really be fun other than in that porno way of watching it, because Fiona wouldn't be able to do anything about it.

For the last few hours ( _which surprised them both, since they had expected a full three days in the genjutsu and not just two_ ) they worked out how Fiona was going to pull this off.

Once in the real world and after she drove away the Uchiha before he could kill either kunoichi or baby, Nagato was obviously confused while Minato was highly suspicious of the dead soldier. Neither of which were unexpected reactions, but the suspicion did hurt a little since the only memories Fiona had of the other blond were Natsumi's.

And Natsumi loved him as a brother, and it was obvious the man thought the same way of his 'sempai'.

With the ANBU General's memories she managed to get the man ( _not man, shinobi)_ past the suspicion, while they rushed to rescue his wife and Natsumi's hime, to the point he started clucking over her and what she proposed to do for them.

Which was bemusing, because for the latter half of Fiona's life there hadn't been anyone to do that for her.

Jiraiya didn't have the time, Nagato was a little too bewildered, and Tsunade was a little too occupied to do much; so Minato was the only one to ask if she had any second thoughts just before she ripped half of Kushina's gut monster away.

"No, this really is the only way Natsumi and I thought of to do what we need." Fiona quirked a small grin at the Fourth Hokage, still rather slightly excited in spite of everything.

It wasn't everyday one got to actually use a jutsu from the Naruto world, and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't rather amused at the actual act of summoning the Shinigami. Even if it wasn't in the face of Kurama's sharingan compelled rage, it was still kind of cool.

"Still sucks _ass_ , you know." Kushina bitterly mumbled, glaring at her own stomach where the unraveling seal Jiraiya was trying to stabilize was. She couldn't look at the dead woman or she would start sniffling again, they knew that from what little experience they would have with each other.

"I'm a very old, tired woman. What I want most is to sleep, hime. So I really should be thanking you, in a twisted sort of way."

Minato got a very strange look at her quip, but Fiona's attention was drawn to the seal when she completed her last hand sign.

Because she could somehow hear Kurama _roar_ , his disgust and _hate_ perfectly audible to her even if no one else reacted.

"Hey, your royal _furriness_ … I've a bone to pick with you…"

He wasn't the only chakra creature with issues, and she intended on hammering that fact home with an in-depth, personal look of just what Fiona had to suffer through.

Maybe it would help, and maybe it won't… but she'd try.


	11. The Generations of Team Seven, Volume III

_Team Jiraiya's first C-rank_

Minato was grinning as his teammates met up where their jōnin-sensei had ordered them to gather that morning, Natsumi was instantly suspicious. She might not have been on the genin team for long, but she had the years from the academy to fall back on if she needed and she knew some of what genin teams did for the first couple months.

No one in their group missed Fugaku, Mikoto, Hiashi, and Hizashi complaining about the lack of interesting duties when they got their own teams after graduating. If they had crappy jobs given to them in a time of war, the rest of them knew they'd get the shortest end of the stick since the war ended.

"What?"

"We're getting a C-rank." The blond informed her cheerfully, jerking a thumb over his shoulder to the Hokage's Tower. "Sensei's in there arranging it."

Natsumi wondered if it was her knowledge from her past life or her ANBU installed paranoia that made a chill run down her spine.

Wasn't Jiraiya still _injured?_ It was the whole reason he had gotten saddled with a genin team, he was too injured to go back and pitch in with the end of the war effort. What the hell was the man thinking?

Inoichi apparently thought along the same lines as her, his brow furrowed at the news. "We've been a team for less than four months and we've just replaced a member, _how_ do we qualify for a C-rank?"

Minato apparently didn't have an answer for that. He opened his mouth, shut it after a long silent moment, and then merely shrugged in the end.

"Technically, I'm not exactly a D-rank kunoichi." The ex-ANBU agent informed her fellows slowly. "I suppose we're not really required to do twenty to forty D-ranks together before upgrading the risks we're expected to handle as a team."

'Twenty to _forty more?_ ' Minato mouthed to himself with a pinched expression.

He was ignored by his teammates.

"Sensei's not exactly jōnin either." Inoichi added thoughtfully, tapping his chin as he thought about it. "Okay, that make a little more sense."

Giving in to the impulse she no longer had to control due to ANBU regulations or uniform, Natsumi rubbed her face with both hands. "That makes _no_ sense, Inoichi-kun. Even with that, I'm still mostly new to genin life. To be honest, I expected a solid month of stupid chore missions before anything like this happened at all. It hasn't even been _one._ "

Natsumi also hadn't actually brought up the fact the Toad Sage smelled faintly of old blood and antiseptic to anyone just yet… but if the man was actually going to risk himself like that she damn well would.

"But you're… oh." Heaving a sigh, Minato corrected himself before he could say anything inane. "I suppose the fact you're my sempai wouldn't actually make much of an impact, huh?"

"Not officially, no. That's not a formal arrangement or anything."

Inoichi huffed slightly. "Can that be formalized?"

"Sure it can!" Jiraiya the Toad Sage, also known as the leader of Team Seven, boomed out from behind his pack of genin brats. "I just don't want to deal with the paperwork."

The sannin ignored their starts of surprise and the looks he earned for doing it. They were meeting at one of the benches outside the Hokage's Tower, a common meeting point for teams when getting a new mission, but it wasn't exactly busy enough for an ex-ANBU agent to miss getting spied on or two genin to miss the man's bright white hair or flamboyant red trimmed outfit.

"So now, has Minato-kun fill you two in?"

"Jiraiya-sensei," Natsumi started out a little awkwardly, turning to face the shinobi fully, "are you sure about this?"

The ex-ANBU Panther could have meant a lot of things with her question, but Jiraiya was both a ninja for longer than her and a fully grown man in charge of his own affairs. It wasn't really her place to buck orders or refuse on his behalf, especially if he didn't want her to.

The sannin was also a suburb spy in his own right, so Natsumi decided to leave it up to him to answer her concerns or not.

He knew of her convoluted history, he should have no problems picking up on the unsaid.

Indeed, from the small quirk of his mouth that looked much more natural than his usual cheesy or goofy grins told her he had picked up on her concerns. The obnoxious pats on the head she could've done without, though.

"It'll be _fine_ , neko-chan. It's just a courier mission inside Fire Country, it will take us barely a week to finish." Jiraiya informed her easily, but with a measure of confidence that was hard to miss. "This is mostly to ensure the boys aren't knocked off track too much, they were due for a mission like this before we replaced the kunoichi of Team Seven with you."

Natsumi subsided with that news, feeling oddly guilty as well as thankful. While she had been surprised to be placed on Minato's genin team she really _did_ appreciate it at the same time, but it hadn't occurred to her that her presence might have delayed a few things for the boys.

Apparently, certain Toad Sages had been practicing his spying on his own genin team.

"And I know they'll be fine, since you're not a usual genin yourself with the usual genin problems." Jiraiya continued without missing a beat, with a lavish wink for her before beaming at the rest of his team. "Now then, you boys know how to pack for longer missions yet?"

\V/

Their first night on the road wasn't so bad.

Once one got out of the protective Hashirama tree forest that surrounded the Village in the Leaves, you started to hit the more sheltered towns and cities, sources of both the food production and trade routes the Land of Fire managed under Konoha shinobi protection.

Jiraiya merely located a reasonably priced inn so they weren't roughing it out in the cold, renting just two room when Natsumi blandly informed him she didn't mind sharing since the ANBU barracks was pretty much mix gender and they couldn't have anything that would surprise her unless someone had webbed feet and hadn't mentioned it yet. She ended up sharing a room with two beds with Inoichi, and although slightly awkward at first they managed just fine in the end.

It was their second morning, the first time they ate breakfast together, that the ex-ANBU agent realized there had been more to the reasons the Toad Sage had got the mission for than he had stated.

"If I eat any more I'll throw up."

"You're a _stick_ , neko-chan." Eying her thin frame as if to make a point, the sannin shoved another ration bar into her hand and immediately strolled away so she couldn't give it back.

Minato proved to be more of a morning person that day than Inoichi, and he agreed with their team leader even as Natsumi huffed and shoved the food into a weapon's pouch. "He's right, sempai."

"This is a lot less intense than what I have been doing." The ghost eyed kunoichi informed him tartly, ignoring the fact her left eye was twitching. "I'll recover given enough time, but that will _take time_."

Her kouhai reached back and kept Inoichi from walking into a fence as they turned back onto the main road they had been following last night. "It's… you still look a little unhealthy, please just eat some?"

"I'll nibble as we walk, but I wasn't lying when I said I'd throw up if I ate anymore."

Jiraiya had ordered a very _large_ breakfast for them before any of his genin had tripped into the main room of the inn, and while Natsumi was still somewhat new to the whole genin thing she wasn't new to fussy team leaders. Sakumo had pulled similar shit on her too when they could afford doing things like that, just less inn provided food and more excess hunting and foraging results getting dumped on her lap.

Which wasn't very often, but it had happened enough time for her to recognize it.

Inoichi stumbled into her back, causing the ex-assassin to break off her mental train of thought and the budding fūinjutsu prodigy to huff.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Inoichi-kun pulled the graveyard shift on guard duty, remember?" Natsumi paused just long enough to give her fellow genin a hike up on her back, ignoring it as the Yamanaka heir pretty much crumpled onto her and fell back asleep. "It's pretty much the worst shift, because you don't get enough sleep no matter what you try to do."

Minato hummed, eyeing first her then their insensible teammate and finally their jōnin-sensei's back. "I had first… and you woke me up this morning… did sensei wake you up for yours?"

"He didn't."

"He _slept_ while we pulled guard?"

She made a split second decision, before shaking her head enough to get her hair out from between her and Inoichi and to keep her other teammate's attention on her. "Jiraiya-sensei is skilled enough to wake up if anything had happened to us, we're really the only ones that need the experience in pulling guard duty on missions. He's also pretty much our only safety net out here, he _has_ to be in tip top condition because shit happens even if you try to keep it from happening."

…and the man was still injured. He probably needed the rest.

Minato's irritated expression smoothed out at her explanation. "Oh."

"Minato-kun, take you teammate." Jiraiya called back to them, having glanced back and seen his genin's situation. "Neko-chan's a bit more of a threat, so I want her free to retaliate if she needs to."

Natsumi dearly wanted to throw him a glare, because it was entirely possible he just didn't want her expending the energy to support Inoichi as well as herself for the next hour or two if he had hopped on the 'stuff neko-chan' bandwagon. She still helped Minato transfer the mind walker to his back instead of her own, because it was entirely valid that she was more of a threat.

She wouldn't hesitate to kill if she had to, after all. Minato probably hadn't reach that milestone yet.

It seemed as if she had exchanged one fussy team leader for another.

Joy.

(ooo000ooo)

Inoichi turned a very fetching brick red when he finally woke up fully, still stretched out on his teammate's back.

He also muttered nasty things under his breath while Natsumi obediently nibbled on the ration bar Jiraiya forced on her under Minato's stern glare, up until the sannin called a temporary halt for lunch and finally filled the team in on why they were pulling a three man guard shift and not a four.

They took refuge in the grassy ditch, because there was little forest cover this far out and at least lower ground protected the genin if not the sannin's head and shoulders.

"You three know I'm not a regular jōnin." Jiraiya started off, surprisingly serious once he had smoothed a barrier seal for privacy down on one of the boulders Fire Country used as mile markers along the roadside. "That means there is likely going to be occasions I _have_ to leave you on your own for a time. I'd rather you be ready and trained to hunker down and wait for my return, that's why we're going to do this slightly differently than normal. Tonight we will be roughing it, so neko-chan has the midnight shift since she's used to pulling that and continuing with the mission she's on. You boys can decide who takes first and last between yourselves."

Minato was passing out their food from his storage scroll of travel snacks, two apples and a skin of water each since they were only stopping for less than an hour. Natsumi still had half of her ration bar but she didn't offer that up to the boys, the Toad Sage glared at her when she opened her mouth to do so.

"We will reach our target destination tomorrow, sometime near noon. I have a few things to do on top of our mission, so while I do that you three are to get everything you want to do in the town out of the way quickly after you deliver the message to our client. Stick together, this isn't Konohagakure and sometimes the civilians out this far don't realize what _shinobi_ really means. Defer to Natsumi-chan in a pinch, again she's been out this far before and probably farther and knows how to prevent any major issues. Keep your heads down, don't make waves, and _do not_ tell anyone whose students you are. Any questions?"

"Where do you want us to wait for you if we're done quicker? Inside the village or on the outskirts?" Natsumi piped up swiftly.

"Inside, I'll designate a spot before cutting you all loose that is both easily defendable and open enough to prevent getting boxed in."

Inoichi raised a hand slowly. "What do you mean by the civilians not realizing what _shinobi_ means?"

Jiraiya tugged a massive hand through his unruly white hair, heaving a gusty sigh. "Exactly that. They don't get regular ninja traffic out here, most of them probably haven't seen a ninja before you three wander the streets. The town is both too close to Konohagakure to see any foreign shinobi and too far to see any Leaf-nin patrols or teams pass by regularly. Sometimes the civilians out this far are a little… lacking in survival sense. Think of the worst of the hidebound civilians in our village, multiply it by a couple factors, and you have rural Fire Country civilians."

"He means don't be surprised if someone asks for my bride price." Natsumi helpfully informed her teammates. "It's happened before."

Minato inhaled his apple chunk, choking and wheezing even as she pounded on his back so he wouldn't suffocate.

"Not surprised." Jiraiya muttered lowly, rubbing at his jaw with a grimace. "What did Sakumo do to them?"

"Oh no, I was partnered with Jackal at the time. That poor civilian, he's a little mentally scarred from that. Perfectly alright physically, just scared shitless for a day or three… or forever."

"It's also not unusual to get threatened by a civilian for simply being in the wrong place," the sannin hastily continued before either boy could demand more of that story, smoothing the smirk from his face with a hand, "some civilians don't have good feelings for shinobi as a whole no matter what village of origin. Take that into account, and the fact that if you attack anyone without due cause it _can_ be traced back to you and marked down on your records or get you arrested. Remember they are _civilian_ , and remove yourself from any hostile situation before any incident gets out of hand."

Jiraiya checked the general time by glancing at the sky, motioning with one hand for his team to get up and removing his seal from the rock with another.

"You three understand? _Behave_ , or I will sentence you all to a month or two of D-ranks."

He got three replies; one cheerful, one dazed, and the last raspy and gritted out. He ignored the last one, Minato _had_ been choking on his food.

\V/

The next day wasn't as eventful until they reached the town they were delivering messages to, other than the fact Natsumi yawned more than usual.

Jiraiya did as he promised, pointing out an inn with an impressively wide and expansive front window, as well as four routes that could be used to escape the inside of the building with, to wait for him in once the genin were done sightseeing before leaving them to it after the delivery was over with.

Natsumi had seen rural villages before, both bigger and smaller than the one they were in, but she tagged along with her teammates as they got their urge to rubberneck around at a purely civilian town out of their systems. Minato got confused over why most of the houses had thatched roofs that needed a conversation about material availability verses common civilian usages, but Inoichi just seemed content to note and mentally log what kind of reception three genin of Konoha got.

His Yamanaka lavender, pupil-less eyes didn't help at all. It was almost as bad as Natsumi's own ghostly pale and mismatched pair.

It wasn't entirely pretty, but a war had just ended and there were possibly survivors of shinobi battles living and gossiping around the town. Whether or not they were lucky survivors was entirely dependent on what kind of ninja fight they escaped from or witnessed, and what they loss from them.

The ex-ANBU agent did steer their little group away from the small red-light district, because she had no desire to watch either pass out from blushing too hard or drowning in their own drool. They could go without her, probably with their jōnin-sensei on a future mission.

"We're being followed." Minato informed his teammates cheerfully, pointing at a nearby general store to cover their real topic of discussion.

Natsumi heaved a sigh. "I know, I was kind of hoping they'd get bored and leave."

Digging out his wallet, Inoichi shuffled through the money he probably got from his father for any souvenirs he might want to get. "They've been following us for a couple hours now, Natsumi-chan. I don't think they'll get bored. Come on, let's buy my okaa-chan a stuffed bird or something and see if the merchant will allow us out the back."

"We've had others that got tired of keeping an eye on the demon ninja children and left us to our own devices." She refuted, ignoring the wide-eyed look the clerk gave her for her words. "It was entirely possible they would wander away eventually if we gave it enough time."

"We're close to the time you gave sensei for us to return to our meeting spot." Minato informed her seriously, scanning the bin of plushy toys for any birds. "I don't think they have stuffed birds, Inoichi-kun."

"Do they have a stuffed fox?"

He blinked at her over his shoulder, but plucked one out of the mess of fabric. "Yeah, why?"

"You can give it to the hime then."

Kushina loved foxes, ironic given the great big one she hid from the world and probably hated thinking of.

A light blush dusted across the bridge of Minato's nose, but he shuffled a little woodenly to the cash register easily enough to pay for it and asked permission for them to leave by the back door. Asking to be let out the back cause the poor girl to stutter in protest, but the owner of the store apparently was nearby and sympathetic enough with Konoha's military forces to allow it.

Natsumi led them out but turned to them instead of immediately jumping up. "Running across thatched roofs is a lot like tree walking, but I'm not going to teach you here and now. I'm rather bad at it and Jiraiya-sensei will probably want to guide that lesson himself on something he won't have to pay damages for. So instead we'll be running across the wooden beams I _know_ are present, those run along the apex of the roof. Make one misstep and you'll put a foot through so be _careful_. Now, follow my lead."

She got up via a fence, leaping up on the thankfully shale shingles the general store had. They delayed only to ensure their tails weren't looking up before starting to run across the roofs, easily putting several streets between them and the men that had been following them before dropping down to the streets again.

Inoichi was the first one to comment. "Well… that wasn't so bad."

"Kind of fun, actually." Agreed Minato, stuffing the fox plushy away hastily into his traveling pack.

"Now you've done it, you two have _jinxed_ us."

"There are no such things as _jinxes_ , sempai."

Natsumi gave him a level look. "Famous last words."

"What?"

"She's saying she doesn't believe you." Inoichi helpfully chipped in, opening the door to the inn they would be staying at for the night.

(ooo000ooo)

"How stupid do they think we are?"

"Probably as stupid as they are."

"Hush you both." Natsumi gave her teammates a glare each, then turned back to the group of yakuza trying to threaten the innkeeper and his wife about where the Toad Sage's traveling companions were.

One slight problem for them, no one on their team had checked into the inn yet _or_ booked rooms for them. Jiraiya had their traveling funds and the shinobi wasn't back yet.

Neither one they were trying to squeeze information out of knew who they were or where the team was.

Still… the ex-ANBU agent didn't really want to tangle with that. She had maybe all of three weeks on the team, and while she and Minato had years of experience fighting with or around each other there was both her ANBU experience and Inoichi to take into account. Jiraiya had yet to help them smooth that all out, difficulties which would probably pop it's ugly head up the moment it would make everything worse for the team.

There were ten yakuza crowding around the elderly couple, and three genin lacking their team leader… and several bystanders.

Natsumi didn't like those odds.

Inoichi was more medium to long range since he preferred his throwing weapons to hand to hand combat, Minato could manage it well enough for a fūinjutsu user, and Natsumi was a competent close-quarters fighter in taijutsu. While it wasn't impossible, it was a risk that Jiraiya might not be pleased with them taking.

She finally sat properly on her chair, giving her teammates a serious look and informing them of the risks and what options they had.

"They're threatening the poor people running the inn, sempai."

Inoichi had to agree with that plan of action, if not the reason behind it entirely. "Might help a little with the village's reputation here rather than just sitting here watching this happen."

Natsumi wanted to groan, Jiraiya was going to get pissed off at her. "Alright, but only if they actually _move_ to do harm."

Minato gifted her with a bright smile, sliding off his chair and making his surprisingly stealthy way around the common room. The Yamanaka heir gave a slight salute, sliding off in the other direction from his fellow blond.

She allowed herself a moment to hesitate, but slipped through the crowd easily enough to position herself at the back of the yakuza present.

It was a nice inn, the common room they had been eating dinner in before this was warm and comfortable without coming off as stiffly formal or freakishly clean. There were obviously regular customers, from the looks of helpless irritation or disgusted fear on the faces of the civilians bearing witness to the innkeeper and his wife being questioned roughly by the thugs that barged in without warning.

Natsumi despaired over all of it, and promised herself to help their team leader pay for the damages when Minato kneed a very jittery yakuza in the face before he could grab the elderly woman and yank her around. Inoichi held the door shut while his teammates went through the barely trained thugs from both ends, dealing most of the damage with their hands and feet because _killing_ civilians in front of civilians was a very big no for Konoha-nin not on mission.

The fight was a bit dicey, but two trained genin against ten men who could be considered barely brawler level in combat when shock allowed Minato and Natsumi to take out four with little problem. Her by kicking out knees and follow up punches to the head and he by his flying knee and the one kick he managed to another's head before he lost the altitude. Natsumi fought dirty enough that she managed another two before getting backhanded across the face, and she took vindictive pleasure in kicking that asshole in the junk as hard as she could. By the time she could turn around Minato had downed another but was floundering a little with the last two tag teaming him, but bodily tackling the closer one to her gave him enough room to finish the fight with a pull to a leg and a drop kick to the last man's throat.

There was a ringing silence as the gathered bystanders absorbed the fact two kids just took out ten yakuza. Natsumi ignored it, touching Minato's shoulder to gain his attention. "Ensure they're out of it and separate them from any weapons. Tie them up once you're done. Ino-kun?"

"Still clear, as far as I can see."

She nodded absently as she dug into her weapon pouch, unsurprised. If the local yakuza knew enough to know Jiraiya had been traveling with others they probably knew the general looks and age of them too. Ten men against three kids might sound like overkill, but not ten men against three genin shinobi.

Digging out a decent amount to cover replacing the floor if needed from her emergency funds, the ex-ANBU agent turned to the couple that ran the inn and bowed deeply as she held the ryo out. "Yanushi-sama, our deepest apologies for the disturbance of your business. Accept this with our regret that our presence here has endangered you, your honorable wife, and your livelihood."

The poor man looked torn. On one hand, _ninja_ who just beat up yakuza in front of him. On the other, she was a tiny child-sized paying guest trying to apologize for his town's criminals coming after them.

Natsumi didn't envy him that decision. He still took the money with a hesitant bow of his own in thanks, his wife seemingly torn between grabbing a broom and smacking them or the yakuza around or ducking back into the kitchen. A quiet word also secured a room for the night, making her dig a bit more into her emergency fund but she paid that without complaint.

They left the yakuza and their weaponry to the townsfolk, who all looked to want to express their own opinions to them now that they were disarmed.

"Should we stay here?" Asked Inoichi as they cautiously made their way to the large room Natsumi secured for them. "We _did_ just get into a fight downstairs."

"Sensei told us to meet him here… and we did just paint a target on those poor people by interfering with that situation." She told them both tiredly. "Leaving would not only irritate our team leader but probably inconvenience anyone looking for revenge, encouraging them to take it out on our host and his wife if we're not nearby to target. Neither of which are good things."

Minato blinked his baby blues back at her, from where he was trapping the door to the inn's hallway. "So…?"

"Expect to be woken up tonight. Any revenge attack will need to wait until they realize those guys aren't coming back with us or our bloody heads. If sensei isn't back by then we're going to have to deal with that ourselves." Natsumi carefully considered her teammates for a long moment. "We'll pull guard on the whole building, so there will be ample warning. I'm staying up-"

"Sempai."

" _I'm staying up_ ," she continued over him stubbornly, "because someone needs to ensure whoever's asleep is safe and whoever's on watch has some kind of backup in reach. If we hit morning, or sensei returns, I'll go to sleep then."

Minato didn't look appeased at all.

Natsumi didn't blame him, she hated being sleep deprived.

There was no coffee in this world… it wasn't worth it.

(ooo000ooo)

True to her cautioned warning, they were attacked in the middle of the night.

Thankfully their attackers decided to ensure they were all awake by crashing through a window to get to the team. Inoichi, who had been asleep at the time, barely managed to roll under the other bedframe and avoid getting showered with broken glass and bits of wood.

Natsumi, who was pass the point of being merely tired and had moved on to irritable, threw one of the pillows she had been propped up on into the man's face hard enough to knock the yakuza backwards into the shattered glass mess on the floor. Inoichi rolled out from the other side of the bed she was perched on, close enough to use her weapon pouches if needed.

The two of them stared at the man on the floor, who was probably bleeding out or close to it. Either way, she rather doubted he was in any condition to actually bother them.

"Think he got lucky, or are they doing that to every window in the inn?"

Natsumi thought about it, and sighed. "Probably every window. I _hate_ clearing rooms. I always miss something or someone until the last second."

Inoichi rolled up to his feet even as the screams started, as their fellow guests started reacting to both the loud noises and probably the bloody mess of people crashing into their rooms. "Left or right?"

"Minato-kun should've been near the back of the building, let's go that way first and pick him up." She spared one glance at the idiot that decided body slamming a window was a good way to gain entrance into a building. "If they're doing something that reckless, I don't think many who tried it are in any condition to actually fight us."

Window crashing was an art, almost. It took a lot of skill and stupid luck to do it without causing jagged wounds or losing pints of blood, neither of which it seemed as if these men had.

Just simply by traveling down the hallway Natsumi and Inoichi could hear which rooms had incapacitated intruders and which ones might need them to help a little. They only stuck their heads into the worst sounding ones, but oddly it was the yakuza men screaming in pain or fear instead of their fellow if mostly undressed guests.

Minato, when they found him sneaking peeks to ensure everyone renting rooms were alright, looked as pale as Inoichi did. "That… that is just wrong."

"That…?" Natsumi prompted after a moment, wondering where he was going with that.

"Who crashes through a closed window?"

The situation was so stupid she actually gave that question some serious thought. "Maybe… they didn't know shinobi use _opened_ windows?"

Inoichi gave her a long look. "You need sleep."

"Yeah… I know. Let's get started, the sooner we're done the sooner we get to go back to what we were doing."

(ooo000ooo)

It took the three of them several hours to clear out every room in the two story inn, dragging the attackers out into the hallway and providing some emergency first aid when needed to keep people from dying before tying them up.

A few guests had done similar things, tying the men up with the ropes they had used to swing into the windows hard enough to gain entrance. Team Seven dragged them all off to join their initial group of ten yakuza apprehended the night before in the inn's basement.

Natsumi would forever blame the tiredness for getting taken hostage.

While her teammates were busy hauling unconscious or bleeding bodies around she had been speaking with the rumpled innkeeper about how he was going to deal with the men that assaulted his inn, in the common room with the wide windows that thankfully escaped being smashed through.

After the first ten yakuza swaggered in boasting on the top of their lungs and the next wave came with their own alarm of crashing glass, she hadn't counted on a nuke-nin who could blend in with the civilians well enough not to register on her impaired senses.

He had apparently not counted on the fact that the rumors of the inn's attack would have reached the Toad Sage by that point, so it had all balanced out.

Mostly.

Natsumi still ended up with an unforgiving bicep banded across her neck and her feet dangling off the floor as the man tried to talk his way out of the sannin's black book in front of his genin team using her as a bargaining chip.

"Neko-chan," a rumpled and ragged edged Jiraiya spoke through gritted teeth, "I think he deserves to know what you did before joining up with my team. Show him, would you?"

She blinked slowly at the order, then swung her lower body up over the arm holding her until her ankles and heels slammed into the man's head. A vicious twist of her hips and flexed knees snapped his neck, and the Toad Sage rescued her before she and the dead body hit the floor.

\V/

Jiraiya paid the innkeeper probably twice his inn was worth, snagged all three of his genin, and skipped town in a fast hurry.

All Natsumi knew was the onsen he took them to was one she had never visited before and they had a very nice looking bed before she passed out for a couple solid hours of sleep.

She woke up to Inoichi telling the others about the attack on their room the night before.

"…and I was pretty sure the guy was dead until we pulled him out of there later on. She didn't even blink, just snagged our gear from between the beds and walked out."

"You two can't use neko-chan as a benchmark," Jiraiya informed the both of them slowly, "you realize that, right? She's in no way normal for a genin."

"The hell happened, sensei?" Said neko-chan asked blearily, shoving her head up off the pillow. "We didn't do anything, but we got tailed and attacked anyways."

"That… was just a clusterfuck and a half." The sannin informed her cheerfully, rubbing the back of his head with a massive paw. "My informant tried to kill me, and wanted to make a clean sweep of it using the yakuza gangs he had bribed or coerced into his service. Thankfully he never knew just what kind of shinobi he had been dealing with, and hired idiots well below me in rank to try and knock me off."

Natsumi gave him a sniff. "The guy I killed?"

"Missing-nin from Lightning, their version of an academy dropout with way too many mental problems to have made it as shinobi. Made it just fine as a two-bit thug's assassin, but I guess he ran into a better one."

She blinked both eyes slowly, processing that and what she remembered from before she passed out. "Oh."

"Sempai?"

Natsumi stared blankly at Minato and his faintly worried look. "I just killed someone in front of you and you're worried about _me?_ "

"It's the second time." He pointed out to her with concern, frowning at her continued blank stare. "That Kumo-nin during Kushina-hime's kidnapping, remember? He died before medical aid was given."

"…oh."

"If you two are quite done with your moment…" Inoichi drawled out like the brat he was, "can we continue with the debriefing?"

She thought about it for a long moment. "Can I go back to sleep?"

The three males of Team Seven looked at each other and basically shrugged.

Jiraiya reached over to ruffle her already messy hair with a, "Sure."


	12. Bedtime Stories – The Inuzuka Clan

_Legend in that clan had it that the dogs they had now were reared from the wolves summoned and kept in this dimension long enough to have a litter of pups. –_ **Déjà vu no Jutsu** , Chapter 4: Of Kenjutsu and Adaptations

* * *

"Get your rear in bed before I _throw_ you in!" Tsume barked at her youngest, scowling even as the pup scrambled to obey her with a playful yelp.

She knew full well how excited Kiba was, not only was tomorrow his birthday but the Kennel Master had confirmed that his future ninkin would be born on time. Every Inuzuka worth their bond with their partner awaited their fifth birthday in the same way.

That is, not very well. The fifth birthday was always cut short from what the clan would usually throw solely because whoever got their ninkin that day was always too tired to do more than cuddle their newborn partners.

Tsume, if she was forced to comment, would tell whoever asked that she hadn't been able to sleep the night before her fifth birthday either. Kuromaru had made any number of sleepless nights worth it, and she had nearly let Hana do the same when she had been her brother's age.

However, she was not only their Alpha but their mother. It wasn't healthy to let them try and go a day or so without sleep, so she wouldn't let them.

Now if they lay awake in bed after she penned them up for the night, that wasn't her problem.

Good ninja needed to be able to sleep when they had to and wake when they needed to.

Kiba bounced into the wide pine bed made for him by his godmother, twisting his little body around to make himself a nest and barring his fangs in an excited grin. "I'm gonna call him… or her, Akamaru. Or Shiromaru, if there's two. Or-"

"Enough." Tsume cut her progeny off, stubbornly ignoring the whisper of a certain Nara cat's opinion on her clan's naming abilities threading through her mind.

Natsumi would never let her live her children's names down, even if her husband had a similar lack of creativity when it came to giving names. The fact Tsume's children had inherited that from her made her either scornfully amused or embarrassedly aggravated depending on what was being named.

The blasted cat would hear of it too, the kunoichi's son would be attending the morning's festivities tomorrow with several other clan brats that had been halfway raised as Kiba's pack mates.

"You settled yet?"

"Yea- _oi!_ " Kiba yelped, spinning himself off his bed only to throw his arms around Kuromaru's ruff. Mostly because he intended to, but a little because he tripped and would have fallen to the floor otherwise. "Night, Kuromaru! I promise not to forget ta play with you once I have my own partner."

The massive dog huffed, stubbornly not looking at his partner as he nudged the pup back into bed. "Whatever, gaki."

Tsume heaved a sigh, palming her face out of exasperation.

Her damn brats spoiled her partner more than she did, pouring whatever effort they wanted to build up for taking care of their own animal partner, or partners, on him. The day Hana had gotten her Haimaru Brothers, Kuromaru had sulked over the lack of pets and treats going his way.

However much he pretended gruff indifference, Tsume would lay money on him moping again when Kiba forgot spoiling him in the wake of getting his own ninkin to fuss over.

"Kaa-chan? 'M ready."

"Then shut up and pay attention, I'm only going through this once tonight." Tsume snapped, dropping onto her son's bed and sprawling out.

She ignored the wiggle that signified Kiba cuddling up to her side, sinking the fingers of her right hand into Kuromaru's fur as the canine lowered himself to lie beside the bed for the next hour or so it took for the brat to drop off.

"A long ass time ago, there was only one Inuzuka. He was lonely, because he was pack-less in a world that wasn't nice or safe. He wandered his territory hunting threats, because if he didn't then they would try and hunt him."

Kiba propped his chin on Tsume's abs. "How old was he?"

"Five, now shut it." That distant ancestor probably hadn't been five, but answering that way had become tradition long before Tsume's time and she didn't feel like breaking that for her brats. "Now this Inuzuka, his hunts took him far and wide. He saw great and terrible things, large acts of destruction and the sappiest of things between mates. Great forests that would put our home one to shame and sheets of ice higher than the Hokage's Tower that spread from one shore to another."

Tsume's puppy made a kind of scoff-huff noise, and the Inuzuka Alpha herself privately wondered how much of that had actually been true. She had seen a lot of strange things herself over her years as a Konohagakure tracker, but some of that sounded ridiculous.

"All he wanted himself, though, was a pack-mate to share all of it with. Life is lonely without pack, and he knew it without ever having one of his own. So while he was witnessing all those things, he kept an eye out for someone or something that would become his wished for pack-mate. Finally, long after he started his hunts for prey and other predators that might hunt him, he came across a meadow _filled_ with wolves."

Predictably, Kiba gasped into Tsume's stomach. She wasn't too proud to say she had done the same when she'd been his age.

"Our ancestor had been hunting before he found the clearing, he had a buck slung over one shoulder. Thinking fast, he offered his kill to the wolves. His intention was to retreat while they were distracted… but those wolves were smarter than that. The Alpha of the wolf pack, a grizzled grey beast who had led his pack for years, sniffed our ancestor out of curiosity and smelled the effort of his hunt, the blood that had been spilled, his own wariness… but no fear."

"Death is death, but being alone is a living death itself." Kiba quoted from memory, impressing his mother. She had doubted he paid enough attention to have retained that clan saying.

"True enough. He wasn't afraid of dying, just of having nothing to hold onto. Of being alone. Well, the old Alpha wolf sniffed the truth out. He took in our ancestor, giving him the pack he longed for. The skin of that buck, our ancestor's offered kill, became the surface the Wolf Summoning Contract was inscribed into. But before our ancestor left the Wolf Pack, for two Alphas are more than enough for any pack and three is just asking for trouble, that canny old wolf sent two of his pups with him. Both male, a hunting pair that were becoming restless and wanted to wander."

Humming, the young Inuzuka gripped his mother tighter. Tsume privately betted he was daydreaming about traveling with his own ninkin once they were old enough.

She had done that once too. So had Hana, Tsume's parents, and just about every other Inuzuka in the clan.

"Now with pack with him, that Inuzuka started paying attention to the wonders he saw again. In the fullness of time he found himself a mate, and had himself strong pups to carry on his name and legacy. Problem was, the two wolves the old Alpha Wolf had sent with him were old. Our ancestor wanted to ensure his own puppies didn't have to go through the pain of looking for a pack of their own like he had, so he turned his attention to the Wolf Summoning Contract he had carried with him for years. Pouring his chakra into the Contract, he Summoned a handful of breeding wolves to him. Out of love for his mate and puppies, he held it for the full nine weeks it took for new wolf cubs to be born."

Tsume had never held a Summoning Contract, but she knew of one Summoner personally who didn't mind answering questions. Natsumi couldn't hold more than two of her Leopards indefinitely, and Summoning more than four on any day drained the kunoichi to the point she wasn't combat ready anymore.

Way back when the story was taking place, they probably didn't have jōnin trained chakra stores. Holding four Summons for nine weeks would have been a death sentence.

"'S nice of 'im." Kiba slurred out as his forehead dipped down to rest on her stomach, the heat Tsume gave off lulling him to a drowsy state.

"Nice." She repeated dubiously, thinking of the mate and soon to be fatherless puppies in the story. Well, an Inuzuka's mate had to be made of sturdy stuff or they didn't take them for a mate in the first place.

Tsume refused to be a hypocrite though, her pups were fatherless and they seemed fine so she wasn't going to dwell on the story too much.

"Ever since that far away day, we ensure the members of our pack get their littermates on the anniversary of their fifth birth. Because it is a type of living death to be without pack, and no one deserves that but traitors and cowards."

"Not cats?"

Tsume knuckled her partner's flat head for that quip, checking to ensure Kiba was too out of it to have heard that.

"Not cats… or bug men. Some of them are okay."

Her parents hadn't done her any favors by putting that into her head. Natsumi was a decent sort for a cat even if she was aggravating sometimes. Shibi… was almost as dear to her as Kuromaru was now.

Didn't mean she liked all cats or bug men, but a few were okay.


	13. Midori & Shisui First Date

Hatake Midori had been spoiled as a little girl. She knew it too.

She didn't get why so many people were surprised she knew it. Midori was the puppy of the Hatake clan, the last child of their previous clan head, and a girl whose father died long before she had memory of him. The elder kunoichi had to introduce Midori to her father on her genin promotion, and all it had been was a chakra construct wearing his clothes made from her memory and long sealed supplies.

Of _course_ her mother, Lord Brother, and Lady Sister went out of their way to carter to her whims.

Though her shinobi siblings, both of whom were active ninja long before she had been born, at least ensured she didn't come to think the spoiling was her due for merely being alive and not what she was to them.

Since she had been a spoiled little girl before becoming a kunoichi, Midori was very used to getting her own way. Within reason, but if she couldn't argue her Lady Sister of the Nara clan into whatever she wanted then it was likely her Lord Brother would eventually hear and get her it.

Sumi-nee-sama was typically amused when that happened. The clucking and chicken noises she made afterwards whenever Kakashi-nii-sama was around amused Midori too.

The start of her kunoichi career had been a little rocky, but there had been other as overly-trained little ninja want-to-be candidates in her academy class. Naras weren't a believer in favoritism helped anything, all the students under their chūnin-sensei were treated the same. Even the little sister of their clan's Lady.

When Midori had a problem, she sorted it out in certain ways. Anything that might need to be beaten within an inch of his/her/it's life was set at her Lord Brother's feet, anything ninja that needed solving in less lethal manners went to her Lady Sister, and for personal issues she went to her mother.

Lately, her current troubles had been done under her mother's eye… but now she needed a bit more help.

Midori had, after a lot of chasing, managed to get Shisui of the Uchiha clan agree to a date. Shisui had been a rather good friend of hers since she made chūnin, and they worked together well enough that she preferred him to be the lead jōnin on her missions. He at least didn't scorn Midori's efforts because of her high profile upbringing, and helped her out occasionally when they used the same training field.

However, the shinobi was four years older than her. A clan member of a _noble_ shinobi clan of Konohagakure. Probably not what her Lord Brother would accept as Midori's picked mate simply because of one reason or the other, but more than likely due to the headache of arranging such a match so it would enable the Hatake line to continue on another generation.

Really, since her silly brother decided _she_ had to continue the Hatake name he shouldn't get bent out of shape with her search for a male to do so with. Her last four dates had ended up beaten to nearly pulps after a training session that ended up in a totally unplanned spar with a higher ranking ninja. Her Lord Brother wasn't nearly as sneaky as he liked to think himself as when it came to her.

It was entirely possible her mother had a point, and her whole preoccupation with Shisui was just a little girl's crush on an older male that was decently nice to her. Midori didn't see a reason why that should prevent her from seeing if they could be a couple, because he was a rather good man for a shinobi of his caliber.

One only had to look at her Lord Brother to see how bad of a male shinobi life could make one, honestly.

Midori's current problem wasn't the date. It was her Lord Brother.

Who, if he heard of said date before it could happen, might try to harm her friend.

Although it amused her, she couldn't take that issue to Kakashi-nii-sama's feet. He'd have to beat himself up for giving her trouble, but it was entirely possible he'd beat up Shisui first.

Thus, it all defaulted to Sumi-nee-sama's problem to assist with. That way her brother wouldn't have to disappear himself for a few days, and probably take her date with him. Although, Kakashi-nii-sama might just disappear a bit with Sumi-nee-sama's help… she was sneaky-sly like that sometimes.

(ooo000ooo)

Natsumi, Lady of the Nara clan, wasn't the most impressive kunoichi to reach a respectable retiring age Midori knew of. What she was, was one of the more damaged.

Midori didn't know of any other ninja that had a medical _order_ from Senju Tsunade to abandon any fight with S-class opponents counter-signed by their Yondaime. Sumi-nee-sama had the only one she'd ever heard of. More baffling, the Nara kunoichi _snickered_ guiltily when it was brought up.

The abuse, trauma, and damage done to the older kunoichi's chakra network alone… Midori did wonder what her Lady Sister did to end up like that.

She finally found the retired jōnin kunoichi in the woodworking workshop that was her husband's wedding gift to her. Late in the day, almost dinnertime, and a location she _had_ checked nearly two hours beforehand. Midori was pretty sure whatever her Lady Sister had been up to that day had been somewhat sensitive in nature, but what she could be doing the young Hatake drew a blank on.

Natsumi was currently in the middle of carving something, likely she had picked a spot when she heard Midori had been looking for her and got distracted while she waited for the chūnin to find her. It looked like a figurine of a swan standing on some small animal's back.

It was probably a joke or a gag gift, one Midori didn't have the rank or the security level to get the point of. Depressing, but whatever.

"Sumi-nee-sama?"

A flicker of a blue eye was all she got. "One moment, kiddo."

Midori didn't mind waiting. Natsumi's carving hobby was something she remembered the older kunoichi doing all through her childhood, and it brought with it a lot of good memories to dwell on. The scents of the woods she carved clung to the Nara too, which did help cover the feline musk that made her nose itch.

In her bedroom back in the Hatake clan compound alone, there were shelves of small wooden statues in the image of dogs and fantasy creatures. Midori got a new one every birthday or anniversary of import, un-lacquered and radiating whichever scent the wood was.

Natsumi finished the delicate detail work she was putting on to show the swan's feathers, setting the carving knife with the tiny blade down. "What's up?"

"I need you to distract Kakashi-nii-sama." Midori laced her fingers together before her and held them up in a gesture of beseeching. "I have a date."

Her answer was a slow blink of mismatched eyes, and a slowly growing smirk. "Oh… really? Do I know the lucky young man?"

Huffing, the chūnin mock-scowled at her elder sister. "Shisui."

"Just Shisui? Not Shisui- _kun?_ " Natsumi seemed to think about it for a long moment, but her features suddenly twitched into something darker. "Isn't he… like, _older_ than you?"

"Four years is not a lot. You wouldn't believe how hard it was to get him to agree to _one_ date."

Finally fully turning around on her workbench to face her, the Nara cocked her head to the side. "Well… I knew his otou-sama, worked with him once on a matter of security, Ri-chan. Shisui is a lot like his late old man, and I was really sad to hear of Kagami-sama's death when it happened."

Midori sat herself on the ground, keenly interested. Naras didn't volunteer information very often, but what they did know when they spoke up was very fascinating to learn.

"No, we're not doing story-time. If Shisui wants to hear what I know, you can tag along with him to hear it." Natsumi eyed her, then sighed through her nose and rubbed the back of her neck. "So you want my help with Kashi-chan then, huh?"

Midori winced when the retired jōnin cracked her neck joints. It sounded painful, but Natsumi's expression didn't show any pain… more like relief.

The older shinobi of Konoha refused to acknowledge any pain they were in, long trained reflex from when they were active ninja persisting after they put down their weaponry. Her Lady Sister was just a very stubborn example of it, her Lord Husband had to _pamper_ her for a whole day before they got a wince or twitch out of Natsumi. Those all faded in a matter of minutes too, meaning Shikaku-sama tended to do it once a year and compare to past results just to ensure his wife wasn't hurting herself unknowingly.

If it didn't get results, Midori would've thought Lord and Lady Nara just did it to be lazy.

It was the method they used to verify the fact one of her eyes wasn't focusing correctly anymore. A day in bed in a dark room, and the next morning Natsumi's yellow eye couldn't correct her sight fast enough to compensate for the imbalance.

The face-palming her brother, the Hokage, and the Toad Sage all did afterwards happened in sync.

Midori hoped she wouldn't end up nearly as badly off as Natsumi was when she reached an age over thirty-five. It was almost just twenty years of missions away still, and entirely possible.

"I can… probably, have him assigned a mission for a month or so. Using some less than really official channels, so I'm technically not doing anything."

Even though jōnin typically picked their own missions, they did occasionally get tossed one to do because none of their fellow ninja picked it up after a certain timeframe. It didn't happen often, but it was something Midori's Lord Brother's team was known for picking up the slack on.

"Your unhelpfulness is noted, Sumi-nee-sama."

She gave the young Hatake chūnin a lopsided smirk. "Kashi-chan _is_ going to find out eventually, you know."

"In a year or so." Midori acknowledged wryly. "When I've explored this and found out if it will work or not. I just want a _chance_ , not to physically incapacitate Shisui."

"Fine, fine. I'll be doing your dirty work then." Natsumi looked way too amused to really be upset at all over the request. "Off you go, but if Kashi-chan hears of this before you can date your young man… not my fault."

"My date is for next week Monday. Thank you, Sumi-nee-sama." Midori gave her Lady Sister a hug, ignoring the wood shavings that were everywhere and clung to her clothing.

It wasn't like visiting the Nara compound was unusual for her, she went to the adopted Hatake kunoichi with all kunoichi questions she ever had, and the Natsumi scent would cover the Shisui one from when she hugged the male earlier that day.

The only place her Lord Brother used his nose all the time was at home. Midori had to muddy the waters or he'd catch on faster than she wanted.

"You're telling him either before or the day of your jōnin promotion." Natsumi warned her. "Before you can elope legally."

"Alright."

\V/

Midori had to do a completely ridiculously large amount of dodging and ducking through the week.

The male half of the Senju siblings agreed to keep her pseudo-nephews distracted. It cost the Hatake chūnin a couple days of being Tenzou's test subject for some of his wood releases, but that took care of Namikaze Naruto and Nara Shikamaru. Both of who would delight in spying on their aunt for any number of people just for the leverage it could give them. _Especially_ Naruto, who was Kakashi-nii-sama's genin student.

Their respective teams had been trickier, but Inuzuka Hana put a bug in young Yamanaka Ino's ear about the possible relationship between her jōnin-sensei and Team Eight's and Uchiha Itachi had been amiable to distract his younger brother by pointing him at Team Gai's Neji and his current reputation as a Hyūga taijutsu genius.

Hana required a long look at the Dog Summoning Contract for her bribe, Itachi was always agreeable to pocky as his. The elder daughter of the Inuzuka Alpha had been preferable to what Mitarashi Anko would've demanded in return for a similar favor, either an _expensive_ trip to a tea house or onsen, so Hana was Midori's choice to help her out.

Little Haruno Sakura had already known and been sworn to secrecy, because what she knew eventually reached Nohara Rin. Her Lord Brother's teammate, who was teaching the pinkette the basics of medical ninjutsu. What Rin knew and decided to share was spilled to Uchiha Obito, and he had one of the biggest mouths in the village. Senju Naomi promised to warn her if anything happened in the hospital, so at least Midori would have some warning.

She had no illusions that she'd get away with keeping her pick of boyfriend this year from her Kakashi-nii-sama. It was a _shinobi_ village, gossip spread faster than ink on paper. Midori just wanted to get past the first date, because if it was all awkward then at least maybe they could still be friends without the threat of bodily damage hanging over Shisui.

It was very obvious that she would be spied upon during her date anyways. Sumi-nee-sama knew a stupid amount of shinobi for a retired kenjutsu mistress, she _always_ had current gossip when asked. It was probably a result of her fūinjutsu mastery.

Actually… thinking about her Lady Sister's parting comment… it might be possible Sumi-nee-sama was going to help on that keeping her dating quite end.

Midori would forever _adore_ her if that was true.

\V/

Shisui looked so awkward.

Not the best beginning, but Midori could work with that. He was at least here. The ramen shop was terribly public, and rather in the thick of things given the Uzumaki patronage they enjoyed, but neutral enough that anyone that saw them would think they were just two friends and not out on a date.

This was just to break the ice her request to date had grown over their relationship, and so they wouldn't be hungry later.

"What do you think of me asking for Sumi-nee-sama's katana?"

He slid onto a stool next to her, his expression fading from 'someone's-going-to-kill-me' to warily thoughtful. "Isn't that a bit long for your arm reach?"

"Yes… but in a few years? Besides, it's long for her too and she still went through the Third War with it."

"Yeah, but she was taught by-" Shisui broke off his sentence, and Midori smirked a bit self-depreciatingly.

Shinobi conversational ice-breakers, talk about a mutual acquaintance and which of their skills you liked. Occasionally slightly awkward, but at least it wasn't as bad as before.

"By my otou-sama, I know. She said she knew yours too."


	14. Canon Cast meets Mesuji-verse, Part One

It started innocently enough, if that could be applied to shinobi.

Inoichi had been reporting on the T&I Division, even though he had long since retired from being the Head of Interrogation in favor of Intelligence. Minato didn't exactly understand the distinction between those two departments, they seemed to be generally interchangeable titles depending on if what they were dealing with was an external threat or an internal matter.

Thankfully, even if he was the Yondaime Hokage, he didn't have to.

Inoichi might have given up his old position as Head Interrogator to Natsumi's old genin student Ibiki, but he kept up with the entire snarled mess and tended to keep reporting about it.

As long as the Yamanaka clan head knew where he fell into that, Minato was pretty content to leave the situation as is. He had more than enough work on his own.

Said clan head had long since finished his verbal report and was merely spending time with his old genin teammates, meaning Natsumi was out of her ANBU General armor and lounging in his office as well.

There were some times when Minato looked around and wondered why, exactly, someone thought putting a bunch of ninja friends in charge of a whole military village was a good idea.

He might make all the important decisions and calls, but Natsumi generally knew three things more about whatever than he did by reading reports alone and Inoichi usually had another five in random viewpoints to him. Shikaku could generally be relied on to tack on a handful more facts given what the jōnin were gossiping about, Chouza had what foreign merchants had to share on the topic, Fugaku had what the civilians spread to his police officers, then Hiashi and Hizashi had what the other clans thought on it all.

That was Minato's old genin team, his sempai's husband and his team, and three more old friends from their academy days. Almost all of whom also run massively large shinobi clans on their off-time, to top it all off.

Yes, he had been woolgathering while he was supposed to be signing more paperwork. Mission assignments, which were at least interesting to read of even if he no longer ran them.

While he was distracted thinking very sour thoughts on whose bright idea it was for the kage to handle all the bloody paperwork on his own, he heard Natsumi scoff at Inoichi and turned back into their conversation.

"Had I known Danzō would've been such an ass in the end, I would've killed him years before." The 'officially' retired jōnin kunoichi informed the Yamanaka clan head pointedly. "Well before he got my taicho killed and made poor Midori-chan grow up without him."

"You really should stop calling her 'poor'." Inoichi pointed out blandly. "Ri-chan is a spoilt little kunoichi, you know."

"She hides it really well, and that's all that matters."

The Head of Intelligence quirked a very wry smirk in response. "I will have to take your word for it. Returning to the topic of our conversation, however…"

"I can't see the future, Ino." Natsumi practically sighed out, aborting a movement to rake a hand through her long, but more importantly, _braided_ hair. "I have no idea why you would think so."

How did she not end up cutting her hair with those nails? Just by raking a hand through it, she had to lose a handful of strands alone… yet it was still as long as ever.

"I was merely musing on how rumors and folktales like 'seers' came to be." Inoichi waved away the skeptic look the ANBU General shot him easily, long familiarity with the kunoichi and her sometimes caustic habits had given him a hefty tolerance to such looks. "Face it, your cognitive abilities to spot patterns in a gross mass take of human behavior is probably the closest thing we can get to predicting the future."

"Which you can do yourself, when it comes to individuals if not military or political power shifts." Wrinkling her nose at the very idea, the retired assassin finally gave some semi-serious thought to the subject. "I really think what little of history I recall from Fiona is the basis of that, she knew a lot more than we ever will."

"While she might have given you more information to draw on, I'm not convinced it's entirely her influence on you. You've already said some of that is fading well past the point of being of use, and yet you still can point out faction shifts or power plays from other villages from behind our village's walls."

Natsumi settled her features into a neutral cast as she mentally chewed on that, Minato privately wondered what Stag thought of the very weird shift in the conversation as he started back in on his waiting paperwork.

His sempai's almost always present bodyguard had probably heard and seen a lot of things ever since deciding the ANBU General's elbow was his position until death took him, but he was at least somewhat sure Fiona's existence and subsequent 're-death' was still a mostly kept secret. Then again, the ex- _Ne_ member might think the strange name was a code or a reference he didn't have the clearance to know of.

He'd be right thinking that, too.

Very few people knew of Natsumi's Kurama kekkai genkai alter-ego, or what and who she was… or how it nearly screwed the kunoichi up mentally. They had kept it that way, other than the individuals present for his son's birth only Inoichi had been told the full story. He was on file as her psychologist, and not even the former clan members of the Kuramas knew what an alter-ego's apparent death did to the Kurama that created it.

"I don't have to be able to recall the information to know I know it… I think." Her features twisted into a semi-concerned look when the Yondaime glanced up, working out how to phrase what she was trying to say. "I've lost details, which is annoying to know but not be able to recall, but not the actual information itself. I work off that knowing, and I do know what incidents make me think something will happen if not really why I think that way."

"That's inspiring."

"Oh shut up, Ino. I have a wealth of information more from this… job I do on the side which, I will have you know, paints different patterns that what civilian outfits, a mess of different military styles, and almost four different warfare types Fiona knew of did. Shinobi act differently than about ninety percent of that."

Minato paused between sheets of paper, mentally adding up her age and Fiona's. Natsumi was mentally sixty something… almost seventy. When did old age start impairing the brain's ability to recall, was that physical or a mental issue, and was that actually going to be an issue for her?

He eyed his ANBU General's profile, and the annoyed look she was pinning on the slightly smirking Head of Intelligence.

It didn't seem so, but it was a question to pose when she wasn't liable to try hitting him for posing it.

He lost track of the conversation while pondering senility and it's causes, so hearing the next round slightly confused him and was where the issue started.

"Hypothetically speaking, every action ever possible has been taken already. If I wanted to be entirely nasty and twist your brain in knots, there once was a theory called the 'Multiple Alternate Worlds Theory'. Which claimed that the universe branches off every time someone makes a different choice between two or more options." Natsumi informed Inoichi flatly, waving one clawed hand around as if to encompass all those hypothetical worlds. "In them, _anything_ is possible. A different change years ago could've resulted in my non-existence, your demise in a spectacularly horrific way, almost _anything_ , and reality went on without one or more of us to result in a wholly different reality than the one we live in. Maybe your 'seers' see into one of those, and _that's_ why no one believes them."

"So you're claiming any 'seers' are crackpots, crazies that 'looked' too far and confused themselves on those 'possibilities'?"

The ANBU General huffed out a breath, both looking and sounding annoyed. "Some days you are impossible, Ino."

"Thanks for the compliment, Natsu. I'll treasure it always."

"This is revenge for siccing Ibiki on you, isn't it? I knew that would come back to bite me on the ass."

As the conversation continued in that vein, Minato was still slightly stuck on the possibility of no Natsumi. He had an idea connecting his predecessor's seeing crystal ball jutsu and maybe one or more of those 'alternate worlds'… and one old, mish-mashed seal design once used to prove to a certain Toad Sage his sempai's sanity.

He must be really bored if that highly dubious possibility immediately made his fingers itch for his fūinjutsu supplies to figure out the seal for it.

…Hiruzen left his crystal ball here, right?

\V/

Generally speaking, kages were very bored shinobi.

Once they got to the point of being nearly inhuman wrecking balls of power meshed with skill, their respective villages didn't want to deploy them into the field unless there wasn't another way to solve whatever conflict. It was a waste of resources, and a potentially dangerous act if anything would happen to the village that would need that S-ranked ninja at hand to solve.

Minato might have been able to deploy himself to aid Terumī Mei and the Mist-nin rebels back during their civil war, but that was entirely due to Jiraiya and Tsunade staying behind in the village, Hiruzen covering the Hokage's post, and Natsumi agreeing to forward any majorly important paperwork he had to deal with via her ANBU.

Three other S-ranked shinobi and a technically miss-ranked kunoichi were required to even shift him out for a few months.

The only real reason he managed it was because he was an fūinjutsu master, Kushina hadn't been at the time and had only recently given birth as well. Natsumi might have been a master of the art before any of them but again she had recently given birth, recently tangled with a kage-level threat to Konohagakure and Minato's family, and recovering from the death of her Kurama alter-ego.

Jiraiya would freely admit he wasn't as much a master in various fields of sealing as the generation that followed him into the art, his refusal to specialize handicapped him a little on that.

That was the only reason why he ever managed to leave his village for a short deployment of his own after becoming Hokage.

Admittedly, there were very few individuals that would flatly refuse any S-ranked ninja their way if they wanted it badly enough. Unfortunately, Minato seemed to have the bulk of those kinds of people in his village.

The most important of those people was Minato's wife, who could make him fear for his life a little whenever he had to work late and missed dinner with her and their son.

Therefore, he didn't try taking work home with him… or working past nightfall.

He usually used the time between getting home and dinner to help his son attempt his academy homework or some shinobi training after he graduated, generally mostly physical work to drain off Naruto's Uzumaki inherited hyperactivity.

Kushina had been a similarly hyper child as an academy trainee and later genin kunoichi. Minato learned how she had likely been like before moving to Konohagakure from their own son's behavior, and privately feared the inevitable rebuilt Uzumaki clan's resurgence in the shinobi world.

The only bright spot in that was that Yahiko would have to deal with that headache instead of him. Nagato had asked for and gotten Kushina's permission to rebuild the Uzumaki clan with him at it's head instead of her after he found little Uzumaki Karin and her parents, so any Uzumaki clansmen would all be mostly Rain-nin.

Given the sheer amount of havoc and trouble Naruto could stir up in a good day, _more_ Uzumakis was a horrible thought.

As Hokage in charge of a military village, not as the cousin-in-law to said new Uzumaki clan head himself.

Minato pinched the bridge of his nose, reordering his thoughts so it sounded less like he was a paranoid shinobi looking for more threats to him and his and more like a father of one half-Uzumaki pitying a distant but allied coworker, that he maybe held a tiny grudge against, trying to deal with multiple full Uzumaki children at once.

Kushina sank down next to him, tired from multiple meeting with the village's various councils she took on for him and making it home in time to greet their son after team training and make dinner on top of it. Minato was frequently amazed she could juggle all of that in one day, he'd probably have to use his hiraishin to do something similar.

"Our little monster has night field training _all_ next week, living out on the border training fields for consecutive days to get a feel for how overnight or long distance mission work." She informed him blissfully, kicking up her legs to rest on the arm of the couch. "We must remember to do something nice for Kashi-chan in return for taking him off our hands."

"I heard that, kaa-chan!" Said monster bellowed from the kitchen.

Minato huffed a slight laugh. "We're all in the same house, Naruto-kun. Stop yelling."

Naruto padded into the study his parents were taking a break in, scowling slightly and rolling his sleeves down over wet wrists from doing the dishes for his mother. "Sorry, sorry. Kashi-sensei really is taking us out for a week though, tou-chan."

"I know, he cleared it with me _last_ week."

"It's going to be awesome." The younger Namikaze enthused, either ignoring the fact his father had known of the training trip before him or merely accepting it as another of the things he didn't get told for various reasons. "Sakura-chan's studying Sumi-ba-chan's taijutsu style with an eye for adapting it to a more defensive style for medics, she's been practicing on Sasuke-teme and it's _hilarious_."

"Is your godmother teaching it again?" Minato questioned lightly, because he was mostly sure she was currently trying to tackle the Fire Country Kumo spy ring possibly operating out of Hot Water and not teaching more students. He was halfway convinced that ghost story the ANBUs liked to spread around was half true, and it was an echo of Fiona operating ANBU for him and not his sempai.

"Naw, Gai-sensei noted she had an almost exact body memory when he stopped by our training field one day. He asked to try teaching her a couple moves, turns out she's not as good as him in remembering a lot of different taijutsu styles but Sakura-chan might just prove to be a secondary taijutsu specialist with three or so styles in a few years."

Kushina tilted her head slightly, pursing her lips. "Taijutsu skills seem to run in her family anyways, her okaa-san was a very good tokubetsu jōnin in the art before her retirement."

"She's got a wicked right hook, that's for sure." Naruto nodded a few times, one hand inching up to rub at the back of his head.

"Alright, you should go pack for your training trip. Need any help?"

"I'm not an academy student anymore, tou-chan." Claimed the younger Namikaze, turning to leave the room to do just that. "I can handle it."

Kushina waited until he was out of earshot before commenting on that. "Ten ryo on Kashi-chan having to send one of his dogs back to get him clean clothing."

"No bet." Minato dryly informed his wife.

That had been a bad habit they both had shared until someone taught them how to pack for just about any possibility, cheating heavily by pulling that information from another lifetime of military service.

"So… a week, with our day jobs sure but… a week without the little monster." She grinned mischievously up at him. "What do you want to do with all that free time?"

"I take it paperwork is out of the question?" Not even flinching at the elbow that found a home in his ribs, Minato actually gave that some serious thought. "I… have a wonder about a possible use of fūinjutsu."

"This wouldn't be anything like you and Natsumi playing with the Hokage's Tower seals, would it? I seem to recall that incident made the Tower inhabitable for a good month before we managed to reverse whatever it was the two of you did."

Minato smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head like his son had done not minutes before. "Well… maybe not? It wasn't about any previously operating Uzumaki seal work in existence, just Hiruzen's crystal ball and a little project only Jiraiya-sensei ever saw working."

Kushina frowned as she wracked her memory for what fūinjutsu project only the Toad Sage had seen out of them. "What did we…? Oh, that."

"Yes, that. Sempai made a comment to Inoichi that stuck in my head, and I'm curious."

"A fate worse than death, curious shinobi." She sighed, sprawling out over her husband's lap. "We are such an old couple, I swear."

He shrugged lightly, careful not to jostle her. "I'm just thankful we got to an age possible to be an old couple at."

"Oh… I suppose that is a good point." Kushina still didn't seem too interested in moving, and frankly Minato didn't want to either. "So, this fūinjutsu question?"

"Sempai made a comment to Inoichi about 'alternate worlds', which would result differently than our own. The topic of the conversation had been about seers and how or why they came to be, she suggested one could see into those other worlds."

"How did Hiruzen-sama's crystal ball tie into this?"

Minato scratched at the side of his face. "It's Hiruzen-sama's crystal ball. In any reality of him being the Sandaime Hokage, he'd have a copy of it somewhere. If we can tie that into the array, we might be able to use it to see how different decisions resulted in different things."

"…point."

\V/

The seal array they eventually came up with didn't take a week, it took nearly half a year.

Part of that delay was the fact the basis the seal was being developed on was a very vague possibility. 'Theory' wasn't a solid fact of being, it was entirely possible there was no such thing as 'alternate universes'. Another was the upcoming Chūnin Exams being held in Konohagakure no Sato.

Natsumi took that worry off him, though. She delegated that to Ibiki, his second Anko, and the rest of the T&I Division to devise a good series of tests and helped them work it out.

Which, now that Minato actually thought about that, was slightly worrying. Even more so because they requested Training Grounds Forty-Four for a solid _week_ , to start the survival task merely hours after the intelligence gathering portion.

Kakashi somehow found that reassuring enough to kick his entire genin team into that ring, insisting he had a good feeling about letting his young Team Seven take the Chūnin Exams so soon after graduating the academy.

Umino Iruka about had a stroke when Asuma and Kurenai both then suggested their own rookie teams try their own luck in the exams. The chūnin intelligence officer had spent a good few years teaching the class of clan heirs and other shinobi children of note, having been suggested due to the fact that a mostly unrelated ninja teaching that class would keep any suggestions of favoritism from being cast about.

The poor kid was a bit high-strung over his first group of student because of that three-year vacation as an academy instructor, and the orders to treat them like the students they were and not future leaders of the village's various internal workings.

As the same class the son of the Hokage was in contained the second son of the Uchiha clan head; the second child of the Inuzuka clan alpha; the next heads of the Aburames, Hyūgas, Yamanakas, Akimichis, and the Naras; _and_ a mix of other shinobi trainees that might resent or be jealous of those children; it had been a tall order.

Iruka had pulled it off wonderfully, even when dealing with his old jōnin-sensei's youngest son. Mikoto had been proud enough to burst over him, even if he didn't seem too interested in trying for a tokubetsu jōnin or full jōnin rank.

The teaching gig had even led the chūnin to switch over to be a full time instructor and currently had another class he was teaching most days, though Ibiki wasn't happy at losing one of his better intel officers to the academy.

The point being, Minato had a small chunk of time to work on the seal that was bugging him about the possibilities. This Chūnin Exam was well in hand sooner than the last round had, though that might be because Natsumi wasn't pregnant for this one and could pitch in with coordinating security and what oversight it needed.

She couldn't actually dig into that project to help herself, due to the fact her son was going to be participating. Same reason Minato was taking a back step on it, as well as most of the other shinobi clans of note around the village.

As an fūinjutsu master himself, Minato probably shouldn't have been working on that seal while they were waiting for the preliminary bouts to start. He had years' worth of experience with faulty seals, smudged arrays, and slight deviations in what he was working on to know sometimes they behaved strangely.

Like the Hokage's Tower mishap. Which he insisted was Natsumi's fault.

…probably.

(ooo000ooo)

What a lot of people overlooked, even ninja that used the Forest of Death itself regularly, was that the tower complex dead center of the field had it's own fūinjutsu array.

It was normally abandoned most of the time between Chūnin Exams. Yet… the complex never became overrun by vegetation or wildlife in the five years between occasions it was used, the most it needed was a brisk scrub down before use.

The place was so wild and over saturated with chakra, natural and not, that it grew centipedes, leaches, and other insects or invertebrates in obscene sizes. The animals that made the Forest of Death home tended to be more developed and vicious than usual, the tigers and bears alone tended to be considered practice for fighting _Summons_.

The seal work that protected the tower complex had been some of Uzumaki Mito's first works in Fire Country, when whatever happened around the original Hokage's Tower complex turned the clearing it had once been located in into a twisted mass of a forest lethal enough to fight back against any attempts to tame it.

Minato actually knew the incident that led to the creation of the Forty-Fourth Training Grounds had been an assassination attempt Hashirama had maybe too violently protested happening. He almost believed it _did_ manage to strike home and kill his wife, newborn child, and brother… hence why the trees were so saturated with his rage and grief stricken will even a century later.

The subsequent generations of shinobi using the place as a high level jutsu practice area didn't help calm anything down.

Minato also knew perfectly well that two fūinjutsu users were nothing alike. Even if they might share a similar design habit to each other, like the Uzumaki clansmen from ages ago, they required effort to work the same array even intentionally.

The Uchiha compound sealing was a very pointed suggestion that two fūinjutsu masters working together was harder to accomplish than it sounded. There had been four on that occasion, and it still took them near a month to work out how it would go.

Hiruzen's crystal ball relied on an array Mito worked out for him once upon a time long lost, to focus and show the image the retired Hokage directed his jutsu to. Mito, who made the same array that protected and shielded the old and newer Hokage's Tower complexes… which ate at any and all chakra spilled nearby or within it to keep powered _and_ as a security feature. The older versions more than the newer ones, but still something he did have experience tangling with.

The same Uzumaki Mito who had a great niece who was now his wife, and helped him with half of the newly designed array he was winding into a copy of her crystal ball focus design.

Uzumakis had a predisposition to work together, even apparently very dead ones.

He really should not have been so surprised to suddenly come face to face with a version of Hiruzen that apparently hadn't given up his hat, or the fact the elderly kage immediately tried to kill him after a long moment of them and their ANBU guards staring blankly at each other out of sheer disbelief.

…Kushina was going to _kill_ him…

" _MINATO!_ "

…if Natsumi didn't do it first.

\V/

After the initial start of surprise and the first attempts to kill each other wore off, there was a very awkward staring contest all around.

Kakashi blinked his one eye at his copy, who blinked back just as baffled as he was.

Difference was, he had both eyes and was holding a sword at his throat instead of the Chidori jutsu he… they? Whatever, the assassination jutsu that Kakashi had developed. Given Obito's sharingan in his head wasn't distorting the image of his very dashing and whole looking copy, meant this wasn't a genjutsu.

Non-sharingan Kakashi looked both incredulous over his red pinwheel eye as he did at the palm of lighting he was holding just barely inches from his sternum.

"The hell happened to you?" Asked the Kakashi with both eyes, the sword not lowering even if he was establishing a line of dialogue.

The Kakashi with the sharingan approved of the caution from himself.

Additionally, this was a very awkward situation. Had that been mentioned yet?

"Err… sensei? Sensei _s_?" Naruto the scruffier tugged on the Kakashi with one eye's baggy pants, not breaking the staring contest he was holding with himself. "Sakura-chan, what's the… plural of sensei?"

"Err… just sensei…"

"Actually, he was right as well. Senseis is also correct." Chipped in the other Sakura, the one that didn't look like a twig with ragged pink hair.

"Very true, sorry." Said stick thin Sakura.

"No problem."

"Hn…"

"Hn?"

Sasuke one and two shrugged at the same time, then apparently decided it didn't really matter too much to them if the other wasn't a genjutsu. Sasuke numbered one, the one with the cursed mark, scoffed and turned away. Sasuke number two shrugged again, turning to his teammates.

"How much you two want to bet this has something to do with Hokage-sama?"

Kakashi with the sharingan stiffened slightly, earning him a narrowed look from his whole looking doppelganger.

"Tou-chan's not always the one at fault when something like this happens, Sasuke-teme!" The Naruto who wasn't scruffy and eye-wateringly orange _all_ over hissed, punching his respective teammate in the arm. "It could've been Sumi-ba-chan again."

"Shikamaru-kun?"

"Kaa-chan's got security duties here, I think." The Nara heir with two differently colored eyes called over, causing a few reactions over with Team Ten that deserved notice. "She's too busy to mess around with fūinjutsu right now. Sorry, Naru-kun, I'm going to have to go with your teammate on this one."

"My point." Sasuke numbered two intoned blandly and calmly, almost a creepy copy of Itachi at that age.

The squabbling Team Seven got into after that was… mostly more of the same, really.

"My Shika-kun's better than yours." Ino chirped at her mirror, who was blatantly staring back at a copy of herself as she plastered her front to the side of long-suffering expressing Shikamaru with two different colored eyes' head. "He can _purr_."

"What, _really?_ "

Both Inos turned to the Shikamaru in question, who blinked back lazily while leaning against what was likely his version of his jōnin-sensei. Both versions of Asuma looked too closely alike to really be told apart, they even reacted to try killing each other the same way with their chakra knives. The only way to tell was to look at what version of the Nara heir was using his leg as a backrest and guess from there.

"Shika-kun… you do it and I'll not bother you for a week after the Exams are over." Whichever Ino was his teammate offered as a bribe, one hand on a tiny hip.

The Shikamaru in question sighed heavily, called them both troublesome in spades, and _actually began to purr_.

Kakashi with the sharingan decided _that_ deserved the "What the _fuck_ ," that wanted to slip out of his mouth.

…but it was likely if _that_ Naruto knew who his father was, and could blame him for things, then…

 _Namikaze Minato_ might be here as well. Probably where Sarutobi Hiruzen was while the mop up of the second match of the elimination round happened.

One of the Asuma's looked a little disturbed, the other merely bland as his leg vibrated with his student's audible purring.

The Choujis just traded potato chips, apparently more interested in what the other was eating than any doppelganger activity that might be risky to their health.

Gai and Gai were… nope. Kakashi, either one, wasn't going there.

There should be a limit on how much _YOUTH!_ one place held at any specific time, that limit had been strained when Gai, either one, gained a student that _copied him_. The duo being doubled meant a foursome of _YOUTH!_

Bad… _bad mental images_.

Kurenai, blissful and sensible Kurenai, was staring at a mirror of herself not wearing her thorn patterned kimono dress. There were a thorn pattern prevalent on both, but as one was actually dressed in a dressy kunoichi fashion the other was wearing a long sleeved top and tight pants.

…really tight pants.

"Can you even move in those?" The Kurenai in a dressy kimono asked archly, running one painted nail over her bottom lip.

Kurenai in tight pants scoffed at her double, folding her arms under her ample chest. "Please, that attempt to snare me in a genjutsu is so _overused_. At least have some class hidden away in that frumpy robe you're wearing."

Ouch… catfight.

There was a timid and not-so-timid looking variations of Hinata regarding each other, a double dose of Inuzuka combos snarling and sniffing at each other out of sheer confusion, and two Shinos exchanging bugs around their legs.

Kakashi with the sharingan wondered exactly what drug they were on, and where he could get a bit more.

" _MINATO!_ "

His jōnin-sensei was here and alive. Kakashi with the sharingan almost let his jutsu go at the very thought of seeing the man again.

There was a very long, _long_ pause as everyone waited to see who yelled, and if the Yondaime Hokage really would respond to that shout.

The _thump_ as someone kicked open the great double doors at the end of the exhibition hall drew most of the attention around and available to be spared, but the kunoichi that came through the opening wasn't one the scarred Kakashi knew of.

Nara clan jacket… with the purring Nara heir's eye colors just as mixed up as he had them.

"Very sorry, people. Slight temporal, alternate reality issue. Try not to kill yourselves, _literally_ , while we sort this out." The kunoichi claimed lightly, both looking and sounding resignedly annoyed. "Maru-chan, we're going to need your fūinjutsu supplies. You too, Naru-chan. Fork them over."

The alternate versions of the two ninjas obediently dug into their pockets for sealing scrolls at her bland request. Opening them up and stripping them of their pre-made up ink jars, probably blood-laced ink.

"Natsumi-dono?" One version of the Sand Siblings' blond eldest kunoichi asked over one shoulder, warily staring at her alternate other's littlest brother. "I… may require your expertise in the stead of my shishou."

Nara Natsumi, who was apparently an alternate variation of the Nara heir's mother, instantly turned and jumped effortlessly to the railing near the duplicated Sand Sibling trio. "What's up?"

That conversation weirdly blurred out to even Kakashi's excellent hearing, the sword wielding version of him huffed and finally lowered his sword while the scarred one let his jutsu go finally.

"She do that often?"

"Nee-chan does it whenever village secrets are in play." Other Kakashi claimed lightly, sealing… _sealing into his arm a version of the Sword of Kusanagi_. "Probably means it's a Sunagakure fūinjutsu secret in nature, if it requires her specialty that her student's student Temari-chan shares."

"… _nee-chan?_ "

"Yes…?" Whole and apparently not-alone Kakashi answered uncertainly, warily eyeing his scarred and lonely copy. "She was otou-sama's student in kenjutsu while I was a baby. She helped kaa-chan raise me before the Third War broke out. I made an absolute mess at her wedding, and she never let me forget it."

The Kakashi that lost nearly everyone close to him wondered vaguely if that meant she died well before he had ever met her in his reality, or if she had abstained from contacting her teacher's son as well due to him looking too much like his father and died sometime afterwards before she could be this Nara heir's mother.

Much like he had almost done to Naruto… but his sensei's son didn't have a Minato to help him grow up and he didn't intend to father a kid.

…the other Kakashi didn't have a sharingan eye, either. " _Obito_?"

"…that's his, then?" A cocked head and a shake later, and the other Kakashi spilled the desired information. "He's alive and with both eyes. Still annoys the hell out of me, trips into trouble and barely manages to scrape himself out of it… marrying Rin sometime next year, too."

Kakashi with the sharingan abruptly switched his attention elsewhere, because that was painful and not something he wanted to dwell more on right now. Obito's eye was already irritated and watering as it was, and he had barely used the damn thing.

The healthier looking Sakura was berating her stick thin copy, countering weak protests of 'dieting' with a lecture on the severe complications starvation had on a kunoichi's developing body and why it was just a bad idea all over the place.

Sasuke one and two were warily eyeing each other, looking as much as any former Uchiha MPs did when curious but knowing it was a very bad idea to ask. Neither one would likely break that without outside prompting.

Naruto the scruffy was whispering with his head together with his slightly more put together version, which was alarming in its' own way. One was very good with traps and pranks and the other apparently had his Uzumaki clan art of _fūinjutsu_ at his disposal, even discounting all the S-ranked secrets that might be given away with a misspoken word or two.

The Shikamaru with the strange eye coloring and the ability to purr passed the Kakashis, snagging the sealing scroll one Naruto absently tossed over a shoulder. Probably carrying the requested supplies to his mother as asked, more than likely just to get away from the double dose of Yamanaka gossip supplied by the Inos that broke out the moment the word 'alternate' had been spoken.

Asuma twinned looked so long suffering, and the remaining Shikamaru looked contemplative of his alternate double's mother.

The two Chouji kept on munching on their food, which was now spread around them and sampling whatever looked a little different than what they had.

"Oh, wait up Shikamaru-kun." One TenTen spoke up suddenly, digging through her own pack of supplies, the other TenTen looked incredibly envious at the calligraphy tools she unearthed. "Add this to what you're taking to Sumi-ba-sama."

" _MY YOUTHFUL STUDENT! HOW GENEROUS OF YOU TO-!_ "

" _GAI!_ WE ARE INDOORS!" Natsumi snarled back across to the other elevated walkway they were standing on, apparently done with whatever needed the privacy.

"SORRY SENSEI! AS PUNISHMENT, I WILL RUN A HUNDRED… NO! _THREE HUNDRED_ LAPS SIDEWAYS ON THE VILLAGE WALL!"

"That's nice, I might even join you. But indoor voice, please."

Kakashi with the sharingan was baffled. _No one_ had ever gotten Gai to modulate his tone, even a little. He wasn't the only one from his reality staring blankly at the kunoichi's back, either.

…additionally… _SENSEI?_

The other Gai looked equally stumped and a little concerned at that twist to things.

Their respective mini-mes were merely enthusing, at length, on how great it was being Gai's students. Neji one and two were preoccupied staring at each other's forehead. TenTen who wasn't as good at fūinjutsu was badgering her better taught version for sealing tips.

Kakashi squared looked away before one Gai's seriousness wore off and twin dose of _YOUTH!_ provided mental scarring to any unwary watchers.

Kurenai and Kurenai were no longer hissing and spitting in their genjutsu mistress way, but they were eyeing the other's clothing thoughtfully. One of their Hinatas had reached out and embraced the other in a hug, listening to some mumbled story and quietly talking back in response. Kiba, Kiba, Akamaru, and Akamaru decided they were all boring and were investigating the alternate versions of their teammates. Shino mirroring Shino were still in the middle of trading bugs back and forth.

"…so… story time?" Kakashi who wielded swords like a Hatake clan member from generations ago quietly asked faux lightly, probably already knowing the story wasn't going to be pleasant or amusing.

Minato, if he was here, was probably a little busy trying to fix things. Kakashi who had the sharingan fully intended to at least see his old jōnin-sensei once before this, whatever it was, ended… but he could spend some time to figure out what the hell had happened. "…only if you tell me about nee-chan."

His alternate double looked very carefully blank for a long moment. "…we have two. Nee-chan and imouto."

…oh.


	15. Canon Cast meets Mesuji-verse, Part Two

Sarutobi Hiruzen, the Sandaime Hokage, was a very old shinobi.

He had seen a lot over his life, but this one… seemed more like an incident out of his student Jiraiya's book plots to justify self-gratification in an extreme way.

There was a Yondaime Hokage, arguing with an unknown Nara kunoichi. In front of him.

He knew it was his successor… very few shinobi could pull off the Flying Thunder God Technique the same way Minato could. Instantly, nearly without thought, and even when taken off guard. Emma's staff-form barely touched the previous location the Yellow Flash had been occupying when the kunoichi lowly snarled out his name and made everyone in the room pause.

 _Especially the Yondaime's ANBU guard, who to the last ninja flinched at her voice_. Which had been surprising enough for the Sandaime to raise a hand to prevent any more violence from continuing by his own guard.

Namikaze Minato, as hale and alive as he had been before that disastrous night over a decade ago. Still the Yondaime, somehow, even if Hiruzen _knew_ his successor had died resealing the nine-tailed demon fox into his son.

Listening to the two younger shinobi squabble about fault and dubious fūinjutsu designs while also simultaneously pulling out calligraphy supplies from what seemed to be personalized storage scrolls was… bitterly painful.

What had they done to preserve their Yondaime, which he failed to do?

Minato spread out a very complex sealing array over the table the two Hokages had been using previously for paperwork/fūinjutsu design. "Look, sempai. It wasn't supposed to be _physical_. I was trying to tie in Hiruzen-sama's crystal ball, just to avoid weird incidents _like this_."

The unknown kunoichi just sighed heavily. "Minato, I _don't do_ space and time fūinjutsu. That's you and the hime. If you need me to look over the basis of the three different arrays I can do that, but unless we figure out how to get your wife in here… you're on your own."

The title 'sempai' spoke of a very _long_ association between them, Hiruzen was sure he didn't know her though. He might be old, but he wasn't so old he would have forgotten such an unusual eye coloration paired with one of his village's ninja clans.

Especially not someone his successor had respected so highly to continue calling her 'sempai' well after he became her leader.

A 'hime' the Yondaime was married to could only be one Uzumaki Kushina. The fact she was alive and well probably… possibly… meant they had… a version of Biwako. Alive, un-murdered, Biwako.

Hiruzen very nearly sagged at the mere thought of his dearly missed wife.

"I… yeah, you're right." Minato raked a hand through his shaggy blond hair, a slight slump to his shoulders. "Think we might be able to pull that off through the Toads?"

"…it might be better to try for sensei first." She suggested after a moment of thought. "We have yet to get a very good look at _what_ this hodgepodge of an array is doing. While we know, thanks to… Hiruzen-sama, that Summons _do_ work… we might not get _our_ Summons. No offense, Hiruzen-sama, King Emma."

The Monkey King merely shrugged lightly, looking very interested in the various ANBU agents still hanging around the ceiling/walls/various pieces of furniture in mid-fight poses that probably wouldn't relax until _everyone_ was sure the two Hokages were safe from their counterpart.

A sensei they shared, with a Summons Contract. Likely Jiraiya, but that again didn't make much sense to Hiruzen. The Toad Sage had only taken Minato on as an apprentice, not a full genin team.

"None taken." He cleared his throat, gaining the two's attention. "If I may… who are you, my dear?"

She blinked her pale and mismatched eyes at him slowly, confusion creeping over her thin features. Then she shot a venomous glare at her Yondaime. " _MINATO!_ What did you _DO?_ "

"I didn't…" The Yellow Flash ran a hand over his face, his features palling into a very grey complexion as he likely turned possibilities over in his head. "…the conversation between you and Ino late last year. The one when you told him about the 'alternate worlds' thing. I got a little… _stuck_ , on trying to think of a world without you. That's what… the array… might just be tuned for…?"

The Nara kunoichi _gaped_ back at him, even if the shinobi couldn't see her doing it. "I… _no_. You know what? You explain, I'm going to get us a bit more supplies… so we _don't_ have to test things on the damn walls and hope it doesn't snarl this mess up _more_."

She stomped away, looking highly irate and a step away from panicking slightly until she reached the doors, when an impressive façade of Nara blandness smoothed out her features.

Hiruzen noted both that and the very slight way Minato's ANBU guard cringed away from her the more upset she had gotten.

"Hiruzen-sama… that was my… sempai. Current ANBU General, and Lady of the Nara clan. Nara Shikaku's wife." Minato let his hand fall away from his face, still looking very grave but also grimly determined. "She's been like a nee-chan to me for years, ever since our academy days. We met in the orphanage. Can I ask…?"

"I do not know of her." Hiruzen mused aloud, regretfully. An ANBU General… he was really sorry that he didn't know her. "The eyes are… distinctive. I would have recalled a Nara with that combination."

"She married into the clan, wasn't born part of it."

That tickled his memory. "What was she before her marriage?"

"Mesuji." Minato supplied uneasily. "Mesuji Natsumi, her kaa-san was Mesuji Mana… and her otou-san was a member of the Kurama clan. She was a bastard child, if it helps any."

(ooo000ooo)

He knew it wasn't going to be good.

Minato knew already that she, his sempai, didn't exist with this other reality. Hiruzen's reaction to her was damning in confirming that, also the very wary way he watched _her_ , not the Yondaime's, every move until she left. Natsumi was a very quirky kunoichi nowadays, when she wasn't wearing black painted armor of the ANBU General.

Anyone that _didn't_ know her would treat her like a very large threat.

Old ninjas got that way by being better than anyone that ever tried to kill them. After thirty years of age, one was considered an _old ninja_. Nara Natsumi was creeping up on the underside of forty, therefore a threat.

She might have scraped by several instances of other ninja trying to kill her by a thread alone, but _Natsumi was still alive_ and a lot of them that tried to kill her weren't anymore.

"Ah… I recall Mesuji Mana. The eye coloring helps, really." Hiruzen spoke suddenly, looking contemplative. "Her daughter… I do not recall her name, only the incident. The Kurama clan asked for and got approval to take her into their clan when she had been newly orphaned. She never became a kunoichi, I think."

Minato was suddenly very sorry he didn't let Shikaku murder the remnants of that clan. "I… see."

(ooo000ooo)

Natsumi didn't want to know what Minato had been thinking.

She didn't even want to think on it herself. Since that wasn't possible, because her mind was a twisted, horrible entity that did it's own thing, she merely strived for a measure of calm and rational thinking that was probably just a false front.

The ANBU General would panic later, _much later_. "Stag."

Her Watch Commander materialized at her back, hovering and anxious because her self-appointed guardsman knew her well enough to know she was panicking mentally.

"Have your agents circulate around, make sure no one is bleeding out in a quiet corner somewhere. I want a full assessment on who is all here, who isn't, and what we have to work with." The ANBU General commanded, the assassin mentality that had been such a balm to her working years as one effortlessly covering the jōnin's less than ideal mental state. "Bear in mind, I'm probably not Hiruzen-sama's ANBU General. If asked for clarification, tell them to report in to their respective Hokage for further orders."

Stag made a hand sign to one of his guards, because there was no way the ANBU agent would unglue himself from her back unless Minato or her husband were present.

Natsumi accepted that. His presence was reassuring that not everything was a nightmare of epic proportions becoming real. She wouldn't send him away even if she wanted to.

He even _touched her elbow_ , as tapping on the location of one's tattoo was an ANBU way of asking if another ANBU was alright personally. Responding the same way was automatic, she patted his chest plate to reassure him she could still function.

It was such a step forward for the man that clung to a twisted mockery of a bodyguard's mentality when his own world fell apart. Natsumi had almost despaired of Stag ever emerging behind the mask he _merely existed_ behind, the fact this prompted him to start being a bit more human than ROOT deserved some kind of note.

Once Stag allowed himself to melt away again, watching her back from a suitable distance for when she was retired jōnin kunoichi and Nara Lady and not the ANBU General, Natsumi continued to where the Chūnin Exam candidates were likely all contained within.

Her unease made her irritable, kicking the doors open a la Tsunade merely was to make her feel better.

"Very sorry, people. Slight temporal, alternate reality issue. Try not to kill yourselves, _literally_ , while we sort this out." She kind of impressed herself how level and blandly she pulled that off, even after catching a glimpse of a Kakashi with a sharingan eye. "Maru-chan, we're going to need your fūinjutsu supplies. You too, Naru-chan. Fork them over."

 _It didn't happen that way_. She managed _that_ much, at least.

There were copies of nearly about everyone, from the four Konoha teams she had known were participating to an extra team she didn't recall from their own village, the Suna Sand Siblings, an odd hitai-ate design with a sound note on them, various other random ninjas, and two different proctors.

Genma and Hayate, oddly enough, seemed to be perfectly happy discussing something rather than try killing each other like it seemed a lot of the other shinobi in the room tried at first.

There was a raggedly, vibrantly orange Naruto, who was peering at her with _no recognition_. Natsumi's heart almost broke at the sight of a neglected version of her otouto's son. Her _godson_.

"Natsumi-dono?" One version of the Sand Siblings' blonde eldest kunoichi asked over one shoulder, warily staring at her alternate other's littlest brother. "I… may require your expertise in the stead of my shishou."

What…? Fuck's sake, _Gaara_.

Natsumi put everything else out of her head, leaping up to her student's student's side and palming one of her security seals. "What's up?"

Baki number one and Baki number two looked eerily similar, right down to the same side they wore that headscarf on, but one nodded to her affably enough as the other glared suspiciously.

Baki number one was hers, then.

Temari, the one without the massive fan attached to her hand, gestured to the very… blankly homicidal looking copy of her littlest brother. "He's… I don't…"

Right, what she thought.

"I didn't specialize in jinchūriki seals either, Temari-chan." Natsumi was forced to admit to her adorable little pseudo granddaughter. Technically since she wasn't an orphan the Leaf kunoichi couldn't claim her 'officially', but that would never stop her from gleefully claiming more family.

That was probably an obsessive habit she should try to control… but meh.

Shikaku never really cared if she catered to that obsession as long as said ninjas were all alliance shinobi, and Shikamaru at least was amused at all his varied 'relatives' reactions to being claimed. Shikaina still followed her mother's led and referred to them all as such even if she was old enough to know it wasn't technically true.

"…can… can I do something about that?"

Natsumi hissed out a low breath, thinking rapidly.

They both ignored Baki number two's suspicious glaring and angry inhale, Baki number one decided he should probably quantify the relationships on his side before the other him did something stupid.

Like try to kill the sempai of an allied village's kage, _and_ the fūinjutsu master of one of his own village's bare handful of users in the art. As well as the ANBU General of the Leaf, which might throw a monkey wrench into things within the Shinobi Alliance of the Elemental Continent.

If… if Natsumi never taught Komushi how to seal… then he couldn't have been the one to try sealing the one-tails into Gaara. Her student had such a hard time as a genin and chūnin Suna-nin, with his water natured chakra, that he hadn't had the time to develop any skill other than being fast and reliable during the Third War. Likely he wouldn't have thought of learning fūinjutsu himself, as Sasori's arrangement had apparently taken him by surprise from what she heard of the incident. So…

Chiyo likely did the sealing… but she was so bad at the art Komushi had eventually banned the Honored Grandmother from ever tinkering with his fūinjutsu arrays ever again.

Sasori even supported it when he took the hat of the Kazekage, funnily enough.

Chiyo was a twisted kunoichi, all of them over the age of fifty were. There were likely traps and self-destruct attempts snarled into the other Gaara's jinchūriki seal. Not something even a girl who had been studying fūinjutsu for a decade should try tackling without someone that knew _that_ branch of their art to oversee.

"Sweetie… if this goes on for any decent amount of time, I'll have Minato take a look. But that, jinchūriki seals and human fūinjutsu, is such a volatile branch of the art I can't support you tinkering with Gaara-chan's seal work." Natsumi told the girl frankly, because if she didn't Temari would likely try anyways. It was her little brother, nothing would stop her from helping him unless it was Komushi himself or her pulling out all the stops. "Komushi would be heartbroken if his best student died by her fūinjutsu work under my watch, and I don't intend to ever see that."

The Temari with fūinjutsu skills looked blank on the surface at that, but the stubborn chin was a warning sign all it's own.

"Three hours, _five_ at most. Just long enough for us to get a good look at the situation and make plans on how to deal with this."

She nodded only once, sharply.

It would have to do. Natsumi pulled up her security seal just in time to cringe at her old genin student's volume.

" _MY YOUTHFUL STUDENT! HOW GENEROUS OF YOU TO-!_ "

" _GAI!_ WE ARE INDOORS!" Natsumi snarled back over one shoulder. Really, the jōnin should know better by now… but occasionally his enthusiasm got away from him.

"SORRY SENSEI! AS PUNISHMENT, I WILL RUN A HUNDRED… NO! _THREE HUNDRED_ LAPS SIDEWAYS ON THE VILLAGE WALL!"

"That's nice, I might even join you." Thinking time paired with mindless physical activity? She was _so_ there when he decided to go for it. She'd be running below him, her chakra network and control was wonky sometimes. "But indoor voice, please."

Natsumi flatly ignored the holes being stared into her back. He was her own damn _student_ , it wasn't odd to join him in training occasionally. She had helped him grow into the jōnin he was, and she did like spending time with all her old students on occasion.

If they were staring for any other reason, _she didn't want to know_.

Gai was… her Gai. She'd like to keep thinking of him as her Gai, not as whatever twisted reality this had done to the other one.

"Kaa-chan?" Shikamaru, blessedly the one she gave birth to, ambled over to the Suna grouping with a few sealing scrolls and an fūinjutsu tool kit she was sure belonged to TenTen tucked under an arm. He was peering at her in concern, Mana-baa-san's eye coloring in him still a jolt to the kunoichi's systems when he looked at her like that. "You alright?"

Natsumi managed a fond smile for her son. "I will be… and if not I don't think your tou-san will mind helping me get that way."

"Too much information, kaa-chan." Shikamaru informed her flatly, shoving the collected fūinjutsu supplies at her.

"Yes… well… you asked, son of mine."

\V/

Kakashi with one red eye watched as the Nara kunoichi, as other Kakashi's _nee-chan_ , spoke to her son a bit before taking the offered supplies and making her way to the same doors she entered from. Leaving the Sand shinobi contingent without too much worry if her son would be safe with them, meaning relations between the villages for them was better than it had to be now with his reality.

Jōnin, more than likely. She had made the leap up with little obvious effort, and fūinjutsu was such a difficult art it likely got her that rank no matter what fighting ability she had. Her movements were similarly as fluid, like how Kakashi's father had moved when he had been less broken, supporting the kenjutsu training she apparently had undertaken under Sakumo… probably a mistress of the art if she was that smooth in movement even well after middle-age for ninja.

He… never thought about maybe having siblings. His mother had died long before he had memory of her and his father… No, there had never been any wonder what it would've been like to have siblings.

However… that didn't mean there was not some now.

A _sister?_ Not just one, either. Two of them, one old enough to remember his birth and one young enough he remembered her birth.

Other him remembered the birth.

"You… don't have one."

"Either one." Corrected the Kakashi with scars and a sharingan eye. "How… how do we have an imouto? I never remembered anything about my okaa-san, and otou-sama died… when I was four."

"That's… not quite how I recall that going." Kakashi with the Sword of Kusanagi informed himself slowly.

Before it could get anymore awkward, because there were striking differences apparent all throughout the underground hall that niggled at everyone's ninja curiosity, someone else came through the main floor's doorway.

This one was kitted out as Leaf ANBU, not one the Kakashi with the sharingan knew of… but his alternate did.

"Gecko?"

The ANBU kunoichi leapt up to the railing, handing a folded piece of paper to that Kakashi, then dropped back to the floor and cautiously approached the two proctors with both hands raised.

Genma looked a bit exasperated over that, but Hayato seemed a bit tense at the same time.

It was very unnerving to realize there may be ANBU around the other Kakashi didn't know.

"We're being ordered to stand down, until such time as the current… _incident_ is over with." One Kakashi read aloud so all the Chūnin Exam participants and their jōnin-sensei on their walkway could hear him. "It's stamped by both the Sandaime and Yondaime Hokages."

Kakashi peered over his shoulder to check if that was true. "Any reason given?"

"We currently _don't_ have double the medical supplies, apparently."

"Well… ouch."

The other Kakashi gave himself an amused glance. "So… try not to injure yourselves, or yourselves. Or let yourself injure yourself. As a matter of fact, try to keep yourself from injuring anyone else, or anyone else's other self."

Kurenai, the one in tight pants, heaved a sigh at the Kakashi with two of the same eyes. "Must you? Some of us are similar enough it's going to be a nightmare to ensure we have our own teams and not a mixed up one."

"Yes. Yes I must."

"We're not… going to have to actually _label_ ourselves just to tell each other apart… right?" One of the Narutos asked slowly, looking pointedly at the doubled Shinos that _had_ no apparent difference to them.

"That's a good idea. Someone with fūinjutsu knowledge, more than me… err, us, should get right on that."

"Not it." Shikamaru with mismatched eyes suddenly spoke up as he approached the group.

One of the TenTens raised both hands and took a step backwards. "Not it."

"Not… damn it." The Naruto that suggested the idea swore lowly, giving the other two a dark look over a shoulder. "I hate you both."

"I do storage seals, mainly." TenTen pointed out with a shrug. "I also gave everything I had to Sumi-ba-chan, so I don't have the extra supplies."

"I… will more than likely get drafted to do security, because everyone knows kaa-chan's the best at that and somehow that translates to me being good at it." The other Nara heir mused as he slowly tromped over to his doubled jōnin-sensei. "So you can deal with the idea _you_ posed like an idiot."

"The love I feel from you both, I swear. Sappy doesn't even cover it." That Naruto muttered mulishly. "We're going to have to ask Sumi-ba-chan…"

"Nope. I have a couple of kaa-chan's premade security seals ready to go."

"Again, mainly storage."

"…die in a fire. The both of you."

"Okay." Kakashi with a sword chirped brightly, clapping both hands together. "So with that sorted out, let's find someplace to hunker down and secure… are we all going to stick together or try and split up a little?"

Kakashi… really wanted to ask Kakashi a couple questions. Like _how_ they could have sisters, or how the Yondaime somehow survived, or _how Obito lived_. The Gais squared obviously had a bit of sorting out to do as well, it was likely Kurenai might have questions for herself too, but Asuma times two merely looked bored.

"I think we're sticking together." One Kakashi told the other.

"May I suggest getting a corridor of rooms to share between us?" Kurenai in a dressy kimono suggested, accepting the missive that was getting passed around the jōnin so everyone would know the order was valid. "The ones the early arrivals stayed in while waiting for the second part of the exam to finish?"

"…right."

Asuma, the one that suddenly had a less burdened leg since his Nara heir finally got to his feet, sighed heavily when everyone hesitated. "I will go first. I expect to be avenged if my evil self over there kills me."

"Who said I'm the evil one?"

"I said it first." Asuma informed himself blandly. "So I did."

(ooo000ooo)

They claimed a very long stretch of corridor that ended in a dead end, and eight of the off-shoot rooms.

One Kakashi requested his 'nephew' to seal the very end for privacy after he set up the security seals he had on him on the opened end of the hall. Ensuring there would be both a seal matrix to ensure the genin teams safety _and_ a place to maybe get some answers on what the hell had happened to each other.

There were a couple Leaf teams that didn't have doubles, and somehow the ANBU picked up on what the jōnin-sensei had intended and relocated their 'base of operations' to the same corridor.

That meant the teams that _did_ have doubles had to double up in order to make room, even if they specifically picked a spot that should've at least meant they could separate out.

Which, naturally, meant a few S-ranked secrets eventually got spilled all over the place. Kakashi couldn't even execute the offender, because telling _yourself_ an S-rank secret wasn't actually a crime.

One Naruto, who looked like someone destroyed any and all ramen stockpiles in the world, blankly gaped at the other, who was less exuberant somehow but still a bit of a knucklehead ninja. "…my parents are _WHO?"_

The only silver lining of that particular cluster fuck, one-eyed Kakashi mused sourly, was that it was very easy to tell which ninja belonged to which group now. The tetchy genin that looked like the world had somehow upended on them were probably from his reality.

The ones that looked confused over why that was such a big deal were probably from other Kakashi's reality. From the reality that everyone knew who Naruto's parents were because the parents in question _were apparently alive and well_ , _and_ able to kick the asses of anyone that would want to harm their son.

"The Yondaime, and one of the last survivors of the ruling family of Uzu." The Naruto that actually _had_ some negative emotions in his range of expression repeated slowly. "Namikaze Minato and Uzumaki Kushina, tou-chan and kaa-chan."

Eye-watering orange clad Naruto flailed his arms, choking back a gurgle of _something._

"Why _don't_ you know who our parents are?" The mirrored but much less brightly orange Naruto questioned, sounding completely confused.

"They died, on October tenth shortly after your birth." Cyclops Kakashi informed the alternate copy of his student, tiredly. "Without an S-ranked shinobi within the village to provide protection, Sandaime-sama was forced to hide that fact from your parent's enemies and anyone else that might've wished you harm. Him harm. Whatever."

There wasn't much point to try herding that cat back into it's bag, the most he could do was try damage control. It wasn't like he could murder everyone that heard that bit of information, for one his fellow jōnin would probably protest and the other versions of them likely _didn't_ have that information as an S-ranked secret to be killed over.

"Hey… wait." One Sakura suddenly spoke up, brow furrowed and looking contemplative. "I know that date from somewhere…"

The slightly diminished looking Sakura scoffed at herself. "It was the day the Kyuubi got loose and destroyed a section of the village, idiot."

"…uh… that never happened to us." One TenTen informed her from the sidelines. "Pretty sure someone would've mentioned it if it had."

"It's also my birthday." One Naruto wryly informed his teammate, almost in stereo with himself making the same statement a bit more hesitantly.

"You _just_ insulted yourself, I hope you know." One Sakura tartly informed the other, and the girls glared at their other self. "But no, Naruto-kun. I… I'm pretty sure I read that date in a medical file somewhere…"

"It's it always medical this and medical that with you, isn't it?" One Sasuke, one that had _social skills_ , asked archly, looking at his teammate.

Because there was no way in hell _that_ was Kakashi with a sharingan's little black ball of Uchiha hate.

"Oh shut it." Sakura told Sasuke, which seemed typical for that Team Seven if completely out of character for the other Team Seven. "I was helping Rin-sensei with her file work… like _just_ before the Chūnin Exams… it was stupidly thick for a file mostly blacked out. That was it, the date was on one of those mostly black pages."

"ANBU, then. More than likely an ANBU's medical file, a long term agent if large blocks were redacted." Kakashi who had a sword mused aloud. "You remember anything else about it?"

"Really? I had one of _their_ … okay." Sakura looked a little overwhelmed at that bit of news. "It was… Rin-sensei had it out because apparently whoever it was had asked about a health problem she had. So kunoichi, and… and the file had Tsunade-sama's handwriting on a fair bit of it."

"Aa… never mind."

"Sensei?"

The Hatake kenjutsu master's features were blanked over, keeping whatever he had figured out to himself. "Never mind, Sakura-chan. I know who that likely was, and can follow that up in a bit. Forget you know of it for now."

"Alright."

Other Sakura looked rather confused over why that line of conversation got shut down so suddenly, but she also didn't look anywhere near brave enough to question her more forthright self why.

"So then… back to the matter at hand." One Naruto interjected, looking between his alternate self and his alternate jōnin-sensei. "What _else_ don't you know about yourself?"

"Who doesn't know what about who?" A new voice asked lazily, drawing attention to a kunoichi that somehow snuck up on the entire group.

"Nee-chan, do you remember any attack on the tenth of October? The year Naruto-kun was born." One Kakashi that had siblings questioned his sister.

"Tenth of… yeah. I hate that night… no offense, Naru-chan."

"But I'm your lovable godson, Sumi-ba-chan. Why do you hate me so?"

"Because you're a little hellion sometimes, didn't you know?" Nara Natsumi informed her reality's Naruto blandly, stepping lightly around the unashamedly gawking shinobi to approach the Team Sevens in the middle of the hall. "Anyways, October Tenth of the year you younger gakis were mostly born. Some crackpot Uchiha that didn't belong to our village tried to release the nine-tails out of the jinchūriki of the time. I ended up in the hospital for _months_ … _again._ "

"… _Sumi-ba-chan?_ " One Sakura yelped, having connected a few dots and made a semi-likely leap in logic.

The purring Shikamaru with mismatched eyes suddenly jerked as he made the same mental link. He eyed his mother speculatively, and the kunoichi herself looked between the young genin in confusion.

"What?"

"….nothing." Kakashi with a sword claimed, turning to his nee-chan faux brightly. "They just forgot you're fourteen years older than me, generally at Minato-sensei's beck and call normally, _and_ likely already read in on the incident."

It really only made the Nara kunoichi peer at him suspiciously.

"Crackpot Uchiha?" He prompted after a moment.

"…yeah. Crackpot, because he tried it right _in_ the village. Afterwards, neither the MPs _nor_ Mikoto could identify the corpse brought back. We assumed it was from an Uchiha somehow born outside the clan, and mentally twisted against the village." Natsumi looked contemplative for a moment of her own. "Likely that might not be completely correct, because the corpse had been turned inside out… but still enough of him was left intact to rule out any of our own missing in action Uchihas."

TenTen gaped at her, the one without fūinjutsu skills. " _HOW_ did someone manage _THAT?_ "

The older kunoichi suddenly looked _devious_. "Oh, well… that story started a _long_ time ago, and involved this little squirrel…"

" _NO_. You are _not_ telling that story, sempai." A deep voice suddenly spoke from behind the group, and every Leaf shinobi suddenly turned to see a healthy, _alive_ , Yondaime Hokage with a disgruntled expression shaking a finger at the Nara. "Just… _no._ "

She grinned shamelessly back at him. "Why kouhai… it almost sound as if you're embarrassed…"

"Shut up, sempai." Minato sourly grouched, running a hand first over his face and then through his spikey blond hair. "Can we hurry this up? If I don't managed to get this situation fixed before Kushina starts wondering where we are…"

"Someone will be sleeping on the couch for a month or two?" Natsumi suggested slyly. "I seem to recall the hime made certain threats to that effect the _last_ time we got in trouble with a fūinjutsu mix-up of this magnitude."

Konohagakure's Yellow Flash rolled his eyes, then flicked them over the various genin and jōnin packed into the hallway. The Kakashi with the sharingan winced when his eyes landed on a neglected and scorned version of his own son.

As a matter of fact, most of the ninja around flinched when the kage's Killing Intent suddenly spiked up sharply. "Naruto-kun? What in the seven _hells_ happened to you?"

There was a cough, and Hiruzen looked deeply apologetic as he gazed at Minato's meeting with his orphaned son. "That… is something of a long story, Minato-kun."

"October tenth, Minato-sensei." The Kakashi that spoke was probably staring hungrily at his old jōnin-sensei, but he really didn't care all that much. _Minato_ was alive and well, and in _front of him_.

"But…" Minato suddenly looked pained, glancing at the kunoichi that sunk down against the wall.

"But you wanted to see a reality that didn't have me in it." Natsumi finished for him, probably trying to sound neutral about it all but betrayed by a little undercurrent of… _something_ sharp and bitter. "Which means I wasn't there, so I didn't pull the information about the Uzumaki Clan Culling together and figure out someone was going to come after our hime."

Kakashi who wielded a sword looked alarmed, glancing between the Yondaime and his elder sister. "Is that…?"

"A main difference we know of, yeah." Natsumi nodded, that something bitter and sharp drawing her already thin features into a nasty expression. "That doesn't mean there aren't others, because our ever so genius Hokage over there didn't put in any other qualifiers into the array that started this. Just one where we never met, meaning that either child-me never existed or never went to the same orphanage as he did."

"Actually-"

"Don't want to know." She cut her Yondaime off sharply, glaring. "I'm going to have enough nightmares from this as is."

Minato looked strangely murderous himself. "I know. I really am sorry, sempai."

"We'll talk _later_ , just get us home soon. Before we run out of rations, preferably."

He huffed slightly, first turning to the two Akimichi heirs who looked alarmed. "You'll be fine, I promise. The ANBU are rounding up what can be spared to tide you both over until we can safely leave to secure your clan's usual supplies for on-mission genin Akimichis."

Then, taking a knee, he drew both versions of his sons into a hug. "I _will_ talk to you later, Naruto-kun. Before we are forced to separate. For now get to know your Sumi-ba-chan, she was named your godmother in our reality and has a lot of stories she can tell you about me and your kaa-chan."

"…kay." Subdued and quiet was strange coming from the eye-watering bright orange Naruto.

Minato was not sorry about siccing an upset and murderous Natsumi on whoever caused his son to sound that way from just the suggestion of getting to know his parents from _stories_. She'd likely get the whole story out of Naruto as well, and inform him later what was so wrong with him.

She had been right, there was something _very_ wrong with this other reality.

One last squeeze for them both, and Minato got back up to his feet. "Now… Kakashi-kun?"

The Kakashi with both eyes pointed at his cyclops mirror, who pointed at his avenger obsessed Uchiha student's neck in turn.

Sasuke didn't even have the chance to look more than just suspicious, the Yellow Flash was standing before him and peering at the cursed mark likely before he could fully process the implications. "…Orochimaru is _still alive?_ "

"What?" Natsumi snapped out, looking over at the two of them with wide, mismatched eyes. "Aw hell no, I fought that fucker _once_ and I never want to do it again."

"This is his work. Still as nasty as ever, worse than the one you got tagged with."

Kakashi flicked one wide eye at his alternate self. The unhelpful version of himself just shrugged. "Where do you think I got the sword from? I won it off nee-chan when she decided she didn't want to use it."

The kunoichi clucked her tongue dismissively. "Luck."

"Luck is as much a part of a fight as skill, nee-chan."

"Stop using my words against me, gaki." Natsumi severely eyed the version of Kakashi that she helped raise, flicked a glance to the very… _lonely_ looking other version of him, then looked back at Minato. "Wasn't the only reason we managed to pry that seal off me because sensei _suppressed_ my chakra just after it was applied?"

"Well… yes. This is different slightly… like… like Orochimaru didn't have access to an Uzumaki seal that affected the chakra network."

"What… like the hime never help the Hyūga twins replace that slavery variation of their branch house seal?" Natsumi asked slowly.

" _WHAT?_ " One of the Nejis suddenly shouted, whirling around and activating his Byakugan to gape unattractively at his other self's covered forehead.

"NO, you all know what? Touch base with yourselves, _oh my kami-sama does_ that _sound wrong_ , and be prepared to write a report on it all _later_." Natsumi suddenly interjected exasperatedly, smacking a palm into her face. "We will be going around in _circles_ at this rate, and shit still needs to be done so we all can go _home_. You all are supposed to be _ninja_ , eavesdrop less obviously please."

Neji one grabbed Neji two, yanking himself into one of the rooms. Their respective versions of their teams followed a little reluctantly. The other groupings of doubled Leaf genin teams also slowly retreated into rooms, sorted by teams, and leaving the two Team Sevens, a Nara kunoichi, and two Hokages alone in the hallway.

Minato huffed a short laugh, raking a hand through his hair. "Sempai, can you deal with this? I've still got to go check on the Suna contingent, at your insistence might I add."

"Yeah… sure. The hime and I did pull everything Orochimaru had done by his execution in our reality apart, I might be able to mock together something to help Sasuke-kun." She crooked a sharp finger at the Uchiha. "Come here."

"Why?" Sasuke inquired flatly.

"Because I'm a Nara, and I'm lazy. I'm also a damn jōnin, and out rank you." Her mismatched eyes narrowed on flat onyx black. "I'm also one of the few fūinjutsu mistresses in existence that managed to get a cursed seal _off_ of another individual without major damage being done."

Kakashi with a sword snorted. "Yeah… all you did was cut out the man's tongue."

"They managed to reattach it."

Minato sighed heavily, pushing the very reluctant Uchiha over to his sempai. "She won't cut you up, all she's going to do is get an in-depth look at what you have and what it's doing. It's cyphered, so her insight on how Orochimaru developed in one way will only help us figure out how to get this brand off you."

" _Brand?_ " Sasuke echoed disgustedly.

"It's pretty much what it is." Natsumi answered blandly. "Why, do you _like_ being considered property?"

The un-cursed Sasuke looked insulted, his counterpart looked pissed. The moody little black ball of rage and murderous intentions stomped over to the seated kunoichi.

Sighing again, Minato tiredly turned to his alternate predecessor. "Now to the Suna group."

Hiruzen smiled wryly. "It will be interesting to see a less hostile Suna shinobi team."

"I'm sure." The Yondaime glanced around, snorting at all the open doors that would allow just about every jōnin to eavesdrop on everything being said. "For everyone's information, I know what's wrong and how to fix it. Unraveling the issue will take at most three hours, meaning whenever I get done with our allies I will start in on that."

Minato dropped a hand on his neglected son's head. "I will speak with you before then, Naruto-kun. I _swear_."


	16. Canon Cast meets Mesuji-verse, Part Three

Natsumi kept her attention on the cursed seal attached to Uchiha Sasuke's neck, inspecting the seal work the other Kakashi had placed around it.

The Kakashi she _didn't_ help taicho and Eri-kaa-chan raise. Which hurt to think about almost as much as the version of her godson that looked both hesitant to actually greet her and scared stiff that neither she nor his father would actually get around to talking to him.

"This is good work for something temporary… Kashi-chan, I take it you didn't have much aptitude in fūinjutsu just like your other self?"

There really wasn't any way around it. She'd have to interact with the scarred up version of her little brother, because not talking to him would be… probably worse than trying to avoid him.

"Erm… no, not really. Minato-sensei tried, but I was never very inventive with the art." He sounded just as awkward as she did, that was something at least.

"You _and_ Gai, I swear." Natsumi levered herself up to swing one leg under her, getting a better position to apply her own containment seal around Kakashi's and Orochimaru's. "Why it is you two little geniuses are so brilliant at other arts but _can't_ actually seal very well is something I'd _pay_ to know."

While Kakashi had applied a variation of Jiraiya's Five Elemental Containment Seal to it, Orochimaru's Cursed Seal of Heaven also had a mental/spiritual aspect it wasn't doing anything about. The longer _that_ went on, the more likely this Sasuke would play right into his hands down the line.

She could stop that, so she would.

Natsumi actually had a very good aptitude for spiritual seal work, either a legacy of being a Kurama bastard child with a full kekkai genkai or an instinct from the _years_ she had used a Yin Release kinjutsu in her career. It was only sort of a good thing, because while she had used that for her intention based security seals and to create the seal her Kakashi used in lieu of a sheath for the Sword of Kusanagi… it also meant that if she tried her hand at it she might be a very good fūinjutsu mistress in the art of _human sealing_.

While she was at it, reinforcing the physical/chakra containment already applied would probably just help all around.

Digging out a jar of her own blood laced ink and one of her secondary emergency calligraphy brushes, Natsumi delicately wove her own containment seal around what was already there. It was Jiraiya's design with Kakashi's chakra on Sasuke's chakra network, all things she knew well enough to supplement by her own seal instead of have to replace or remove it all in order to help contain the cursed mark.

Sasuke flinched slightly under her hands when it took effect, but the tension that had been in him relaxed fractionally.

"Feels different?"

"Hn."

She smacked the back of his head lightly. Uchihas and their damn grunts. "Actual words, gaki. Less angry, less tense, what? I need to know so a more permanent fix can be found. Right now it's pretty much a parasite made of chakra sitting _in_ your neck trying to influence you, and with it sealed and contained like this I'd actually suggest just slicing it off if you're not going to say anything."

He gave her such a snooty glare she had to level her own back. How the hell had Mikoto's second son end up such a little brat? The other Sasuke wasn't nearly so difficult unless he was upset or hurt.

…again, she _didn't want to know._

"I… can think more clearly." He ground out slowly, his focus turning more inward the more he spoke. "Like… like as if I was on pain medication before but it wore off."

"Not completely as you could before, then?" Natsumi abstained from frowning, but it was a near thing.

"…hn."

She was taking that as an agreeing grunt.

Alive Orochimaru's skills in human seals apparently outclassed her natural aptitude for them. Had she actually put the effort into learning more about that branch of the art, it was likely she might have been able to do more with just containment.

Hindsight sucked sometimes.

"Right… well… either kill the fucker and see if that helps, or I'm going to have to suggest surgery to get that off. It's scarily close to the chakra gate in your neck, though, so killing the snake traitor would actually be a better option."

"Um… Nara… sama?" One of the Sakuras timidly spoke up, looking between her teammate, the jar of rusty tinted ink, the brush still posed between clawed fingers, and the kunoichi herself. "Didn't… well, sensei had to _leave_ to go seal that off…?"

Natsumi snorted at the very idea she'd need stabilizing arrays of _that_ size, the only room for sealing she could think of nearby was the one in the basement. That hadn't been used in _decades_ , not since the hime inherited his royal furriness from Uzumaki Mito. "For the initial containment, I'd assume. It helps suppress and contain any reactions that would be less than beneficial when sealing things. That all was already done before this, so just adding in my own touch to what was already there is easier if you know what you're doing and who worked on a seal before you. Just call me Natsumi, kid. Please."

"Not Sumi-ba-chan?" Other Sakura asked amusedly, a lopsided smirk on her face. "What, you're _not_ going to adopt every ninja's alternate here?"

"It would be very rude of me." Natsumi informed her, only a touch apologetically. "We're probably not going to be able to see each other ever again."

She wanted to, though. Adopt the other Kakashi and Naruto, that is. She wouldn't, only because doing so then straight out abandoning them for another reality would… more than likely not help anything.

The other Shikamaru was another woman's son even if he was Shikaku's son too, which made it difficult to think about without trying to slip into a betrayed mentality… which made no sense because in this other reality she wasn't alive/there to be married to her own damn husband.

Natsumi knew who that likely was, and she refused to hold it against the Chūnin Corps member. Yoshino hadn't married Shikaku in her reality, he picked _Natsumi_ instead of her on his own.

Which stupidly made her love her husband a bit more. He'd be happy, he didn't even have to do anything for that.

"What do you mean by that?" The jumpsuit clad Naruto asked of his alternate teammate, highly confused and showing it.

"There's this thing we like to joke about." Sakura started, her expression completely deadpan. "It's collectively referred to as the Konohagakure Twisted Family Tree."

"All your fault, nee-chan."

"Shut up, _Kashi-chan_."

"…why is it called the 'Twisted Family Tree'?" Scarred up Kakashi prompted before his alternate and his nee-chan could get into an argument.

"Because by that, we're all practically related to one another… some of us end up related to our own jōnin-sensei or even our parents sometimes. Your loop is one of the worst, sensei."

"Oh?"

Natsumi coughed sheepishly. "Well… it _started_ way back when you were a tetchy little academy student… I helped kaa-chan out a little by standing in as the senior kunoichi of the Hatake clan, which was well before you had me formally adopted into the clan. When taicho got back from the initial fighting of the Third War, what I laid down as Hatake clan policy was held up by him as well… which semi-legalized the fact I was considered your elder sister and part of your clan for most of the shinobi side of the village."

"Gai-sensei was next." Sakura chipped in cheerfully, grinning a little dementedly.

She rolled her mismatched eyes. "As he became orphaned while my genin student, I could legally step in as his guardian. Since that was… again, semi-legal, I taught him my biological kaa-chan's taijutsu style. I specialized in kenjutsu after all, and he could benefit from it more than I could. But since such things really are only passed through family, he's again a semi-legal son of mine. Which included Lee-kun in the end, because he's getting taught the same style in the same way I justified passing it on. So… grandson."

The pink haired menace that started that line of conversation turned to the bewildered version of her jōnin-sensei with an evil, _evil_ smile. "So now, _legally_ , you're Sumi-ba-chan's little otouto. As Minato-sama's student, which can mean you're his son too. But also Sumi-ba-chan's nephew and Minato-sama's otouto, if you look at it sideways because they _are_ technically considered siblings."

Carefully placing her clawed hand over her own face, Natsumi huffed out a wry laugh. "We worked it out further once, and I ended up taicho's own sister in a way."

"Aa…" Kakashi with one eye looked a little scared of such a thing existing.

"There are a lot of other 'technical' relations through that… which eventually spread out a little to other hidden villages, Sunagakure and Amegakure in particular. One actually by a blood connection, so it's not _all_ my fault."

Kakashi one looked at Kakashi two a little pityingly. "Think of Tenzou-kun's Mokuton, the biggest and nastiest bush of a tree he'd ever want to summon into being… then make it worse by a factor of three or four."

Natsumi coughed again, on purpose that time, and held up a clawed finger. "I must shut down that line of conversation, due to an S-rank secret I'm in charge of upholding. I'd rather _not_ be required to kill my own otouto, thanks."

The Hatake clan head blinked at her, but shrugged that off with a nod.

The Kakashi with a sharingan rather wished he'd thought of that particular way to safeguard a village secret a little before, when one Naruto spilled the beans of who the other Naruto's parents were. He also figured Tenzou's existence in both realities occurred the same way, meaning that their Orochimaru did get a little more than merely twisted before his alternate reality execution.

He did wonder _how_ Nara Natsumi succeeded in forcing the Snake Sannin into facing judgement for his actions when he failed. Then again, she would've been a lot older than he was when they confronted their realities' Orochimaru.

"Gakis, I do believe you all have life stories to be comparing." She continued, pointing at the one end room that hadn't been claimed by a Leaf team yet. "Naru-chan, the both of you, so I'm going to elaborate the security seals out here since I have to stay out here for… reasons, _and_ Minato wants me to tell nasty, embarrassing stories about him and his wife… you can do so either here or in there with the rest of your team."

"I… am pretty sure that's _not_ what tou-chan meant to say, Sumi-ba-chan." One Naruto mused wryly as the Sakuras gave each other suspicious looks and one Sasuke hn-ed again as the other peered at him equally as suspicious as his teammate. "Not to say I'm going to refuse to hear it… but he's going to be mad."

"He won't be mad at me, exasperated sure… but not mad."

Kakashi, the one that held a version of the Sword of Kusanagi, heaved a sigh. "I… am bailing on this one, nee-chan. Have fun with that blowup."

"He owes me more than either one of us ever bothered to keep track of." Natsumi pointedly informed her otouto. "This is just payback."

"And you wonder why I refuse to have kids."

"I don't wonder, I know why. You're an OCD little bastard, who took one look at the mess and effort it takes and decided you never wanted to deal with the messy parts of family making."

The Kakashi she was talking to thought about it for a moment. "Sounds about right."

"…am I?"

Natsumi blinked at the, very slightly, hesitant question from the other Kakashi. "What, obsessive compulsive or a bastard? You're both, actually. The OCD is from the rigidly rational mind you have, and the bastard… well, taicho only married your kaa-chan the month _after_ your birth."

"…oh."

"Don't feel too bad, I'm a bastard child too."

That Kakashi gave a rusty, slightly pained sounding chuckle. "This is _so_ weird."

"Kashi-chan, you're not the only one who thinks that way."

(ooo000ooo)

Natsumi told stories while she painted more elaborate seals over the quick temporary seal tags she had equipped her son with, ranging from bits and pieces about Minato's genin days on through to more recent happenings. She included a few stories about her own taicho and kenjutsu apprenticeship, when she caught both Kakashis listening in after what seemed to have been an incredibly awkward, long, and painful conversation with himself.

Naruto… the other one she hadn't watched grow up, listened to her talk herself near hoarse with a kind of religious silence that spread to his other self.

The mere fact he _was_ being silent and _sitting still_ concerned her, because even a half-Uzumaki like him should've been bouncing off the walls with the sheer _lack_ of anything going on. It took her more time to coax him to talk about himself and his life so far than she liked, but once he spilled the majorly important facts like how much the village hated him or how few people actually gave a damn if he lived or not… Natsumi wondered what the _fucking hell_ Hiruzen had been thinking.

Additionally, she intended to get Minato to write a very nasty letter to sensei's double in the other universe. Hopefully that would kick their stupidly behaving Toad Sage into actually taking care of his godson like he had been supposed to.

She had no pity for whatever security concerns they had at the time, everyone was _stupidly lucky_ that their Naruto wasn't psychotic, a crazy ax murder, or had committed suicide by now.

What did he know of love, either family orientated or directed to friends, and loyalty to his fellow ninja or village? Disgustingly little, even as he looked so _sorely_ tempted to try reaching out to her in order to learn even a tiny bit more.

Umino Iruka was one of a handful of individuals that didn't immediately hate him after extensive effort to understand on both parts, and from the sounds of it two _fucking civilian_ **ramen** _cooks_ had been the only thing that kept him from being completely unable to empathize with others or care about their pain _at all_.

Jinchūriki turned out only as well as how much effort their home village put into humanizing the demon containers themselves. Self-fulfilling prophecy situation, kick a dog rumored to kill enough times and it eventually _will_ attack you out of sheer self-defense.

If that Naruto didn't have his Uzumaki given _bullheaded obstinate nature_ , he might have just tried to end his own life… which would've unleashed the very demon that village feared so much on them all.

Killed by their own stupidity and intolerance, ironic way to go.

Her seal work got progressively more lethal the longer they talked. Rather, the more she managed to prompt out of him, punctuated by pauses every now and again which made his expression turn to wonder when she seemed genuinely interested in hearing all about his precious people or how his days usually went no matter how much he rambled.

There wasn't a way in hell she would upset him, limiting her expression of any frustration caused by her inability to really help him to a medium only other fūinjutsu users would be able to read.

The Naruto that wasn't such an emotionally fragile wreck of a boy warily edged away from her the longer the conversation went on. It was probably one thing to know she had this kind of skill in security seals, but another to see an active one at work or being scripted.

Kakashi, the one that knew her own style of seals and how to decipher them, made a point to avoid even glancing at the section of hallway she was working on. Naruto was his sensei's son and his own student, if she wanted to protect him with lethal measures he didn't exactly care if someone got caught up in it.

Shikamaru, her son and not the other one, raised one eyebrow at the scrawls of ink and snorted at her when he finished talking to himself. He had been checking up on her like a dutiful son, but apparently decided playing a game of shogi against himself would be easier on him all around.

She was teaching him the basics, staving off allowing him to sign onto the Leopard Summoning Contract until he could actually read the fūinjutsu involved. Basically buying time, because Summoning was chakra intensive and he was young yet.

Natsumi stuck her tongue out at his back in response. She got called troublesome for the effort.

Her seal work would literally do nothing of note… unless someone _hated_ little Naruto. Then… it got progressively nastier the further one tried pushing into the hall.

She had to do 'hatred' and not 'intent to harm' due to all the shinobi wandering in and out as ANBU got things situated and the other Leaf ninja checked in with whoever they were supposed to. That didn't mean she had to be nice about it.

If they got burned, she didn't care.

Her coping methods weren't the greatest. Killing things made her feel better. At the moment, she felt like killing several people she _thought_ she had known rather well.

Natsumi had issues, and this was never going to help with that.

\V/

Minato was… horrified.

_Storage seals_ were _not_ what one was _supposed_ to base a _jinchūriki containment seal_ off of. The reverse might be true, you could alter a demon containment seal to contain other things, but…

…no wonder this little Gaara-chan was so… mental.

He was a jinchūriki… yes. There were _no limits_ on what access the one-tails had to him, though. The fact he somehow managed to survive the corrosive chakra poisoning from a young age was nothing short of a miracle. That he was soldiering through, however badly, the mental and physical issues his faulty seal was giving him was… impressive.

…and now he was wondering what ties the Sand Siblings had to the Uzumaki clan.

"Either someone _really_ hated you, kid, or they had no clue _what_ they were doing…"

"The latter, more than likely." Temari, the one his sempai had all but adopted as her first granddaughter, muttered sourly as she glanced between the different versions of her littlest brother. "Chiyo-baa-sama probably did the sealing."

Minato had to agree with that assessment, and wondered if that was the other half of the reason why Natsumi kicked this mess over to him. She hadn't ever actually sealed a tailed beast before, while he had done it twice.

Once in his own son, the second time into an inert object. Against the nine-tails or the three, the one-tailed beast wasn't much of a hurdle.

While the Honored Grandmother of Sunagakure wasn't much of an fūinjutsu mistress in their reality… she apparently got a small measure of skill if she was the only one in their village at all. While it _might really be_ little more than a storage seal… at least the corrosive chakra wasn't… _eating_ through little Gaara's stomach.

Or the rest of him.

It had to be said, that was _impressive_ alteration to a normal storage array to enable it to work as even a faulty jinchūriki seal at all.

Blood-chillingly horrifying, but impressive.

Minato ran a hand over his face as he thought. There wasn't much to be done, really. It was working, and you couldn't replace a jinchūriki's seal without… _major_ issues like the tailed beast getting out or killing the host if done incorrectly or without immediate aid to keep said former host alive. Even shoving the demon back in wouldn't help much, just double the damage being done.

He could… _maybe_ , script something to be added in. Sort of like putting in a valve… but the stress of containing even the one-tails when there hadn't been any such containment before might damage the seal or stress the jinchūriki even more.

Chakra flow limiters… would probably only be discarded the moment someone could peel them off. What use was a weapon that had been turned off for the most part?

Some days, he really hated being a kage in charge of a military village. The moral dilemmas and choices of the position gave him a headache, especially when it came to semi-hostile groups like it seemed this alternate version of Sunagakure was to the alternate Konohagakure.

No wonder Natsumi dove out a window instead of even considering her accepting the position. She could've _warned_ him at least.

Gaara, the one with a faulty seal, had remained strangely stoic and unresponsive for the most part of the seal inspection. He kept on flicking glances to his other self, though, meaning he either _wanted_ his sanity back or was just curious and knew perfectly well Minato was a different breed of shinobi he wouldn't fair well fighting against.

Minato stoutly ignored the whisper in his head, the one that scarily sounded like a cross between Inoichi and Natsumi, that implied a kage had beaten him down so many times that his reaction to any kage level shinobi was one of sheer self-preservation conserving passiveness.

While likely true, he didn't want to think of Sasori-kun that way.

…the Yondaime Kazekage might not actually be the puppet master, actually. That was… strange to think about.

Relieving in a ' _oh my kami,_ _ **why**_ _is that a good thing'_ way, though.

"Minato-kun?" A version of Hiruzen that looked strangely bowed, not physically in any way but still gave off the implicit impression of weariness, queried from the doorway when he probably fell silent a bit too long.

"There… _is_ nothing to be done about the seal itself. It works, and that's… surprisingly a good thing."

"How can you call this a _good thing?_ " One version of Kankuro questioned sharply, flapping a hand at Gaara. "He's _psychotic!_ "

Minato actually couldn't tell between the two versions of the young puppet user, to be truthful. He hoped someone had kept that straight somehow. "It's not eating away at him physically to the point Shukaku can break free and rampage around if it wants."

"…oh."

"So there's nothing to be done?" The other Temari, the one with the ginormous fan not sealed away, asked a little desperately.

"I never said that… just that it _is_ working as intended."

This time it was Gaara that actually looked at him in askance. "…my other self is a _homicidal crazy person_ , Namikaze-sama."

"…like I said, working as intended."

"Wait… _what?_ " Temari with fūinjutsu skills all but screeched, eye twitching at that bit of news.

"There's literally nothing but a storage seal between this Gaara-kun and Shukaku and the rest of the world." Minato elaborated helpfully in a very bland, _you asked for it_ tone of voice he long since learned from being a father. "Which means there isn't anything between Gaara-kun and Shukaku itself. No containment, no barrier between it's chakra and his, or his mind and the demon's. _Nothing_."

Everyone in the room looked at the homicidal version of Suna's jinchūriki in a mix of pity and fear, likely depending on what reality version it was.

That Gaara stared back flatly, looking almost bored. Either something he knew already… or he wasn't paying them all much attention.

He literally had an inner demon talking in his head, Minato was putting money on not paying them any attention.

Heaving a sigh, he mentally gave thanks that Natsumi _had_ taken on a Suna-nin apprentice in their reality. "I will draw something up… to be applied later, once… _they_ are all home in Suna. It's the best I can do right now, Temari-chan. My help might _not_ be acceptable due to political reasons I, or we, don't know of. While Baki-san _is_ your jōnin-sensei, it doesn't look like one of them wanted this to happen at all and we can't exactly use them interchangeably to sidestep any political or diplomatic issues."

Even if Temari looked perfectly willing to try bludgeoning the other version of her sensei into accepting the help, verbally _or_ physically, Minato had been dealing with politics way _too_ much to actually hold some hope that would be glossed over eventually. Other Baki and Temari might just get in trouble for it happening, regardless of if they could've protested it happening or not.

Messing with another village's jinchūriki was on the same level of _war starting offenses_.

Hiruzen looked way too tired for Minato to commit to the action anyways.

He'd need to get Natsumi's input for this seal addition he had to do before setting everything to rights, she had a much better grasp on psychology and Yin chakra in seals than he did. She managed to create a seal version of a mid-level _genjutsu_ out of sheer curiosity once, which was fast becoming a favorite seal of his son's simply because he had no skill in that art like his godmother and could cheat via fūinjutsu instead using them.

Minato might be able to badger her into crafting the addition to the jinchūriki seal herself, actually. While she did that he could finally spend some time with his… very vulnerable looking alternate reality son.

A plan of action in his head, even if stating it more bluntly would be 'dump it back off on sempai', the Yondaime Hokage rose up to his full height. "Few hours, Temari-chan. Then you can look it over and interpret it for the rest of your… _extended_ team."

The teenaged kunoichi bobbed a semi-acknowledging bow at him. "Thank you for taking a look at the very least, Minato-sama."

(ooo000ooo)

Minato found Natsumi where he left her.

…the hallway's new ink wasn't a good sign. The fact she _refused to glance in Hiruzen's direction_ wasn't any better. He knew that tic from the Danzō betrayal incident.

"Is it…?"

"Trust me when I say it would be better all-around if I told you once we're home." She informed him as blandly as she could, mismatched eyes solidly on her work and nowhere else. Naras could pull that off spectacularly, and she _was_ a Nara. "I will if you ask, be warned about that."

Minato barely managed to keep himself from planting his hand over his face. After that one incident way back in the beginning of them running the military side of the village, Natsumi never had kept anything from him even if it was for 'his own good'. They eventually had to change that order to be 'tell me when I won't cause international incidents', instead. Murdering his own predecessor would probably count as an 'international incident', hence why she didn't want to tell him.

He took a good look at her instead, ignoring the steadily more lethal seal work scrawled out she was _still_ fiddling with probably an hour after she had started it.

…Natsumi wasn't looking at any of the jōnin around lingering in doorways, either.

Pointedly not looking, which was confusing Kakashi. The other Kakashi, the one with a missing then replaced eye, looked a cross between unsettled, similarly confused as his other self, and a little hurt at that.

Which… was alarming in it's own way. Kakashi could've probably gotten away with murdering civilians in front of her and she wouldn't care much as long as he was alright.

Thankfully, none of the jōnin around had ever seen Natsumi deal with the issue of _betrayal_ before and couldn't identify why she was so… Nara-ish and blank all of a sudden. She didn't normally act like a typical Nara usually, that was obvious the first five minutes after meeting her.

Minato both wondered _why_ she felt like they had been betrayed and if he could just not learn about it and get away with it. Probably not, but he could dream.

This had _not_ been his best idea ever, truth be known. Way _too_ many answers to things he never wanted to ask at all. Natsumi would likely hold this against him for _years_. He couldn't exactly blame her for that either, even if it was an accident it happened at all.

"Sempai, I'm going to need your help a little."

"Oh?"

"The Suna contingent need… an addition to the thing you wanted me to check up on." Minato really did rub his face again as he tried and failed to come up with a way to state what was needed without actually stating right out they needed some way to turn a semi-working storage seal based jinchūriki array into an _actual_ containment version of it.

"The back wall behind me is sealed for privacy." Natsumi suggested when he paused a little too long trying to figure it out.

"That works for me. Come on, then I want to spend a little time with my son. Sons, sorry."

\V/

Natsumi was perfectly willing to leave the Leaf-nin hallway to go script something semi-dubious in effect she'd likely never use again.

She had to get some space or she really would blow up at Hiruzen, because… horrified did not remotely touch on what she was feeling.

The fact Kakashi had picked up on her irate mentality was also… hurtful. She knew her otouto better than to have assumed he would've adopted Naruto if anything had happened, Kakashi had likely only been _just_ mid-way through his teens by the sounds of it.

She knew him better than that.

Even a different Hatake she didn't help raise would've looked at himself, at what Minato had been, and figured out quickly that he would never be able to stand in for the man nor would half-assed trying help either of them. In a way that was a good thing, single parent shinobi typically _never_ did well raising their kids and keeping up with an active shinobi career. It would've just mean he would die in the attempt, another person Naruto would've lost too early.

That also meant he helped how he could in other ways, which meant he was one of few that actually _tried_ to do anything for Naruto.

Background support. From what one Naruto had said and the very same Dog mask her Kakashi had taken on while he did his own stint in ANBU, a lot of support from the background since he'd never actually be able to help either of them otherwise.

That didn't excuse Jiraiya, or Hiruzen, or whoever his godmother would've been without Natsumi there.

She knew that answer once, but there wasn't any way in hell she would try dredging her memory for that answer. She was pissed off enough as it was.

Natsumi set herself up in the entrance hall, mainly because it was far enough away she could try struggling with her own temper and homicidal intentions without scaring anyone.

Another reason was that their separate retaliates had clued in on something being wrong with the Chūnin Exams' elimination round.

The first visitors were sticks and pebbles thrown through the strangely opaque doorway. Natsumi watched with a small smirk as Stag tossed them back. Likely there _was_ some outside appearance that informed whoever looked that something wasn't quite right.

A message came through next, this one a little damaged in a… slightly warped way, but still readable with it addressed to the Third Hokage. She had it sent on to the Sandaime via one of his ANBU currently trying to spy on her and failing horribly at it.

Stag was… Stag. He rather disliked anyone infringing on his 'rights' as her bodyguard, including allowing unknown people to spy on her even with their knowledge.

She wrote a short note that warned of temporal imbalance the message had suffered from, and a likely warning that anything living might not make it through. Also, if they insisted on trying, to start with small animals first.

She got three dead squirrels and a snake in return.

Stag again tossed them back so whichever reality, more than likely the Sandaime's, could see that wasn't a viable option. That was also around the time Hiruzen had a message to be passed back, so Stag tossed that through as well.

Natsumi wasn't sure how much of that would survive, or if it would get to where it was supposed to be going. Getting _in_ might be a lot easier than getting _out_ , or vice versa. Or it had to be from a certain reality in order to return to said reality. She wouldn't be trying herself, even with Minato's hiraishin, because it was likely if she made any indication of it Stag would bodily tackle her to the floor.

Her next indication of a reality connected to whatever half-way point or overlapped temporal space they were in was Namiashi Raidō using the hiraishin seal inked into her back to teleport to her side.

Natsumi just about had a heart attack. "The _unholy fuck_ were you _thinking?_ "

"That we're currently missing the Yondaime and the ANBU General, and several other shinobi of note?" He replied hesitantly, looking between her and Stag who was similarly tense at the risk one of his people had subjected themselves to. "Kushina-hime said chakra based transport would likely work, from the information she gathered in Yondaime-sama's study…?"

A clawed hand pressed to her chest as her blood pressure finally started lowering, she had to admit she or Minato really should've thought of that themselves. Hiruzen's Summons responded just as usual, a teleportation jutsu would probably have been similar in effect.

"…we don't know if you can get out." Natsumi informed him tiredly. "Two realities of Konohagakure means double the hiraishin seals, unless one cleared them out after Minato's death. Unless you _can_ lock onto one you _know for sure_ is only in our own, I wouldn't advise you try it."

"…what?"

"There was a bit of a… fūinjutsu mix up." She shot him a sour look for the semi-accusing stare. "NOT my fault, it is Minato's this time."

Raidō waved that away. "Alright… but, Minato-sama's _dead?_ "

"In this alternate reality, not ours." Natsumi carefully rubbed her own face, keeping the sharp fingertips away from her skin. "There is _a_ Minato here, ours, but it's Hiruzen-sama running thing in this other one. Let me state for the record that this was and still is several different shades of fucked up."

"I believe you, Panther-sama." The bodyguard quirked a wry smirk for her.

He was one of the handful of people who figured out who the ANBU General was without having to be told or present for one of the 'un-masking' incidents in her career. She let him get away with a lot of casualness to her simply because she never got around to _liking_ how submissive everyone was to her when they knew.

Natsumi was… not really sorry he was now trapped in here with them. She liked this Boar, even if the mask still held bitter memories of her first ANBU team's demise.

"Right… so, you're stuck." Natsumi sighed, thinking of who else knew the hiraishin technique and if they wouldn't mind sending on some supplies if they got a message back correctly…

…Shikaku was a _genius,_ and she loved him dearly. Her wedding present, her backyard _woodworking shed_. Minato had a seal on her damn shed, and if she didn't exist in this other reality then there wouldn't have been a reason for him to put one on it.

"…Raidō, I need you to do me a _huge_ favor."


	17. Canon Cast meets Mesuji-verse, Part Four

( _Mesuji Universe_ )

Shikaku gave Raidō a dark stare. " _Where_ is my _wife and son?_ "

As one of the Yondaime's ANBU bodyguards, _technically_ Raidō wasn't under the Nara clan head's jurisdiction even if he was 'officially' a tokubetsu jōnin. Boar didn't have to answer him normally… usually. He was part of the Jōnin Commander's wife's section of the village, the dark and shadowy sector that typically did the worst missions and never expected to be recognized for it.

…however, after Panther-sama gave up trying to get her own damn people to stop following her husband's orders when she didn't counter order them specifically about it, ANBU also listened to the Jōnin Commander _as well as_ the ANBU General.

It was certainly handy for some occasions, such as when Natsumi was very pregnant or off in another country handling some diplomatic thing or another for the Shinobi Alliance… or sitting in Minato's seat when he and his wife had some family occasion they wanted a decent amount of time for. Shikaku could step in his wife's place sometimes technically as the Jōnin Commander, with a bit of help from the old Bear-samas and Seduction's, Sabotage's, and the Watch's respective Commanders.

Which… since Panther-sama was a little… temporally displaced at the moment, meant Shikaku was the current acting ANBU General until the Bear-samas got back into ANBU HQ to take over for her.

Additionally, Watch Commander Stag was with her and not here. That higher ranking ANBU officer and Panther-sama's permanent right hand man/creepy stalker bodyguard was normally the only one that could out-stubborn the Nara clan head about certain orders his wife put in place. Not that Boar wanted his section's Commander here and not with their General, but… very few people could tell Shikaku _no_ and actually hold to that.

He was an intimidating man when he wanted to be, all the more surreal given how Shikaku was normally.

That was two of the higher ranking officers in ANBU out of reach, meaning everything was getting shuffled into emergency procedure responses. Which basically boiled down to 'obey the Hokage/Jōnin Commander until the previous ANBU Generals could report in to take over'.

Redundancy was generally a good thing when it came to orders. Raidō rather wished someone would save him from this one.

Panther-sama had said not to tell anyone what, _exactly_ , was going on until Minato could try to pick his own wife up and make a few bootstrap efforts to keep the village running without them for a half a day or so. She speculated that _absolutely nothing_ would keep Kushina from abandoning her post as the Yondaime's stand-in to race to her son's side if she knew a fraction of what she had figured out about his alternate reality's history.

Here went nothing. "…not currently here?"

" _Obviously_." Shikaku gritted out, making Raidō rather concerned over the likelihood of his continued existence. "You _disappeared_ , which means you _were able_ to use Natsu's hiraishin seal tattoo to find her. So now that you're back, _why isn't she, the Yondaime, our children, or anyone else missing here?_ "

"…there's a… _slight_ issue."

"Define the _issue_ , Boar."

Ouch, ANBU titles. Shikaku didn't normally use them unless he was thinking more 'my wife's agents' and not 'fellow ninja of mine'. Raidō decided he'd lived a good life, and wasn't sorry for the way he'd had lived.

It would suck that his ANBU General's husband was going to be the one to kill him, but eh. One couldn't have everything.

"She… sent a letter?"

The Jōnin Commander flat out _glowered_ , which was a frightening expression on the face of a normally lazily lax or occasionally barely interested shinobi. "Why… did you _not_ start with that?"

Raidō merely held up the folded missive from the man's wife, wincing and shuffling backwards a little when he viciously snatched it from his fingers.

Shikaku had looked perfectly willing to rip his shadow off the ground and strangle him with it, that was why. He still looked perfectly willing to commit homicide via manipulating a lack of light source jutsu, but at least that attention was on the letter from his wife and not Raidō himself.

'Use the seal on my shed, but be careful' Panther-sama had insisted. 'It's the only one we can even be remotely sure exists in _only_ one reality', she said.

Boar intended to inform her that the risks weren't so much temporal displacement of vital organs or body parts, but scarily irate Naras she had married hanging around their back yard and lying in wait for unsuspecting ANBU agents.

He had _not_ signed up for that. Give him an assassin or three any day, or even a noted kage-killer instead. The husband of his ANBU General was _way_ out of his pay grade to deal with.

Shikaku's longsuffering sigh of 'troublesome woman' and nearly inaudible grumbling over seal accidents they had all suffered through over the years informed Raidō that he would, in fact, live to see another day. He didn't quite see why the Nara clan head decided to blame his wife just as much as their Yondaime, but… there was that _other_ incident with the Hokage's Tower complex.

"I'm going back with you." Shikaku informed Raidō flatly. "Give me a bit to assemble a few thing Natsu asked for, then meet me back here in half an hour."

"Yessir."

The Nara clan head inspected him suspiciously, then flicked a wrist at him in dismissal.

Raidō got the hell out of there quickly.

Panther-sama owed him a big one for this.

\V/

( _Temporally displaced old Hokage's Tower Complex, Training Grounds Forty-Four_ )

Hoping that Boar would succeed in getting back alright, because again getting in or out might prove to be different things, Natsumi abandoned what designs she had been working on with a mental apology to Temari.

She'd come back and finish that in a moment, Minato would probably like to have Kushina at hand to introduce to their temporally alternate orphaned son.

Time, and coincidentally supplies, were no longer something they had to race against. While Natsumi herself may not really want to know, other Naruto and Kakashi might just need a couple hugs.

Because… wow, had their lives _sucked_ from what little she had figured out so far.

Natsumi loped back to the same dead-ended hallway she sealed in with a much altered security array, eschewing the hiraishin seals Minato had with him just so she didn't startle the other jōnin who probably weren't used to teleporting ninja.

Minato, apparently, didn't need her to inform him what was so disturbingly wrong with Naruto's orphaned childhood. Her kouhai looked perfectly amiable while listening to one Naruto gush about one old man Teuchi and his daughter Ayame-nee-chan and Iruka-sensei and how they made everything not so bad, but to Natsumi's skewed chakra sensing he was… icy, windburn icy.

"Minato, Raidō popped by."

"Which one?"

"Ours, as he was checking in for you and me specifically first."

The Yondaime nodded at that furrowing his brow slightly, likely mentally reviewing the list of ninja around. "I thought he wasn't in here with us?"

"He _isn't_ , the hiraishin technique worked to get in." Natsumi gave him a fanged grin, ignoring the fact everyone was listening to their conversation blatantly. Really, they were _all ninja_. Why couldn't anyone be sneaky about it? "He used me as his destination and, since I don't exist for whatever reason in this other world, I had him try my shed to get back and hopefully keep the others from panicking."

Minato finally glanced up at her. "Is Raidō coming back?"

"With what Chouji-kun… _kuns_ need, yes, and other supplies that might just help all around. So almost right away he'll be back." She, again, thought of the likely difficulties. "Hopefully. He was fine when he popped up next to me, so I'm _guessing_ while walking in and out isn't a real good option Summons or teleporting are still viable ones."

"You, specifically?" Hiruzen inquired curiously.

Natsumi flatly refused to allow herself to stiffen up. She _would not_ have a particular discussion with _that_ man until Minato knew the full situation and could talk to that version of his predecessor himself. "Minato inked a hiraishin seal into my back… a decade ago."

"In my defense, if you would've _stopped_ going after shinobi that outclassed you in a fair fight I wouldn't have agreed with Shikaku suggesting a permanent way to keep track of you. The fact we _actually had to use that_ kind of cemented the fact you need a permanent tracking option just in case." Minato informed her blandly, ruffling his sons' hair as he stood up. "Your woodworking shed in the Nara clan compound, right?"

"Going to fetch the hime? Minato… don't you think you should wait until Raidō gets back?"

"He got in, didn't he?"

Natsumi leveled a no-nonsense look at her Yondaime. "That doesn't mean he might need medical aid once he was back. Or that he got back correctly at all. Just… wait a few, please?"

It was a measure of how much they relied on the advice of the other that Minato did actually pause to consider it. "You did something else."

…or rather how much he knew her.

"I got Raidō to agree to break the basics of this news to the hime, so she'll be less… _angry_ with you when you see her next."

Minato blinked at her in surprise. Their Kakashi started snickering.

"And now no one will hold the Tower incident against me." Natsumi finished off, faux lightly. Not much of a silver lining, but whatever. She could roll with that.

Their Yondaime heaved a sigh, making a few others that knew of the incident huff laughs of their own.

Shikamaru looked up at his other self questioningly. That Shikamaru, with mismatched eyes just like the Nara kunoichi herself, heaved a sigh in response. "Kaa-chan turned the Hokage's Tower invisible for a month."

"Three weeks!"

"It was a month, kaa-chan." He called back over, moving one of his shogi pieces after he spoke.

"How did ya do that?" One Naruto whirled on her excitedly, the very grammar he used making her ears cringe slightly.

No one apparently thought to teach that Naruto the sealing part of his Uzumaki heritage, no fūinjutsu user would allow themselves to mangle their thought patterns so much it effected their speech or vice versa. Uzumakis didn't tend to lend themselves to become sloppy in that, seal patterns were mostly instinctive or fully memorized by a certain point. Slang and slurred words were a nightmare after a seal took effect, meaning those designs couldn't be shared because slang was different between people even from the same region.

A fūinjutsu user's mantra was pretty much 'precision in all things'.

"Did you know that the walls of the Academy can turn opaque? It's one-sided, but you can see through the walls from the inside." Natsumi asked with a small smile for him. "The chūnin sensei use it to grade you on taijutsu and obstacle course runs without being obvious about watching you, and I wanted to know how that was managed."

"Of course, half of that array is carved and not inked." Minato continued in a deadpan, looking rather annoyed at the mention of the incident and all the work it caused him. "So when sempai poked at it a couple times, then tried copying it to another wall… it got sucked up to the main security array embedded into the rest of the Hokage's Tower. Instead of just another wall, sempai turned the whole tower invisible from every angle."

"It worked! Not quite as intended, _but I got it to work_." She insisted, scowling. "I'll figure out that carving seal thing of the Uzumaki clan's eventually."

"Didn't you also… blow up your work shed trying that stuff out?" Kakashi with both eyes asked idly, lounging much like his other self against the walls.

"…maybe. But that just meant I was finally on the right track."

Since she _had_ blown up her work shed and it had to be rebuilt a bit farther away from the house, it meant Natsumi was sure Raidō could use the seal pained on it to go back to _their_ reality. Then use her to get back in again.

Win all around… hopefully.

"This also means we can start evacuating the non-essential personal from our reality using my shed's seal," Natsumi continued, looking back at Minato, "once we're sure no one will come to harm using it and nothing goes… whatever is a temporal equivalent of _boom_ is."

Hiruzen cleared his throat, attracting attention. "Is that something you can do for us as well?"

Minato pulled a face at him, and Natsumi rolled her eyes.

If they wanted an escape plan for just in case, they had to come up with a hiraishin seal they were sure was only in their reality. She wouldn't be thinking for one, as that was just depressing.

She stated as much, as well.

Kakashi, the one with only one original eye, shifted slightly. "I have… one of sensei's kunai in my apartment."

"That's… still too vague, Kashi-chan." Natsumi informed him apologetically. "Minato and I lived in some of the standard housing for single shinobi too for a time. Genin to jōnin rank, until my marriage and he went and bought a house. Unless we lived in different apartment buildings or sections of the village entirely, we might not be able to use that."

"Jiraiya-sama probably has a copy on him… I think." He suggested next, slowly.

Minato and Natsumi froze.

Then looked at each other.

"Our sensei doesn't have one, right?"

Natsumi pursed her lips and thought hard. "I've… never actually see him with one. Though, we could probably ensure it via the Toads that he does have one and it's not sealed away… maybe. That's iffy, though. How much of a heart attack do you think he'd have if you wrote him a little message?"

Minato looked perfectly unconcerned by that possibility. "I'd rather a small… _talk_ , with sensei, actually."

"Me and Raidō, the other us, probably have copies." Genma spoke up helpfully from further down the hall. "The other members of the Yondaime's bodyguards might have others too."

"The other Raidō is on mission, actually." Hayate refuted from the opposite side of the hall from him. "You're… around, though."

"Well… we could even probably toss one of Minato's kunai through the front doors and see if that works too." Natsumi suggested before _that_ conversation risked touching ground on anything depressing. It might just be other Genma likely wasting time by flirting around in sleazy bars, but she again _didn't want to know_. "Hiruzen-sama's gotten a message through that way."

"But you're not sure about that possibility." Minato inspected her closely. "Why?"

"The message I picked up for him was a little… warped. No telling what that may do to the seal if you tossed one of them through. Additionally, someone _might_ be standing there if we just chuck a kunai through."

"Err… Natsumi-sama?" Raidō, her Boar, suddenly spoke up from behind her. He sounded perfectly healthy and well, score.

She turned around… and ended up nose to chest on Shikaku. She _couldn't_ quite suppress the flash of irrational fear that jolted through her, as well as the suspicion that it wasn't her husband even if that was her Boar. "…hubby mine?"

"Natsu?"

"…hi." Natsumi let her forehead hit her husband's chest, jerking a thumb behind her at a certain blond shinobi. "It's Minato's fault this time."

Shikaku's arms came up to wrap around her in a confusion prompted hug, but she was just thankful this _was_ the Nara clan head she had married and had two kids with. Seeing a version of him that didn't know her… would've just been the topping on a very nightmarish kind of day.

Shikaku did something behind her back, she didn't know what and had no desire to know.

"Hey… sempai? Weren't you working on…?"

"Seals. Right." Natsumi hesitated, but pulled herself together and stepped out of her husband's arms with a small smile. "I'll… go back to the entrance hall. Kashi-chan… the _other_ Kashi-chan, I'd like to talk to you if you could spare the time."

"I… aa… sure." The Kakashi with one eye stumbled over his words, ending with a very pointedly casual shrug.

Again, she knew him better than that.

(ooo000ooo)

Shikaku eyed his retreating wife's back, then shot Minato a nasty look. "Exactly how did something happen between this morning and now to the point it made _Natsu afraid of me?_ "

"Not… _you_ , I don't think." The Yondaime hazarded cautiously, flicking a glance at the alternate Shikamaru without his mother's eye coloring.

Technically his grandmother's eye coloring, but the incident that changed one of Natsumi's eye colors from green to yellow wasn't something the younger generation knew about.

"There may be a… ah, other you." Minato finished less than gracefully. "This other reality doesn't have a sempai…"

"…why the _hell-"_

"Going to pick up Kushina, bye."

The Yondaime exited just as fast as he spoke, flicking out of existence before Shikaku could ask.

That version of the Jōnin Commander rolled his eyes, turning to the next likely person to know what was wrong with his wife's head. "Kakashi."

"Aa… no nee-chan would mean this other realities' Nara heir isn't her son." Family was something Natsumi was overly zealous about, both her real blood family in the Nara clan and her 'technical' one via semi-dubious ninja master-student relationships.

Kakashi glanced around at the various ninja loitering around, either to just stare at a Minato they all knew was dead or gape at the man's newly revealed son.

"And… apparently their lives sucked. Majorly in cases. Most cases."

Shikaku stared at him flatly. "My wife is good at what she does, but she's not _that_ good. Natsu barely interacts with those she doesn't work with often or the vast majority of civilians. You can't mean she's a lynch pin for _happiness_ in _this_ many lives."

"Apparently she is."

It was incredibly ironic they were talking about a retired assassin and all the 'good' incidents that happened because of her, Kakashi with both eyes mused. He loved his sister, he did… but Natsumi basically murdered her way through the Elemental Countries for a decade and a half. Still doing it in a way, in being the ANBU General that ordered missions for the dark side of the Leaf.

She was, by civilian standards, not a good person morally if a terrific kunoichi of the Leaf.

Yet… disturbing didn't quite cover everything he had learned so far about himself. Other self. Whatever.

Like say, the 'what would have happened' other side of that old bedtime story Sakumo and Natsumi would have told way back when if badgered into it long enough. Of how the then chūnin apprentice in the art of kenjutsu had been the one to foil the Iwa sent assassins intending to kill his mother mere months after his birth.

Which would, apparently, prevent Midori from ever being born in this other reality.

Kakashi… really wanted to go home and hug his mother and sister. Both sisters. Even if that was out of character for him, as a dickish asshole of a shinobi who got his kicks verbally torturing the people around him.

He learned it all from his elder sister, it was his story and he was sticking to it.

It was entirely possible Natsumi had a hand in somehow helping Sakumo avoid a very unfortunate and shameful fate, but that wasn't something they could be _sure_ of. There didn't seem to be anything solid other Kakashi knew of about his early years that led to one disastrous mission in another reality… but that would've occurred sometime after Eri had been likely assassinated.

Other Kakashi lost his father at four years of age. Driven to suicide because of said mission, an early start to the Third Great Shinobi War, and intolerant villagers blaming him for a mission gone wrong.

Kakashi with kenjutsu skills found himself stupidly, absurdly grateful for his eight extra years with the man. Living with sensei for a decade or so didn't really sound that bad, but… living with both his parents in the Hatake clan compound still sounded better.

There was also that issue about an Uchiha eye in other Kakashi's skull…

The jōnin kenjutsu user blinked his two eyes as another thought occurred to him, and wondered if Rin had volunteered for Chūnin Exam medic-nin duty.

After handing off Akimichi supplies to the doubled heirs of that clan, Shikaku was a little distracted by both versions of his son. They were doing a bit of silent Nara speak off in their own little world.

Kakashi then turned to his Sakura, the one that didn't look like a pale girly girl with an eating disorder. "Sakura-chan, is Rin here?"

"Err… she should be? Maybe with the other medics." His tai-using kunoichi student, who was also learning a bit of iryou-nin skills on the side, informed him hesitantly. "I'm not really sure, though. I saw her yesterday while we were waiting for the last teams to make it in before the second phase of the exams were called."

Other Kakashi gave an eye-blink quick jerk at the question, and took on a bit of a miserable air when the answer had been supplied.

The Kakashi with both eyes figured that answered that question.

His other self needed to stop being so miserable and mopey. Kakashi, being the asshole with limited social skills that he was, figured he probably shouldn't try to cheer himself up. Then again, they likely had the same sense of humor. They _were_ basically the same person just with different lives.

Still would probably be best to kick himself in the ass about going to meet up with Natsumi.

The nomenclature of this entire situation was starting to get to him.

They did, apparently, share a bit of ANBU hand signs. Depressingly, Kakashi with one eye had a more developed system to him than Kakashi with both.

Well… _someone_ would've had to take on nee-chan's title as the bloodiest assassin to come out of the Leaf. He was a little sorry to find it was himself who stepped into that role, other-him and his signals were seeped in assassin terminology and not like his handful of tracker signs but mainly jōnin terms system.

Convincing himself to actually meet his own damn sister proved a little difficult. Apparently that Kakashi was also a lazy bastard even without a heavy Nara influence in his life, to the point procrastination was his go to option of choice.

It took promising to find Rin, and maybe Obito, to get other Kakashi moving.

(ooo000ooo)

Shikaku figured there _were_ actually answers to questions he would've really rather he didn't know.

Like… exactly what had gotten so upset in his wife's head to the point she got terrified of the possibility he wasn't himself not a minute ago.

The Nara clan head allowed himself to slide down against a wall until he was seated next to the spot the two Nara heirs had decided to break out a game of shogi. Ironically, the traveling-sized game board and pieces one of their mother's carved for a gift after his academy graduation.

Sighing, the Jōnin Commander set one elbow on his knee and cradled his jaw on the hand. "Do we want to know, Maru-kun?"

"I don't really think so, kaa-chan's having issues wrapping her head around it already." That Shikamaru nudged one of his rooks farther across the board, flicking his mismatched eye coloring over the various positions the game pieces were in.

The Shikamaru across from that one sighed through his nose, sliding over his silver general to counter the rook's movements.

Shikaku figured, since it was a version of his son, he should try to clear that up. "It's not that Natsu dislikes you for being another woman's son, it's that she hates it wasn't her that was your kaa-chan. She's trying not to blame herself for something she doesn't have control over, that's why she hasn't actually tried talking to you yet."

He got a highly skeptical look with two matching eyes in return.

"It's my wife. I've lived with her for nearly a decade before we had him. Almost twenty years of marriage means I know where her head likely is right now." Even if he had to get some major help now and again from his equally as psychology mental best friend.

"Really?" That apparently _didn't_ match up with what that Shikamaru knew of his parents from the slight confusion on his face.

He wasn't going to ask, Shikaku was perfectly happy with his wife and their life. Even if she was asking about maybe having a third kid now that Shikaina was well on her way to becoming a kunoichi. He didn't need to know about another woman.

Even if it made him slightly guilty and a little annoyed with himself, who possibly never knew Natsu even existed in the first place. No wonder everyone here was tensed up and hesitant to start any semi-serious conversation.

"If your life is even a touch less pleasant as this gaki's," Shikaku ignored the huff from his son with Natsumi, "she's going to hate herself for whatever it was that happened that made it impossible for her to be your kaa-chan."

"My life is _fine_."

…but not great, Shikaku finished in his head. The son he was more familiar with gave himself a similarly skeptical look.

That Shikamaru scowled at them, his spine tensing up even if the rest of him was a very convincing façade of Nara laziness. "Nothing said your lives are better than mine and _my_ tou-chan's."

"And that's why Natsu doesn't want to ask or infringe on what you think about your family." Shikaku countered lazily and calmly, he was a lot better at affecting unbothered airs than either version of his son. "Nothing can be done about it even if not, so instead of torture herself about whatever she's avoiding the issue. I am sorry this ever raised the question in the first place."

That at least made the alternate version of his son a bit less touchy seeming. The absolutely troublesome vision of what would've happened if Inoichi had twin girls instead of just the one decided they should probably take over the psychological aspects of that conversation and started theorizing why Natsumi felt that way and what might happen because of it.

Predictably, both of his sons decided the still on-going shogi game was more important.

Shikaku only listened with half his attention to the doubled Inos, he instead made a few mental comparisons between the shinobi he knew and the ninja they might have been as he absently watched the game.

He didn't quite like what he was seeing, to be honest. His wife's semi-legal little brother might have actually had a point in claiming Natsumi seemed to just help all around despite the anti-social issue she typically had meeting new people, if the _lack of her_ really was the major difference in this cluster fuck.

\V/

Kakashi really wasn't looking forward to any conversation with a sister he never had. Other Kakashi might have only been so insistent just so he'd stay out of trouble with her, not because he seemed to think it might help anything.

An older sister he never had, who was just as attached to Naruto as she seemed to be to him.

Which… yeah, he wasn't at all looking forward to this.

Kakashi allowed himself to get a bit distracted watching a few of the conversations the ANBU were silently having with themselves in dark corners. Occasionally it was two ninja that didn't have the same mask arguing about the possible outcomes of some incident or another, but there were a handful of old masks the ex-Dog was certain were dead before.

Trippy.

There wasn't any way to not notice coming up on the entrance room Natsumi had retreated to. For one, those previously thought dead ANBU agents were sticking rather close to her picked room for whatever reason. For another, there was an unfamiliar shinobi with a horse mask marked with three parallel lines on each side lurking near the entrance doors with the film of energy cutting through it.

In plain sight.

Who was getting a fond smirk from the Nara kunoichi herself.

…ANBU as well then. More than his other self, likely.

Kakashi hesitated a bit from the doorway into the room she was in, but it didn't really help him much.

Natsumi noted him anyways, and if it was some kind of chakra sense she had or his fellow-but-not ANBU that outed him was debatable. "Kashi-chan, I know better than to have assumed you would've taken Naru-chan on."

…what?

She rolled her mismatched eyes at him. "Single parent shinobi tend to die trying to keep up with a child and active mission work. You were… what? Fourteen? Fifteen? That would've killed you in short order, to try adopting him or fostering or whatever. No, I'm not surprised nor disappointed that you didn't try to take Naruto home when Minato… _died_."

"…aa…"

"Minato probably knows too. It's how my kaa-san died, you know. She had me, alone and by herself, and lasted all of three years. So no, we blame Hiruzen-sama and Jiraiya-sensei… not you, for how badly Naru-chan's early life seemed to go."

Getting absolved of any guilt hadn't been what he had been expecting. He almost couldn't wrap his head around that.

"I wanted to ask if you wished to learn what I know of Hatake clan kenjutsu katas." Natsumi told him bluntly, wrenching Kakashi's sore and bitter thoughts to a new subject he had never thought about. "I can at the very least ensure you know your clan's specialty, since I'm assuming you didn't have a lot of time with taicho to learn it."

"I… broke otou-sama's tantō."

"TenTen-chan's otou-san probably knows how to re-forge it again." She informed him as if breaking an heirloom weapon of his… _their_ clan wasn't such a big deal. "Tatsuo-san helped taicho forge my katana for me, and while it might take a fair bit of your White Natured Chakra… it might just fix it too. Their family has been the go-to blacksmiths for the Hatake clan for ages, likely they have the notes from the original forging of the White Chakra Saber."

Kakashi wondered vaguely if he could get away with kidnapping his own sister. Other him had two, he wouldn't mind giving one up. Right?

…since they were the same person, he probably would have an issue with it. Her husband might have a few things to say about something like that too. Minato-sensei might not want to give up his sempai, either.

Kakashi was such a jealous, possessive bastard. Yes, he did know it kind of defeated the purpose to insult himself. Still…

"…did you really get the Sword of Kusanagi from Orochimaru?"

"That… that's kind of not talked about… but yeah, I did." Natsumi rubbed the base of her neck, a sour expression passing over her face. "My ANBU team ran smack dab in the middle of one of his research bases hidden underground. Lost one of my team near instantly, the other lost his leg and ended up crippled for the rest of his life, my medic got sent off to get back-up… and I got to play a twisted game of keep away with the damn snake."

"I… kind of got into a fight with him not too long ago. Advice?"

It had been a long, _long_ time since Kakashi actually thought he needed some, and even longer still since he had someone to ask some from.

"…how long ago is 'not too long'?" She looked… suspicious, and a little alarmed.

"Over an hour, but not more than two, before this all started?"

Narrowed, mismatched eyes turned the kunoichi from a kind version of no-nonsense jōnin into the ANBU agent she likely was. "So… the asshole is probably in here with us?"

"…maybe?"

"I'm medically banned from getting into fights around that level. How about you and Minato go snake hunting when he gets back? I'll even give you a handful of my own ANBU to help."

Kakashi blinked his one eye at her. "…back?"

"He likely bailed to go fetch Kushina, rather than explain himself to my husband." Natsumi quirked a wry smirk for him. "He'll be back… around now."

The Yondaime did indeed flash to her side, holding an armful of painfully familiar kunoichi.

…who looked epically _pissed off_.

Uzumaki Kushina's expression smoothed out when she saw who was nearby, and the redhead practically leapt out of Minato's arms to engulf the other kunoichi in a brief hug. "Natsumi! I'm _so sorry_ about my idiotic husband."

"He was my idiotic kouhai first, hime."

"…hey…" Said husband/kouhai protested weakly.

"Minato, Orochimaru is apparently likely somewhere in the building." Natsumi squeezed the woman's arms before letting Kushina go. "Hime… Hiruzen-sama needs an abject reminder that _small babies_ are not to be treated like _undercover operatives_ who had agreed to weather the problems their cover gives them."

Kushina's darkly pissed expression came back with a vengeance. "…oh really?"

Hurricane Uzumaki had hit the building.

Natsumi cheerfully waved at her back as she stomped off.

Minato glanced at the alternate version of his genin student. "So… Orochimaru?"

"Aren't you going to…?"

"Save Hiruzen-sama? Hell no, I'm not getting in the way of my wife." The Yondaime hunched his shoulders slightly. "I'm already sentenced to the couch for a month, I'm not making that worse."


	18. Canon Cast meets Mesuji-verse, Part Five

Naruto… kinda didn't want this day to end _ever_.

He got to meet his _dad_ , and a nice aunt lady he never even dreamed might exist. Jiji had told him his parents had loved him, but after years' worth of hate from nearly the entire village… seeing it, actually being able to _talk_ to his dad or getting warmly fond smiles from a lady he didn't know but knew him enough to tease him a little over silly things…

Naruto was kinda impressed he wasn't a spastic ball of a mess, really. He had always dreamed of maybe getting to talk to some parent or relative of his, one of those stupid daydreams that would never come to be. It had hurt to wake up from those, but this…

It was a little weird to see a non-clone copy of himself and almost everyone else, but if that was the biggest drawback to this whole situation he'd deal.

…getting to talk to a parent and a relative was so _worth_ it.

" _HIRUZEN!"_

A flash of _red_ obscured his vision briefly, and Naruto couldn't do more than flail slightly as he was suddenly swept up in an almost bone crushing hug.

"Oh my _baby_ , kaa-chan's going to have a long talk with you. But right now, _kaa-chan's_ got a _head_ to _bash_."

Getting set back on his feet, _gently_ , let him see the face of the woman that assaulted him with a surprise hug.

She had _his face._ Naruto had his father's coloring, but _his mother's_ bone structure. Mom was a redhead, long ruby red hair with sea green eyes who looked at him with love and warmth and looked so much like him it almost _hurt_.

Suddenly her features twisted up in an expression of sheer _rage_ that made Naruto take a step back.

The new lady wasn't looking at him with that expression, though. She was glaring at old man Hokage.

" _SARUTOBI HIRUZEN_ , if you do _not_ have a _**damn**_ _good_ reason for this… _you're going to find out why the hell they called me the Red-Hot Bloody_ _ **Habanero**_ _._ "

"Kushina-chan-"

"Don't. _Even_." The newly revealed Kushina bit off sharply, taking a delicate step forward that made the Sandaime take a wary step back. "That is my _son._ Your _successor's son_. Explain to me _why my husband had to tell me_ **you** _let_ **our son** _grow up alone,_ hated _, and_ _ **ostracized**_."

Hiruzen looked deeply grave, and slightly sad. "I'm afraid that is a village secret, my dear."

"I call bullshit!" Naruto's aunt, _Natsumi-ba-chan_ , cheerfully called out as she and Naruto's dad and sensei slowly followed the redhead's path to them. "Apparently _everyone_ over a certain age knows full well, so there isn't much of a damn secret you're trying to protect."

"I was forced to reveal _that_ shortly after our Yondaime's death." Old man Hokage spoke evenly, but if pressed Naruto would've said he was a little defensive sounding.

"Again, bullshit." Natsumi scoffed with a scowl for him. "We live in a _military village_. No one but you _needed_ jack shit. Also means you need to do _jack shit_ for others if you didn't want to. The fact you went and violated a few certain laws afterwards anyways…? Pure and utter bull, Hiruzen-sama."

"You were _not there-_ "

"And whose fault was that?" Minato suddenly spoke up, his voice absolutely level but the frigid gaze he pinned the old man was one Hiruzen couldn't meet. "Do _not_ take your uncertainties out on sempai, Hiruzen-sama. This? This is your own mess, not hers."

Natsumi eyed first Naruto's dad, then old man Hokage. "…I don't want to know. Ever. Thanks. Hime? I think another venue might be in order."

The smile Kushina gifted her with was pure evil. Pure awesome too, in Naruto's eyes.

It was just as foxy looking as his grin. _He had his mom's smile_.

"That's a lovely idea, Natsumi. Come on, Hiruzen- _sama_ , let's discuss why the bloody hell you thought _this_ was a good idea and why I shouldn't revisit every bruise, _cut_ , and **break** my son suffered physically or mentally under your orders on _you_ , shall we?"

Hiruzen looked at Minato, who suddenly decided the ink on the ground was the most fascinating thing ever. Natsumi decided to inspect her really sharp looking nails all of a sudden. Shikamaru's old man pretended ignorance, eyes shut and probably fake-napping.

Sensei, both the one-eyed lazy pervert and the really cool sword wielding version of him, decided to slink back a little so no one would think to look at them. The other jōnin-sensei around decided to follow the lead of Team Sevens' team leaders and either busy themselves or pretend they were busy.

Naruto, the one that _just_ met his parents, felt his eyes water a little.

…his parents really did love him. Awesomest day ever.

(ooo000ooo)

Kakashi with a sharingan eye was, frankly, glad he wasn't the Sandaime at the moment.

Kushina herding Hiruzen out of the hallway and into a semi-abandoned room, and shooing the two Sasukes out of it, was accomplished with a minimum of fuss. Likely both Uchihas hadn't quite understood they were getting the boot until after the door slammed behind them.

One of the Sasukes was still a broody little shit and glowered at everyone like usual, but the other one merely raised an eyebrow at the firmly shut door then looked squarely at Minato. "Other me claimed aniki murdered the whole Uchiha clan."

Minato went stock still. "…what?"

"Apparently he, Itachi-nii-sama, went insane and murdered the whole clan in a night."

Natsumi blinked at him, shutting one eye at a time, then snorted. "…I call bullshit. _Again_."

"It's true! I saw it happen." Sasuke, the moody and broody one, snapped out viciously before any of the others could comment. "That _man_ made me watch him murder _everyone_ in a Tsukuyomi genjutsu."

"…oh for _fuck's sake_ , gaki. One, a _genjutsu_ isn't a valid piece of evidence no matter _how_ special." The kunoichi palmed her face, keeping the very tips of her nails away from skin, then heaved a sigh and planted both hands on her hips. "For another… how long ago was this… _incident_ supposed to take place?"

"When he… I? When _we_ were seven… ish?" The less psychotic looking Uchiha answered her hesitantly.

"So a fifteen or sixteen year old Itachi-chan." Natsumi actually thought about it, because she knew it was a thing in other possible realities given the story Fiona once knew of, but she had to discard a lot of the character she knew of a kid she watched grow up in order to actually process the claim. "…while I don't doubt he was capable of matching blades with the majority of the clan in battle… all of the clan? That's about three hundred, _all of them_ , murdered in one night on his own? One after another after yet another? No. I _highly_ doubt that was possible."

No matter what was claimed. This little brat had a bad habit of assumptions, that much she knew from his other self. Getting him to _think_ might just help everything, if she could pull it off.

"But-"

" _Gaki_. Think. There's about… a third or more of the Uchiha clan reserved in the village for military police duties, right? Then the other third of active duty shinobi, who also do police duties but only when they're not running missions or recovering from them. Every rank from genin on up to _ANBU_. The last third, _maybe_ , are civilian members of the clan and the elderly/children with various levels of skill too."

"…so?"

Natsumi flatly stared at the snotty little brat. She really wished she _hadn't_ known what the hell had gone wrong with him. "So… you're trying to tell me a fifteen or sixteen year old shinobi, no matter the genius, was able to _battle two thirds_ of the Uchiha clan to death _on his own over one night?_ No one saw, heard, got suspicious of jutsu use, maybe went to visit a lover or friend, _no one walked in on that and raised some kind of alarm midway through?_ "

Sasuke choked on his own breath. Working his jaw but apparently without the ability to speak.

"Yes, a ninja could take down targets silently. I'm pretty sure when bodies started appearing _someone_ would've raised an alarm or something." She gave it a bit more thought, but shook her head after a moment. "Hell fuck no, not even with genjutsu holding some still or unaware. The _chakra exhaustion alone_ would've killed him."

"Aa… nee-chan?" One eyed Kakashi tried hesitantly. "That… the massacre _is_ attributed to Uchiha Itachi going rogue. Officially."

"Is this the same 'officially' that led to Naru-chan's ghastly childhood as well?" Natsumi asked of him bitterly. "I'm starting to wonder if Hiruzen-sama is sane or something."

"Like I _told_ you." Sasuke one informed Sasuke two. "It sounds as if you were set up to believe that, not that aniki actually did it."

"I found him standing over my- _our_ parents! Our _dead parents_." Said Sasuke two insisted venomously. "Physically. Standing. Over. Them. With. _Bloody_. Katana. In. _Hand_."

"Okay… so he _did_ murder some. That's not _all of them_." Natsumi interrupted before that little spat could get out of hand. "So… who helped him do it?"

"… _WHAT?_ "

"Sempai _just_ covered how Itachi-chan couldn't have physically have murdered everyone." Minato groaned out in exasperation, rubbing a hand over his face. "Which means either the village helped this… _incident_ happen… or…"

"Someone _else_ helped it along." Natsumi finished blandly. "Who hated the Uchiha clan that much?"

Something suddenly occurred to the Nara kunoichi, because she stiffened up. Then very _slowly_ turned to look fully at Kakashi with only the one eye.

"Kashi-chan? Be an absolute dear and tell me that _Shimura Danzō_ **isn't** _alive_."

Kakashi wasn't too proud to deny he inched backwards a little. "…as far as I know Elder Shimura's alive and fine…?"

That was, apparently, the _wrong_ thing to say to her given the expression that crossed her face.

"What does Elder Shimura have to do with anything?" Sasuke questioned out loud, bitterly.

Kakashi with the sharingan eye wanted to know too, but the look on Natsumi's face already told him he wasn't going to get a straight answer.

"Nothing… as far as I know. It's just a thought." The kunoichi waved that off, shooting an incomprehensible look to Minato.

Conversely to what she claimed, the Yondaime looked just as concerned for a split second before he could hide it.

"I'll talk to Hiruzen-sama…" The kage promised her quickly, shooting the door Kushina had shut behind her a look of it's own. "…after my wife is done."

"Coward."

"Practical." Minato countered almost absently, looking back at the kunoichi with mismatched eyes. "Unless you want to infer you _wouldn't_ mind getting between my hime and Hiruzen-sama right this second?"

Natsumi pursed her lips. "…I actually have something I'm supposed to be doing, I'll pass."

"Thought so."

"Don't you have hunting to do?"

"Don't you have fūinjutsu to do? But… I suppose you do have a point." The Yondaime looked around at the shinobi loitering in the dead-ended hallway, more specifically the jōnin. "Unless you particularly wish to go snake hunting, _stay behind the seals_. Collective genin, you are _not_ to go pass the ink spread out over the ground. At all, for any reason. Understood?"

He got jōnin confirmation rather easily, but a smattering of genin replies until the ones not paying attention or were greatly distracted by themselves were discreetly smacked upside the head.

The Neji duo, the Kiba and Akamaru foursome, and the two Lees in particular required outside prompting.

Minato reached out and grabbed one-eyed Kakashi by the shoulder and flicked out of existence, Natsumi rolled her eyes and looked over the assorted brats her husband seemed perfectly content to watch.

Sasuke, the one that did have his clan murdered on him, looked… introspective and rather bitter.

He had unnerved his other self, and that Sasuke with his clan drifted over to the surprisingly neglected for the moment but not minding it too much Naruto who lived with his parents.

Natsumi decided they needed a better way to tell the brats apart, because that naming scheme was entirely depressive. It would be just as insensitive to label them 'better version' and 'worst version', so she was a little stuck.

She dropped to a knee, staring at the moody little brat until he looked up. "Besides the questionable genjutsu torture and your parents, what else made you believe Itachi-chan murdered the whole Uchiha clan by himself?"

"He said so. To _test himself_ and the Mangekyou sharingan he developed."

"…the man murdered your parents, and you _believed the words that came out of his mouth?_ "

Sasuke looked insulted for a brief second, then mulish. "Who said he _didn't_ do exactly as he said?"

"I did, just a bit before." Natsumi flicked his nose when he opened his mouth to argue. "Kid, your _entire clan_ was noted for their excellent ability to look beyond the obvious to the point they were entrusted to safeguard the interactions of _shinobi_ and _civilians_ put in close quarters together. Do you think, _maybe_ , you should do a little digging before believing what you're told or what's obviously implied? To be an _Uchiha_ , not just someone that bears the name?"

He had jerked away from her minor assault of his person, scowling greatly. It was the flat of her nails and she didn't even leave a scratch, so there. However, it _did_ look as if her words were at least making him think.

"It doesn't sound like it has a happy ending, no matter what way you look at it. But at the very least you should attempt to ensure what you know _is_ correct, rather than blindly follow what everyone assumes. I question things, everything. It's one of the main things I do for Minato. I think you may actually need that ability, if you don't want to end up blindly doing something you'll regret greatly in a few years."

The look Sasuke gave her informed the kunoichi that she was never going to be his favorite person. That was fine by Natsumi, given she was highly doubtful she'd impact his life much after this little situation was over.

That same look also had the seeds of suspicion in it, which was a vast improvement over the sheer _hate_ that had been there just a little while before.

Natsumi didn't care if he was suspicious of her, at least the brat was thinking now. He could question her actions until the cows came home, it just meant he was now at least upholding the Uchiha clan's image.

(ooo000ooo)

Kakashi lingered just long enough after his elder sister left to not arouse suspicion, then gestured for one of the two Gai to watch over the collective Team Sevens for him and himself.

He got a shiny grin and a thumbs up in acknowledgement, a surprisingly silent one.

Kakashi was going to assume the _Gai_ with _tact_ was his friend Gai and not other Kakashi's friend Gai. At least, that's what he dearly hoped was correct. A Gai with any measure of tact was better than a Gai with no tact, which was entirely possible with this alternate universe thing going on.

He was giving himself a headache trying to keep everything straight, and the sheer number of nightmares this same incident would give all of them didn't bear thinking about.

Like, say, what Sasuke-that-wasn't-his-Sasuke had claimed happened to his clan.

Kakashi was a genius, which had been acknowledge years ago and still held true today. He and his small clan had also clung a bit to Natsumi growing up, meaning he also had a lot of random and interesting facts and skills drummed into his head and knew how her mind worked.

He knew, though not the exact facts, that Elder Shimura had something to do with his father's death.

It wasn't until after the funeral, and Sakumo getting added to the KAI monument, that he realized it from what his sister pointedly _didn't_ do during it. Her getting snubbed might've irritated the hell out of him, but that didn't really excuse her flat out _ignoring_ two village elders. The fact said village elder and another of his contemporaries had become 'ill' not too long after, and Shimura was declared dead a short time after that, merely cemented that dubious possibility into actual fact for him.

His elder sister was sneaky and sly, unless it hit way too close to the heart… then she got downright brutal.

The death of a man they both adored as father had been a little too personal for Natsumi to have had no hand in any retribution, but the news of Shimura's death had been the only one to happen after Sakumo's but before she took up missions again. None of those missions had awkward destinations or her going MIA for a short bit inside of, meaning she didn't get any revenge on them even if it would've been slightly overlooked as long as it didn't turn out to be a political nightmare for the village.

Her understandably getting him the 'bone of the one who killed the last Dog Summoner' aside, Kakashi had been confused as to why Natsumi's Leopards had delivered the clavicle bone of someone else to the Alpha Dog of the Summons clan until he pieced that all together. The thigh bone of the man who killed Sakumo given to Kakashi to hand over as the next Dog Summoner… and the collar bone of the man who ordered that man around fetched by his oldest student and eldest child.

Though he had never asked, Kakashi believed that collar bone to be Danzō's.

The silver haired shinobi knew for a fact Shimura Danzō was bad news, and if his sister had thought of him when asking who would hate the Uchiha clan enough to arrange their deaths…?

More than likely, other-him needed to know that information. His student Sasuke looked a little… unhinged, and while Natsumi was good at twisting or untwisting heads the brat would probably need special watching or help. Especially if the village, if _Konohagakure_ , had something to do with the death of the entire Uchiha clan in this other reality.

Why that Sasuke with no Uchiha clan wasn't tossed right into Inoichi's hands was a little beyond Kakashi, but there might have been some kind of reason behind it.

He… also had to go find Rin, and probably Obito. The medic was easier, she was likely down with the other medics. From all appearances, while his universe hadn't quite gotten to the elimination rounds of the second exam this other one with Kakashi who had no siblings had already gotten though a few fights.

Someone had to be somewhat worse than just bloody, if Rin hadn't checked in with her own teammate to learn what the hell was going on in more comprehensive terms than the bare basics.

Obito… had been doing MP things with his clan, oddly.

Kakashi stopped walking, looking up to the ANBU who were using the ceiling like he was using the floor.

He hadn't really liked ANBU life, which had disappointed Natsumi a little even if she had tried not to show it. Sakumo and Natsumi had spent _years_ of time in the black ops division, working together on the same squad. However, by the time Kakashi picked up the Dog mask titled Hound and tried his hand at ANBU tracking missions with his teammates she had been a little too highly placed to run missions with them.

Formally retired as a jōnin, and benched forevermore as an ANBU agent. The conception of her first child had been the end of her active duty career, but she took on the administrative side instead of puttering around her home for the rest of her life.

Slightly depressing, but he had at least tried it and understood why the two of them had kept going back long after they were cleared to leave that life behind. Why it was Natsumi was now their guiding hand, even if she was over the hill in ninja terms.

One of these days, he'd actually say that to his older sister's face. Gai had called her short like his side of that bet required, and made frequent comments to that end every other time he saw his old jōnin-sensei. The taijutsu master was pulling ahead of him in that little game between them.

…maybe once her kenjutsu skills waned a little. Kakashi liked his kneecaps, they were rather useful things.

He had a point to this mental wandering, right? Some days, he swore Obito's getting lost skills were contagious.

"Gecko?"

The tiny and slim kunoichi that had been ANBU long before Kakashi had been and kept on being ANBU long after he quit slipped down to the floor.

Hound and Gecko didn't get along nearly as famously, or as creepily, as the ANBU General Panther-sama and Watch Commander Stag, but they _did_ have a semi-amiable relationship going on. Gecko at least didn't mind answering any questions Kakashi posed to her as long as it wasn't sensitive. "Is Sparrow still in the dark with you?"

A quick, negative shake of a painted Lizard masked face was his answer. Either dead or retired, then.

Any way that was taken, not where Kakashi could speak with her at the moment. He wracked his memory for any other Uchiha ANBU agents he might know of. "Jackal, maybe?"

A shrug that time. She didn't know, so either really recently dead or moved to a different division than Sabotage.

"Any Uchiha ANBU you know nearby?"

There was a cautious nod.

"Tell them to report in to Panther-sama for… reasons. She'll brief them."

Gecko tilted her mask head, a silent query for why.

"A clan thing. Like I said, nee-chan will clarify it."

Kakashi was Sasuke's jōnin-sensei, he had that kind of pull to request some clan aid even if it was with ANBU versions of that clan's members and an alternate reality version of his student. Natsumi would understand, and likely at least obnoxiously pat him on the head for looking out for a version of his student.

Even if he was a lot taller than her nowadays.

Kakashi really did have to get on with fulfilling his side of that bet, and damn Gai for requiring actual words not just making her _feel_ old. Natsumi felt old all the time, that would've been easy.

"Hey… would you call Panther-sama old to her face?"

Gecko might wear a mask, but he could almost literally _feel_ the incredulous look she shot him.

"Yeah… thought not."

\V/

"What's it like, living with parents?"

Naruto carefully didn't pull a face at himself, or his question. "Uh… nice? I guess?"

Was it alright to feel perfectly guilty that one version of you was only going to be able to interact with his parents that you'd be going home with? Orphan Naruto was just really pitiable right now, and pitying himself was just weird.

It was himself, and pity wasn't ever really something he liked.

However, orphaned Naruto probably hadn't fully processed the fact that a pair of their parents weren't going to stay with him. He had just gotten blindsided with the fact they were _alive_ in the first place, he wasn't likely thinking of how this was going to end.

That was… Naruto was fully willing to consider how to beat himself up for depriving himself of time with his parents he never knew. Exactly how that feeling worked when it was himself and he wasn't an orphan, and _his_ parents fussing over the other version of him? He didn't know, still felt that way though.

"That… sounds really nice."

Naruto felt like slapping himself. Whether it was his own face he was talking about or his creepy copy-cat alternate self was entirely up in the air.

"Not always, 'cause kaa-chan can be as busy as tou-chan is and she doesn't lead the village. So sometimes I get foisted off on others. Generally the Nara clan head's and Sumi-ba-chan or one of tou-chan's old genin students." Naruto ignored Shikamaru's snort behind him, his god brother could be an annoying little shit sometimes. "But… Sumi-ba-chan subs in for tou-chan occasionally, which lets him have the day off to spend with me and kaa-chan. Those days are good."

Orphaned Naruto looked semi-depressed and droopy, like Kashi-ji's Dogs or Kiba and Akamaru when they had to get a flea bath. The Naruto who actually lived with his parents finally did plant his face in his hands.

It was _himself_ , how could he suck so badly at talking to _himself?_

No one else was having this kind of problem… well, actually…

Hinata was having just as much trouble, but it was more like her copy-cat other wouldn't stop babbling something at her which looked… to not be good news at all.

Sakura seemed really irritated at her other self, the wimpy looking Sakura looked unnerved by that. Sasuke had already completely disturbed the other Sasuke without so many issues.

Neji looked about ready to slap Neji for some reason, which was… what?

Naruto squinted at the two Hyūga Branch House heirs, because they really did look about to come to blows and Neji _never_ looked like that.

Well… his realities' Neji had never looked like that before. Something was wrong over there, but one of the Gai-sensei were keeping an eye on them.

A light touch to one shoulder brought his attention back to himself, the self wearing the really awesome tracksuit in bright orange. "Hey… I... uh, do you mind…?"

"No," Naruto told himself completely honestly, almost without thought, "no I don't mind. I know them, and know the love me. I don't think… well, I know you didn't know that before. So it's alright. I understand."

"…thanks?"

"Don't mention it." Ever. Naruto would be happy with that.

Apparently, he was just as awkward feeling as himself. They both looked around for another topic to talk about, because that one had gotten beyond the realm of awkward and into downright strange.

"Oh, hey! Kabuto-san!"

That was… not a name that Naruto knew of. Which made him realize only belatedly that there might be ninja around he _hadn't_ grown up with. A different reality might actually mean different shinobi, not just different versions of the same shinobi.

'Kabuto' was a grey haired ninja with glasses that had been lurking in one of the doorways.

Naruto squinted at the other… genin? He was like sixteen, why was he still a genin? Usually the only genin over the age of fifteen were part of the Genin Corps, because if a jōnin couldn't get someone on the jōnin-track over the chūnin hump in their earlier years it wouldn't happen without a lot more effort.

Maybe an injury or sickness? It happened. It would explain what he was doing taking the Chūnin Exams so late in his career.

"Naruto-kun… and Naruto-kun." The guy greeted them affably, poking up his glasses with a fingertip. "You… either of you know what's going on yet?"

"Tou-chan did something fūinjutsu related." Naruto helpfully informed him, his other self bouncing on his toes in excitement. "Now we're here until he fixes it, but things keep on popping up that need addressing."

"Yeah, and this somehow happened. But it's really cool, isn't it? Hey, Kabuto-san… don't you have a copy?"

"I am not a copy." Naruto informed himself.

"You're like a non-clone me, which is a copy." Other him pointed out mischievously. "So while not a clone, it's the same thing on the surface."

Which… seriously? He had a point Naruto had to give him. "True."

"I'm afraid there isn't another me running around, Naruto-kun." Kabuto interrupted before that could go anywhere interesting. "As I was orphaned then brought to Konohagakure no Sato, it does pose some interesting questions that probably won't be answered. Anyways, would either of you know how the other version of Hatake Kakashi-san acquired that sword?"

"It's that well-known in your world, then?" Naruto considered answering, and if he should at all.

His other self didn't see a reason not to answer. "Apparently Sumi-ba-chan got it off that snake freak guy, the one that bit Sasuke-teme. She also said how she didn't want to fight him again when he got brought up before."

Kabuto looked entirely blank for a long moment.

Naruto wondered just how much bad news Orochimaru was considered, since this reality didn't have a Natsumi or got around to executing the traitor themselves in time. He had to give the older genin credit, he was really good at concealing what reactions he felt at the news.

"Hey, why don't you come over here? Yelling down the hall isn't really fun, ya know."

"Aa…"

"It's safe enough." Naruto reassured the guy, because other Naruto probably couldn't read the fūinjutsu, giving a look over the dried ink swirled on the ground Kabuto had given a wary look to. "It's really specific, actually triggering that would take a bit of work if you aren't who it's designed to repel."

Kabuto adjusted his glasses once again. "Well… if you insist."


	19. Canon Cast meets Mesuji-verse, Part Six

One of the curious bits that varied between all fūinjutsu users, whether or not they eventually put in the massive amount of effort to master their craft and realize it themselves then try to work around it, is _how_ they differentiate the components of their seals and how they worked. The mind was a many-splendored thing, never the same even in twins who share almost everything else.

That part was why anyone learning had to learn some of it with either a master of the art's help or with a massive amount of cautious exploration, and why it couldn't be learned in any decent competence from just books on the subject. A fūinjutsu master could help you develop the basic skills, give warnings about things that didn't work, an basic understanding of your own methods or habits, some beginning oversight, and immediate medical aid… but most of it was done alone trying different designs out and blowing things up.

In order for any seal to interact or measure an individual like Natsumi's best branch of the art of fūinjutsu could do, one had to be within or touching the area of effect. Only _then_ did it actual verify if or not the subject violated the restrictions scripted into it, and deal out whatever effects it had to it. If you avoided touching or crossing parts sealed by her security seals, you could walk right next to one and be perfectly safe from it even if it would kill you if you brushed it's outer most edge. That was part of her Yin Release aptitude imbued by her bloodline and kinjutsu, long before she'd known what it was that enabled her to use 'intent' in her seal work when everyone else were restricted to the limitations of 'crossing or leaving' the scripted bounds.

One former spy for _Ne_ and Orochimaru's current fervent supporter crossed the far boundary of the seal without issue, merely because he felt no hate or malicious intent to anyone beyond it. It didn't react under his feet, and proved one of the Narutos right about his safety from it.

"So," one Naruto continued talking to his other self, with a question he'd thought of but hadn't seem like it would derail the conversation sufficiently enough to prevent awkwardness, "who _is_ Elder Shimura, anyways? I don't know him, I just know he was a friend of old Sandaime-sama and died almost a handful of months up to a year before any of us genin were born."

"He was a… former teammate of him too." Sakura chipped in absently, pawing through her pouches looking for something to do other than try talking to her stubborn and obstinate other self. Who had a _crush_ , of all stupid things, that had only recently stopped blinding her to the fact she currently was woefully ill-equipped or almost too unhealthy for kunoichi life. "He, the former Elder Shimura that is, used to be a student of the Nidaime. The Shodai taught Hiruzen-sama, and the two of them had some kind of rivalry going through most of their lives. Before his death from old mission injuries complicated by illness later in life, it was thought-"

If there was one thing Kabuto hated nearly mindlessly, it was the man that misled him about and eventually caused him to kill the woman, his _adopted mother_ , who loved him simply for himself and tried to shield him from her former occupation by rejoining it. Hearing the polite fiction that surrounding the man didn't help at all, and the fact Shimura had a fairly respectable death in this other 'world' did not improve his feelings on the matter. The former ROOT spy, in that very moment he was barely halfway across the inked lines swirled across the floor, also irrationally hated them all for an instant for not having to deal with or try to suffer through that supposed Village Elder and intended to pass the fūinjutsu's boundaries.

Kabuto was still human enough to be jealous of their fortune and to resent them for it, but it was his vicious hate for the Village Elder and the slighter but still apparent sourness for anyone that lucked out not dealing with the man that was important.

The seal, which really only was intended to guard the individuals secured beyond it's rearmost edge, didn't have human intelligence or anything remotely like it behind it. The difference between what was intended and what actually happened was purely a human error, as it did fulfill what it was intended for.

The chakra, which was partially spiritual energy itself, registered the criteria 'hatred' had been fulfilled and the seal's 'functions' matched it up with the other major criteria 'intent to; within/beyond boundaries' and allowed the power to move on to the next line of painstakingly written fūinjutsu and called up sealed keys in a different dimension for what to do when all, or each criteria in and of itself, were met.

The fūinjutsu mistress's seal spread out on the hallway's floor was as much a masterwork as any intricate work someone with similar skills tended to experiment on within their respective specializations… except it started and was based off of the seal tags she made up for her firstborn son, her two godsons, the students of her student, and their respective teams to use for securing a camp. Seal tags she made up specifically for use in the Chūnin Exams.

They _all_ actually had separate copies of the original seal on them before they started the Exam. Kiba didn't tend to think of his copies unless he was looking to set up a camp and Naruto's were in the kit he had handed to her to take to his father. TenTen had a set, but she had used hers while her team was in the Forest of Death trying to get the other scroll for the second part of the exam. Shikamaru's, of course, were plastered to the walls and linked to the floor's array.

One thing the fūinjutsu mistress that inked it hadn't thought of, and wouldn't find out until much later, was that the seal had a few options open to it she hadn't accounted for when putting ink to floor. She'd been more than a little distracted, inking the array while ensuring no explosive conflicts were occurring in it and listening to Naruto expound on his crappy childhood while trying not to lose her temper. Natsumi was good at multitasking, but not _that_ good and Minato dropping a different fūinjutsu project in her lap had prevented her last look over to catch this kind of thing.

Mainly because the tags made up for the securing of camps if needed had been intended for use to guard multiple people and not just certain individuals she scripted in later, the range of who it 'protected' was larger than she had anticipated. That her son's, both godsons', and her student's students' teams as well as several individuals, some doubled, who had their own personal sigils that exempted them from the lethal options her seals were allowed were all behind the activated seal compounded the issue by several magnitudes.

The first seal, the multi-use security tag, detailed that any attempting to pass it's limits should be subdued by less lethal responses but if more than one was attacking more than one behind the seal to magnify the response. Held in place and preferably unconscious, but at the very least rendered unable to fight back or try to murder the teams it was designed to safeguard by a sharp shock of raiton chakra converted in a cycled conversion sigil.

The secondary addition, inked by a steadily more pissed off Natsumi, demanded lethal response as long as the criteria were met. Her usual 'burn to a crisp or rendered to bloody chunks if the chakra is available' in type, because retired assassin able to kill if she wanted or no she wasn't above vengeful fantasies. She hadn't been picky at the thought of someone _hating_ her _godson_ , _Minato's firstborn son_ , getting afoul of her seal work. If they fit the criteria and were in _range to do something about it_ , she wanted them deader than just dead. In pieces, preferably.

Since the seal was rather piece-meal doddle of a design in an echo of another seal she'd once made up it worked for now but wouldn't be something she presented to be 'standardized' for mass use ever, and her oversight on the non-overridden limitations allowed both to happen as the seal fulfilled the reason it had been scripted. It was a testament to the fūinjutsu mistress' mastery of the art it hadn't simply blown up instead, as all self-conflicting seals tended to do when the processes chakra were cycled through ended up stalling or doubling back in on itself.

Natsumi didn't get to see it, and would later mourn that slightly when she learned _who_ tripped it off, but his triggering of the basic turned intricate security seal was reported to be rather spectacular.

Gory, but spectacular.

All Kabuto felt was a sharp burning shock, starting from the soles of his feet and lancing up to his head, way too fast for him to identify what was behind it or try countering it. Yin chakra paralyzed him in place, but if he had the time he could've actually have gotten around that.

The first part of the seal, which had both Shikamaru's purely earth natured chakra that established it and Natsumi's mainly water natured chakra as she added to it as well as a natural gathering of ambient chakra from the area, reversed that store of power and injected it into his chakra system as fast as it could with a split-second delay to an entirely different conversion sigil. The different natured chakras weren't too difficult for the seal to store, seeing as it was donated power from a mother and son pair and the extra gathered while it was active had it's own storage loop. Uzumakis had proved that relations in blood like that had been one of the few things that allowed opposing chakra natures to cohabitate for short whiles like that nearly a century ago.

Initially, the chakra should've been converted to raiton before being released like a shock tag and rendered whoever touched the boundaries to insensibility. Under Natsumi's slightly clawed fingers, the 'safety catch' that converted the chakra before releasing it freely so as not to murder various genin of other countries due to diplomatic nightmares should that ever get out was turned off and the 'release' function modified slightly. Due to the shinobi habit of wall walking when they needed something other than just floor to maneuver around on, the soles of the feet had both a large tenketsu points and slightly more chakra resistant skin. Instead of just an aimless release, the seal instead shaped a 'lance' of half-formed chakra and jabbed it upwards until one of those chakra network points were found, the path of least resistance to it, then the chakra was thrust into the foreign system. Which would've been lethal alone, chakra poisoning was hard to treat and a triple dose of it generally lethal without major medical aid given, but the seal hadn't been done.

Before all the stored chakra left the seal's capacitor, two different conversions tried to happen at the same time. To raiton nature _and_ to katon nature. Katon from her addition, raiton from the original seal tag's effects.

While the earth natured chakra Shikamaru had poured into the seal converted to raiton just fine and some did make a small amount of katon, Natsumi's water nature hadn't converted at all for raiton and resisted until the katon change was attempted and it flat out rebelled. She had known it wouldn't convert without another step and didn't see a reason to try changing the nature of her chakra, because while she didn't mind the chakra poisoning of whoever it would be that tripped her seal and more importantly didn't care about them… she also had a difficult time gathering the control to do that after all the times her chakra network took a blow or two in her career.

However… while water loved conducting lightning nature, fire didn't like earth or water much. Fire and lightning might have greater compatibility, but lighting and earth didn't go together either. The four different natured elements and another conversion attempting to happen even as the seal ran out of chakra proved to be slightly explosive as always, as any beginner to the art could attest.

The fūinjutsu on the ground only visibly glowed a bluish white light, tracing similarly vibrant lines following Kabuto's tenketsu system up his body, then the his body violently rejected both the excess chakra damaging it and what little there was of converted fire natured chakra clashed with the water nature laced with the lightning nature getting hampered by the earth nature trying to smother the fire nature still lingering stubbornly.

Having some of one's tenketsu points explode under that excess pressure was bad enough, that was mostly internal and at least contained by muscle and skin.

What was worse was that the chakra it tried to expel before it gave away under the stress was partially made up of fire and lightning… and the human body was made up of a fair bit of water. Even more flash-fried nerves and internal chakra burns aside, the water turned instantly into steam and the pressure turned his slightly more damaged than normal body into a very bloody mess of meaty chunks.

Similar, in effect, to the very seal Natsumi had made up for Naruto's birth… except the skeleton system remained pinned upright in place. Not quite the same, given this slip-shod copy hadn't converted an equal measure of chakra into every natural element of the chakra system of whoever so much as touched it's inked lines and Kabuto didn't implode so much as fall slightly apart once the steam pressure had a way out of him, but similar enough it summoned Uzumaki Kushina herself by a strange wet-meat tearing sound she knew from her oft-repeated nightmares of a very hellish night for her.

It was a night some madman tried to rip the Kyūbi no Yōko out of her, possibly murder her newborn son and husband, nearly got her newfound cousin and her almost-sister-in-law killed, and _did_ end up in the re-death of a very ancient part of Natsumi that caused her no end of grief to remember. She hadn't really gotten to know Fiona beyond that one moment and a hug she got from the dead woman, and from all reports Kushina got out of Natsumi much later the ex-soldier had been just as caustic to _her_ as any other Kurama kekkai genkai alter-ego, but that 'ancestor' of the Nara kunoichi did at least deserve someone to remember her existence. It still was not her favorite memory, even if it was her son's birth day.

Most of the genin were still in shock, for as much combat as some of them had to them by then someone's sudden death right in front of them was still an arresting and alarming happening. Their jōnin-sensei were alarmed as well, and there was almost a wall of bodies imposed between most of the genin and the reacting seal scrawled across the floor.

After throwing open the door she had been reaching for before the sound of chakra rendering flesh into shreds hit her ears Kushina placed herself between her son… _sons_ and the still faintly glowing seal, glaring at the bloody ruin of a person. "What the _hell_ is going on?"

"Natsu's seal got a hit." Shikaku commented almost idly, directly contrasting the fact a veritable cage of shadows that had snapped out of the shade the room he was in to encircle the teams of both versions of his sons'. "I didn't recognize him."

"Naru-chan?" The kunoichi asked almost gently, smoothing her fingers through the hair of the child she knew better but looking at the one she didn't and bitterly wished she'd have the time to at least get to know. "Do you know who that was?"

"K-kabuto-san." The shock hadn't really worn off, he was merely answering on automatic. "He…"

"Was a genin taking the exams with us." The cursed seal bearing Sasuke finished for him, attracted to the sheer utter death the seal had dished out without a moment's notice. "He said he'd taken the Chūnin Exam several times before, but he also bowed out when the preliminary elimination round was announced."

Kushina frowned slightly, looking at the mass of burned and steaming flesh left behind. "That's… a lot for a genin."

Shikaku snorted, the strands of shadow under his control slowly melting back to where he'd pulled them out. It had been mostly a reaction to the sudden noise and light rather than the death that happened, but he was a veteran of the Third Shinobi War and his lethality wasn't a question. "I highly doubt he was a genin. He didn't really move like one."

"That's not an automatic reason to doubt someone, plenty of others wait until they're sure if they'll pass at all or…" Kushina had wrinkled her nose at what was technically her brother-in-law first, but trailed off and looked back at the alternate version of her best friend's second son. "Several times?"

Sasuke shrugged, kicking lightly at a chunk of Kabuto that had gotten some distance from where he'd fallen. "…that's what he claimed."

"Uh huh." The Uzumaki Princess' flat tone drew attention, as well as the semi-suspicious look she shot the bloody ruin of a man. "If he got this far in, why drop out for the preliminaries? Especially since you really can only take the Exams only so many times before the village reassigns you to the Genin Corps for the rest of your career. Too much effort to keep resending genin that will never get promoted to all different countries and shouldering the embarrassment of them failing yet again."

"He said he was too tired to." Sakura, the thin one, hesitantly spoke up trying not to sneak obsessively sickened glances past one Gai's back at what had been a human being she had _known_ just moments before. "Kabuto-san said he got too injured and tired to fight."

"It doesn't have to be an exhibition match, in fact quick knock-outs at this stage is _preferable_ , and I'd assume some of you all are similarly tired in some ways." Kushina pointed out plainly, shepherding the boys away from the dead genin's body. "No, if he's been taking the Exams multiple times but dropping out? We don't keep sending genin out for the Exams if they fail multiple times in a row. That's suspicious, _Shikaku_ , not how he walks."

"And the fact he set off my wife's seals." Said named shinobi tacked on lightly, keeping his eyes on the hallway but more importantly the doorway Kabuto had emerged from. "Given what seal that is."

"What seal is it?" One Naruto asked when the other him still looked a bit too into shock to do much more than stare over one shoulder.

"One similar to the one your ba-chan used to safeguard us the night of your birth." Kushina gave a half-shrug, half-shudder at the reminder. "That, all of that, is part of the reason we tell you all not to play with her sealing scripts foolishly."

"Um…" One Kurenai spoke softly, looking between the two Asumas. "Where is this… Kabuto-san's jōnin-sensei? Or the rest of his team? One would assume they have some kind of concern over where their student or teammate is."

Kurenai looked at her other self in tight pants levelly. "I'd assume they were in that room as well."

The collected elite shinobi all regarded the hallway door the suspicious genin had emerged from. When no one came out, either to inspect why a genin had practically been cooked to death in the hallway or to find out where said genin had gone, one of the Gais decided to check it out. As he was one of the ones his jōnin-sensei's seals were scripted to avoid harming, he managed to pass the still active seal on the floor without so much as a flicker from it. The taijutsu master looked grave, but not nearly as so as when he looked back at the gathered group. "It is empty. I think we should avoid the seal until sensei can come back and disarm or double check her work."

"…Kushina-chan, may I ask why there is a dead body standing upright in the middle of the hallway?"

The redhead flicked a semi-frosty look at the Sandaime, then at the corpse. "Natsumi's work, mainly. I'll check it over in a bit, but that kunoichi's never had an accidental death on her fūinjutsu arrays before so I don't think this was an accident."

One of the Inos snorted, nudging the Shikamaru with mismatched eye coloring. "Your kaa-chan is the most paranoid woman ever."

"Yeah… and?" He gave his teammate a disgruntled look, then flicked a glance at his father. "You know, if you'd tell us _what_ kaa-chan does… we'd speculate about it less."

"Natsu does logistical troubleshooting, obviously." Shikaku's expression was completely deadpan, even when one of the Gais actually _snorted_ and one of the Asumas had to stifle a bark of laughter.

"That doesn't explain why kaa-chan's so paranoid, or anything else she can do." His son pressed on undaunted. "So before that?"

"Troubleshooting for our international allies." Shikaku continued in a bland tone. "Before you ask, before that she did troubleshooting for Hiruzen-sama, and before that she had taken over the academy for a little under a decade as well as train a genin team herself."

"Are we just going to ignore the dead body?" Sakura, the one without the ragged haircut and stick thin figure, asked aloud before that conversation could cover any more obvious grounds.

One of the Sasukes, the one not a moody and brooding version, shrugged at her. "We know too little, and I'm not touching that array without a fūinjutsu master declaring it safe. Or mistress, as the case may be. I doubt there is anything we _can_ do, so ignoring it for the moment seems to be the safest course."

"Unless, of course," their version of Naruto chipped in, "you really _want_ to touch the dead body."

"I _knew_ that dead body." Other Naruto put in, a measure of distress in his tone. "His name was _Kabuto_."

The alternate version of Team Seven exchanged uncomfortable looks and apologized mostly all at the same time.

\V/

" _What_ Stag?" Natsumi jerked her attention up to her long-time and self-proclaimed bodyguard, then blankly stared at what she saw.

Stag had found himself… or more to the point, he'd found his alternate dimension counterpart and dragged him to… well, her. Same horse mask painted with a very stark version of antler lines, same body build, and the same chakra signature.

The ANBU General looked down at the seal work she was almost finished with, made another mental apology to Temari, and abandoned it. "Fuck it."

When she got up, the other Stag shifted slightly in her Stag's hold. She was guessing Stag version two didn't really want her anywhere near him, or was just uncomfortable in the first place.

"Well? I can't exactly do what I did to you to him, we don't have a medic nearby." Natsumi planted herself in front of the likely still _Ne_ operative and gave him a considering look. Without her? Stag probably hadn't started questioning his orders, or at least it had probably taken him a bit longer as a loose ANBU agent rather than a squad mate of any captain's. At the moment, it was entirely likely this version of Stag still followed Danzō…

She pursed her lips as a very wicked idea occurred to her.

"Is he… amiable to getting rid of his seal?"

Both Stags nodded. He still resented the seal, which at least was a constant that made her relax a little internally.

"…we need to talk to Hiruzen-sama. This other Hiruzen-sama." One Stag stiffened up, but the other patted himself on the shoulder. "Look, he's still the one in charge with your reality. If you want any kind of semi-decent ending to your story after everything is done, either staying ANBU or becoming one of the many shinobi that serve the village in the daylight, he's going to have to know about it. I've been intending to talk to the old man myself about certain security issues I know of, when I felt less likely to try spitting a water bullet in his face."

Stag version two pointed at where his mouth would've been had he not been wearing a mask.

"I _can_ get rid of it, or more to the point I've done it once and likely can again." It wasn't something she could guarantee, seeing as the differences might've ended up with a slightly different version of the cursed seal Shimura had used to keep his operatives bound and silent. "Be warned, I had to cut out his tongue in order to get rid of it and he still can't taste bitter things."

Stag looked at himself, and Panther's Stag merely shrugged and tilted his hand back and forth in a 'so-so' gesture to show he didn't greatly care about his loss of taste.

Natsumi still couldn't believe the man hadn't blamed her for that, not that she really regretted her actions at the time it happened. ROOT training had rather badly twisted him up, and while ANBU service did miracles on the emotionally broken and suicidal on occasion it wasn't a cure-all for everything. Her version of Stag had originally just shifted who he directed his blind loyalty to, and had she had even an ounce less human decency to her she could've used that like Danzō had instead of help him straighten his head out as much as they could.

Ironic that an assassin had more human decency than one of their own Village Elders, but it wasn't the strangest part of her that survived her bloody career of service to the Leaf.

Her Stag _could_ refuse orders, or go against her if he thought he should. The first couple times, way back when she had been pregnant with Shikamaru, had made him antsy and shifty until Shikaku flatly informed him he should do that more often. That had taken _years_ to work up, and a few rather reckless happenings to get him comfortable doing it.

This other Stag would likely never get to that point, and she was sad to realize it.

However, she _could_ help him even if only to plead his case to a version of the Shinobi Professor that had been in power maybe a few years too many. Natsumi really did owe it to the man who had discarded his brainwashing master just to follow her so long ago.

"Right. Come on, let's go face the music."

\V/

Kakashi listened to himself talk with no small amount of discomfort about what he knew of the Village Elder Shimura Danzō.

One look at Minato's face, carefully blank and blatantly ignoring the quiet conversation happening, told him their jōnin-sensei knew the full story but probably wasn't going to talk about it.

The Yondaime was making obvious rounds to all the temporally displaced shinobi stuck in the old Hokage's Tower complex with them, speaking calmly with some of the jōnin-sensei of other villages and scaring the ever living hell out of those that _knew_ for a fact the Yondaime Hokage of Konohagakure no Sato was _dead_. Minato had been actually amused the first few times it happened, but the reactions had seemed to get old fast for him. His squad of ANBU bodyguards hadn't reacted to the detour other than to pick and choose spots where half of them were hidden and half were in plain sight.

Kakashi wasn't entirely sure why Minato thought just checking up on the foreign genin teams, of which this alternate dimension seemed to have more of than his own reality, was going to help their search for the traitor Orochimaru. It was possible the man was mixing their search efforts with the diplomatic duties a kage had to out-of-village guests, which frankly the sharingan possessing Kakashi didn't really mind.

It was time with his jōnin-sensei, who had been dead for a little over a decade. Kakashi wasn't going to argue at all, though he could've done without the gentle questioning of what had happened to him after Minato had died with Kushina.

Additionally, he could do without hearing the horror story of another way his father could've died.

One of their own killed by their village elders was something you'd expect to hear out of Kiri or Iwa, not from the Leaf. Other Kakashi didn't know the exact details, and it was likely not even Minato was going to fill in the blanks, but the other him knew more than enough to make a few semi-solid assumptions.

He did wonder, if asked nicely enough, if their 'nee-chan' wouldn't mind admitting what she knew.

Other Kakashi had never asked, and from the look of things Natsumi _did_ favor him… them? Either way, more than enough to drop some kind of information about her side of things if he/they needed it.

Kakashi was still wrapping his head around the bewildering fact he had almost had a sister. Two actually, but other Kakashi's younger sister was still more of a vague idea to him than Natsumi was. That kunoichi could be talked to and did respond if he called her sister, which was a guilty kind of thrill he'd probably do again. Family had been something he'd resigned himself to never having, not when he was so infamous as both Minato's student and a highly skilled shinobi in his own right.

He proposed just asking the kunoichi to his other self, who did look thoughtful for a second.

"She can't, unless Hiruzen-sama or I release her from a gag order." Minato interjected as he pulled a door shut after checking in on the Sound team, the one that had lost a teammate to Aburame Shino just before everything interdimensional had started. "Or she could, but it would take a lot of guessing on your part and her trying to find non-verbal or obvious ways to confirm or deny whatever suggestion."

"Did she actually do that once?" Kakashi who still had both eyes to him asked, almost gleefully despite the main topic of conversation.

"…maybe. If she did, it didn't have anything to do with pointing me to Hiruzen-sama about another thing she'd been slapped with a gag-order about." The kage denied horribly, looking rather unconcerned by his lousy lying.

"…you're not going to explain that one either, are you sensei?" Kakashi with a sharingan asked dryly when he failed to elaborate.

"Nope."

"I think he does it just to annoy the rest of us with things he knows and will never tell that we never will find out about." Kakashi informed himself.

"Maa… maybe."

The small amount of banter ended way too soon, both Kakashis had been realizing exactly how much fun they could have screwing with the others' heads with another version of himself that thought the same way, when one of the ANBU only one of the Kakashis knew slipped to the floor a few feet behind them.

"Gecko-chan?" Minato prompted when the masked kunoichi hovered uncertainly.

"There's… a bit of a situation, Hokage-sama." Her voice was low and a little crackly, obviously talking wasn't something she did often. Probably career ANBU, they all tended to go silent after several years wearing a mask. "The aa… seal that… _Nara_ -sama left on the floor triggered."

"Perfect. Just what we need." The blond shinobi drew a hand down his face. "Right, back we go."

Kakashi, the one with only one eye uncovered, blinked that lone eye at the Yondaime. "What about…?"

"I know." Minato jerked his thumb to the closed door behind him, which had gained a few faint lines that hadn't been there before he touched it. "We're just going to have to try later."

Well… impersonating or actually being a genin team's jōnin-sensei would've allowed Orochimaru a rather fantastic view of Sasuke's condition and abilities without having to evade all of the security measures they had around the Chūnin Exams. Minato had probably just started checking to rule the possibility out, and hit gold instead. It would explain all the semi-hidden looks the Oto-nin kept shooting their jōnin-sensei when they thought no one was watching.

Kakashi, very carefully while the kage passed him to start making his way back to where the Leaf ninja had holed up, nudged up his hitai-ate and got a good look at what a decade older Yondaime could do with his fūinjutsu.

…yeah, no. He still didn't understand it, but it was mesmerizing to look at.


	20. Nara Natsumi's Shinobi File

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I am seriously considering rewriting the universe match-up into it's own story. If I do, however, it would be mostly rewritten into Naruto's point of view so it just won't be me reposting six chapters to a different storyline.
> 
> So my question for all of you, what would you prefer more? A fresh story, even if it would take me a couple months to finish polishing it up… or just for me to continue the little side-story wander I've got?
> 
> Be warned, that will take me some time to make up a new story. Like a couple months or so. But it would be from the point Minato's space-time seal malfunctioned to probably well after the Chūnin Exams and the point the Mesuji-verse leaves them to it.

**FOR SHINOBI OFFICE USE ONLY**

**KONOHAGAKURE NO SATO RECORDS DEPARTMENT, INTELLIGENCE DIVISION**

_**Classified as per** _ **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]** _**by order of** _ **[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

**See Sandaime Hokage for Clarification**

_**Corrected: See Yondaime Hokage for Clarification** _

\\\«««¤»»»/

NAME : Nara (Mesuji) Natsumi

NINJA ID # : **[REDACTED]**

CLAN : _Nara by Marriage_ , **Hatake by Adoption** , **[REDACTED]** by Birthright

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RANK OF GENIN : _Age 11_

CHŪNIN : **AGE 13**

TOKUBETSU JŌNIN : Age **N/A**

JŌNIN : Age 16

 **[REDACTED]** : Age 11

 **[REDACTED]** **[REDACTED]** : _Age 24_

RETIRED : _Age 24_

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MISSON RECORD : _Retired as of_ **[REDACTED]** , _for_ **[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

D-RANKS : **34** as of retirement

C-RANKS : 58 as of retirement

B-RANKS : **[REDACTED]** as of retirement

A-RANKS : **[REDACTED]** as of retirement

S-RANKS : **[REDACTED]** as of retirement

 **[REDACTED]** : **[REDACTED]** as of agent **[REDACTED]** switching to administrative deskwork pending confirmation as **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]**.

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NOTABLE SKILLS :

Aptitude for Psychology : **Not too shabby for a girl who wasn't taught by anyone. Yamanaka Inosa, Yamanaka Clan Head**

Kinjutsu, **Yin Release Genjutsu**.

 _Correction:_ **[REDACTED]** _of the_ **[REDACTED]**

_Corrected Correction:_ _**N/A** _

Kenjutsu Mastery; Katana

Taught by Hatake Sakumo, Kenjutsu Master & Hatake Clan Head

**FUINJUTSU MASTERY; SECURITY, PRIVACY, STORAGE SEALS, EXPLOSIVE TAGS, BASIC FUINJUTSU SPECALIZATION**

**TAUGHT BY JIRAIYA THE TOAD SAGE** , _gained by teaching Chūnin {No Clan Name} Komushi (Sunagakure no Sato)_

**SUMMONING CONTRACT, LEOPARDS**

Leopard Summons _Jin, Ambassador_

Leopard Summons _Kenta, Scout_ _Killed In Action by_ **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

Leopard Summons _Ling-Ling, Seal Keeper_

Leopard Summons _Tsuyoshi, Battle Partner_

Leopard Summons _Akira, Scout replacing Kenta_

Aptitude for Diplomacy : Exactly why do I have to put this in here to send sempai off to Mist? She's good at it, enough said. Namikaze Minato, Yondaime Hokage

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RANK ADVANCEMENT NOTES :

ACADEMY GRADUATE : _Quiet girl by nature, no obvious issues arose when engaged in team building exercises participating either as a leader or follower. High physical ability paired with higher than normal chakra reserves, but lacking the control needed to utilize it efficiently. Recommended placement in Intelligence. Hiruki Tomao, Academy Instructor_

**[REDACTED] :** _**Completed the** _ **[REDACTED]** _**requirements for** _ **[REDACTED].** _**Reevaluated personality notes recorded in** _ **[REDACTED].**

GENIN : **DAMN WERE YOU WRONG. DEVELOPING THAT CHAKRA CONTROL, SLIGHT ISSUE WITH THE [REDACTED] MADE NORMAL METHODS TO DEVELOP IT INEFFICENT. WOULD'VE BEEN A WASTE IN INTELLIGENCE, BETTER OFF WHERE SHE IS. JIRAIYA THE TOAD SAGE**

CHŪNIN : Oi, old pervert. This is for neko-chan's files, not for you to annoy someone else on. Speaking of, she seems to have abandoned her taijutsu in favor of the art yours truly is teaching her. Won't be a bad kenjutsu mistress if she keeps up like this. Recommended change from close-range fighter to close to mid-range. Hatake Sakumo, Kenjutsu Master & Hatake Clan Head

TOKUBETSU JŌNIN : **N/A**

JŌNIN : **HA! I GET THE LAST WORD IN, DOG BOY! I SAID SHE'D BE BETTER OFF, DIDN'T I? NOW IF SHE WOULD JUST GET OUT OF [REDACTED] I'D BE HAPPY. JIRAIYA THE TOAD SAGE**

 **[REDACTED]** : **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]** , as **[REDACTED]** on **[REDACTED]** with **[REDACTED]** , **[REDACTED]** , **[REDACTED]** , **[REDACTED]** , **[REDACTED]** , **[REDACTED]** , and **[REDACTED]**

 **[REDACTED] : [REDACTED] [REDACTED]** with **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]** , **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]** , and **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

 **[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]** as per order by the Sandaime Hokage, see **MISSION RECORD** for further details.

**[REDACTED] : [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

**[REDACTED]** : **[REDACTED]** as **[REDACTED]** with **[REDACTED]** as squad medic

 **[REDACTED] : [REDACTED] [REDACTED]** as **[REDACTED]**

 **[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]** as per order by the Sandaime Hokage, see **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]** for more details.

 **[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]** as per order by the Yondaime Hokage

**Nothing to Follow**

**[REDACTED] [REDACTED]** : _Well, it's not like anyone's actually going to read this now so why do I have to add something in on this part? Really wish I knew those two old men actually wrote that in my file. Would've teased the hell out of taicho had I known. Why the hell is part of my official file redacted, anyways? I was_ **[REDACTED]** _by the time I left the academy, you'd think that_ **[REDACTED]** _wouldn't have_ **[REDACTED]** _it if it was that important. Hey, Minato? Do you read these? Like, just for laughs? I totally would, even if I really do have better things to do as_ **[REDACTED]**. _Nara Natsumi,_ **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]** _Kenjutsu & Fūinjutsu Mistress, Leopard Summoner, Lady of the Nara Clan_

ADDITIONAL NOTES : No, sempai. I would never read these just to laugh at how much we've changed. I swear. Namikaze Minato, Yondaime Hokage

_You realize the fact you wrote that in my file speaks otherwise, right? Nara Natsumi,_ **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

Actually, I have to sign off on any changes made to the files. Do you realize some poor paperwork ninja has to go through these after additions are done and block out everything sensitive? Which includes part of your title? For shame, sempai. Namikaze Minato, Yondaime Hokage

_Why do_ _**you** _ _have to sign off on corrections? Wouldn't that be something say… a Head of Intelligence looks over? Err… shit. Poor kid. Who does that, anyways? Nara Natsumi,_ **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

That's not a bad idea, sempai. And **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]** handles censoring. Namikaze Minato, Yondaime Hokage

 _I think someone's a little shy, kouhai_. _Nara Natsumi,_ **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

**PLEASE STOP PASSING NOTES IN OFFICAL PERSONAL FILES, THANK YOU. PAPERWORK NINJA**

_I am in awe of the kid's balls, telling his bosses to shut up._ _Nara Natsumi,_ **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

Sempai, I will make it an order if I have to. Namikaze Minato, Yondaime Hokage

_It's_ **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]** _, isn't it? I know where you live, kid. I can find you… Nara Natsumi,_ **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

**Some days, I hate you both. Yamanaka Inoichi, Head of Intelligence and Yamanaka Clan Head**

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GENERAL MISSION BEHAVIORAL NOTES :

GENIN TEAM LEADER : **SNARKY LITTLE GIRL. GOOD LEADERSHIP, BUT WILL BOW TO HER TEAMMATES' WHIMS ON OCCASION. NO PROBLEMS FOLLOWING ORDERS, INVENTIVE WHEN NEED BE. JIRAIYA THE TOAD SAGE**

CHŪNIN TEAM LEADER: Still a sarcastic young woman on occasion outside a mission, never had much problem getting her to follow orders. Still thinks outside the box first before going with generally accepted responses. Hatake Sakumo, Kenjutsu Master & Hatake Clan Head

TOKUBESTU JŌNIN : **N/A**

JŌNIN : SEE **[REDACTED]** FOR FURTHER NOTES

 **[REDACTED]** : **[REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

 **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]** _: Erm… no. Not doing myself. See Yamanaka Inoichi, or the Yamanaka Clan records library, for clarification if needed. Nara Natsumi,_ **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

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PSYCH EVAL : Refer to Yamanaka Inoichi, Yamanaka Clan Heir, for details and clarification

_Correction: Yamanaka Inoichi, Yamanaka Clan Head, Head of Torture and Interrogation_

_Corrected Correction: Yamanaka Inoichi, Yamanaka Clan Head, Head of Intelligence_

**[REDACTED] :** As **[REDACTED]** are not required to submit to psychology reviews, and agent **[REDACTED]** has a personal psychologist on file, only major personality warnings will be submitted from this point on. _**By order of**_ **[REDACTED] [REDACTED], [REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

**CAUTION : HIGHLY PARANOID AND WILLING TO ASSAULT FIRST, QUESTION LATER. Justified in averted assassination attempt by Iwagakure no Sato and Kumogakure no Sato on her life, unknown infiltrator has been killed via fūinjutsu design she has guarding her personal residence. Yamanaka Inoichi, Yamanaka Clan Head, Head of Torture and Interrogation**

**WARNING : Justifiable paranoia incurred over the length of her career as a [REDACTED] [REDACTED], has yet to actually negatively interfere with Natsumi's daily life or work. Great care should be taken around her fūinjutsu designs, as while generally non-responsive most of the time they can be set off to rather gruesome results. Known locations marked by Natsumi are as follows; her office in [REDACTED] when she was a [REDACTED] [REDACTED], her new office as [REDACTED] [REDACTED], the home of the Nara clan head's where she lives, one of the underground cells where [REDACTED] [REDACTED] was held, the Hokage's Tower and the Academy levels, the old Hokage's Tower complex in Training Grounds Forty-Four, a [REDACTED] in a [REDACTED] in [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED], a few sections of the T &I building by the Head of the Department's request, the Uchiha clan compound, the Hokage's Residence, and certain cribs used by some of the clan heads of Konohagakure. To date exactly [REDACTED] have come afoul of said seals, postmortem investigations have yet to rule one as accidental. Yamanaka Inoichi, Yamanaka Clan Head, Head of Intelligence**

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PHYSCIAL FEATURES :

_Black hair, worn loose to shoulder length. Complete heterochromia inherited from mother; left blue eye and right green, cancelable under prolonged genjutsu use or by physical means. Likely physical concealment required, as she has little aptitude for genjutsu. Sharp features for a child, likely to do with her status as orphan. Will likely round out with time. No visible scars, birthmarks, or clan markings. Tsubaki Nori, Academy Instructor_

**[REDACTED] : [REDACTED]'s chakra etched [REDACTED] [REDACTED] located on the back of the left elbow. [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

Correction: Longer hair, usually worn up in a ponytail or high tail. Don't know why, she seems to hate messing with it. Still thin as all hell, trying to correct with improved diet. Scars on palms of her hands, no clue where she picked those up. Hatake Sakumo, Kenjutsu Master & Hatake Clan Head

_**Medical Addition: early childhood starvation has impeded growth. Likely will never reach full height even under years of better living conditions. Brat's lucky she didn't starve to death. Senju Tsunade, Slug Summoner, Head Medic of Konoha Hospital, and Senju Clan Head** _

**MAJOR INJURY REPORT :** _Clean break of the right femur bone, tearing of the Articular cartilage of the right knee joint, expected recovery time ten weeks. No long-term effects are expected as long as Jōnin Natsumi remains cautious of using her right leg until the injuries heal. No obvious changes to physical behavior expected after recovery is completed. MEDIC-NIN Tamaasa Fujiko, ID# 007533_

Addition: Marks of the Leopard Summoning Contract include sharp, pointed nails and elongated canines. While the canines are par for the course when developing marks of any mammal Summoning Contract, the nails are more similar to an Inuzuka clansmen's nails except sharper. No apparent sensory improvement, if you discount her already well developed balance becoming more adaptable. Still has really long hair for some reason, at least she put in spikes. Hatake Sakumo, Kenjutsu Master & Hatake Clan Head

**MAJOR INJURY REPORT :** _**Declared dead on operating table, 14:52. Cause of death; sever blood loss and trauma to the trachea artery. Resuscitation of patient succeeded at 14:55, thirty-eight seconds lost trying to restart the heart with too little blood in circulatory system. Loss of twelve percent of mobility in Facet Joints of the neck, notable lag in turning the head left. New scar present, crescent shaped, upper back left side of her neck. Compromised chakra network, retraining required. Not bad for a supposed dead woman, but if she ever does that again I'll kill her. Senju Tsunade, Slug Summoner, Head Medic of Konoha Hospital, and Senju Clan Head** _

**MAJOR INJURY REPORT :** _Impaled through the abdominal cavity via DOTON JUTSU : UNKNOWN, a spire of sharpened rock that shot up from the ground by reports, slight tearing of the right renal veins occurred. No physical pain is reported after medical aid given, unlikely to occur either. New scars stretch from an inch below and half an inch to the right side of the navel to near the up thrust of the pelvic bone. Similar circular scar on back, missing the floating ribs by inches. Field healing was preformed, possibility of future complications possible. MEDIC-NIN_ **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]** , _ID#_ **[REDACTED]**

_**Medical Addition : Lost of right kidney, internal tearing caused by advanced pregnant state. Although Jōnin Natsumi's eye coloring is blue and green, she has passed on the genes for Complete Heterochromia into her son in the colors of blue and yellow, which she has informed me was the colors her mother's eyes were. Chakra stain might be cause, mixed genetics from male parent might also have contributed. Something to think about, at least. Senju Tsunade, Slug Summoner, Head Medic of Konoha Hospital, and Senju Clan Head** _

**MAJOR INJURY REPORT :** _**THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT HERE NOW? DOES ANYONE THINK OF THAT? The whole fucked up situation is classified to hell, just know the girl compromised her chakra network** _ _AGAIN_ _**. Slapping little shadow with a damn medical ban on fighting opponents outside of her threat ranking. Let's see if she ever does this shit again. Senju Tsunade, Slug Summoner, Head Medic of Konoha Hospital, and Senju Clan Head** _

_**Medical Correction: Right eye now yellow, possibly the original color it was before that** _ **[REDACTED]** _**incident happened given the colors her mother and son have been noted to possess. Possible blindness might result in time. Senju Tsunade, Slug Summoner, Head Medic of Konoha Hospital, and Senju Clan Head** _

_**Medical Corrected Correction: Right eye now responds too slowly to environmental stimuli for field work, if the girl wasn't already retired I'd force that through myself. Senju Tsunade, Slug Summoner, Head Medic of Konoha Hospital, and Senju Clan Head** _

_**Medical Addition : WHO THE FUCK FORGOT TO TELL ME LITTLE SHADOW COULD PURR? OR SHE PASSED THAT ON TO HER DAMN BRATS ALONG WITH THE DAMN NAILS AND FANGS? Senju Tsunade, Slug Summoner, Head Medic of Konoha Hospital, and Senju Clan Head** _

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MISSION LEADERS PERSONAL REMARKS :

_Academy Review : Quiet girl mainly, never has an issue being leader or follower in team building exercises. Will require some prompting to interact with fellow teammates in future. Picks up on the unsaid faster than most of her class, high logistical problem solving skills. While the eye coloring is concerning, it is concealable and doesn't seem to impair her vision. Noted connections she has made over the three years as an academy student include the heirs of the Akimichi, Yamanaka, and Nara clans heirs in her class, a fellow orphan from her orphanage, and some of the other heirs in upper years. If not jōnin-track, then recommended for the Diplomatic Corps if she reaches chūnin rank. Tsubaki Nori, Academy Instructor_

**[REDACTED] Review : Candidate Mesuji completed the [REDACTED] academy challenged, successfully evading and hiding the greater extent of her skills from the chūnin instructors. When the instructors were tipped off, Candidate Mesuji chose to verify if she had failed the testing process instead of talk her way out or pretend ignorance. Successful infiltration of the academy section of the Hokage's Tower, resourceful equipment gathering. APPROVED for early graduation and [REDACTED] recruitment, as long as she doesn't show any anti-Konoha sentiments or views. [REDACTED] [REDACTED], [REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

**RECKLESS ENDANGERMENT OF FELLOW SHINOBI OF KONOHAGAKURE NO SATO : [REDACTED]** Incident involving the current **[REDACTED]** 's **[REDACTED]**. Instead of report said incident to superior officer and await further orders, **[REDACTED]** 's rookie squad mate **[REDACTED]** voluntarily joined an unsanctioned rescues mission with GENIN NAMIKAZE MINATO after informing one GENIN YAMANAKA INOICHI of the full situation. Unsanctioned mission was a success in retrieving the **[REDACTED]**. See **[REDACTED]** , **[REDACTED]** , or **[REDACTED]** for further details.

**JŌNIN-SENSEI REVIEW : WHO'S BRIGHT IDEA WAS PUTTING NEKO-CHAN UP FOR DIPLOMATIC CORPS? WOULD'VE BEEN A DAMN WASTE, IF YOU ASK ME. GENIN MESUJI'S DIFFICULTIES WITH CHARKA USE AND CONTROL IS SOLVED, CREEPY EFFECTIVE KINJUTSU DISCOVERED. PENDING APPRENTICESHIP IN KENJUTSU WITH HATAKE SAKUMO. JIRAIYA THE TOAD SAGE**

Shinobi Art Master : Chūnin Mesuji tends to favor a longer sword, leans to full-bladed katanas when possible. Uses the blade length to make up for her… lack of height or reach. Her apprenticeship with me will formally end with her Jōnin promotion, her competence in the art allows me to establish her as a mistress of the art as well. Hatake Sakumo, Kenjutsu Master & Hatake Clan Head

**SHINOBI ART MASTER : SOMEHOW THE LITTLE SNEAK MANAGED TO LEARN A FAIR BIT OF FŪINJUTSU ON THE SLY. I'M CLAIMING HER BECAUSE LISTING A SIMILARLY YOUNG BRAT AS HER TEACHER WILL BE MORE OF A DAMN HEADACHE THAN I WANT TO DEAL WITH. BASIC SPECALITY, FOR SOME REASON RESISTANT TO LEARNING ANOTHER BRANCH OTHER THAN EXPLOSIVE OR SECURITY. SHOWS SOME INTEREST IN LEARNING TO SUMMON. JIRAIYA THE TOAD SAGE**

Incident Report : **[REDACTED]** 's **[REDACTED]** squad, comprising of **[REDACTED]** , **[REDACTED]** , and **[REDACTED]** , were involved in the **[REDACTED] [REDACTED]** incident. **[REDACTED]** was Killed In Action, **[REDACTED]** crippled, and **[REDACTED]** had required to hold off **[REDACTED]** using standard weaponry against the traitor's legendary sword and similarly greater skills in ninjutsu and combat experience. **[REDACTED]** 's resulting injuries aside, she had accomplished an impressive feat in just buying the time she had. **[REDACTED] [REDACTED], [REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

_**Medical Addition : Jōnin Natsumi has reported an inability to feel hunger in routine medical checkup, in preparation for attempting impregnation. Further investigation resulted in a diagnosis of Sensory Processing Disorder, an inability to feel hunger or any biological sign that she is hungry or needs to eat. She has a habit of feeding others around her anyways, likely the reason this went undiscovered for so long. Recommended treatment : If I could, I'd have her sent to the Yamanakas, but since** _ **[REDACTED]** _**don't have to get therapy I can't. She'll just have to deal with it, I do recommend someone go poke her to remind her to eat occasionally. Senju Tsunade, Slug Summoner, Head Medic of Konoha Hospital, and Senju Clan Head** _

\\\«««¤»»»/

GENERAL MISSION SUMMARIES AS LEADER :

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**[REDACTED] : [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]**

(ooo000ooo)

Inoichi blinked, dragged the still rolled up part of the scroll pass the blackened out parts, and came to the end of the file. "The hell…?"

"What?"

The retired Head of Interrogation looked at his handpicked replacement, shutting the file he had been looking though slowly. "Your jōnin-sensei."

Morino Ibiki gave him a long stare. "What about her?"

"Practically half of her life is all classified." Inoichi scratched the back of his head, careful of his hightail. "Fuck it all, she's got more blackouts on her file than _I_ do."

Giving the file on his desk a look of it's own, the interrogator drummed his fingers on his desk. "More than Minato-sama?"

"I wouldn't be surprised if she was."

"Sensei kicks ass." Inoichi blinked blankly at the other man, and he just shrugged unhelpfully. "She does, did you doubt that?"

"No… but seeing it all together like this…? I hadn't realized how much we do over ten or twenty years of active service." The Yamanaka clan head sighed, rolling the file up again. "Well… at least this can't be nearly as bad as Natsumi's _medical_ file. That's got to be dripping with black ink."


	21. Canon Cast meet Mesuji-verse, Part Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT : (8/6/2015) Alright, here’s the thing. The Summoners and the Mark Exchange, aka why Natsumi looks a tiny bit bestial ever since signing onto the Leopard Contract and why some Summons can stand on two feet/flippers/paws/and I’m guessing hooves? and some can’t, was originally thought up in order to smooth out a small plot hole. The problem? The hole that bit of fanon was supposed to be addressing in canon it was supposed to go in this chapter and I forgot. Fixed it now, and there will be a mention of this effect next chapter, but there is still a rather serious edit mid-way through. My apologies people.

Against some baffling expectations, Natsumi didn't have a great sense of smell. Not like Kakashi or Midori, who could track the strong to mild scents, or any decent Inuzuka worth their clan name, who could track everything else.

However connected to the Hatake clan she was, or however animalistic she had become due to her Summoning Contract, tracking by scent wasn't something she could do beyond the bare basics any living human could do.

On the other hand, as both a kunoichi and an assassin no matter how retired, she knew the scent of blood very well.

Especially when the scent came with other odd tinges, like cooked meat and the sourness of offal.

Natsumi knew that well enough that even a hint of the scent had her head snapping up, more than a little worried as she wondered where that was coming from.

Alarmingly, it seemed to come from the hallway she had left her son, godson, their teams, and various other Konoha shinobi within guarded by one of her own seals.

Behind her, Stag plural didn't seem to mind the sudden increase in pace. Natsumi reminded herself of her failure to get the bodyguard she knew well to complain even a little about her ridiculousness and rethought that.

Neither version of the same man complained, which really was all she could tell about the former and not-so-former members of _Ne_.

Natsumi slid to a halt right outside of the limits of her seal work, which was still active for some reason. Eyeing that warily, since she wasn't sure if there should be any continuous effect or not, the former assassin took stock of the dead body and the ninja safely behind the seal.

Kushina gave her an unimpressed raised eyebrow from beyond the seal's limitations, tilting her ruby-red head in the direction of her orphaned son then to the skeleton clad in ragged and still steaming flesh.

The ANBU General blinked back at her blankly. Why would Naruto be upset at the death of someone that _hated_ him enough to set off her seal?

The hime narrowed her eyes, so the former assassin dropped her mismatched eyes to her seal work to see what was going on. It didn't take long, even if the fūinjutsu was active not all of it was so tracing her and her son's chakra signatures back to what was still looping was easy enough.

Natsumi was fascinated that the dead body had remained upright enough to wonder if that was because it had once been alive or if any 'once living' object introduced would set off a seal. If they could, given some of her seals needed unconscious thought to activate.

It was morbid, but she was a rather morbid creature in nature.

Unraveling the still active parts of her seal made the corpse finally crumble to the floor, Natsumi rather absently rearmed her fūinjutsu and crossed her seal lines to close the distance between herself and Kushina. "Okay, so who was that?"

"Someone named Kabuto." The wife of the Yondaime informed her lowly, enough blandness in her tone to alert her husband's ANBU General something was wrong with the situation beyond the obvious.

Said kunoichi blinked slowly at the redhead, then blinked again when the name given kept on ringing a rather alarming bell. " _Kabuto?_ "

"Yakushi Kabuto." Naruto interjected glumly, scuffing one of his ninja sandals on the floor and not looking up at either of them. Since it was the orphaned version of her godson, the retired assassin finally felt a tiny pang of guilt for maybe actually killing a friend of his.

Tiny, that was, because that name was still ringing the previously mentioned bell really hard.

"His name was _Kabuto?_ " Natsumi repeated, probably a little inanely.

She had been _looking_ for a Kabuto for nearly _twenty years_. Now that she had maybe, sort of, possibly found a version of the guy, she couldn't recall _why_ she wanted to find him. It was bugging her something fierce, to tell the truth.

Why had she been looking for someone named Kabuto, anyways?

"Natsumi?" Kushina queried, a faint line creasing her brow as the assassin continued her mental backtracking.

"The name means something to me." Twenty years ago was when she had been getting into the academy, when she started looking for someone with that name, and when the Village Elders were trying to screw with said academy. Something about that was involved, but not directly. "Not Yakushi, because I know that's the clan name of one of Tsunade-sama's medic-nins. Kabuto means something to me, but not a good something…?"

Shikaku picked himself up off the floor, ambling over to his wife's side. "Why would you know the name of a ninja we don't have a copy of?"

Kushina wrinkled her nose at him. "What?"

"He said, just before getting rendered into chunks, that there wasn't a copy of himself running around." The Jōnin Commander pointed out, still watching his wife chase a thought around her own head. "Meaning we don't have a Yakushi Kabuto in Konohagakure."

"R-right… uh, _before_ … he got 'sploded, he said he was an orphan." Naruto chipped in, edging closer to the adult shinobi and regarding his 'aunt' figure with wary eyes.

Natsumi snapped her clawed fingers as she finally remembered. "Orphan. That's where."

"You took over the Shinobi Academy via guerrilla tactics using the students, not any of the orphanages." Crossing her arms under her chest, Kushina gave Natsumi a tight-lipped smile. A non-verbal warning to start making sense soon or she'd force the issue. "How, exactly, is this all connected?"

The retired assassin hesitated, considering her knowledge bases and trying to figure out if that was something she _could_ talk about or not. Honestly speaking, she really couldn't remember what she knew from… _other_ sources and what she knew from legitimate ones.

" _Natsumi…_ "

Well… fuck it. Fake most of it, she could twist it slightly… right?

"Do you recall what I was up to the months after my taicho's death?"

Shikaku jerked slightly, still confused given his expression but with a slowly growing suspicion. Kushina merely looked blank for a long moment.

"I don't." The Whirlpool Princess informed her flatly. "All I knew was that you spent the bulk of your time with the Hatake clan or under Hiruzen-sama on an internal issue. Why?"

"That's connected to how I know the name Kabuto. Kind of involved in something the Sandaime told me to keep my mouth shut on, though. We're going to need Minato… or Hiruzen-sama's going to have to give his say so."

"Consider it given, whatever it is." The Yondaime informed the group, walking down the corridor and giving the pile of what had once been a person a sideways look. "I really hope you have a ready excuse for this, sempai."

"…here?" Natsumi questioned quickly. "I mean I have one, I think, but there are a couple S-ranked secrets involved. And, you know, genin are about."

Apparently being dimensionally displaced absolutely ruined any and everyone's eavesdropping skills, everyone from Hiruzen to every genin not distracted by staring at themselves were doing it shamelessly.

Minato paused mid-stride as he thought about that point. "Alright. Us… Naruto-kun?"

"Aa… tou… chan?" Orphan Naruto responded, as if trying to taste the word.

"Do you want to know?"

"…yeah."

Minato flicked a glance at the other version of his son, who shrugged. "Not really, for me. I don't know the guy."

"I kind of have to tell Hiruzen-sama about that situation, anyways. Something else related came up not too long ago either." Natsumi chipped in before her kage could make up his mind on who would be let on to one of the secrets she held.

Minato nodded absently then knelt down to the genin's eye-level. "Naruto-kun, I'm going to get the story out of your Sumi-ba-chan then I'll explain it to you. Since she's got something else to tie into it, she probably has to go in more depth than you'll want to know about."

That at least got the rather stubborn look out of his son's eyes, and the neglected version of his son actually gave the proposed situation some thought. "…I still want to know."

"Noted." Minato informed him with visible amusement, ruffling his untidy hair then looking at Natsumi. "Who else?"

"Kashi-chan, the…" The former assassin trailed off, made a face, and then grabbed the version of Kakashi who lived in a variation of their village with a certain Village Elder alive within. "This one."

One-eyed Kakashi looked highly amused at her method of sorting him and himself out.

"And Hiruzen-sama." Natsumi tried hard to sound neutral about the suggestion, but Minato knew her too well.

He gave her a long look, she could only shrug slightly.

Fair enough, he wasn't any more of a fan of this version of the Sandaime than she was.

Kushina shooed the clingy version of her son off to rejoin himself and the rest of his team, before glancing at her husband. Minato very obligingly planted a foot and set the version of Natsumi's privacy seals he had learned inside and out for occasions just like this.

"Alright, I know the name Kabuto from sorting through Danzō's paperwork." Natsumi started off bluntly, striving to keep her tone level. Even _years_ after the fact, she still deeply _hated_ the once respected Village Elder for her taicho's death. "It was a codename for a spy he had been thinking about training up."

"Anyway to confirm that from here?" Shikaku asked before anyone else.

His wife could only shrug. "I don't think so. I only know the very basics of what a spy codenamed Kabuto was for, and with a living version of that elder able to tweak or repurpose said spy into different rolls…? I don't know enough to say."

"I trust Danzō." Hiruzen informed them all, almost as if that would matter.

Natsumi very slowly turned to face him, working hard to keep her expression neutral. "You also have a traitorous snake that infiltrated and messing with your Chūnin Exams, you made Minato's son's childhood a living hell, and I just, not five minutes ago, came across a _Ne_ plant I know of in _ANBU ARMOR_. Quite frankly, Hiruzen-sama, I don't care much who you trust."

"Natsumi." Minato's voice wasn't reproving, or even mildly irritated. However, with his tone he was telling her to leave it alone.

Unless she hid under her Panther mask, Natsumi had long since lost whatever restraint she had for pure bullshit. She'd try to hold it in, though, and hopefully Minato wouldn't hold a failure to bite her tongue against her.

"Then don't say anything." He pointed out idly as if he had read her mind, waving her back a little. The Yondaime faced the stony-faced alternate version of his predecessor squarely. "While sempai is a little more… forthright than I would've preferred, she does have a point Hiruzen-sama."

"As I have told your wife, Minato-kun, the situation-"

"BULLSHIT." Natsumi snapped viciously, trying not to vent her ill-humor on a very detestable version of someone she highly respected. "The fact you're still making excuses for this shit is sickening. There are always other options, and while some of them might not have been palatable at least then you wouldn't have dumped the whole nasty mess out on a damn _newborn's head_. Who couldn't defend himself, couldn't understand anything of the risks, and who _never should've borne the blame in the first fucking place._ "

Minato shot a look at Shikaku, who gripped the retired assassin's arm above her left elbow. "Natsu, let's go deal with that _Ne_ plant you mentioned."

She shot him a venomous look, but snorted and turned sharply to leave the little group.

Shikaku lingered a bit longer, but gave a parting shot over one shoulder. "For what it's worth, I agree with my wife."

The Yondaime sighed heavily, and turned an expectant look on his wife. Kushina merely shrugged it off. "Hey, what do you think I was doing while you two were off handling random things? Hiruzen-sama already knows how detestable I found his actions."

Kakashi with a sharingan eye was suspiciously quiet, but when Minato turned to see what he was up to the scarred up version of his student was inspecting the floor.

The hitai-ate he wore over that sharingan eye was tilted up more than it had been, however.

With another sigh, this one probably a touch heavier, the Yondaime returned his attention to the Sandaime. "If sempai was in a better… mood, she would probably inform you that you may have been in power too long. The village is… err… was? Three times larger than it was when you first took the office of Hokage. A bit after I first took office she, you, and I went through and shifted things so the Hokage wasn't in direct control over large parts of non-essential portions of the village. Which reduced the paperwork I am responsible for by half and frees me up for more essential duties and tasks."

Hiruzen inspected him closely, gnarled hand gripping the bowl of his pipe twitching then only sign that what Natsumi spat at him had any effect on the elderly shinobi. When the Sandaime kept his silence, Minato shoved a hand roughly through his messy hair.

"Let's just… shelve this for now. I'm not sure what long-term use of this twisted seal will result in, so we need to hurry up and start untangling it. After… _correcting_ a couple things." The Yondaime eyes his predecessor thoughtfully. "You may wish to know Kakashi and I… and himself, have located Orochimaru."

Hiruzen slowly pulled the stem of his pipe out from between clenched teeth. "Orochimaru… Minato-kun, I don't know what help I may be in that."

"It's still your version of Orochimaru." Minato pointed out almost gently. "Technically, since he's already dead to us, it's your order that we need to make it above-board."

"Forgive me, but… 'above-board'?"

The Yellow Flash blinked a few times, then shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry, one of sempai's sayings. I mean legal."

Remaining silent a few more moments, the man known as the God of Shinobi heaved a heavy sigh of his own. "Minato-kun, I know I probably don't have the leeway to ask for a favor…"

"You can. Just… _please_ do something about my son's living situation in return." Minato was still going to write Jiraiya-sensei a very nasty worded letter if they couldn't figure out how to arrange a face-to-face meeting, but any and all strings he could pull would merely help that.

Thus, why he didn't say anything when Natsumi suggested the orphaned variation of his son's sensei.

Someone with full knowledge would know if Hiruzen was violating Minato's will. _Again_ , because the man himself could not believe he would leave his son orphaned and with such a burden to struggle under. Even unwillingly.

(ooo000ooo)

"Wow… Sumi-ba-chan's pissed." Naruto observed rather inanely. "Haven't see her that ticked off… since we tried following her that one day."

"Not our best idea ever, that." Shikamaru with mismatched eye coloring admitted sourly, tugging at his ponytail.

"Um…" Sakura's attention wasn't on the argument the collection of jōnin and two kages were silently having out whatever issue in the middle of the corridor, her attention was more on one of the side-rooms. "…should someone separate the Nejis? They look…. Hostile."

Her alternate, the more healthy version of herself, glanced down to the same mini-confrontation happening. "Hinata-hime? Your… cousins? Are… not behaving."

"Leave it be, Sakura-sans." One of the Hinatas informed the two versions of the pinknette serenely, still clutching close her more timid variation. "It is an internal clan matter, and my Neji-nee-san will deal with it."

That Hinata looked serene, but Naruto not wearing so much orange privately thought the little princess of the Hyūga clan was just as ticked off as the Lady of the Nara clan was. Angry Hinata was… intimidating to deal with. She looked completely blank too, which was just not fair. Everyone knew when Naruto was moody, he'd kill for that kind of self-control.

His gaze fell to the nearly shattered girl clutched in her arms, and his mouth flattened into a thin line.

Something was sour about this whole situation, and privately he really just wanted to go home.

"This is _so_ fucked up." One Kiba grouched to his Akamaru, who yipped in agreement.

"Slightly fascinating, actually." Shino informed his teammate blandly.

"Dude, you and yourself have done nothing but trade bugs this whole time." That same Kiba, and Naruto dearly hoped that was the teammates of the more put-together Hinata version. The entirety of the doubled Team Eight were grouped close enough to have mixed everything up, hopefully someone had kept that straight. "How would you know?"

"We have also been exchanging details of our respective villages. How? By the variations of development our insects have to them."

"Why? The added information of different variations will prove invaluable to the others community hive development." Other Shino, and there wasn't any way to tell the two Aburame heirs apart other than just labeling one 'one' and the other 'two', spoke without a change to the monotone both versions of himself typically tended to use.

One Kiba pulled a disgusted face at his teammate, but the other turned to face the two bug users squarely. "Really? What've you got?"

"One village seems to have more water-resistant variations. Why? Combat in more humid areas was likely to have occurred recent enough the resistant variations are still popular traits in personal hives."

"This other village seems to have more heat-resistant types. Again, why? An increase of possible combat in more arid regions for longer stretches of time."

"So one village went to war with Ame, Kiri, or the likes and another went to war longer with Iwa, Suna, or those countries?" Said Kiba who was actually interested suggested with a sniff. "Well, we know who's gone to war with Kiri last. That was us. But why the hell would we go to war with an ally?"

"Kiri was an ally only after the fighting." Shino who commented on the arid development of other Shino's bugs offered. "Suna may not have been an ally for a time."

"They were not." Other Shino confirmed, then tilted his head at himself. "Yours was loyal for the entirety of the Third War?"

"Indeed. Natsumi-sama took on a Sunagakure fūinjutsu apprentice, which merely strengthen the alliance still."

"You know," Kiba who was tolerant of his bug using teammate spoke up slyly, "it keeps coming back to Sumi-ba-chan. And if everyone's still claiming she's just some kind of troubleshooter…"

"We already know they're not being entirely truthful with that, dumbass." Naruto informed his dog-brother irritably. "If you can't put a guess on what _else_ Sumi-ba-chan is, shut up."

"And they've already informed us she's one of the major differences, if you two would recall the beginning of this mess." Shikamaru told the both of them tiredly, turning back to the shogi game he had been in the middle of against himself in truth. "Stop making us go around in circles."

"What's wrong with going around in circles?" Kiba shot at his back, huffing when the Nara heir ignored him.

"Well… those of us that aren't totally canine inclined don't particularly like chasing our tails." Naruto offered idly.

"That explains him, he's always smelled of cat." Kiba pointed out tartly. "What about you?"

"My godmother Summons really, _really_ big kitties." That version of Minato son offered easily.

"Seriously?" The other Kiba blurted out, turning to his alternate version incredulously. "How the hell do you put up with that?"

"Really, _really_ big kitties." He informed himself with emphasis on the 'really'. "Like, bigger than Kuromaru."

"Bull."

"Seriously! Guys, back me up on this."

"He's right." Naruto admitted with a nod. "Tsuyoshi, Sumi-ba-chan's main fighting Summons, is easily bigger than Kuromaru by a head."

"As combat training for me an Akamaru, you can't get better unless it's kaa-chan and Kuromaru." Kiba informed himself excitedly. "She's also got another two, Akira and Ling-Ling. Then there's Jin, who she Summons more often than Ling-Ling. But then I can get in a two on four spar, like with nee-chan and the Haimaru Brothers instead."

"I want that Summoning Contract." Shikamaru spoke up with a sigh.

"How far are you from getting it?" One of the TenTens asked, pulling away from herself to refocus on the son of the Leopard Summoner.

"Kaa-chan said almost, so maybe in a month or two."

"Why Summons?" Shikamaru asked of himself, escaping the trap he had been trying to set for himself by preemptively moving a lance before he could get stuck.

"You can do more with a single Summons than with any other B-ranked jutsu." The purring, and that really couldn't be highlighted enough, version of himself responded easily. "They're also free-thinking, and trainable. Kaa-chan trained all of hers, so when I get the Contract I'll train up my own."

"Sounds like a drag."

"Not quite." The grin he gave himself was pointy, more of a half-snarled smile than anything else. "As they're not just messengers or fighters but _instant backup_ when needed."

Shikamaru allowed himself to absorb that fact before continuing.

"And," he flashed the totally troublesome clawed nails he had since forever, "something's gotta balance this stuff out. I have the Marks, might as well have the reason for it."

"Marks? Is that what that is?" Ino asked, inspecting the differences between the two Nara heirs.

"Marks of the Leopard Summoning Contract." Shikamaru confirmed, then jerked one of those sharp nailed thumbs over to the dual Kiba-Akamaru combo. "Same as what makes all Inuzukas look interchangeable with their dogs."

"Hey!"

"Or why Kakashi-sensei's nose is so sensitive, as he's got the Dog Contract, or why Asuma-sensei has the fangs of the Monkey Contract without ever signing on." Naruto continued with a couple sage nods, before he paused. "Um… the… other…? Asuma-sensei? Did you sign on to the Monkey Contract?"

"Nope."

"Alright, so…" The son of the Yondaime who was actually raised as such coughed lightly into one fist then turned back to the woefully undereducated version of the Yamanaka heiress. "There's Kisame-san-"

"WHAT?"

All of Team Ten snapped their heads around to the version of their jōnin-sensei that spluttered that out, then exchanged looks between themselves.

"What, what?" Kurenai in tight pants asked in concern, eyeing that version of the Sarutobi shinobi.

Asuma coughed a couple times, having inhaled wrong when he heard an S-ranked nuke-nin being given a semi-respectful suffix from the son of Minato. "J-just… Kisame- _san?_ "

"Yes…?" That version of the genjutsu mistress repeated cautiously. "Kisame, Hoshigaki Kisame, who visits now and again for kenjutsu spars against Natsumi-sama or Kakashi. Former Swordsman of the Mist, blue skin and hair? Currently an Amegakure shinobi?"

"That's… um," Kurenai in a dress told herself cautiously, swallowing rather hard, "is _much different_ from our version of Hoshigaki."

"…anyways." Naruto spoke into the ringing silence that occurred after that tidbit got unveiled. "Kisame-san hold the Shark Summoning Contract, which is why big and blue is… well, blue. And has gills on his face, which means he can breathe underwater."

"There's a Hawk Summoning Contract in my clan." Sasuke offered, and half of the group there would never get the mental image of a non-broody version of the last Uchiha out of their heads after this. "I am mostly sure the Cat Summoning Contract is somewhere in our possession as well."

"And thus, your clansmen all are sharp-eyed, light-footed, and totally overly concerned with appearances. Fussy much?"

Naruto bolted behind his team's version of Sakura, who only sighed when Sasuke gave chase. The two boys on her team ringed around her a couple times until she stuck a foot out and tripped up the son of the Yellow Flash.

That Sakura looked merely bored, while her other self looked horrified, as the two of them engaged the other in an impromptu game of who could put the other in a head-lock first.

"Continuing." That same version of Sakura continued for her teammate, looking back at a weirdly hurt-looking Ino when she apparently didn't react to some girl-undertones correctly. "There's the Toad Contract Minato-sama holds that Naruto-kun has the Marks of, his fingers are all double-jointed. It extends up to his elbow, that Mark, and prevents him from incurring disabling injuries to the hands or arms."

"Really?" Orphaned version of Naruto blurted out, shocked out of his funk by another bit about himself he hadn't known.

"Come here, I'll show you." Sakura held out her hand, and when he carefully gave one of his own she bent his forefinger back to nearly touching the backs of his palm. "This should hurt, by the way."

"But… it doesn't."

"Jiraiya-sama, who holds onto the actual Contract, has more Marks. He can spit oil like the Toads, jump to a phenomenal height without chakra assistance, and is pretty impervious to the wet and cold climates naturally. If you sign on like your otou-sama did and don't ask to be exempted from the Mark exchange, you'll be able to do that too. This is just how far Minato-sama took his own Exchange." Sakura quirked a small smile for the ragged version of her teammate.

Naruto flexed his fingers in front of his face, then bent another back like she had done for him out of curiosity.

"That's… kind of disgusting." Sakura with raggedly short hair informed her teammate quietly. She wasn't really sure what to think about her teammate now, because dead-last or not… he was still the Yondaime's son. Which was terrifying in it's own way, because how did that detail go hidden for so long?

"And Gai-sensei." One Tenten offered up, much to her alternate's surprise.

"Wait, Gai-sensei has Summoning Marks?" Lee's heads shot up, in stereo no less, and both variations turned to the jōnin in question.

The taijutsu master gave his disciples a thumbs up and a wide smile. "Indeed, our most Youthful of students! We Summon the Tortoises, and in that Exchange we received mighty, but tiny, tortoises shell plates that armor our bare skin!"

At the crash of waves that sounded, without said waves nearby to explain where they came from, most attention was suddenly redirected to the version of Gai that was inspecting his hands intently.

"It… doesn't _look_ like Gai-sensei has… tortoises shell plates in his skin." The Tenten that hadn't known that bit about her jōnin-sensei told her alternate version.

"Why do you think he's so sparkly?" That version of herself sighed, tilting her head to the side in thought. "It's… they're almost buried into his skin, almost kind of retractable? His are the most understated Marks I know of. It's only when they catch the light does something seem a little less than… err… well, not _normal_ per say…"

"Oh trust me, myself, I understand."

Tenten's quip to herself was almost drowned out by one Gai's shouted exclamation of triumph.

"I have FOUND THEM!"

Out of sheer self-defense, everyone else but the other Gai and the two Lees redirected their attention elsewhere as the sparkles started emerging and the shouting got louder.

"There's more, like Tsunade-sama and the Slugs. But," the other Sakura shrugged lightly, "Summoning takes a massive amount of chakra to do in combat situations. If you do sign on to one, you'll need both that chakra and then some to keep on fighting. Hence why it's taking Shikamaru-kun so long to get his kaa-chan's Contract."

"I'll get it eventually." The Nara heir insisted stubbornly.

"So what do the Summons get?" Shikamaru asked out loud, because this was information he hadn't heard of before.

"The ability to walk on two legs, paws, whatever… and opposable thumbs." His purring alternate informed him easily. "There aren't any like that in the Leopard Clan yet, although kaa-chan gave them a massive boost with her own Mark exchange and Contracted forfeit, but almost all Toads have them."

"Toads also have a more similar physiology to humans." Sakura pointed out. "They already had the features, they just didn't use them that way. That's half the reason why they're a Noble Summons Clan even with only one Toad Summoner accepted per generation."

"Naruto." Minato's voice attracted everyone's attention, and the Yondaime looked to the orphaned version of his son. "I have that explanation you wanted... if you would like to hear it."

\V/

"Deep breath, Stag." Natsumi told a version of her long-loyal bodyguard, and when the man shut his eyes she sliced the majority of his tongue out.

Rin instantly clapped her glowing green hands on the _Ne_ infiltrator's jaw, to prevent him from drowning in his blood or loosing too much.

The ANBU general allowed herself a quick look at the seal webbing the back of Stag's tongue, but didn't waste more than a moment noting the differences before using one of the recently inked seal tags she had prepared to pry up a bit of the non-Stag chakra permeating the design.

It wasn't a big seal, nor was it able to draw on much of Stag's own chakra, so after it imploded a smaller bit than it had for her own version of Stag Natsumi handed the muscle back to the medic-nin so she could reattach it.

Hopefully without the taste issues his other self had.

"So… wife of mine." Shikaku spoke up from the corner of the room now that Natsumi didn't need her full concentration to fiddle with fūinjutsu. "Exactly when were you going to tell me about this?"

"Three words, hubby mine." She informed him apologetically. "'Sandaime', 'gag', and 'order'."

The Nara clan head pinned his significant other with a less than amused look, then glanced to the bodyguard he hadn't before held any doubts about. He had a couple now, but most of them were probably unfair of him.

"I'm going to have _words_ with that man…"

"Shika, our Hiruzen-sama isn't this one. We _can't_ , absolutely _cannot_ , hold things one version of our people did in different lives against them." Rubbing her face tiredly, the former assassin allowed herself to drop back into the seat she had been supposed to be working on fūinjutsu designs in. "While I would _love_ an opportunity to punch this Sandaime in the face…? I can't. And… Mina's going to be mad at me as it is, for telling this Hiruzen what I think of him."

"You were a naughty, naughty girl." Shikaku informed her in a deadpan, a wry smirk twisting his mouth up on one side. "There, I've chastised you. No need for more dressing downs."

Natsumi snorted.

Rin coughed delicately, dropping her hands from Stag's unmasked face. "Natsumi-sama, Shikaku-sama? Is it really that bad?"

The Jōnin Commander sighed through his nose, eyeing one of his medics thoughtfully. "There is a version of your teammate, Kakashi, who isn't the Hatake clan head. From all appearances, he also has your fiancée's eye in his skull. Who doesn't have a nee-chan, no clan, not even his jōnin-sensei."

Rin's normally cheerful features twisted in distress, and she bit her lip. "I… think I should go find my teammate. Excuse me, Nara-samas."

Natsumi watched her leave, then turned back to the recently freed Stag version. "Well?"

The fake bodyguard, because this one didn't have a Panther to follow or hold fast to and try reinventing himself, moved his mouth around as he tested the medic's reattachment.

Then he opened his mouth.

"Da… n… zō…. sa-a… ma…"

Natsumi crossed her arms over her chest and waited.

Stag seemed to consider the fact he _could_ say the Village Elder's name now, then looked back to the alternate ANBU General. "…haa-ss b-b-bet-tr-ray-e-ed… the-e L-l-le-eea-fff… t-to t-t-th-e s-s-snn-ak-e."

She sucked in a breath, then looked at her husband with wide eyes. "Well… _fuck_."


	22. Canon Cast meet Mesuji-verse, Part Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, here's the thing. The Summoners and the Mark Exchange, aka why Natsumi looks a tiny bit bestial ever since signing onto the Leopard Contract and why some Summons can stand on two feet/flippers/paws/and I'm guessing hooves? and some can't, was originally thought up in order to smooth out a small plot hole. The problem? The hole that bit of fanon was supposed to be addressing in canon it was supposed to go in last chapter but it didn't even get a mention.
> 
> So here's the thing, I've corrected it now but a couple of you might want the full explanation. So which plot-hole was that for? Maito Gai's fight with Hoshigaki Kisame, when the Shark-scaled sword Samehada didn't shave Gai's hands and feet off and drain him of all his chakra on contact. Yeah, ninja sandals/steel weights/hardened skin/ect… would not have stood up to that kind of abuse, I don't want to even hear it.
> 
> Kisame can shave a person to ribbons with A swing of his sword. Destroy buildings easily enough with one hand. If Gai wasn't using chakra in that fight, something else had to be helping.
> 
> So Gai, as the Tortoise Summoner, has tiny tortoise shell armor plates in his skin. Which is both natural armor against blades, and something based off natural chakra exchanges therefore not something Samehada could eat the chakra out of in order to negate. So unless direct slashing contact was made at the right angle, Gai was pretty well armored in that fight and not… just mind over epically legendary sword that wasn't working well that day matter.

The moment other-him's stuttered 'betrayed' finished sounding, Stag was already moving.

He remembered what _Ne_ was like, the procedures and guidelines. Now it might only amount to half or less of his lifetime he spent as a tool for one of the village's elders, but that was something he could still clearly recall.

If there was still a ROOT version of himself within ANBU's service, it was likely there were others.

Stag didn't reach the first one, but there was a reason he never felt uneasy over leaving Panther-sama within her husband's reach. Shikaku's shadows lanced out and snatched the fake-ANBU agent out of the air, a precious second spent while he verified that it was a shinobi with a blade on trajectory to slice open his wife's neck before twisting that ninja into pieces and his shadows spread out to net the area.

Natsumi grabbed other-him, twisting her hips and bringing them both down to the floor so the others wouldn't have to worry about the likely targets of the attack while Stag collided with the other attacker aimed at other-him.

ANBU, the half loyal to Panther-sama and the Yondaime, then protested the attack on their General.

Violently.

There were a few that tried to fight back, but some of those got dog-piled on by their own fellows. It could have easily devolved into a mad mess of bloody vengeance and protest, but ANBU was too well drilled in what to do when conflicts happened internally or over the chain of command.

Panther-sama was still an ANBU General, even if she might not have been such to half of the ANBU gathered. Now though, she was the highest ranking ANBU agent on site.

It was her responsibility to weed out any support or allies of whoever just tried to murder one of their own officers _and_ a shinobi trying to make a report.

Once the fighting ground to a halt, she was back on her feet. More Panther than Natsumi this time, barking for everyone's tongues to be checked before anything further was allowed. She started with the shinobi Stag had restrained and was pinning to the ground, wrenching the Ferret mask off and likely cracking the ninja's jaw bone pulling the muscle out of his mouth.

Another seal, looking like the one she had removed from other-Stag's mouth.

Natsumi, still with the mask-like stillness to her features that said she was being Panther-sama now and not the Nara's Lady, wiped the spit off on her pants and patted Stag's armored shoulder. "Nice work. Keep him… there, I don't care if he is alive or not. Shika? Do me a massive favor and fetch Minato and Hiruzen… _sama?_ They will, probably, like to see the evidence themselves."

The Jōnin Commander's features tightened as he gazed at his wife levelly. Stag sympathized, he was just happy Panther-sama hadn't asked him to fetch the Hokages and was at least keeping one of them with her.

"Stag can't move to defend you, wife mine." He pointed out when the silence stretched a moment too long.

Panther considered it, then looked at the two versions of Stag. "…point…"

There was a cough, and the infiltrator Gecko waved a small hand at the ANBU General.

"Gecko? Would you do that for us?"

She nodded, replacing the Lizard mask that had gotten knocked aside when she showed her scarred tongue to prove she wasn't a _Ne_ plant before turning for the hallway door.

"Gecko… do _not_ allow yourself to be waylaid or overtaken, even if it means using the Thunderbolt Alterative."

She nodded again sharply before leaving the room.

"… _Thunderbolt Alterative?_ " Shikaku asked of his wife.

The ANBU General planted her face in her clawed hands. "…Minato's idea of being clever."

"…"

Panther patted Stag on the shoulder again, this time in sympathy instead of approval. "I know, but he's our Yondaime… we _have_ to support his crazy assed naming of shit."

The ROOT mole turned ANBU Watch Commander privately though he could've come up with a better name, and his Watch Lieutenant Dragon kept telling him he had the imagination of a brick. It would've been rude to say so, with hand-signs or not, and since Natsumi kept telling her children that if they couldn't find anything nice to say to keep quiet… Stag did that instead.

(ooo000ooo)

Naruto glanced down at his fingers, which were apparently protected by his father's actions a long time ago.

Had anyone really wanted to prevent him from becoming a ninja, destroying his grip would've been a sure way to do so. He could, in fact, recall a couple instances where some civilians stomped down on his hands…

Instead, these 'Marks' of the Toad Summoning Contract had prevented that from ever happening.

Not that, he was sure, ' _fuzzy_ ' would've let him live with damage like that.

Natsumi had looked, for a moment, slightly regretful that he was so affected by the death of Kabuto… but not remotely sorry.

If she, jōnin kunoichi and apparently someone this version of his dad trusted, didn't feel sorry she killed the other genin and only that it had hurt him…

"Did Sumi-ba-chan have a reason?"

"Yes… a good one, even." The Yondaime Yellow Flash, and sometime soon the fact this was his father would hit him truly and he'd geek out over that but that was later, nodded slowly. "Do you want to hear it?"

"…it's not good, is it?"

No one would've gotten mad if it hadn't, and Natsumi had even stormed off after the talking had happened.

"No." Minato ran a hand through already messy hair, making Naruto smile slightly.

His hair stuck up like that sometimes too.

"I still want to hear it." Naruto informed him seriously.

He might have only known Kabuto for the day, but he had also only known his aunt and parents for a couple hours. Proof was in the pudding, not that pudding had more than just gooey goodness to it. He'd looked once.

If Natsumi had a good reason, Naruto would trust her in the future.

"It's highly likely this 'Kabuto' character was a spy." Minato informed him gravely. "In the course of her work for the village, your Sumi-ba-chan came across plans for an outer-village spy with the same handle. As we're slightly limited on the information gathering we can do trapped here, need to know what you all know of the genin to clarify if he was or not and why he was aimed internally."

"Other than the facts he's an orphan and dropped out of the Chūnin Exams more times than is usually acceptable." Kushina tacked on before Naruto could inform his dad just that. "Or allowable. Or… more than recommended then somehow was allowed to keep going back."

Naruto rocked back on his heels, still mentally reeling at the word ' _spy_ '.

"He… uh, Kabuto-san that is… we only met him this morning." Sakura timidly informed the living legend that was knelt down in order to see them fully.

Minato nodded encouragingly. "I can understand that limitation, but for the time being you all are the only currently available method to find more information from."

"He had," Shikamaru spoke up lazily from across his alternate's shogi board, "a very large stack of these weird cards. Ninja Info Cards, which had the stats and some information about everyone taking the Chūnin Exams. That didn't seem… quite right to me. I thought it was more something an Intelligence ninja would collect, not a… genin retaking a test so obviously. Wouldn't that have hindered him? And further, why approach a group of genin and then reveal he had them?"

"A-aa… and he had information on the Suna team." Sakura tacked on. "Some, anyways… mostly just mission counts. I don't… _think_ that team would've done another Chūnin Exam for him to have gotten that information."

Ino looked sharply at her teammate while her ex-best friend informed the Yondaime another bit of what little they knew. "If you thought it was odd… why didn't you say something at the time?"

"Right in the middle of the room? For all and sundry to hear?" The non-purring Shikamaru snorted harshly at his kunoichi teammate. "I was going to bring it up to tou-chan when we got out of here, he would've told yours and they'd deal with it if it _was_ something."

Kushina left them at that point, striding over to the bloody ruin that was in the process of being sealed up by some ANBU agents.

Before she even reached them, another of the masked and armored ninja figures appeared and came to a sudden dead stop in the middle of the hall.

It made the wife of the Yondaime freeze in return, but mostly out of confusion than anything else. The kunoichi with a painted Lizard mask made some hand signs none of the genin understood, from the looks they shared between themselves, but there was someone that did.

Several some ones; as both kages, one version of Asuma-sensei, both versions Kakashi-sensei, _and_ both Gai-sensei straightened up and took defensive positions.

That particular face-off ended rather strangely, because when Hiruzen stepped forward one of the ANBU agents made some kind of movement that ended with him bodily tackled to the ground by his fellow.

"I," Kushina spoke aloud, warily watching the tussling match going on before her, "am totally confused."

"Hime, back away please." Minato asked tautly, shifting so the genin were more solidly behind him.

The redhead did so, still with confusion painted across her face.

"Gecko," the Yondaime all but barked once she had gotten a decent amount of space, "report."

Another flurry of hand signs none of the genin understood properly, but which made the dual versions of Maito Gai step forward and help subdue the still scrambling ANBU agent.

Old man Hokage sighed heavily before the kunoichi's hands stopped moving. "What else can go wrong today?"

"Well, there can't be much more possible, given how quickly we're going through everyone present." Minato offered, not sounding remotely sorry about whatever was going on. "Hime, if the Sandaime and I go…?"

"I'll corral the kids, sure." Naruto's mom nodded a couple times, turning to take the Yondaime's guard position in front of the genin. "And finish up detailing what we can gather about this 'Kabuto' character. You know, though, it's not looking too good for him."

Naruto dropped his eyes to the floor, feeling rather foolish and a little sheepish over the still very bewildering death of someone he had thought was a friend.

Kushina's fingers threading through his hair made him look back up at her, and she offered a wry smile for him. "Hey, hindsight makes fools of a lot of people. You can only make assumptions off information you know, true or not, so don't feel too badly that you defended him. Had Natsumi's seal work not snapped him up, we and you all might not have known he was likely a spy."

"We're still not entirely certain he was a spy." Minato pointed out, probably just because. The Yondaime didn't really sound as if he believed it.

Kushina obviously thought along similar lines to her son, since she gifted her husband with a very skeptical look in return.

The man himself shrugged. "Just saying, hime."

"Shoo." Naruto's mom made motions to that effect at him, sniffing for effect and turning to the genin with a bright smile. "So… intelligence gathering cards aside, what else do you all know of this Kabuto person?"

(ooo000ooo)

Natsumi wasn't particularly happy to see the Sandaime again.

She respected the hell out of their own version of the man, but this one…?

"Sempai?" Minato distracted her with a word, the same word accompanied with a tone that told her anything further against the Third would not be allowed to slip by.

It really did suck when this kind of thing happened. Then again, Minato was a kage and he had to play nice with people he probably didn't like at all. He probably expected her to share in his misery.

"We have… more than just a slight problem." Natsumi informed him flatly, gesturing to the unmasked and still restrained members of ANBU stacked against the far wall of the hall they were in. "I removed Stag's cursed seal… and then a number of our own immediately tried to murder us."

Minato ran his gaze across the handful of dead bodies and the agents of _Ne_ still alive. "How many ANBU do you think Danzō's replaced?"

"Given what little I know of how many there were when we originally found out about Stag?" She gestured to the copy of the bodyguard that had been with her for over a decade. "Probably about a quarter to about half of Sabotage Division from the look of things. Security was pretty much gutted before I took over, I can't say if that got fixed or not and how saturated that one likely is. Seduction…? I have no idea."

"From the look of things?" The Yondaime repeated.

His ANBU General gestured to the far wall of bodies. "There's ROOT plants in the Sandaime's security detail, at least one agent on any established teams here, and Stag said something about Danzō selling the Leaf out to the Snake."

"Didn't you find proof Elder Shimura was aware of Orochimaru's experimentation?"

"Yeah, that too." Natsumi tossed a pithy glare at Hiruzen, but huffed instead of comment on the fact said Snake traitor was in there with them due to his inactions. "According to this other Stag, that particular working relationship is still going strong."

"From the look of things," Shikaku picked up before his wife could do more than toss dirty looks around, "Shimura seems to have seeded ANBU with his own agents mainly to shore up the numbers, but likely just to keep himself informed of anything they do."

Minato heaved a sigh, then looked at his predecessor. "…well?"

Hiruzen heaved a rather smoky sigh of his own. "Well what, Minato-kun? There is little I can do about it right now."

The Yondaime stared at the Sandaime flatly for a long moment. Then he turned back to his ANBU General. "Natsumi, start evacuating our people. I won't have them trapped where they can't even tell friend from foe. It was one thing to have us trapped with alternate versions of ourselves, it's another when we have infiltrators in with us. Start with the foreign teams, work your way to our own."

The former assassin gave him both an apologetic look and a bastardized salute, leaving without even looking at Hiruzen.

"Shikaku, if you could coordinate that while she does the actual moving please?"

A brusque nod was his answer, and the Jōnin Commander left to catch up with his wife.

"Hiruzen… may I have a word?" Minato asked with a small smile, voice as frigid as a mid-winter gale. 'Since it seems if you've forgotten you are the head of a military _dictatorship_."

\V/

"Well… that's creepy."

"Hello Rin." Kakashi told his teammate without looking.

Other-him's head snapped around, and Kakashi turned to look at his medic-nin teammate as well.

Rin… didn't look too impressed with what was going on. She looked the copy of Kakashi with a sharingan eye over critically. "You… are like a borderline wreck. Eat more, I can almost see your damn ribs."

"Maa…" Other-him didn't seem like he really knew what to say. "…alright?"

Smart man, Kakashi approved of his own prudence in not arguing with the medic that knew them best.

However, it didn't seem if Rin really believed his easy acceptance. He might have escaped the hospital a time or two too many for her to really believe in his adherence to medical advice. Maybe it was more the fact he had busted Obito out too that last time around?

Thankfully, Kakashi had a body-double to take the brunt of that suspicion/revenge on. It wasn't really back-stabbing if it was your own back, after all.

Rin sniffed dubiously at one-eye Kakashi, then turned to look at the dual Gais. "Gai… the one Gai who's friends with this one-eyed Kakashi."

That got one of the Gais to present himself to her, giving the kunoichi medic he didn't really know at all a grin that wasn't even a touch wary and a thumbs up.

"I am counting on you to ensure my… alternate teammate over there eats regularly." Rin informed him gravely, taking ruthless advantage of the fact she knew one Gai and his behavior didn't seem too different than his other self. "And that he doesn't overwork himself."

The taijutsu master she was talking to seriously considered her words for a blessedly silent moment. "I must confess, I have been more concerned with challenging my eternal rival than how well he has been taking care of himself lately. I also don't believe he would appreciate such a thing."

"You're practically the only one Kakashi will literally murder for." Rin informed him bluntly. "Especially if I'm gone, sensei's dead, and he's more likely to allow Obito to crash into something a few times before helping him out. There's no one else, Gai, we need you to do it."

"You know? We may not actually have as… strange a relationship in this other world." Kakashi informed his teammate semi-seriously.

"No, it's still strange." Other-him groused out loud.

He didn't quite realize the pitfall in that verbal trap until Gai almost burst into tears on him.

"MY ETERNAL RIVAL!" Gai practically boomed out, whirling on his version of Kakashi with tears in his eyes. "I had NO IDEA you valued my friendship so highly!"

That Kakashi looked up blankly from the book he had whipped out on reflex. "…I'm sorry, did you say something?"

With a sob no one could tell if it was fake or not, Gai buried his face in the crook of one arm and gave the jōnin a thumbs up. "So hip! So cool! I vow to return the level of friendship I only now see fully or I WILL RUN THE ENTIRETY OF TRAINING GROUNDS FORTY-FOUR ON MY HANDS COVERED IN RAW MEAT!"

"That's nice Gai." A slightly tired sounding Natsumi informed him as she passed him, patting him on the arm as she did so. "Alright people. Last warning, if you have questions ask them now. We're pulling out by order of the Yondaime. Kakashi, Genma, I'm going to need…"

She trailed off, looking at the book other-Kakashi had whipped out.

Sharingan Kakashi let it slip shut, awkwardly staring back at her and wondering if she was going to hit him or something.

He didn't expect her to swipe it from his hands with an actually thrilled little smile then stick her nose into it. "Oh cool, alternate dimensional porn."

Shikamaru looked at his alternate version with wide eyes, and he merely sighed heavily. "Kaa-chan's a fan…"

"Damn straight I am. There isn't enough books like this around." The Leopard Summoner groped around her own weapon pouches, pulling an equally battered copy of a painfully familiar orange book. "Here, in trade."

Kakashi accepted the alternate dimensional copy of his favorite book, eyeing it and her warily.

The Kakashi who had predicted this happening snorted. "Really, nee-chan? Don't you have enough of those things?"

"Nope."

"Wait…" Kakashi suspiciously peered at his other self. "You _don't_ like Jiraiya-sama's books?"

"…aa … _well_ …"

"Don't let him fool you, he's got an entire shelf of the books back home." Natsumi spoke up for him before he could think of a way not to come off as a pervert in his own right, she smirked as she pulled out of the book and stuffed it into the weapon pouch her copy had come out of. "As I was saying, Kakashi and Genma, I need your help to do said pulling out. We're to start with the guests and work our way around to everyone else."

"What help would I be?"

"Sorry… uh, other Kakashi who can use the hiraishin." She gave him an awkward little smile, which did look slightly apologetic. "I figured you'd want more time to talk to Rin, actually."

"Kaa-chan? We're going to need our fūinjutsu supplies back to help separate and keep everyone from getting mixed up again."

"I have that." This time the kunoichi dug the supplies out of her chūnin vest, flipping her son's to him, lightly tossing Tenten's over one shoulder, and handing Naruto his own kit. "Thank you for the loan, kids."

Naruto immediately plopped himself down, spreading open the sealing scroll he kept most of his supplies within. "That kinda took you a bit, Sumi-ba-chan."

"Yeah well, I got interrupted a lot." Natsumi knuckled his head lightly, sniffing in mock offense when Kushina snagged her wrist instead of allow her to mess up her son's already untidy hair. "Should not have taken as long as it did. I had to finish up while waiting on the kages."

"Speaking of," sword wielding Kakashi spoke up, "what was up with that?"

"…Minato finally blew his top." His sister claimed, which was such a non-answer everyone's curiosity over the latest situation grew. "Fun stuffs. Genma, find where Raidō's gotten to then catch up. Let's go."

Natsumi took off before anyone could question her further, with Kakashi hot on her heels and Genma pulling up the rear.

"So… how exactly are we going to be applying this?" Naruto asked aloud, looking from his mother to his alternate self and the rest of the group. "Cause… well, I don't want to label one dimension 'One' and the other 'Two'."

One Kiba instantly perked up. "We claim One!"

"Screw you." Kiba barked at himself with a sneer. "We're number One, you all can be number Two."

"Case in point." Naruto spoke loudly enough that his voice carried over the bickering Inuzuka duo.

"We find a main point of difference and figure out a mark to represent that." Shikamaru with mismatched eyes offered, studying the board game between himself and his other self.

"You realize that's basically my parents and your kaa-chan, right?"

"Ooh… I know!" Kushina clasped her hands in front of her chest, a slightly dim smile twisting her lips as she offered something that wouldn't represent her or her husband's deaths. "Natsumi's nickname _is_ neko-chan…"

Orphaned Naruto considered the offer. "Cats?"

"Paw prints." The Whirlpool Princess corrected evilly. "Cat paw prints."

\V/

"Here's the thing," Natsumi informed Genma and Raidō bluntly, frowning slightly, "while we have a teleport location in our own reality, Minato's going to want a secure one in this alternate village for evacuation purposes. However, that hiraishin seal will also have to be freshly placed so we can sort out what's in one dimension and what's in another."

She broke off when Kakashi popped back, sans the Iwa team he had evacuated. The Hatake clan head _looked_ okay, but the Nara's Lady vowed to report all of them to Tsunade about this just to be sure.

"So… I need suggestions." Natsumi turned back to two of her ninja, who were technically Stag's but as the ANBU General she could consider them hers as well. "And no, just tossing a hiraishin kunai out the doors isn't likely to work."

Genma snorted at the idea, letting his senbon clack against his teeth as he thought.

"What about Jiraiya-sama?" Raidō suggested. "We do know he's alive and may have a copy."

Natsumi pursed her lips. She wasn't sure what the hell was so wrong with this other dimension, or Naruto's godfather for that matter. All she and Minato knew for sure was that Naruto didn't even know he had one.

Additionally… they weren't even sure if the Summons could navigate around the interdimensional issue to get a message to Jiraiya or not.

"Why not just pass one through, hilt first, like a message?" Genma suggested next when the silence stretched too long.

Shikaku snorted, waving forward the next Kiri team waiting for Kakashi to recover.

"While… an interesting idea that wouldn't accidently murder someone unwary…" Natsumi admitted slowly, "I'm not sure if that's wise. Someone could likely screw with the seal… or this whatever separating the real world from this pocket one may tatter said seal anyways."

"Seal it then." Genma expounded, rubbing at his stubbly chin thoughtfully. "Into a message or scroll, and have directions for someone to throw it in a clear spot."

Panther-sama narrowed her eyes on her Wolf-masked subordinate.

"Yeah, but I don't think we have another good option. Can't you tweak it so you'd know if any tampering was going on?"

"Or we get the Sandaime to sign the instructions." Shikaku suggested over a shoulder.

Natsumi heaved a sigh. "I dislike relying on that version of him to command anything, honestly. His village is so riddled with another's shinobi I highly doubt it would do much good."

"I think we're going to have to pick the best of the bad options, Natsumi-sama." Raidō informed her tiredly, raking a hand through his mousy brown hair. "I don't think there is a way to safeguard every possible way this may go wrong, and you're right about Minato-sama probably wanting a way to clear out any possible causality when he unravels this mess."

"So now we just have to pick who checks to ensure the seal will work as a teleport node." Genma finished for them brightly, turning to grin at his long-time mission partner. "What do you say, Raidō? Shall we risk death by our own if any mistake is made?"

Natsumi groaned softly, rubbing at her face carefully. "You two… alright. But just know Jiraiya-sensei has likely been called in, if he was nearby, and _will_ realize what's going on. Additionally… if Shimura Danzō _is_ there, you are not to allow yourselves to be separated or led elsewhere. Leave that to… hmm…"

Trailing off, the ANBU General looked first at her husband, then at the ceiling where Stag was silently guarding her back from.

"…just leave Shimura alone. Minato and Hiruzen have a few… things to straighten out with him."

"Natsumi-sama… forgive me, but it sounds like you're planning a visit."

"Not me… well, not alone anyways." She informed him brightly, ignoring the hole Shikaku was trying to bore into the side of her head. "Minato on the other hand…?"


	23. Canon Cast meets Mesuji-verse, Part Nine

Minato caught up with Natsumi as she and the other handful of ninja capable of using his old-style hiraishin technique were in the middle of evacuating the last of the foreign guests for _their_ Chūnin Exams.

"What would you say to a small diversion?" The Yondaime asked his ANBU General, almost cheerfully.

She gave him a semi-concerned look, probably mainly for his tone after confronting the alternate of his predecessor she rather heartily _disliked_. "What kind of small diversion?"

"That other version of sensei needs… a wake-up call." Minato informed her with a bland little smile. "And there are a few… _other things_ that need to be taken care of."

"Already planned on." The woman who all but raised him informed him bluntly. "You need at least one ANBU squad escort and maybe three or four more jōnin."

"Little… excessive, isn't that?"

"Minato, you are our _kage_." Natsumi reminded him pointedly, jabbing one sharp finger into his chest to punctuate her point. "Yes, I want to go ensure this other Naruto-kun doesn't have such a nasty time of it. To remind a couple people that he _is_ your son and deserves at least a fuck or two given. Maybe even solve a bit of this other Hiruzen-sama's problems so it won't affect my clan or the village too much until a new Hokage can be selected. But not if it means losing you."

"Am I or am I not the Yellow Flash?"

The retired jōnin rolled her mismatched eyes at him. "And lately? That means you're a very bored, slightly reckless kage-level shinobi. We're doing this safely or not at all, pick one."

Said kage heave a very put-upon sigh, but finally nodded an agreement. "So me, you, my usual squad, anyone else you specifically want?"

"Me." Shikaku interjected flatly from the wall behind his wife.

"So… The Yondaime, his ANBU General, and the Jōnin Commander?" Minato questioned with a slight frown.

"A couple different ANBU, the few Uchihas I have." Natsumi tacked on a little slowly. "Kashi-chan wanted me to pull them to talk to this other Sasuke-kun, but with the speed of things?"

"Huh… a little overpowered maybe?"

"Again," the Nara clan head echoed dryly, "you are our kage. Deal with it."

"We are taking the hime, right?" Natsumi questioned idly as Genma flickered back into existence to take the second-to-last group.

"Oh hell yes."

Temari hesitated until there was a break in the conversation, then spoke to her shishou's shishou. "Natsumi-sama…? May I ask you a question?"

Her team would be last, before they started in on their own genin and the few jōnin that would be returning with them.

"What's up, Mari-chan?"

"If I want a specialty in human sealing… who would I ask?"

Natsumi blinked, and wryly mused that she should have figured the kunoichi would ask for that eventually. "Actually… the hime, Kushina-hime. That's technically hers, by virtue of her clan alone."

"Of course," Minato added with a self-depreciating grimace, "we all know a bit by now, so you might just want to start with Komushi-san to see what it's like before committing to learning it."

"Temari." Baki called his student's attention, giving the retired kunoichi a sharp nod of recognition. "They're ready for us."

Raidō shrugged lightly. "I don't mind waiting."

Natsumi pursed her lips as the last foreign team left the weird in-between place the old Hokage's Tower Complex had become. "Now we just have one last snake to deal with."

"You're not doing it." Shikaku informed her, voice dry. "I nearly lost you to him once, we're not doing that again."

"Actually, I have an idea." Minato cheerfully interrupted before that could become an argument, grinning widely. "You re-armed that seal of yours, right sempai?"

"Yes…?"

(ooo000ooo)

"Okay, I'll admit this was kind of cool… even if it was a little weird." Kiba remarked, rubbing the back of his hand on his pants and scowling at the cat paw print that didn't come off. "But I could've done without this."

"What's the matter? I thought you _liked_ cats." Unmarked Kiba scoffed, with a few laughter like yips from his equally unmarked Akamaru.

Marked Akamaru had his on his collar, and was as sulky as his human partner about it.

Marked Naruto was torn between being through with his work and trying to figure out how to mark each and every one of Shino's bugs or doing a less than good job on this little project. After a moment, he just gave it all up as a bad job. He was pretty sure that was fitting into the bug-user's plans, but marking a thousand or two tiny bug shells would be not only exhausting but irritating.

" _Some_ cats, dude. Not all of them, and it doesn't mean I like having a mark of one."

"Watch it." Marked Shikamaru grumped, torn between being annoyed with the twinned Kiba & Akamaru four and Naruto himself. His mark had been plastered on his forehead, even if he and everyone else probably figured he was one of the few that could go without them.

Hilariously enough, once ANBU noticed what was going on a few dropped in for their own marks. On the back of their plated fingerless gloves, but a couple _were_ sporting cat paws.

"Genin, behave." Kushina ordered with a touch of exasperation. "Is that everyone that needs one?"

Unmarked Naruto was patiently going through basic calligraphy exercises on his mother's left side, tongue sticking out of his mouth as he traced the characters she drew out for him.

Marked Neji gave the redhead a sharp nod, still keeping an eye on his unmarked copy, the Neji sporting a bruised cheek glared back.

"So… awkwardness aside," one Sakura put in, looking very happy over her own little cat paw mark, "what are we waiting on?"

"Me, technically." Natsumi called out as she strolled down the hallway in time to hear the question. "Everyone sorted?"

"Pretty much, Sumi-ba-chan." The Naruto sporting a kitty-paw on the back of his right hand informed her, rolling up the scroll his calligraphy supplies were normally stored within. "Except for Shino-san's bugs, but I don't think we've got the time for that."

"Are we going to have to watch for any shenanigans if we skip it?" The ANBU General asked of the Aburame heirs, genuinely curious if a little wary. "Because I really don't care, unless they go crazy and try to eat you two from the inside out."

Shino with a cat's paw on his jacket collar shook his head. "That should not be an issue."

"Why? Because we are still Aburame, no matter how similar or dissimilar we are." Shino without mark tacked on.

"…that's a little creepy how in tune you both are. You two sure you just met today?" The retired jōnin kunoichi asked, rubbing the flat of her thumb down her jawline. Her mismatched eyes, on the other hand, were locked on the only differentiating mark the two of them sported. Flicking a glance at each pair of genin, she sighed. "Hime… did you really…?"

"Yes, yes I did." Kushina agreed wickedly, not bothering to hide her smirk. "How are we doing this?"

"…the kids first. In teams." Natsumi sighed, carefully rubbing at the scars on her neck. "Some of the jōnin right after."

"Only some?" The redhead asked, picking up sharply on the retired kunoichi's hesitation. "What's going on, Natsu?"

"There has been…" Trailing off, the retired assassin hesitated as she tried to place the recent events into diplomatic terms. As well as not spill buckets of secrets that while they might not matter to one version of her village's genin, it would matter to another. "…an issue, that arose. A version of Orochimaru has been confirmed to be within this… whatever it is, and another separate but slightly related one became apparent not too long after that."

"That is… alarming." One of the Kurenais stated slowly, flicking her eyes from the less concerned seeming marked copy of herself, the seal on the floor, and this Nara kunoichi she only met this same day. "Is… what is happening on that end?"

"Minato and my husband will take care of it." Natsumi informed them all with a shrug. "That another issue we know of, since these are variations of our children and students, we will be aiding Hiruzen-sama in ensuring that issue isn't affecting the village too badly. So some of us are going to be… _visiting_ , for the lack of a better word."

The retired jōnin bluntly ignored the staring that information earned her, finally taking a moment to inspect the form of a son she didn't bear Shikaku. "M-… Shikamaru-kun, may I have a word?"

Probably would not be a good idea to call him by a pet name. She wasn't his mother.

The other version of Shikaku's heir nodded warily.

…that was probably her fault for ignoring the situation. Natsumi refused to allow herself to feel guilty about it, because she had no idea how well she would've managed to converse with him while trying to struggle with the idea of him having a different mother. "The Leopard Contract was found in River Country, by Jiraiya-sensei. I don't know if he found it in your world, or what he did with it, or if he stashed it somewhere. Since we're going to visit, do you want me to try and locate it for you?"

"…what?"

"It's the best help I can give you." She informed him a little tiredly, already wishing this day to be over with already. "My old… my old Summons Kenta is likely alive and well in your reality, he would be a bit too old to be a battle Summons again for you but his daughter Akira is a damn fine scout."

Natsumi dearly missed that old grouchy cat, but he would've been a fine liaison for her son had he lived. This Shikamaru could likely have the relationship she had wanted her son and old Summons to have.

This Shikamaru gaped up at her, flicked a glance to the mildly disgruntled looking alternative version of himself, then back up at the retired assassin. "… _what?_ "

"…is that a no?"

"No… wait, seriously?" The Nara heir spluttered out, blinking rapidly as he processed the offer. "I thought you hated me?"

"Why? You're _Shikaku's_ son, even if you're not mine. I love my husband, Maru-chan, so I love you too." Natsumi rubbed the back of her scarred neck absently, trying to mentally place her feelings on the matter in plain words when she didn't really fully understand herself. "It hurts, a lot, that I couldn't be your kaa-chan… but that's not your fault. If anyone's…? It's probably mine."

She may not want to know… but she knew herself and what she and Fiona had been like before Minato. Guesses were all she wanted to deal with, true knowledge could stay with her sometimes idiotic Hokage.

The version of Shikamaru that wasn't her son could only nod weakly in the end, looking bewildered.

"Right… okay." With a nod the retired jōnin kunoichi checked over each genin and their doubles, then ran an eye over their various jōnin-sensei. "So… Minato, Shikaku, and I are for sure visiting. Hime? We were certain you'd wish to come-"

"Of course I am." Kushina informed her brightly, ruffling the hair of the gob smacked looking orphaned version of her son. "Like I'd let you leave me behind on this one."

"…right." Natsumi confirmed a bit dryly. "So us four, a few others of which I'm not at liberty to say who, and that is more than enough in terms of who we need to manage. The rest of you, I need you all to square away your teams and pitch in with the running of the village until we can return."

"Oyaji's probably already there." Marked Asuma offered, lighting up one of his smokes. "I'll draft Koichi into it too."

The almost-not-quite-a-whisper from his alternate made him drop it. "…he's _alive?_ "

Natsumi felt her face drain of blood, recalling a little tunnel-vision problem Mongoose once had. "…I don't want to know, please."

Kakashi with a sharingan eye glanced maybe a bit too long at Rin. "What?"

"Koichi was Natsumi-sama's genin student, with Gai and Ibiki." The medic confided quietly as she worriedly watched the elder kunoichi swallow harshly and forcibly turn her attention to her seal array. "Nawaki joined the cell around the time she retired."

Natsumi gripped the paper tag that held up the base of her seal work, peeling it up carefully and flatly ignoring any whispering that may or may not be going on between the Asuma pair or Rin and an alternate version of her little brother. It came free with a sticky sounding pop, as the glue-substitute that was plastered to the back of it so it would hold up on it's own ripped free from the stonework.

The moment the seal tag came free, a dark blur tried to snake pass behind her.

Tried… because the last lingering chakra in the seal reacted as if the seal was still whole.

Orochimaru splattered into the second pile of meaty chunks her seal work had claimed that day.

"…you know, Natsu?" Kushina opinioned as everyone absorbed the sudden death of the snake sannin. "I really do love your security seals. Especially the fact they take a few moments to fully disarm after being deactivated."

"It is a handy feature, isn't it?" Natsumi agreed dryly, shaking off gory chunks from her ninja sandals. "Now the question… was that him or a meat-puppet of him?"

"That was him!" The Yondaime's voice called out cheerfully. Minato had a very sly grin anchored to his face as he and Shikaku strolled down the hallway. "Gave us a damn fit trying to herd him down this way without catching one of his clones or those ninjas with the musical notes on their hitai-ates getting in the way. Just like old times, hey sempai?"

"…sure, something like that."

Kushina raised an eyebrow at her husband. "How'd you manage it? The music ninja, anyways? I've seen you two at work in the last war, I don't need to know about the trap herding."

"Shikaku knocked them out, tapping their heads against the walls none too gently." The kage offered as he strode past Natsumi's seal work without a flinch. "Gave them over to ANBU to sit on for now."

Kakashi tapped Natsumi on the shoulder. "Anyway I can get a copy of that seal?"

Rolling her mismatched eyes, the kunoichi nodded. "I'll write you up both the original version and the temp one, just be careful with it. It's kind of… violent. …obviously."

"Do we need to do anything else?" Minato asked of the shinobi in the room, ignoring the fact the genin looked pretty shell-shocked over the second death in front of them in as many hours. Inoichi would be informed, but there hadn't really been a way to warn them to look away or what was going to happen without risking Orochimaru possibly getting wind of it.

They were strong kids, they would adjust well with a little help.

Shinobi life wasn't particularly a kind one.

"No… I think we're done. Here anyways." Natsumi suggested with a glance around herself. "Hiruzen-sama's still with the rest of ANBU, right?"

"He didn't want to be here for this, so yeah." Minato informed her slowly. "So then… let's do a bit of dimensional hopping."

Marked Naruto suddenly turned to his unmarked variation, giving himself a swift punch in the arm. "Hey… I know we're probably not ever going to see each other again, but it was pretty awesome to meet you. You better become Hokage, damn it."

Punching himself back, orphaned Naruto gave himself a grin. "Believe it."

\V/

( _Canon-verse, outside the old Hokage's Tower Complex_ )

Danzō inspected the message that had been tossed through the disturbance barring the entranceway of the tower complex located in the middle of Training Grounds Forty-Four. "…burn it."

"Shimura!" Utatane protested, aghast. "Hiruzen-sama is in there, as well as an entire generation of genin and jōnin-sensei!"

"And there is no telling what else." The elderly retired shinobi intoned back, dully staring at his contemporary. "Do we risk the rest of the village just to retrieve a handful of our shinobi back?"

"And the clan heirs, the last Uchiha, the last Hatake, a large number of our ANBU, and all the foreign shinobi we were entrusted with?" Mitokado posed, gesturing in the opposite direction where a number of their own shinobi were gathered ever since it became apparent there was something seriously wrong with the second half of the Chūnin Exams. "We cannot gloss that over without war breaking out again, Shimura."

"Then we won't."

While Danzō had been countering his contemporaries' arguments, one of the _Ne_ agents assigned as his guard set the message afire with a katon jutsu.

Instead of just burning like paper, it exploded.

"What-?"

"Wow… I did not miss your ugly face."

Whirling around, the three elderly retirees were confronted with the neutral gaze of the God of Shinobi. What was more baffling, the man who had hold of his shoulder seemed to be the dearly departed Yellow Flash.

The woman who had spoken, a curiously middle-aged kunoichi with mismatched eye coloring wearing a slightly altered Nara clan uniform of a jōnin, turned to the startling image of the Nara clan head who was not surprised or interested at all in the dead man he was standing next to. "Pay up, I said he'd do it."

Shikaku sighed through his nose. "Wife of mine, maybe a bit later? We're kind of in the middle of something."

"That… is not Yoshino-san."

The unidentified kunoichi pursed her lips, looking slightly irritated. "Obviously. Thank you for pointing out the plainly apparent, Mitokado-san. Koharu-sama! You're still kicking? Awesome."

"Sempai." The living version of what Namikaze Minato would've been had he lived past the night of October Tenth sighed, giving the woman a chiding look. "The hime? The others? Stop flirting with your husband or needling the old people and go fetch them."

"Right. I'll be back in a… well, flash."

She flicked out of existence the same way she claimed she would be back, and Utatane sucked in a breath.

"The _hiraishin…?_ "

"That proves nothing." Shimura informed her flatly, glaring at the imposters. "Hiruzen! Explain yourself."

"Myself?" The Sandaime Hokage asked in a musing tone of voice. "Well… I just had a very painful experience of what it would be like to meet a version of my successor who _had_ survived the first few years of his office. Also…? Had a couple very forceful individuals point out that some of what I have been doing has been more harmful than if I had just given up my own office without appointing another successor."

"Then… that _is_ Namikaze-sama?" Homura tried to clarify, entirely baffled.

"Surprise." Minato offered in a bland tone of voice.

Shikaku sighed. "You've been hanging around my wife too long."

"I knew her first." The Yondaime informed him a bit tartly. "Maybe you've been hanging around my sempai a bit too long?"

"How would that be possible? We're _married_ and have two kids."

" _Enough!_ " Danzō barked out, looking surprised at himself even as he did so.

"…and I told you we could get him to snap. Pay up." The previously thought deceased Yellow Flash held out a hand to the Nara clan head, who heaved another sigh and actually dug into his pockets for a few ryo bills.

Mitokado took in a breath to snap something of his own at the two shinobi, only to choke on it when the kunoichi from before returned for a split-second. She let go of an Uzumaki Kushina and a Hatake Kakashi without the slanted hitai-ate that covered his sharingan then disappeared again.

"Arrest them." Danzō sharply commanded his ROOT guards, only to stiffen and blink when a faction of ANBU with doubles of themselves suddenly shunshined into the clearing and engaged them either in combat or managed to take them down.

"On what charge, Danzō?" Hiruzen queried softly, removing the burning pipe from his mouth. "I have done nothing but return, is that a crime?"

"Obviously." Kushina gave her opinion, smiling prettily at her husband when he shot her a quelling look. "Oh no, I'm going to enjoy this. I might not have known what he's done, but now that I do…?"

"Yeah… by the way, sempai had a lot to say about you." Minato called over to Shimura, looking entirely unruffled at both the glare the old shinobi was aiming at him and his predecessor. "Some of which we've known for a while, but a little of which she only learned right before we rendered Orochimaru into chunks… like say, the fact you collaborated with the traitorous Snake Sannin on his inhumane experimentation, betrayed the village a couple times, so on and so forth."

"What care do I have for the accusations of an imposter?" Shimura countered, striving for calm and collected even if that tidbit made Utatane distance herself from him slightly.

"But, see… we got that confirmed from one of your own people she freed from your cursed seal." The Yellow Flash continued, unbothered. "We had a copy of him too, you'd know him as ANBU agent Stag."

The supposed dead man jerked his thumb. "Those Stags."

Behind him, two similarly masked shinobi flickered into existence.

"Agent Stag, kill them." Danzō ordered.

Stag first looked at his mirror-self, then looked back to the Village Elder and raised up his middle finger and curled up the rest into a fist. Other Stag gave him a thumbs up in return and a pat on the back.

Confused over what the gesture meant, but fully able to guess he had just been insulted, Shimura fixated his gaze on the Sandaime. "Are you going to say nothing while they accuse me of crimes I never committed, Hiruzen? Do nothing while these imposters of our village's heroes try to damage my reputation?"

"Do…? Well… I'm going to finish my pipe." The God of Shinobi informed him, tapping the stem of it against his jaw. "Then I need to figure out what to do about you. You see, they hunted down and killed Orochimaru, a spy by the name Kabuto, had a couple very interesting conversations with various other ninjas, and helped me figure out what to do next. You? You've just tried to have me arrested on no charge at all, tried to order one of your people to kill me, and are generally not bothering to answer anything that they've said."

Another few taps of the pipe's stem against his jawline, and Hiruzen replaced it back into his mouth.

"Additionally… I feel I should mention the fact you _did_ try to strand not only me but a number of our best and brightest in a temporal abnormality. I do believe that is attempted homicide of your kage and a number of your fellow shinobi, at least."

He puffed on it a few times, considering the elderly shinobi across the clearing.

"Mitokado, Utatane? Pick a side, or stand aside."

Koharu gaped at Hiruzen, but Homura firmed his features into a neutral cast. Shimura glance at them both in turn, but neither stepped away from his side.

The Sandaime sighed heavily. "Minato-kun, Kakashi-kun, I hate to ask it of you."

"That's why we're here." The Yondaime confirmed with a nod, taking a step forward with his dimension's copy of his student.

His wife, on the other hand, suddenly slammed her hands down on the ground. A barrier, Uzumaki in design and application, shimmered to existence and encased the six of them in a bubble no one would escape until she dropped it.

Not going up, not going down, not even her husband.

Shikaku snorted harshly, drawing a three-pronged kunai out of his weapon's pouch. "I'm off to return the genin, Hokage-samas."

"We'll be fine." Kushina offered cheerily instead of need the two kages and Kakashi to drop the entirely way too dramatic staring contest with the three elder shinobi who all looked a touch more wary. "Stag's… sorry, _the_ Stags' have my back and the rest of ANBU will probably finish up their game of tag soon and come back to watch the show."

"Wish me luck." The Nara clan head muttered sourly, not looking forward to the circus just having two of him in the same area would cause.

If it was just him, and himself, it wouldn't be a problem. Him, himself, and two different wives would be.

Not to mention everyone else Natsumi, Genma, and Raidō were waiting for his signal to bring over. Having various genin, worse _clan heirs_ , chatting about meeting alternate dimension versions of themselves would be a nightmare for T&I to work through on a security standpoint.

Only bright side? It wasn't him who would have to do the work.

He _was_ maybe looking forward to punching Jiraiya for the stress his inactions had caused his wife, and his godson-by-technicality. Shikaku had chipped in with raising Naruto just as much as Natsumi had, and couldn't wait to hear the excuse himself had for not doing anything even if he wasn't married to Namikaze Naruto's godmother.

It was going to be a very, _very_ interesting afternoon. How troublesome.


	24. Canon Cast meets Mesuji-verse, Part Ten

( _Temporally displaced Old Hokage's Tower Complex_ )

"Back-up plans are such wonderful things." Natsumi commented to Genma, biting her thumbnail.

Kurenai examined the older woman she didn't know that well and slightly regretted the fact she never would. "Was a back-up really necessary?"

"Given that it went off…?" The retired assassin asked, a small bitter twist to her lips as she looked over to the red-eyed kunoichi. "A very good idea, and completely necessary."

"Nee-chan?" Kakashi asked, ignoring the strange looks he got from his fellow jōnin-sensei for calling the practically unknown kunoichi that. If he couldn't trust himself, that was very damn pathetic. More importantly, Minato and Rin never blinked when he called her that. "Is…?"

"Hiruzen-sama and Minato… and yourself, are taking care of it." She answered evenly, biting through her thumbnail.

"That's really unhealthy, Natsumi-sama." Ino informed her with a slightly disgusted face.

"I know, but I broke my nail file."

The genin kunoichi dug into her weapon's pouch eagerly. "Oh! I have extras."

Spitting out the bit off nail end, Natsumi inspected her clawed fingers. "I don't know, Ino-chan. I usually have to use industrial-strength nail files to even everything off."

"Would I have to…?" Shikamaru tried to ask, trailing off before he could bluntly ask if he would get the same features.

"No, these are extras." Natsumi waved a hand, the one Ino didn't have possession of to try her files against, and clicked the claws together. "Fangs, which is a general Mark of most Summoners, is what you'll have to get if you sign on."

"Wow these are tough." Ino commented, pulling her ruined file off the older kunoichi's claw-like nail. "Could Shika-kun be able to purr in time too?"

"That would only happen if he let the Exchange go on long enough, and if they _really_ like him." She informed the members of Team Ten dryly, examining the damage to her nail. "It took… three? Or so years, before I found I could do it and actually asked about the Marks I was getting. It's gradual, but a little jarring when you realize you're not quite the same as you should be."

Gai was frowning thoughtfully as he listened to an alternate possible jōnin-sensei he never got. "I did not know about it at all… and I have had the Tortoise Contract for years, Natsumi-sama."

"Reptiles are a hell of a lot more polite about it than mammals are, Gai. They are likely either waiting for you to ask or request it to continue or stop entirely."

"Why?" Kiba asked of her next, idly scratching his ninken's fur.

"Reptiles have more of a risk to them." She admitted, thinking about the two main ones she knew of. "Hmm… let's go with Kisame. He's got the Sharks, who weren't quite so nice about it, so when his gills came in it put him down mid-mission with a seriously nasty sinus infection as fish biology meshed with his human one. To hear him tell it, when his face started pouring blood on everything he looked at? He seriously thought he was going to die. Sheer luck let him finish his mission, whatever it was because he never told me what it was about, and drag himself back to Kirigakure until the gills healed and he started wondering about it himself."

She didn't really want to talk about Orochimaru, because thinking about him made her remember her old ANBU squad and how Bat died. While she didn't forget the infiltrator, she didn't like recalling that she had led him into that mess. Jiraiya was… now a touchy subject.

"…it is very, _very_ odd to hear you talk fondly about a shinobi who went nuke-nin and is now an S-ranked criminal, Natsumi-sama." Asuma informed her slowly.

"I don't really care," the ANBU General admitted a bit tiredly, "I _like_ big and blue. I chose to recall the Amegakure one I know of and tend to have kenjutsu matches with once or twice a year."

Raidō flattened his mouth in a thin line and changed the subject. "What do you think is taking Shikaku-sama so long?"

"Probably has to convince other-Ibiki he's not holding the gakis hostage." Genma volunteered, a bit quickly. "And the real reason why he looks like… well, himself, is because he is."

Natsumi bit her lower lip, not really appreciating the subject change much because she had been trying not to wonder what changes her _other_ genin student would have. Koichi was dead, this Gai was a little… well, he was himself. That was probably bad enough, if she wanted to be depressive about this. What was Ibiki going to be like?

She had also been trying not to worry for her husband, wandering about a variation of their home village that had compromised ANBU and what was probably a rogue elder or two… or three.

Right, new subject.

"Hey, Naru-chan? How's it coming?"

The newly re-discovered Namikaze, who would likely go by Uzumaki again anyways because he was more used to it, looked up at her with a grin. "Great! I got through the first rank kind-of neatly. It's a little smudged on one end, but that wasn't on purpose. I _swear_."

He had an entire sheet of characters, a brush, and a bottle of plain ink. Kushina was going to have _words_ with Jiraiya, about why an Uzumaki couldn't even copy a seal before becoming a genin, before likely painfully reminding the man his godson needed further instruction.

The best the hime could do for the short-term was set him up with calligraphy exercises.

"Yeah… we've all done the smudging things ourselves." Natsumi quirked a wry smirk for the kid, leaning back against the wall and returning to biting off the sharper ends of her claws. "Did I tell you about when Shikaku proposed? Your otou-san had smudged his ink not much earlier, and had a streak of dried ink on his face when we told him the news."

"Really?"

"All down his face." She confirmed while ghosting a hand down her right side of hers, to show where it had been placed. "I didn't tell him until much later that night, and he spent _hours_ trying to scrub it off."

Naruto snickered as he contemplated it.

\V/

"I think he's venting."

"Probably. There were a couple of us that had some venomous words with him about his actions. Or in-actions, really."

Kakashi cocked his head to the side, idly watching Hiruzen and Danzō duke it out in the middle of the barrier Kushina was holding up. "Did anything like this ever happen…?"

"No." Minato informed him blandly. "No, Shimura never got to the point of actually getting into a physical altercation with anyone before being formally tried for treason. From what I heard, and you didn't hear this from me, it was sempai and Koharu-sama that helped Hiruzen-sama take him down the first time."

"The first time?" The Hatake clan head of not this reality repeated, expectantly staring at his old jōnin-sensei.

The Yellow Flash considered it. "Your nee-chan will kill me if she knows I told you, but he got loose once and came after her. Knowing it had to have been her to identified who might have killed your otou-sama and connected it back to him. Blew out the front of their house, too. But he attacked at twilight, which is when Naras tend to have the greatest range and strength."

"What happened?"

"Shikaku managed well enough in the first wave, but it had been mostly a distraction. Shimura closed in on Natsumi while he was distracted and she was focused in the other direction so… sempai threw her emergency kunai when he pinned her against her own shed." Admitted Minato with a wintery smile. "I kicked him in the head and smashed my Rasengan into his spine. He never walked again."

There was a muffled gasp from under Kakashi, and the shinobi looked down at Mitokado's bound and paralyzed form underneath him. After a moment, when his impromptu seat stopped trying to tense his muscles and wiggle free, the jōnin looked back at his Hokage. "Well… this is fun."

"Why are you sitting on him, anyways?" The Yellow Flash asked in confusion, as he had a more gentle touch when it came to the elderly kunoichi he had taken out of the fight for Hiruzen. Koharu was still paralyzed _and_ bound from fingertip to foot, but at least set up against a nearby tree trunk instead of serving as a piece of furniture.

The Hatake clan head leaned back, fully lounging on his opponent's defeated form. "Wasn't he also part of the morons that tried kidnapping nee-chan? He died pretty damn quick after that little incident, and without the benefit of a 'illness' cover."

"Oh… right."

"Complaints?"

"…no."

"You are a sadistic, sadistic shinobi."

"Says the one _seated_ on his opponent?" Minato returned amusedly, tapping his fingers on his bicep.

Kakashi shrugged that off. "I blame nee-chan. I had to learn it from somewhere."

"Funny, I was about to say the same thing."

Shifting to find a more comfortable spot, because while he could give off the impression he was comfy it really wasn't very relaxing to sit on a human's bony spine, the silver-haired shinobi flicked his eyes back to the fight still on-going. "Maa… shouldn't one of them have tired the other out by now?"

"Hiruzen-sama is still a kage, Kakashi-kun. And Shimura was about at his level for most of their lives." Frowning thoughtfully even so, the Yondaime eyed both his predecessor and his opponent. "…but I think you may just be right. Neither of them are young anymore, and it seems Danzō isn't flagging nearly as much as Hiruzen-sama."

"…sensei?"

"Yes?"

"Do you see the same thing I see on Shimura's arm?"

Minato flattened his mouth, narrowly inspecting the flickers of images even his eyesight could only glimpse. "…I think that might just be a face in a shoulder."

"And an arm full of eyes." Kakashi chipped in with what he could see. "Which is creepy."

"…I'm going to go rip off someone's arm. Keep an eye on Koharu-sama for me."

"Will do."

\V/

The shadows pinning everyone in place slowly ebbed back to the Nara controlling them.

Shikaku sighed through his nose, glaring around at the ninja he knew perfectly well and yet didn't. "Let's try that again, shall we?"

"Shikaku?" Inoichi tried hesitantly, glancing from one version of his old teammate to the other one. "But…?"

"I'm pretty sure I don't have an identical twin." One Nara clan head informed his doppelganger dryly. "Even if you _are_ a Nara. A… _really_ strong one."

"Of course you don't." Shikaku groused out irritably, trying to hurry this up so his wife wouldn't worry herself around a bend or two. "We don't. I'm you, from another reality."

"…really?" That Shikaku informed himself dubiously. "That's the best you've got?"

Sighing yet again, and pinching the bridge of his nose, the Nara clan head not of this world decided to hell with trying to explain. Natsumi could probably do it better than him anyways. "…whatever. Not staying long, so screw it."

Digging out the hiraishin kunai he had put away in an attempt to _not_ alarm anyone, which failed epically because when he pulled it out everyone with even basic shinobi training tensed, Shikaku flicked it into the air.

Natsumi seized hold, flipping on her way down to be facing the shinobi that flinched at her arrival. "Hubby mine, what took so long?"

"They're idiots." Shikaku answer flatly, shocking more than half of the shinobi that had been trying to figure out where their chūnin candidates had gotten to. "You want to try and explain this?"

"There really _isn't_ a way to explain, why bother?" Natsumi responded a little absently, waving one clawed hand to dismiss the idea. "Actions would've been better, Shika."

"And how, exactly, would I demonstrate I really am _a_ version of Shikaku from a slightly altered dimension, wife of mine?"

"Immediately returning the genin." Ibiki intoned flatly from across the way, striding forward a little but pausing when the two looked at him and the kunoichi flinched.

"Oh no… nope, not doing this. Sorry Ibiki, I can't," replacing the sword she had drawn out of caution, she gave her husband a slightly wooden little smile, "bail."

"Natsu…"

"Bailing." Flicking out the hiraishin kunai to start the evacuation of the old Hokage's Tower complex, the retired assassin headed for the road that circled around the Forest of Death. "I've got things to do, so have fun you all."

"Who the hell are you?"

Natsumi froze, Shikaku planted a hand over his face.

Yoshino planted her own hands on her hips, glaring both at the kunoichi armed with a katana and the 'imposter' image of her husband, _not_ amused by the 'other wife' scenario some sicko thought was funny to pull. "Well?"

Pursing her lips, the kunoichi looked back at the 'other Nara clan head'. "Hubby mine, can-"

"No."

"But-"

"Natsu, you're the _ANBU General_. She's probably, at best, still a Chūnin Corps member." Shikaku pointed out in sheer exasperation. "That would be the most one-sided fight of your life, and I'm including the spars you once had with Fugaku over your kinjutsu _years_ ago in this."

"…and?" Natsumi asked, a touch bitterly. "She's the one picking the fight. I was content not to touch this shit with a ten-foot-pole."

"Are we interrupting?" Genma asked a little warily, letting go of Kakashi's shoulder while Raidō did the same to Asuma. "Cause we could totally wait a little before the next round."

"Asuma? Kakashi?" Anko questioned, suspiciously inspecting the two returned jōnin.

"Yo." The Hatake held up his fingers in a peace sign, then flicked his remaining eye from Natsumi's stubbornly neutral face to the _other_ Nara wife who looked a little pale. "The show started without us? How sad."

"Shut the hell up." Asuma rubbed his face with both hands, then turned a serious look on Ibiki. "Hey, couple questions."

Ibiki blinked at him.

"The Yondaime and my nii-san's dead, the Kyuubi attacked about twelve years ago, and you all _don't_ know that kunoichi, right?" The Sarutobi jōnin asked a bit sourly, jerking a thumb to Natsumi.

"Yes?" The interrogator answered dubiously.

"Kakashi doesn't have two sisters? The Sandaime is the Hokage? Anko, you missing that cursed mark?"

"Kakashi having sisters? And what kind of fucking question is that-" The Snake Summoner cut herself off, a hand planted over the back of her neck. "…the fuck? Ibiki!"

"Yeah… we might've killed Orochimaru while we were at it." Natsumi chipped in a little broodily, flicking a glance up and down Yoshino's form and snorting. "Again, I've got work to do."

"Wife of mine, shouldn't you wait for the Stags?" Shikaku tried, holding up his hands when she shot him a dark look. "Just since you _retired_ from active duty since our son was born?"

"Just because I _retired_ doesn't mean I still can't kick some ass, hubby mine." She shot back, disgruntled. "Kisame found that one out the hard way when he decided to try going easy on me, may I remind you. Besides, the Stags are guarding the hime and I'm not stripping her of protection to cover my own ass."

"That was the _only_ time you ever got a win on him without outside help." Shikaku didn't look sold on her reasoning, tilting his head to look at the rather battered copy of her little brother. "Kakashi, go make sure my wife doesn't pick a fight she can't get out of."

"Hey!"

"Sure. Come on, nee-chan! Let's go fuck with some heads." Kakashi practically _bounced_ over to the two of them, disturbing a _lot_ of the shinobi gaping at the scene. "You promised to instruct me in Hatake clan katas, too. We can do that in ANBU headquarters just as easily as here."

Scowling, Natsumi pointed a finger in her husband's face. "I'm going to remember this, Shika."

"Kakashi." Ibiki stated, narrowing his gaze on the jōnin.

"ANBU Protocol, eight point seven six. Interdimensional accident that involves a discovered infiltration attempt. Phase purge." The retired Hound shot back, still cheerfully. "Little in the middle of something."

"Wait… there are _ANBU protocols_ for interdimensional accidents?" Shikaku questioned, the one who was currently holding a hand over Yoshino's mouth before she picked a fight with an unknown would could probably kill her.

"Nope!"

"Yes." Natsumi confirmed at the same time as her little brother denied it, a bit tartly. "Pretty sure someone once spent a decade or two bored out of their mind and tried to dream up of every weird, strange, or just outright crazy thing that might happen to any Konohagakure ANBU agent. There's even one for time travel too. Which I always thought was a little weird… until I started to learn fūinjutsu. I added a few myself, actually."

"Pretty sure that one person was probably an Uzumaki." Shikaku, the one married to the 'ANBU General', tacked on. "Or related to one."

"So was that a yes or a no?" Chouza asked quietly of Shikaku and Inoichi, getting a shrug in return.

"Probably, they _would_ likely know too." Natsumi agreed a touch dryly, then blinked and frowned. "Stop distracting me, I'm irritated with you."

"Not pissed, Natsu?"

"I can understand why, even if I don't appreciate it. So no, just irritated Shika."

"Um…" Inoichi flicked a glance between the Shikaku he knew, the one he didn't know, the two variations of their wife, and then back again. While _fascinating_ as hell, there was a touch more important thing to ask about. "…can we get the kids now?"

Natsumi looked over her husband's shoulder to Raidō and Genma curiously.

"You're not going to kick her ass, Panther-sama?" The senbon wielder asked, a touch of disappointment in his voice. "Because I would _pay_ to see that."

"I had _just_ distracted her from being intent on that, Genma." Shikaku snapped over one shoulder, warily keeping an eye on his wife. " _Move it_."

Raidō flicked the hiraishin kunai that would be used as the destination target into the air then grabbed hold of his usual mission partner hastily, before either Panther or her husband actually moved to work out their ire on the man, and flicked them both out of that reality.

They would be forced to do it one at a time, since Panther wasn't about to let a pack of genin tour the ANBU HQ just for her tattoo seal to be used to do more than just one or two at a time.

Natsumi sniffed, torn between being pissed off at the 'other woman' and getting her work over with so she could go home and pretend it all didn't happen. Irritably, she twisted around, shrugging off her Nara clan jacket and unsealing a black cat mask from her belt. "Come on, Kashi-chan."

"Fucking asshole," Asuma muttered darkly around his lit cigarette when the two shunshined out of the clearing, "not everyone made out _better_ for meeting themselves."

Ibiki had the stunned and still slightly catatonic Anko sit down next to a tree, then glanced over to the Sarutobi jōnin. "What do you mean?"

"Kakashi somehow has two sisters and an okaa-san still alive in that other reality." He responded absently, rolling the tobacco for another into something he could smoke. "As well as two eyes, a _freaking_ sword he just got a new copy of, and got to talk to not only his dead jōnin-sensei but one of his old teammates."

Raidō flicked into existence, depositing a Shikamaru, then flicked out again after tossing the three-pronged kunai back into the air. Genma caught it, let himself hit dirt before letting go of Naruto, and repeated the actions.

The Nara clan heir shoved his hands into his pockets and stalked off to where his parents were still standing. "That was freaking weird."

"That was _awesome_." Naruto disagreed, clutching calligraphy tools he promptly sat down to work on.

"Shikamaru?" Yoshino questioned tentatively, pulling her husband's hand away from her mouth. "What's going on?"

"I met myself… except he wasn't me." Shikamaru informed her, frowning slightly and looking over back to where a different version of his father was still standing. "He had a different kaa-chan. Which was… weird."

"Myself had parents still." Naruto tacked on absently, refocusing on his ink and brush. "They're… somewhere."

Ignoring the start that bit of news caused quite a few people, Shikamaru shrugged again as Raidō and Genma flicked in and out of existence with Ino and Sakura. "I might get a Summoning Contract out of it, which is cool."

"Tou-chan!" Ino cheered before anyone could question the Nara heir on his words or ask if Naruto really meant the Yellow Flash was somewhere in the village. "You have _got_ to see what I saw! It was too cool, I had a twin!"

"You didn't have a _twin_ , Ino-pig, you had an interdimensional double." Sakura corrected, a hand touching the ragged ends of her hair. " _And_ two people died, it wasn't that cool."

"One was a spy, Forehead, the other a traitor." The Yamanaka clan heir returned with a sniff, waving that off. "Death to traitors."

"They only _think_ he was a spy."

Inoichi blinked, looking between his daughter and her ex-best friend turned rival. "Ino-chan?"

"Kabuto, who was apparently a spy, and Orochimaru." The Yamanaka cheerfully informed him. "Both right in front of us, the first time was an accident though. Which was Kabuto, they hadn't really expected to catch anything with the seal Natsumi-ba-sama and her version of Shika-kun put down. Hey, did you know Naruto-kun's parents were Namikaze Minato-sama and Uzumaki Kushina-hime?"

Into the ringing silence _that_ caused, Raidō and Genma deposited Chouji and Sasuke each before flicking out of existence again.

Sasuke staggered over to his teammate, sitting back-to-back with Naruto and staring off into the distance. Chouji shot him a worried look, but started moving to where his father was standing with his uncles. "They have Uchihas still alive, tou-chan, Sasuke-san got to talk to a few of them just before we came back. I think he might need a moment."

Shikaku, the one that didn't belong to this world, caught the hiraishin kunai and flicked it back into the air while ignoring the stares and sneaked peeks in his direction.

"Wait… is _MINATO_ here?" Inoichi questioned, a furrow making itself known on his forehead.

"Yes." The Shikaku he wasn't familiar with and had a mostly unknown kunoichi as a wife answered blandly. "He's with Hiruzen-sama right this moment."

"Actually, we're done with that." A cheerful, and bitterly missed, voice interjected. Namikaze Minato ignored the whiplash most if not all of the shinobi lingering in the clearing were suddenly suffering from as he strolled into it with his wife. "So… anyone care to point me in sensei's direction? I have a couple things I'd like to say to him."

"Please." Kushina tacked on to her husband's request, a very toothy smile on her face. "We'd appreciate it."

There was a lot of staring going on, so the Shikaku no gaping at a dead man addressed the two horse masked shinobi making a show of looking around. "She's in headquarters right now, go catch up."

Stag flicked him a salute, grabbing himself to drag along.

"Where _is_ Natsumi-sama?" Sakura asked of the man out of confusion, looking around for both her and her own sensei because other-her's sensei was hauling… _bodies?_ "What… erm… Kakashi-sensei?"

"Ignore me." That version of the Hatake requested cheerfully, letting his burdens hit the ground without care for elderly bones. "Merely doing Hiruzen-sama's dirty work."

The kage in question snorted, eyeing the two village elders that had chosen a bit badly but had been trying to argue out of committing treason. "Ibiki… is Anko alright?"

"She's in shock." The interrogator answered his kage, frowning slightly. "Hokage-sama… what?"

"Shimura Danzō has been executed for treason, more specifically trying to trap not only myself but some of your fellow shinobi and various clan heirs in an fūinjutsu caused interdimensional accident." The limping Sandaime answered absently, eyeing the form of his successor then looking back at his head of interrogation. "Minato is very sorry about the accident."

"Actually… I'm only sorry sempai had such fits with it." That kage answered, sheepishly scratching at the back of his shaggy blond head. "Otherwise?"

Kushina backhanded him in the gut, smiling prettily at the gathered shinobi. "Jiraiya. _Now._ "

A lot of said ninja pointed in the direction of the village, more than likely in the direction of a hot springs.

"Naru-chan? Sweetie?" The redheaded Uzumaki Princess called out, smiling with a whole lot less teeth at her orphaned son when he looked up. "Come on, let's go give a _lot_ of people heart attacks."

"'Kay!" Promptly abandoning the beginners' fūinjutsu exercises, which made him skid to a halt when he realized he had left his mother's things on the ground only to get waved on by the other alternate dimensional version of the Nara clan head who picked them up, Naruto bounced over to his mother much like his sensei had done to his sister a little while before. "Can we go get ramen afterwards?"

Minato sighed heavily. "I'm pretty sure using interdimensional ryo to buy things is kind of like counterfeiting."

"We'll mug Jiraiya for his wallet." Kushina countered evilly. "Paying for two Uzumakis to eat their fill of ramen will make up for a month of the ten to eleven years he has no excuse to not be raising our son."

The Yondaime considered it. "Alright."

"YES!"

"Minato." Shikaku called before his kage left the clearing with his son and wife. "Punch Jiraiya for me."

He got a salute back as the little family unit left them.

Raidō and Genma deposited TenTen and Hinata, and Kakashi was the one to catch and re-throw the three-pronged kunai back into the air.

"…well, this is awkward." The Hatake clan head commented after a long moment.

Shikaku snorted, while his other self reached for his bottle of sake.

"Isn't it a little early to be drinking?" The Nara clan head asked of himself dryly.

"It's five somewhere." That Shikaku countered equally dryly.

Yoshino looked at her husband with wide eyes. "You… that you? Married the ANBU General?"

"In my defense, she wasn't at the time I married her." 'Other' Shikaku commented aloud.

"She was still an assassin." Kakashi pointed out cheerfully. "And jōnin, _and_ one of Hiruzen-sama's best troubleshooters."

"So… that other me and the other Sakura-san drew the right conclusion?" Shikamaru asked of the interdimensional visitors slowly. "That she was or still is ANBU?"

Shikaku blinked, Kakashi coughed sheepishly and inspected his toes.

\V/

"The Bears have apparently been dead for _years_." Natsumi informed Minato tiredly, playing with her noodles absently as she kept kicking. "I had to install Hawk as the head, because the idiot in charge when I went in tried to kill Stag when we finally got around to reporting what happened."

"Ow, fuck. I don't even _know you!_ " A bruised and battered Jiraiya leaning back against the bar protested, wincing when he got a more vicious kick in the ribs in return for that.

Minato sipped his broth, then placed the bowl down and pulled the rest of the money out of the Toad Sage's wallet and slapped it down on the bar. "A few more bowls in a minute I think, Teuchi-san. Please."

Naruto currently had his face buried in his extra big bowl of beef ramen, so his mother was the one to point out what the two of them would like next.

"Um… Minato-sama?" Umino Iruka asked a bit hesitantly, fiddling with his chopsticks. "Is there a reason I'm here?"

"Naru-chan had a lot of good things to say about you." Natsumi informed the scarred version of a chūnin she didn't actually know that well with a small smile. "This is kind of thanks, really."

She would be making a point to get very, _very_ well acquainted with the academy instructor back home.

"It was very disturbing to learn my son only had three to six people in his life that actually cared at all about him." The Yellow Flash commented neutrally, purposely pitching his tone to carry outside of the little ramen bar to all the people gawking at them from there. "Especially since not one of them was his own godfather."

"Also, we need someone that is academically inclined and you're it." Kushina tacked on after swallowing her latest bite. "Naru-chan _is_ an Uzumaki, and we _did_ finally find a format that would let us write a guide for learning fūinjutsu."

"It's not really as good as personal one-on-one instruction, as a matter of fact it _sucks_ in comparison," Natsumi chipped in with another vicious kick to a Toad Sage, "but until certain people get their heads out of their asses we need you to overlook his beginning attempts. It's mostly correcting his handwriting, really."

"O-oh… I can do that." Iruka agreed hesitantly.

"The more dangerous things you can leave up to Kashi-chan or this idiot I'm kicking," she continued blandly, considering if she wanted another bowl or not, "but that's more likely half a year or so away."

"…Kashi… _chan?_ "

"Yes?" The Hatake on Kushina's other side responded, looking up from his interdimensional porn.

"…ah." The academy instructor settled on after a moment of blatant staring. "…okay."

Kakashi shrugged and returned his attention to his porn and slipping the letters a younger sister and mother he never met into his flak vest to read later.

"Oh yeah…" Natsumi glanced upward, where Stag number two was lurking with his other self. "Stag, the one only just freed from a cursed seal?"

One of them dropped to the ground, badly startling the chūnin.

"Naru-chan, I'm giving you Stag. He needs a friend, badly." The assassin informed the son of her kage, not mentioning the orders she had given the ROOT-mole-turned-counter spy about Naruto's protection. "You need to give him a name, and make sure he keeps out of trouble."

"Isn't Stag a name, Sumi-ba-chan?" Naruto came up from his food long enough to ask, a little confused. It was like being given a pet, and that wasn't right.

"It's actually a title. Stag lost his name, years ago. My Stag still has yet to pick one he likes, so I figured you could do it much faster." Or at all, because she was pretty sure that lacking ten years of counter-brainwashing recovery wasn't going to do Stag number two any good. "Since I can't stay and help Stag, I thought you maybe wouldn't mind putting the effort in instead."

"I can help! Hi Stag. We'll pick you a name a bit later, okay?"

Stag number two gave a hesitant thumbs up.

"Fuck, you're giving him a minion in the form of a brainwashed bodyguard?" Jiraiya muttered sourly, low enough not to be overheard by the genin, sulking in his spot. "Why did Minato chose you as godmother in this other reality again?"

"I was an assassin, who best to protect against other assassins?" Natsumi informed him equally lowly with a fanged smirk.

Iruka swallowed heavily on her other side, eyeing the ANBU agent that had just been 'gifted'. "…you're kind of scary, Natsumi-sama."

"She's not the one everyone should be scared of." Minato commented blandly, pulling the last bit of money out of the Toad Sage's wallet. "Teuchi-san, would you mind placing the rest on Jiraiya's tab?"

"Of course, Minato-sama." The ramen cook agreed with a smile, already whipping up another large batch of ramen for his best customer and the long-missed Kushina as his daughter tried to keep up with cleaning the used bowls and pots. "I'd be delighted to."

"This way," the Yondaime informed Iruka with a small grin, "sensei _has_ to come back at least regularly to pay it off."

"We'll make sure it's a towering bill." Kushina added, exchanging her empty bowl for a new one.

* * *

 

**Omake :**

( _Mesuji-verse, Hokage's Office_ )

Natsumi got up to check on her sleeping daughter while Minato finished off the last of his back-logged paperwork and telling the Bear-samas exactly why they had been left with running the village in their stead for a day.

Ichirou smoothed a hand down the scarred side of his face, not bothered by the report that he and his twin somehow ended up dead in the other 'world'. "That… forgive me, Hokage-sama, but I am very glad we're not in charge of ANBU for you. I think a few things may need tweaking in the wake of this."

Jirou snorted, shifting aside further down the kage's office couch so their successor could see her daughter better.

"You both… just majorly suck." Natsumi opinioned dryly, more than tired of the whole conversation already. "It was screwed up, in spades."

"More than a little yeah." Minato agreed tautly. "I _am_ sorry about it, sempai. I didn't intend for _that_ to happen at all."

"I can understand that, Minato." His ANBU General offered slowly. "But I'm still taking a vacation. You can handle my paperwork for a week."

"What about the Chūnin Exams, Panther?" Bear of the Left asked, not giving an opinion on her claim.

"Vacation."

Bear of the Right tugged the blanket Shikania was sprawled out under, pulling it up to cover her shoulders. "If that's done with… I have something to bring up."

"Was there a problem while we were gone?" Minato questioned the older shinobi, frowning thoughtfully at the stack of paper he had still to get to.

"Not that kind of something." Jirou answered him slowly, reaching for a thin cord around his neck.

One of the very minor differences between the Bear twins, the younger had a necklace Panther had never asked about.

She was pretty sure, from the few glimpses she had gotten since naming him her daughter's godfather, it was a bit of fūinjutsu.

"I… had a wife and son, once." The older man started hesitantly, continuing when neither the Hokage nor the ANBU General asked about the tense he used. "Or rather, I know my wife is dead but can't find my son."

"…okay, not to be mean or anything Jirou… but why are you only now bringing this up?" Natsumi questioned, trying to recall if she ever heard of either Bear-sama actually having a personal life. Which, given she only found out that Bear-sama was actually the Bear-samas when she became the ANBU General, she was pretty sure she never heard of.

"I wrote those regulations on interdimensional issues, Panther." The younger Bear informed her dryly, fingering the bit of half-active seal work on his necklace. "Because my wife was the daughter of a diplomat, who was assigned to Uzushiogakure no Sato before the Land of Whirlpools fell."

Natsumi blinked, and Minato's brush stopped moving.

"This seal is supposed to track the other half, a necklace my wife had and a seal on my son." Jirou continued evenly. "So I know my wife is dead but it can't track my son, even if his half of the seal is still actively tracking him so I know he's alive."

"Oh…" Was the inane comment from the current ANBU General.

"Well…" Minato started slowly, gazing levelly at the younger Bear. "…that explains that."


	25. When Death Comes Calling, Part One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a sort of crossover of a crossover. Of a crossover. Long story short, someone's about to go interdimensional-hopping into another author's fic. This is actually the very long continuation of the Canon Cast Meets Mesuji-verse series, since it will explain what the hell is up with the ending scene involving Natsumi and Minato dealing with the Uzumaki clan and Bear-sama's son/nephew's existence-yet-missing issue.
> 
> Who is it? Fiona.
> 
> She's got issues, upon issues, and since I glossed over the original ending of Natsumi vs Fiona that should've had a very large chunk of the ending of Déjà vu reserved for it before I cut it for reasons of my own… it still needs to be done.
> 
> So eventually, if you do follow along with this part and the next one to where she's going in the end, there will be a Fiona and Natsumi faceoff. Elsewhere. Very much elsewhere. You can also decide to not follow it down that path, since we're getting into kooky very NOT!canon things now.
> 
> I'll probably go back to writing actual scenes for Pawprints after this is done and Fiona's well on her way.
> 
> Next part will identify exactly where she's going and which author asked for her, although I think said author only posts to ff.net. As well as flesh out Fiona's stay here.

_The Death Room in Death Weapon Meister Academy, Death City, Nevada_

The Death Scythe named Spirit Albarn had not been expecting much from the very lazy feeling Wednesday. Shinigami-sama was for once catching up on his paperwork in his infinitely vast office space, his ex-wife still wasn't talking to him and in another city, his meister daughter and her demon weapon partner were between missions and attending class, no emergency had filtered back to them from any of the military branches.

The sky was still blue in the Death Room, puffy yellow clouds drifting along at their own pace. The desert of crosses spread around them stripped the landscape as they ever had. The row of red and steel guillotines lining the path to the room's doorway gleamed in the bright sunlight. The room's rather drab and severe view was only broken by the ornate, brass mounted mirror in the middle of the room and a large desk and throne only moved in a bare few hours ago.

And the several large stacks of paperwork that had random knickknacks from the school level being used as paperweights.

All in all, it was shaping up to be a rather forgettable day that he was tempted to nap through… until the mirror rang.

It had Shinigami-sama promptly abandoning his paperwork, over which Spirit despaired of getting the Death God to return to afterwards.

"Mirror-san, mirror-san, what do you have for me today?" Sliding one of his oversized fingers across the elaborate mirror's surface, Shinigami-sama peered into the reflective surface as his own reflection faded from view.

Spirit tipped back in his chair lazily, trying to see around his boss. The chair's legs thumped back to the ground solidly as he realized he couldn't see anyone in the mirror… but the Death God obviously could from how his head was nodding along to some conversation only he could hear.

Another Shinigami then. While not entirely rare, it still wasn't common for another Aspect of Death to speak with another. Much less for any Aspect that didn't tend to have psychically or physically viewable forms to interact with the living realm.

"Yes, I can understand how that might pose an issue. Come on through, then." Shinigami-sama drifted backwards…

A head of long white hair, pale purple short _horns_ sticking out of the mass with similarly colored skin, and an unsheathed knife clenched between sharp looking black teeth emerged from the mirror's surface. The rest of the visiting Avatar of Death following through in short order, clad in a white yukata and black cloth pants.

This was a Shinigami Spirit had never heard of before, and he was sure any of the other Death Weapons or meisters able to wield them would've mentioned some Avatar of Death like _that_ had they ever seen it before this.

One long-talon bearing, pale purple fist was clenched tight around something bright, flickers of light escaped the long fingers occasionally making strange patterns on the pure white robes it wore and the expanse of pale purple bare chest.

"Well… let's see this slight problem of yours." Shinigami-sama held out one oversized flat hand, and the other Death God tipped it's clenched fist then let go of the flickering light onto it. "…ah. Oh dear. Yes, I can understand how this might have given you some bad indigestion."

It was a soul… but not like any Spirit had ever seen in his life. It was only _mostly_ one color, and of a size much greater than normal.

The center of the soul looked crystalized, sharp spires of solid-looking bluish crystal spiked out from the center. Alarmingly, there was a strange reddish-purple taint to the rest of the soul which, at least, seemed to be of the same consistency of a normal human one… except the very outer edge. The outside of the sphere was denser, likely as crystalized as the innermost parts, but that shell was showing great rents and cracks all across it's surface.

Spirit slowly rose to his feet, wondering if it was a new type of pre-Kishin soul. It wasn't a deep red, the core wasn't purple, nor did it have the half-shell of black plates coating the surface, but it was possible it was just a new type of one.

"Well… I suppose there is really no help for it." Shinigami-sama spoke slowly, as if pondering the state of affairs that lead to him holding such a… bizarre soul. "A price is a price, and it _was_ paid in full despite… ah, _later_ difficulties."

The Death Weapon hadn't been expecting it, so when the entity that was one of the Death Gods spoke in a voice not fit for living ears, it drove him to his knees on the ground. Not quite in pain, and yet it was painful to hear anyways.

He could not, for the steel of him, have said what it was that Avatar of Death had spoken of. All he knew was that if he never heard such a thing again it would be way too soon for him.

"Quite, quite. But… one thing. Would you mind _not_ speaking again? You seem to be giving my Death Scythe a bit of trouble." Shinigami-sama drifted over to the desk Spirit had moved into the room that very morning, gently depositing the strange soul on top of it then turning back to the visiting Death God.

Dizzily watching the visitor, Spirit couldn't have said if the visage of the other Shinigami shifted or changed in answer.

After a moment it's strange yellow on black eyes flicked to him, the strangely silent but terrifying visage turned to retreat back into the mirror surface it had emerged from.

"Hmm…" Shinigami-sama turned his attention to the soul now residing on top of his desk, rubbing at where his chin likely was under his mask and over his cloak. "Well… I have no idea what to do now. How interesting."

Spirit staggered, trying to get up on his feet but feeling still queerly off-balanced. "B-but, _interesting?_ Shinigami-sama…"

"I've never seen this before." The Death God spoke, in the same tone of voice one would usually comment on the weather with. "Admittedly, this isn't something that would ever naturally happen in _this_ reality."

"Reality?" Spirit echoed, stupidly but he was still rather shocked over recent events.

"Death touches all things in the end, Spirit. All things. Every _thing_ , every _where_. So where there is a some _where_ , there is a Death in charge of it." The cloaked form of Shinigami-sama suddenly slouched into his throne, almost childishly. "Thankfully Death is infinite in scope, otherwise I'd have even _more_ paperwork to deal with."

Almost spluttering at that mind blowing bit of information, the Death Scythe weakly sank back into his desk chair.

More Shinigami? Worse yet, more _paperwork?_

They could barely keep up with what they had already. Spirit wouldn't have any kind of love-life if they had _more_ than they generated in this world.

"S-so… this soul… _is_ it a soul?"

"Oh yes, it's a soul. It's even human… or it was once upon a time." Shinigami-sama turned his attention on the spiky cored soul, inspecting it from different angles. "Debatable now, really. For… what make a human a human? Or say… a demon weapon a demon weapon?"

"Being alive…? The gene and ability to take the form of a weapon?" Spirit suggested with a crooked grin. "Although, if that soul's been disembodied… isn't it dead?"

"Technically… I'm not even sure it was alive enough to begin with to die… again."

"Again?"

Shinigami-sama turned to gaze at his Death Scythe, nodding slowly at first but the motion picked up speed as he continued to talk. "Oh yes. Twice-dead, technically. Therein lies the issue, you see."

Spirit blinked up at his boss blankly. "Err… no, Shinigami-sama, I don't see."

"Hmm? Ah yes, you wouldn't have been able to understand our recent visitor at all." The Death God rose out of his throne, circling the desk to view the bizarre soul floating just above it. "She sacrificed her place in the cycle of reincarnation in return for the Death Reaper's aid… but she wasn't really incarnated. You cannot give up what you didn't have in the first place. So it's more like she's… one and a half times dead, really."

There was only one part of that the Death Scythe understood, and that was, "… _she?_ "

"Yes, she. Her. This soul's last gender was female. She gave the Death Reaper quite the case of indigestion for a good couple years while he tried to break down her soul, but as you can see that didn't happen. After a decade of trying he gave up, and now she's here."

Spirit was disgusted. No, he was _outraged_. How _dare_ that other Shinigami try to consume the soul of a LADY, no less one he had yet to FLIRT WITH-

The side of a flat, oversized hand forcefully introduced itself to the top of the Death Weapon's head, knocking him flat on the floor. "Try not to shout next time you try your bid at internal rants, Spirit."

"S-sorry…"

Shinigami-sama shrugged that off, turning back to the soul still on his desk. "As you can clearly see for yourself, it didn't happen. I highly doubt she's even aware of the passage of time anyways, or what was supposed to happen to her during it."

Rubbing the spot he had been smacked, it didn't really hurt for the Old One had more than enough self-control to not really damage his own people, Spirit slowly picked himself up. "Alright then. If she's not human, is almost to the point of being twice-dead, and yet here… what does it mean?"

"I…" Shinigami-sama drew himself up to his impressive height, then sighed gloomily and drooped in place, "…have even more paperwork to deal with. She has to go _somewhere_ , and since by her own actions she's barred from the world she just came from…"

"…she's staying here?" Spirit finished for his boss, warily eyeing the strange soul peacefully floating on the large desk.

"Yes, well… I don't see any other alternative, do you?"

The Death Scythe didn't, but he also wasn't entirely sure about just leaving a loose soul floating about. She made a pretty paperweight, if the soul actually could be used as one… but… there were Kishin-possible bad souls going around _eating_ other souls, and just having one crystalized like that lying about sounded like a really bad idea.

"Shinigami-sama? Is that… soul… _pulsing?_ "

"…oh my."

They both watched as the soul all but _shivered,_ then a tiny spike of that crystalized inner spirit fell off and through one of the cracks in the outer shell.

"…what?" Was all Spirit could get out as they both watched the tiny bit of soul fall to the Death God's desk then roll off.

It hit the sandy ground with a surprisingly clear tinkle of crystal striking stone, then all of a sudden someone _else_ was in the Death Room with them.

Short sandy blond hair, green eyes, tall and fit, the new woman rolled her neck to crack it then rubbed the back with one hand in a sheepish gesture. "Well… _this_ wasn't what I was expecting."

"Hello?" Shinigami-sama cheerfully called out, attracting her attention up to him. "And who might you be?"

"…Fiona Hanson. Staff Sargent, US Army. Active duty… when I was alive." She rattled off on automatic, blinking wildly at the towering image of death before her. " _Ah_ … I'm dead, right?"

"Oh yes, yes you are." The Death God agreed.

"…and you're death."

"Called Shinigami, actually. Shinigami-sama."

"…so, is this hell?" She asked next, sounding a little bewildered.

"It's actually Death Valley, Nevada." Shinigami-sama helpfully informed her.

"…what?"

Rapid motion out of the corner of Fiona's eye made her flinch with the itch to draw a kunai or a katana, both of which she didn't have and made her hesitate as they weren't her own reactions. The pause allowed the other man, the more reasonably sized one, to suddenly sweep her off her booted feet before she could decide on a proper reaction that wasn't borrowed from a cold-blooded assassin.

"Don't worry, pretty lady!" The man _shouted_ into her ear, cradling her like some kind of swooning maiden. "Your dastardly treatment by that Shinigami is over now, you can rest easy under my watchful eyes. I swear, or my name isn't-"

The grope to her ass was the last straw for the soldier's nerves. Natsumi's nearly instinctive aversion to being carried when it wasn't necessary was fully embraced and Fiona used some of her skills to swing herself out of the man's arms and boot the asshole off the… desk?

Her position had been more perilous than she had realized, kicking the man in the ass for manhandling her and shouting in her ear ended up tipping her over the side.

Instinct, again _not her own_ , had her planting her boots on the siding of the desk and reaching for a form of energy she _did not have_ in her life.

Fiona blinked, now standing sideways via chakra control. On a… greatly oversized desk in what looked to be a desert.

The gleam of metal had her stiffening, and she redirected her attention to the man she had kicked.

…his arm was now somehow a curved blade, which he used to correct his fall in order to land on his own booted feet.

She was stressed. Aggravated. In a period of time which to her was less than a few days all totaled she had lost her squad to an IED, woke up with the lifetime memories of an _assassin_ , got into an verbal fight with said assassin while preventing her torture by a Uchiha, ended up summoning a _God of Death_ to help the assassin's sister-in-law contain a demon problem, and ended up… here.

Again, Natsumi's impulses made her want to beat the hell out of the man that decided getting a feel in while she was worse than mentally reeling. Fiona didn't see a problem with that, even if she knew it was probably a bad idea.

The man's expression when she dropped the chakra exercise in order to drop knee-first onto his head made her feel a slight bit better.

(ooo000ooo)

"…please tell me you're joking."

"Mmm… unfortunately, I can't." The massive, white skull-masked, black robed figure spoke while rubbing the spot she could almost assume was his chin. It was very gentle when he put one of those white gloved fingers out in a gesture that imposed her to stop kicking it's companion around, but also held the air and presence of one that gave the orders.

It was either a very twisted human being, or something else.

Fiona wasn't exactly going to bet on that. Given the sheer _crap_ she had seen in the last twenty-four hours alone, from her perspective anyways, she wasn't even going to assume this 'Shinigami-sama' person was even _human_ at all.

Unknowns were dangerous, especially so when it didn't fit prior known categories. She didn't need a lifetime of memories from a master assassin to know that.

A wheezing, choked gasp from under her feet reminded her that she was standing on yet another… _person_ , she wasn't assuming was remotely human either. This one, the weird metal-shifting man-thing that tried hitting on her before she really got over the disorientation, was… well…?

A very good indication she _still_ wasn't in Kansas anymore.

"I give up." Running a hand through her short hair… hair? She was _dead_ , why did she have hair? Shoving that to another corner of her head, like how she could pin a living being to the ground when _she didn't have weight in the first place_ , the ex?soldier stepped off the… man-thing and stalked over to a forlorn looking chair. "Now what?"

"Well… that mostly depends on you, my dear." The humanoid… _thing_ spoke calmly, ignoring the fact his much smaller fellow was still wheezing on the ground. It instead shifted to keep her in it's line of sight. "I was just going to stick your soul in a box until we knew more, but then you pulled this… how _do_ you have a form?"

"That, the question of how I have weight and how I can pick random things up, are bits I have been trying not to wonder about." Fiona informed him tiredly. "I woke up this way, and from what… _memories_ I have but didn't gain the usual way I can only assume it has something to do with Yin Chakra and the Kurama kekkai genkai I… ended up becoming."

The scrape of a throne almost six times her own height getting dragged over to her was not ear-splitting noisy as much as teeth-shaking in vibration, but Shinigami-sama didn't seem to care about the noise or the furrow the chair's legs dug into the soft ground. It sat itself across from her, clasped his wacky flat hands together and aimed the skull mask eyeholes squarely at her. "Explain the best you can. I might be able to fill in a few holes, but only if you're completely truthful with me."

There was an instant of discomfort within Fiona. Natsumi's lifetime of being less than honest about most everything unless it was her kouhai or husband twanged at the idea of honesty, edges of memories where being truthful would've been deadly nibbling on her mind, but she shoved it all away ruthlessly.

Natsumi might have based herself off Fiona, but the soldier wasn't going to base herself off the assassin. If she wanted to be brutally frank, she would be. Even to some _thing_ she didn't know. Integrity was a value almost _drilled_ into soldiers like her, and she was going to uphold that.

"I suppose… it started when I died. The first time, I mean."

The massive being calling itself 'Lord Death' cocked the masked face at her. "I am afraid that you didn't quite die the second time, so this first time is really the only death you have."

"…I was afraid of something like that…" Something that is dead wouldn't be able to die again, meaning that even Fiona's hope of the Dead Reaper Seal actually making another, or even her first, death _stick_ had been at most a shot in the dark. "Any way it happened, after I died… I woke up again. That time was… I was, less than a figment of an imagination. Worse, the figment of an imagination of a very successful _assassin_ who _feared me_."

"These memories you spoke of?"

"They're Natsumi's, that assassin. She… I... _we_ were pretty much mashed together, somehow. Eventually, she ended up with all my life experience and memories heaped on her. From her memories they assumed I died an age ago, and eventually it was assumed by her that the fact she was a bastard child of this Kurama clan was the reason she had my life and soul to use."

"Are you entirely certain of that?"

"The basis of that assumption was the fact several… _individuals_ were able to read some of the languages I had known before my… death."

"That wouldn't necessarily mean you died well before this… Natsumi lived." Shinigami-sama pointed out with a shrug of cloaked shoulders. "As you've retained a surprising amount of individuality for a soul forced into close habitation with another in a single form, anyways."

Fiona wrinkled her nose as she tried to understand what was being suggested.

"Take the language we're speaking." The massive figure continued. "I had assumed that, from my fellow Shinigami's usual realm of responsibility, you would speak the native language _he_ usually deals with. In other words, something quite similar to what I would know as Japanese. Yet we are conversing in plain English."

"I _was_ American before my death."

"Be that so, you _do_ understand Japanese although you may not have understood it in your first life. I was speaking it when I asked you to stop stomping on poor Spirit over there."

An oversized flat fist jerked an equally flat thumb at the man-metal thing picking himself up off the ground, warily watching her as she sat on what was likely his seat.

"If he wished to be thought of as _poor_ he should not have groped me." Fiona flatly informed the being across from her.

Shinigami-sama heaved a sigh in response. "Yes, well… continuing. Most realms of existence share something in common, most notably languages. Sometimes bits of history, occasionally the same series of events which do tend to work out a slight bit differently. My point, Miss Hanson, is that _language_ might have only been an indication of how far removed this Natsumi's world was from your original one. History might have been shared up to a point, then one world split to result in a different way than your originating one."

Since she couldn't counter that particular point, it _did_ have to be included as a possibility. "I… alright, taking that into account, then… fuck."

"It's highly unlikely this Natsumi's world was anything remotely connected to your own, your soul and hers didn't merge as much as two souls in the same body would've explained. However, that didn't mean there wasn't any… ah, bleed-over that happened."

"Besides memories?" Fiona questioned sourly, thinking that possibility over.

"Yes, besides that." Shinigami-sama tilted his mask head to indicate the other individual in the area with them. "Out of curiosity, have you _always_ been able to stand solidly on vertical surfaces?"

Blinking at the question, rethinking what she did nearly on auto-pilot when the man-steel thing tried to sweep her up off a flat surface while wailing about 'pretty lady' and 'dastardly treatment', the dead woman pursed her entirely questionable lips. "Err… actually, that's more Natsumi's thing than something I've always been able to do."

Planting her feet on the desk's sides while she regained coherency and an idea of _what_ the hell was going on had been… second nature. Not hers, _Natsumi's_ second nature. Chakra aided wall-walking it took the girl _years_ to learn to do instinctively and not jerk away from the impossible.

…Fiona had the instincts and reactions of a jōnin kunoichi that specialized in _assassinations_. Perfect.

"So you were dead, then became attached to one Miss Natsumi for what I am guessing is the bulk of her life." Shinigami-sama summarized helpfully. Mostly, the soldier was sure, to draw her attention back to him. "What happened next?"

"…Mrs. She was married. Nara Natsumi was the bastard child of a shinobi clan, one called the Kuramas. They had this bloodline ability to take their greatest fears and turn them into living lethal weapons. Problem was, those weapons were pretty much monstrous in composition and likely not very… reasonable." This part Fiona was surer of, because of how much the girl had obsessed over if the soldier was her greatest fear or not. "Through everything, I hadn't really been complete asleep but also not really awake enough to do anything. I think. I've got… _flickers_ of things I know are my memories and not Natsumi's donated ones, but one incident I have both her and my own memories of was likely the point of which she started to fear that I might not have been completely dead."

The Lord of Death sitting across from her went curiously still, even it's cloak stopped shifting around in the breeze.

"Yeah… we, _I'm_ , still not sure if I'm manufactured from a combination of that kekkai genkai and what Natsumi had known _Fiona_ was, or if I _am_ the soul of one Fiona Hanson given some kind of out-of-body freedom." The dead woman shrugged a little listlessly. "Quite frankly, at this point I'm not even sure if that's quantifiable."

"That much, at least, I can answer." Shinigami-sama reassured her seriously. "You _are_ a soul… or at least, you started out as the spiritual half of a living being. For all intents, you _are_ the soul of a woman by the name of Fiona Hanson."

Fiona blinked, then gifted the being with a confused stare. "… _started out?_ "

"Yes. Started." The being tapped his almost cartoonish hands against where his mouth would've been under the 'teeth' of his mask. "Well… a few things seemed to have gotten a little… twisted on you."

Frankly, she wasn't sure if she _wanted_ to know at this point.

"From what I know of the world you came from, mostly surface information about how souls act in that world you understand, the… current main military force of that reality fights using a mix of spiritual and physical energy called chakra."

"Matches what I know from the memories of one of those shinobi." Fiona admitted.

"Perfect. Well… from what I can tell… you have both."

The dead woman blinked blankly up at it, opened up her mouth, and shut it without speaking.

"I am pretty sure they call one half Yin energy and the other Yang, correct?" It seemed perfectly happy to only get a nod, and it continued in that same 'lecturing tone' any tutor would've been proud of. "Your soul is a bit… bigger than most, mainly because of the overwhelming Yang energy you possess. You wouldn't happen to know how that came about, would you?"

"I… I borrowed heavily off Natsumi's Yang chakra while I was… with them there." Fiona started slowly. "That should've ran out by now, if the ten years of nothing really did happen."

"Well… you might be able to add or remove a few years from that count. Time is it's own master, and seems to delight in changing the 'real world' times when you switch between worlds."

Which really only left…

"Oh… _fuck_."

"Miss Fiona?"

"I… I might have half of what was once called the 'nine-tailed demon fox'. A bijuu, free-thinking and free moving mass of pure chakra. The _Yang_ half. That's why I summoned the Dead Reaper, to take that half with me into death."

Fiona placed her right hand over her face as she realized it. Not just a dead woman, she was now _partially demonic_.

Joy…

"How much of that do I have?"

"Not a massive amount… I think."

Yanking her gaze upward once again, she gifted 'Lord Death' with an incredulous expression. "You _think?_ "

"Half of your soul crystalized." It pointed out calmly, seeming unbothered by her probably disrespectful tone. "It will take time for that to… melt, for lack of a better word, and for us to get a better view of what is going on with you. It _could_ be just the… method of which the Dead Reaper tried to break down your soul that resulted in it, or it could be the Yang energy of this bijuu refusing to go quietly. It could be compressed and allowing the crystalized parts to 'melt' will flood your soul with even more Yang as a byproduct, or it could just dissipate."

Somehow, Fiona had made away from the shinobi world with part of the nine-tail's chakra. She… kind of wanted to panic… but couldn't get the energy.

Way, _way_ too much shit had happened in a short amount of time for her. Fiona just really felt numb, mostly.

What the fuck did she do to deserve this crap?

Shinigami-sama seemed to understand her silence, rising up to it's full height again and turning to the lightly beaten up other-man. "Spirit, would you please go fetch Sid for me? I think Miss Hanson requires rest, or at least some space to process things. And best to put like with like, at least for now."

"'Like with like?'" Fiona repeated, probably a bit dully as the named 'Spirit' left them to wander down under the row of guillotines behind her position. "Is he a soldier too, then?"

"Of a sort." The massive being answered with a shrug that didn't pull the hem of it's cloak off the ground. "A soldier… and also a master assassin. I didn't miss your internal conflict when Spirit tried to sweep you off your feet, Miss Hanson. Sid might be able to help you identify, or at least control, any ticks the lifetime of an assassin's memory might give you that you don't feel comfortable with. At least until we figure out something to do with you, or you finally adjust."

…Fiona was a refugee. Worse, a refugee part-demonic soul. Of dubious skills, a lifetime of memory not her own, and somewhere a being calling itself _Lord Death_ ruled and metal-spawning men obeyed.

She wondered when the hysteria would set in, and if she'd laugh or cry.

"Shinigami-sama… I… formally request asylum. I don't think I have anywhere else to go."

"…I suppose that might be for the best."


	26. When Death Comes Calling, Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is two of three chapters I'll be posting in the Soul Eater world, and the last setting up Fiona's existence. For the record, the author that asked and is taking Fiona on is Orion Smith from FF.net. Who wrote and will be adopting Fiona into his An Odd Turn.
> 
> Again, think he only posts to FF.net.

_Death Weapon Meister Academy, Death City, Nevada_

The first order of business was actually getting Fiona out of the Death Room. Which ended up harder than it sounded.

The three-star meister Sid Barett ended up being a very affable man with dark skin, similarly dark hair in cornrows, and with tattoos twining up both biceps. Dressed in a tank top and baggy jeans and with a bandana tied around his forehead… kind of in place any generic shinobi placed their village's hitai-ate.

The dead woman had what boiled down to two different reactions to him greeting Shinigami-sama.

First was: _No way in hell does that look professional._

Second reaction: _I wonder how many underestimate him for looking like a two-bit gangster?_

Fiona labeled the first reaction as hers, the other was obviously Natsumi's.

Sid got the basic rundown of what was going on, and that he was to keep an eye on her. The Death God didn't phrase it that way, obviously, but a certain ninja mistress of assassination and her lifetime of less than straightforward professional/personal habits made it pretty clear to her what was being left unsaid but not unheard.

Once everything was said, or not said, Fiona did intend to follow the man out of the area… or room. She wasn't sure about the particulars, but the fact there _were_ windows floating in the sky at fixed positions said she was indoors even if it didn't look it.

It turned out the slightly demonic, ex-Kurama kekkai genkai could not actually leave her soul behind. There was a limited range, about twenty feet or so, but Fiona could not move past that.

She got as far as the actual DWMA hallways outside the Death Room, listening to Sid explain what the Academy taught with a measure of bewilderment, before she came to a rather abrupt halt. It wasn't so much as running into a wall as her leg lost substance as she pitched forward when nothing supported her forward momentum.

Shinigami-sama had sounded a little surprised to see her suddenly come back into being in his trippy wasteland-room, but gleefully abandoned Spirit Alban and his attempts to get the Old God to return to work in favor of helping her figure out what the hell had happened.

Subsequent tests of her disappearing act, some adjustments of an overly bothersome paperweight's location, a re-found broken off spire of her crystalized soul, two round-house kicks to a pervert's face, and a good three hours later... Fiona learned she was pretty much tethered to her own sparkly soul-rock.

Outside of it's influence, she could not exist. The broken piece, the part that fell from the oversized desk just before she awoke here, gave her more area to move within. If she walked out from one crystal's range, she appeared either at the edge of her range opposite of where she left it or into the new area anchored by another crystal shard if it was in that direction.

The smaller bit was a lot less obvious or showy, and Sid temporally solved her tether issue by wrapping a length of leather cord around one end and tying it to his key ring so she could follow him outside of the Death Room.

Fiona still found it incredibly galling she was leashed to another. There was no real blame to be passed out for it, it just simply was and none of them had known before she phased out of existence at one point and into existence at another.

Shinigami-sama promised to see about breaking more spikes off her soul if it could be done, so one could be given to her to free up her range of movement. The dead woman couldn't quite ignore the dry voice of Natsumi in the back of her head adding on a qualifier of 'when you are no longer an unknown threat that needs watching'.

She didn't have much time after that, because the extra time figuring out her limitations as a dead woman meant Sid was now running late for his classes.

That was the point she also learned the man was a teacher.

"You'll probably find it boring," the 'Three Star Meister' admitted to her wryly, "other than Soul Studies and the Battle Arts classes, the EAT and NOT classes are pretty much the same for any high school."

"It's either been more than thirty years, or around fifteen, since I last attended any formal schooling." Fiona informed him dryly in return as he unlocked the lecture hall he was going to be using. "Depending on which way you want to view it, I probably need a bit of brushing up on the subjects anyways."

Sid smirked, tossing his keys and her crystal bit to the desk in the middle of the room set up as a lecture hall. "I'll deputize you as a teacher's aide, at least then you'll have something other to do than sit and stew over… ah…"

"Being dead?" She quipped dryly, examining the tiers of desks set up in graduating rings around the 'lecture pit'. Very different from her own schooling, but somewhat similar to how Konohagakure no Sato had set up their own Academy classrooms. Just a bit more circular than rectangular.

"Yeah, that." The man rubbed his jawline, considering her in a way that painfully reminded the kunoichi part of her about her dead taicho. Fiona quickly shoved that memory she never experienced to the back of her mind before he spoke again. "Just for today. Tomorrow's Saturday, no classes. Black Star, my adoptive son, and I can help you figure out your fighting style and how you'll react to things now."

"I'd appreciate it." She admitted slowly, not really sure about the inclusion of his kid in nailing down her probably overly-violent reactions.

Natsumi had practically lived for nine years through two _wars_ with a katana in hand, tossing oversized trench/throwing knives about and spitting bullets of water at things. Fiona had shot things up with a rifle and tossed the occasional grenade.

A soldier with all the paranoia of a jōnin kunoichi was bad enough, one with all the skills of an ANBU captain of assassination was… a very dark road to dwell on.

Chakra. Did she still have it? Was it just mind-over-matter, since she literally _had_ no matter?

…could she still use fūinjutsu even if she had no blood to make the ink with?

Fiona blinked down at her own hands.

Could she bleed?

\V/

_Coliseum, Death Festival Arena_

"-because I'm such a big guy, of course you'd want to test your small skills against me!"

"You are literally half my size, runt."

Black Star twitched violently, then crossed his arms over his chest and snorted loudly. "I'm going to be the bigger person here, and ignore your small, petty complaints in order for my bigness to shine even more."

Fiona tossed Sid a rather skeptical look, but all the man did was grin back at her.

Oooh-kay. She couldn't even really say anything, from Natsumi's memories she _knew_ shinobi had been weirder.

The instructor meister's adopted kid was a blue haired brat of a boy, wearing a sleeveless and high collared shirt with cargo pants. His hair stuck up even worse than _Minato's_ had, almost as much as Kakashi's and that was saying something. For the only other identifying mark, there was a white scar-like star on one bicep. It might actually have been a birthmark, but it was very sharply defined for a genetic quirk.

Then again, the Nara-kitty General of all things Sneaky had known people that had geometric shapes and strange markings as a kind of genetic stamp on their line. The assassin's ex-Kurama kekkai genkai wasn't really all that sure how divorced this reality was from that, or how either were from her original reality. Entirely possible it _was_ just a very precise birthmark.

His… demon weapon partner seemed more promising, Tsubaki Nakatsukasa seemed more like a kunoichi than her meister partner. Actually, she seemed rather typical for a well-mannered chūnin from a mid-sized shinobi clan… almost like an Uchiha kunoichi without the arrogance.

Fiona wondered if Natsumi had been some kind of elitist prick of a woman, or if it had just been a cruel sort of common sense not to get attached to the less trained members of her home village's shadow military. It was probably more likely to be the latter, and she'd probably be able to figure that out if she specifically dredged all the memories she never experienced, but she wasn't exactly feeling that charitable right now that she was going to be testing her shinobi skills.

Black Star, who had been getting progressively twitchier the longer she had ignored him, suddenly charged her with his fists.

He looked pretty damn surprised to suddenly switch places with her instead of connect with his swing. The preteen lost his footing in shock, ending up sprawled out on the ground and owlishly blinking at the sudden change of location.

The kawamari technique really was kind of broken as a jutsu. Unfortunately not very usable on targets with chūnin-level chakra control, but against those with no chakra… Natsumi had rather badly neglected the art, but she had gone from using fellow academy students as targets to ANBU level threats as targets. If you knew your own chakra well enough, it was hard to be snagged by the technique.

Fiona sighed and did it again when the young meister tried charging her back. No hand signs, barely a twitch in the amount of chakra she had. At least, according to Natsumi's memories that was her chakra.

Too bad she hadn't prepped for this, expecting more than an E-ranked jutsu to be effective enough to get her through this 'spar'. The log substitution gimmick would've been funny, but that required either enough chakra control to use the technique on two separate targets and then another. The log, which normally held a bit of the shinobi in question's chakra, and a suitably far enough target then said ninja's person and said log.

Ebisu had made it work to the point he became a damn fine chūnin on his way to jōnin rank, but an ANBU General had little to no time to observe her fellow shinobi put effort into refining their personal tricks.

Having the prepped log was kind of the deal-breaker. Natsumi never favored the technique enough for Fiona to now know how to do it herself. The most the assassin used was the occasional object lying around and herself, meaning this was probably the limit of what she had done with it.

"Um… Black Star? I don't think that's going to work." Tsubaki hesitantly spoke up from the sidelines, eyeing her meister worriedly as he dusted himself off with stiff movements.

The kid spun around to face the young woman, giving her a slightly forced grin and a thumbs up. Fiona could _swear_ she saw echoes of Gai's good-guy pose in that. "Don't worry about it, Tsubaki! We're just getting the basics out of the way!"

"Actually," Fiona interjected wryly, "this isn't the basics. This is pre-basic ninjutsu. The kawamari jutsu is one of the techniques collectively referred to as the Academy Three, and is taught and mastered by shinobi-hopefuls long _before_ any of them actually become Academy graduates and the lowest rank of ninja. A _genin_."

Because Natsumi hadn't favored the jutsu, she was getting a kick out of using it. Petty was apparently her middle name.

"Keep your cool, Star." Sid called out, slotting a glance Fiona's way. "Next is…?"

"Pre-basic genjutsu. The Henge." Actually pulling her hands out of her pockets to make the snake seal, Fiona adopted Black Star's physical appearance. Then she idly inspected the other two that were now greatly taller than her borrowed form. "…and now I know why Natsumi hated being short. This is _weird_."

It was really little more than an illusion, but messing with another's head was so ninja that she found she could barely help herself.

"WHY YOU-!"

Another kawamari swapped their positions, but the kid skidded instead of flopped this time. However, by the time he turned his forward momentum around, he was confronted with three Fiona's.

"And last is the Bunshin no Jutsu. Again, a genjutsu."

Natsumi knew the kage bunshin, she and Minato learned it from the forbidden scroll around the same time they were looking up the deadly part of the Dead Reaper's Seal, but couldn't make more than one without draining herself to exhaustion levels. That was probably too risky to attempt if Fiona was also going to be exploring Natsumi's rather basic understanding of taijutsu she got from teaching Mebuki and Gai combatives, but the assassin _had_ known the mizu bunshin technique.

...but she needed a decent amount of water for that.

Clones were imperfect copies, and practically a bonfire to any decent sensor-nin's senses. The assassin hadn't used them much either.

Black Star proved himself more than a hot-headed brat, focusing in on the one clone with a moving mouth.

It wasn't that hard to circumvent the most basic clone jutsu ever invented, another reason it was regulated to helping academy instructors weed out those with no talent in ninjutsu or genjutsu. Fiona did at least note the brat wasn't nearly as thick as he seemed, dismissing the illusionary clones to slide into the starting kata one tokubetsu jōnin had refined and taught to an assassin and her taijutsu using student a world away.

"Now we can get to the basics."

"Finally decided to be serious? We can do that too. Tsubaki!"

"Right." The demon weapon responded quickly, a little startled but jumping into their little arena without needing extra prompting.

She jumped and twisted in mid-air, falling as not a young woman but as a pair of hand-scythes attached by a chain. Fiona was fascinated, and wondered if there was a katana demon weapon somewhere.

Catching the woman-turned-weapon, Black Star charged the blonde ex-soldier again.

Except this time, when Fiona substituted herself with him, he kept on running.

Sliding out of her taijutsu stance and stuffing her hands into her pockets, she watched with Sid as the young meister charged headlong into a wall even with Tsubaki trying to get Black Star to realize his target wasn't in front of him anymore.

"Genjutsu." She informed the dark-skinned man easily enough when he shot her a look as his charge knocked himself out. "I never said we were going to be testing taijutsu, and I need a katana before testing what I recall of Natsumi's Hatake clan kenjutsu."

It was actually a _kinjutsu_ , but that was actually the only pseudo genjutsu-type Natsumi had known. That, a Kurama clan jutsu cross between genjutsu and physical chakra constructs, and Yin Release illusions. Fiona could probably reverse engineer genjutsu from the Yin Release techniques, she knew how to do that from the long hours the assassin put in with the heir-then-head of the Uchiha clan and his fiancée-then-wife, and it would be something to do during the night.

As if the whole 'not-dead-yet' thing wasn't frustrating enough, she didn't need to sleep at all.

The phrase 'you can sleep when you're dead' apparently didn't actually apply to her.

Fiona wanted to know if that would hold if she drained herself of chakra, because one of the symptoms of chakra exhaustion was tiredness. It might not, there was the demon chakra to deal with and the question of where the Yang energy she was using was coming from.

She was pretty sure she hadn't stole all of Natsumi's physical energy as well as her excess spiritual.

"Okay then." Sid spoke when it became apparent Black Star had knocked himself out for the time being. "Breakfast?"

"…I'm still not hungry."

"Might as well see what actually eating will do to you. You might not need to eat at all, but since I am getting a bit of extra pay to keep you fed too we might as well test it." The Three Star Knife Meister shrugged the issue off, waving a hand to the road the four of them had taken when his ward had gotten hyped up about testing Fiona's skills for a general assessment. "I can't stand for you starving yourself for no other reason than to see what it does to you. That's just the kind of man I am."

Natsumi would've let it happen, since all shinobi needed to know how long they could go without basic needs in order to plan around it happening eventually.

Fiona ignored that thought, she was getting pretty good at ignoring the reminders of a petite Nara assassin a world away and what she would've done or not done. It was probably more like not thinking about it or sticking to the more trivial parts, but the woman's dead kekkai genkai would live with that.

"Thanks."

\V/

_Outside Sid Barret's apartment_

It took Black Star two weeks to figure out how to stop falling for Natsumi's kinjutsu, within which Fiona got used to grading the homework Sid assigned and got her rating as an expert markswoman from their rifle range back. Another two weeks of getting poked and prodded by a woman named Medusa, who was in charge of the DWMA's medical wing, while catching up with the slight variations of world history here.

Fiona didn't need to eat or sleep, but she could eat and turn it into energy with a bit of internal pain. Drinking things hurt less, so it was more likely to see her drink than eat something. She could probably sleep, as in take a nap or something, but she didn't feel tired at all yet and it had been a full damn month.

The not-sleeping aspect of her new reality wasn't really all that bad, because the lack of it had bored her and she ended up spending several quiet nights with Shinigami-sama in the Death Room.

For a God of Death, the being was being surprisingly helpful in helping her work out both her mess of a mind and certain aspects of her existence. The dead soldier _did_ have memories of Inoichi helping Natsumi through grief counseling, and it _did_ help, but a few times when poking that sordid mess she felt like cringing. _Why_ the baby assassin put up with the heavy-handed beginnings she would never really know, she was merely thankful the then-girl hadn't murdered the blond Yamanaka in a fit of grief induced rage. _Some_ of the _shit_ they got up to in those 'therapy' sessions...

Shinigami-sama also helped her pin down a few things even the military trained amateur psychologist would rather have not touched with a ten-foot-pole. After a few whacks upside the head, at least.

Like the fact her Kurama influence was making her more sour about Natsumi than was probably warranted, her 'bijuu' influence just compounded the rage now, and that she really had little compulsions against using ninja skills… but she was petty enough to develop her own way rather than stick to what had worked for the assassin once upon a time.

Physically speaking Fiona couldn't leave her crystalized soul behind because her 'form' was little more than a chakra construct in nature. As chakra wasn't a natural force in this world, unlike in the shinobi universe, she _needed_ to remain in range of it to exist. The physical aspect of herself she hadn't understood at first was based off the Kurama/bijuu part of her, both were or could be chakra constructs without a willing 'origin' source that drew off nature energy to sustain their forms.

Literally speaking, she was more of a demon than any jinchuuriki ever was.

She couldn't bleed, upon being stabbed or cut the 'injury' just appeared as a shiny blue-purple-red rent in her form until it sealed over again. Even her clothing exhibited the same behavior, which lead her to figure out she _could_ generate her own weapons as long as they remained within her 'range'. Fūinjutsu was impossible until she figured out how to do it without ink or paper, she had no blood to bleed and no one else had chakra in their very blood here either.

She greatly preferred a rifle in her hands rather than use Tsubaki as a katana against Sid and Mira Naigus, who was apparently the Three Star Meister's usual Death Weapon partner. Not because of any memory issues or such, because other than the reach/height differences it was a fairly relaxing swinging a sword about.

She just really couldn't stop cringing at the clash of steel on steel, because she also couldn't put aside the idea of demon weapons feeling that kind of force no matter how much Tsubaki tried to reassure her that she was fine. A chakra construct of a katana never did last very long against Mira's edges, something to do about her Soul Wavelength being brittle and easy to shatter for a Death Weapon.

That problem was slowly getting better as Fiona adjusted to her new situation, as she came to terms with what she was now, but it was still an issue. Her mostly unwanted 'kunoichi' side was getting more and more paranoid the longer her 'weapons' proved to be less than ideal for fighting the locals.

It was harder for the younger demon weapon to shatter her still brittle Yang-constructs of a katana, therefore something she stuck to using only on the younger pair.

Fiona also didn't ask for a plain steel katana for two reasons. She didn't want to insult Black Star's rather sweetly tempered partner in asking for a different weapon and she didn't want to put Sid in the uncomfortable position of breaking the 'not a possible hostile' illusion his ward and the younger demon weapon was under about her presence.

Mira knew full well, of that the ex-Kurama kekkai genkai knew. However the weirdly mummy-like woman also seemed to know Fiona requested asylum as well, and so was generally pretty indifferent to her presence.

There was a third issue she hadn't yet really thought about too hard.

Katanas reminded her of Natsumi's taicho, which was a different kettle of fish entirely.

You could not have two of the same thing held in the same object without a _lot_ of bleed over. Even slowly working through Natsumi's memories it was still a horror-story and a half, given the kunoichi's mission work as one of the Leaf's longest serving assassins.

There were nice and fluffy moments, with the woman's genin team or the team she taught, if you overlooked the fact they were twelve-year-old kids killing for the first time. Then there were what she was going to call Panther's memories, which… just nightmare fuel. Natsumi's memories of her husband were similar, if not quite in the same category.

Fiona was slightly glad for the fact she didn't sleep. No sleep, no dreams. No nightmares, either.

It made for some very touchy memories of not-her-own, because Hatake Sakumo had been the one to let Mesuji Natsumi enter ANBU and taught her how to survive there. Yes, he also made up for it by teaching her his clan's kenjutsu arts and installed her as practically family to Eri and Kakashi… but the dead solider still cringed away from Natsumi's memories of her 'Wolf-taicho'.

The Leopard Summoner had adored her kenjutsu master, Fiona couldn't quite say the same.

She had also loved her jōnin-sensei, who… actually, the ex-Kurama kekkai genkai couldn't really object too much to. In fact, she rather wished Natsumi had listened to the Toad Sage more when she had been a chūnin.

"HEY, FIONA!"

The dead woman sighed heavily, dropping her gaze from the sky and regarding her teacup instead. Tea, why was she drinking tea? There was perfectly good coffee somewhere in Sid's apartment, she could be drinking that.

She could even go to Deathbucks and finally spend a bit of her pittance of pay for being a teacher's aide. The store which she was not ashamed to admit she snorted at when her gracious host had shown her around Death City her first real day here.

There were a lot of shops and venues that had the word 'death' in it around the city, almost like the entire place was a permanent tribute to Halloween.

Which was kind of understandable when you took in the fact the entire place was built up around a spot the very _God of Death_ had planted himself.

"Sid's inside doing paperwork, Star." Grading tests, she had already done the homework for him and the man shooed her off to do something other than what was becoming her normal after-school activity.

Sitting on the apartment's main stairs and staring blankly at the absolutely bizarre sun probably hadn't been his idea of something different, but the damn thing _had a face._ It was laughing… and bleeding. Truly macabre, and she had yet to get used to that even _months_ into her 'asylum' here.

"That's nice, not what we're here for." The rather excitable preteen informed her cheerily, puffing out his chest proudly.

Fiona ignored the fact he looked rather like Gai when the then-genin had something to boast to Natsumi about. The twinge of sorrow, that she wouldn't ever see Gai again, wasn't her. Gai had been a very sweet boy, and somehow had the strength of character to stay that way even when he finally became a chūnin then jōnin. However, Fiona had _never met_ the boy-turned-man so she couldn't really feel that much sorrow at never seeing him do anything again.

"This is Soul Eater, he's a friend of mine."

"Sup." The albino teen lazily informed her as he strolled along in Black Star's wake, causing a few more pangs of familiarly for the dead woman.

Jeans and a tee-shirt, the only original piece being the headband the kid wore with a sticker on it. Almost like a very laid-back non-silvered Kakashi without the dick-ish-ness. With… Kisame's teeth?

Blinking a few times, she gave the two of them a bemused smile. That was another thing that was going to need getting used to. Natsumi's world didn't have the monopoly on weird or strange features. "I haven't seen you in class yet, Soul."

"Maka and I, my meister, were out on a long-term assignment. We just got back." The teen informed her, red eyes flicking up and down her form. More specifically, taking in the uniform she had died in and had yet to get around to changing into something else. "I haven't seen you around yet either, Miss Hanson."

"Fiona please. Or Sergeant Hanson, if you insist."

"Military?"

"Army." She confirmed wryly. Shinigami-sama had offered to fix the little issue of never having belonged to this world's military for her, on the condition her service was reassigned to the DWMA for the time being. Fiona had taken him up on that, and at least could use her old rank rather than claim to be a copy of a jōnin kunoichi of Konohagakure or an ANBU captain of the same.

The benefit was that she had records, an ID, and paperwork in this world now... even if she was dead. Apparently being dead or un-dead wasn't quite the career killer here it was in her original world.

"Cool. Meister or Weapon?"

"She's damn good with a katana. Not as good as I am, of course." Black Star boasted, waving a hand at the ghost of a blonde woman. "But decent enough she's good practice even for one as big as me."

Fiona rolled her eyes at the preteen's almost-automatic bragging. He had yet to actually challenge her to do more than C-ranked jutsus in every spar he demanded out of her, and Tsubaki's rather multi-purpose shapeshifting was more of an obstacle to her than the young meister was. "Keep telling yourself that, runt."

"That doesn't exactly answer my question, Star." Soul interjected before the kid fully registered what she had called him.

"Neither. I'm dead." Fiona grinned slightly at the boys' twin expressions of shock. "Part of the reason why I've been reassigned to the DWMA, my situation is a bit unusual."

"…ah, th-that's c-cool." Managed the older teen, wide-eyed but trying to hide how spooked he was. The fact he was too ridged to be calm was a good tip off. "You… don't look like a normal soul."

"Ah… normal has never been me ever since I died." She brushed off, getting up from her spot in order to return the teacup she had brought out with her. "So what did you want, Star?"

"Oh yeah… HEY! I want a re-match!" Shouted the meister, ignoring that his volume made both of the others cringe. Soul more than Fiona. "I'll show everyone that my Way of the Assassin is _better_ than your Way of the Ninja! And I'll be that much closer to becoming a GOD!"

Blowing out a tired sigh, and regretting the fact Sid had extracted a near-binding promise of her never telling the brat about shinobi assassins and that his ward had made up such a ridiculous belief for her, she shrugged. "Fine, give me a moment."

"Way of the Ninja?" Questioned the white-haired and shark-toothed teen aloud, tucking his hands behind his head as he regarded his friend skeptically.

Fiona didn't hear what Black Star said in return, Sid swiped the cup out of her hands and tossed his keys at her head the moment she let herself into his apartment. "Go have fun. And try to do something other than just stand there this time."

Mildly impressed, she _did_ have the reaction times of a jōnin kunoichi and swiping something from one was damn hard, she instead looked at the key ring she had snatched. "…seriously? That's it?"

"We don't want you walking around on your own because there are creatures in this world that _eat_ souls, Fiona." The Three Star Meister informed her bluntly. "But now we know you're not bad in a fight, and you've cooperated with everything we've set for you. The only problem now is figuring out how to get you more range, other than just where my keys are and the Death Room."

One of these days, she was going to figure out how to physically get her hands around Natsumi's neck. The kunoichi's stubbornly lingering paranoia was proving to be more and more unwarranted, and yet Fiona never did manage to ignore that part of her composite self.

She unhooked her crystal from the man's key ring, tossing them back. "If I carry this around, that's not really much of an issue."

"Unless someone else takes hold of it." Sid countered dryly, reseating himself at his kitchen table to finish off the test marking. "Shinigami-sama has yet to figure out how to break more off without destroying the entirety of your soul."

"I would frankly not mind."

The man rolled his eyes at her. "Yeah, you've said. Fine, we'd rather not have little soul-beacons of you sitting around to tempt rotten souls into trying to eat. Who knows what a bijuu-tainted soul crystal would do to them?"

"Well… that is a little concerning."

Catching the now crystal-less keys, Sid returned them to his pocket and waved her off. "Try not to get into trouble."

Fiona gave him a rather bastardized salute as she turned around. "Sure."

(ooo000ooo)

_Coliseum, Death Festival Arena_

"I'm Maka Alban, it's a pleasure to meet you Miss Hanson."

"Fiona, or Sergeant Hanson, please." Eyeing her fellow if younger blonde and the angles of her face, she couldn't really tell… "You wouldn't happen to be related to Spirit Alban, would you?"

The girl's pleasant smile turned rather forced. "Unfortunately… he's my paternal genetic contributor."

"…I kicked him off Shinigami-sama's desk, and into the dirt a few times." Fiona told the girl warily, relaxing when she didn't do more than beam.

"I think you're my new favorite teacher."

"She's a teacher's _aide_ , you teacher's _pet._ "

"Excuse me a moment." Maka informed the older dead woman cheerfully, spinning around and hammering the book she had been reading out of into the crown of Soul's head. " _SHUT UP, SOUL!_ "

Fiona snorted, tying her crystal soul shard to her reissued dog tags. "Been hanging around Shinigami-sama a bit much?"

"He's a really inspiring being." Chirped the pig-tailed blonde as she turned back to the older woman, checking to ensure she hadn't damaged the spine of her book on her partner's head. "I want to turn Soul into the next Death Scythe, one even better than my father. We're almost there, our last mission took us to Russia to deal with an corrupted soul named Rasputin. One more, and then we'll only need a witch soul. That's why we weren't in class lately, Sergeant Hanson."

"That's fine. Have you gotten the assignments you missed? I'm only aware of two tests you might need to make up." It did boggle the poor dead woman that absences from class were more likely to be caused by meister-weapon pairs hunting down approved targets than illness. The hoops she and Sid had to go through to figure out if a student was playing hooky or not…

"I have them. We'll make up the tests tomorrow afternoon."

"HEY! FIONA, YOU BETTER NOT BE IGNORING ME AGAIN!"

"Black Star, she's talking to a student! That's really rude…"

Sighing yet again at the preteen's impatience, the ex-Kurama kekkai genkai shot the blue haired meister a stern look. "Whenever you're ready, Star. Very rarely do any shinobi wait for a formal start to a fight."

"Oh yeah… that's right." Soul picked himself up off the ground, giving who Fiona was somewhat sure was his somewhat bipolar meister an ugly look for the abuse. "Black Star said you followed the Way of the Ninja. How does that work?"

"Watch."

She waited until Black Star was committed to his charge, then kawamari-ed out with Tsubaki.

Maka flinched when meister and demon weapon crashed into one another, then peered over to Fiona's new position with wide eyes. "How did you do that?"

"That was cool, whatever it was." Soul chipped in, toeing his friend in the head. "I want to learn."

"HELL NO!" Pushing up on Tsubaki's back to right himself, Black Star whirled on his friend. "She's teaching _me_ how to do it the moment I kick her ass!"

"So… that means you have yet to beat her?" Snickered the demon weapon. "Not cool, Star."

"Has anyone asked Sergeant Hanson if she even wants to teach it?" Maka asked of the two of them in exasperation, hefting her book with narrow eyes when the two teenaged boys scoffed at her.

"I wouldn't mind, I like teaching." The ghost of a dead woman professed easily enough, wandering back to the kids and rather enjoying the fact she wasn't limited to a range around Sid anymore. "However, I'm not even sure if I can teach any of you this stuff."

"Well then, Black Star, you've got yourself some competition." Soul's mostly deadpan expression shifted into a sly one, cocking a rather sinister grin at his partner. "Especially since it might just be more up Maka's alley than yours, learning stuff. We're also not nearly as un-cool to lose to a dead woman."

\V/

_The Death Room_

"This is my son, Death the Kid." Shinigami-sama informed her the moment she got into range of the two of them, as if that wasn't brain baking.

Fiona blinked, and blinked again. "…okay."

"Charmed, Fiona Hanson." Death the Kid gave her a politely courteous little nod, returning to eye her pretty Death God paperweight. "This is a very ugly crystal. There's no symmetry at all."

Still blinking, she kept her mouth shut before she asked a very stupid question or three.

"The shell? Is even worse. It's all over the place." He poked one of the edges of said soul shell, making a face and wiping his finger off on his suit jacket. "I suppose some people just can't help having ugly souls."

She wondered if she should feel insulted or something. She didn't, but that was probably because she never really wanted to be basically slaved to a spiritual rock.

"Right, well… as for the so called 'issue', father…" Death the Kid held himself very still, then threaded a finger through the cracks in the soul crystal to poke one of the spires. It fell off, hitting the ground after rolling off Shinigami-sama's flat hand. "Consider it solved. It merely needs a certain Soul Wavelength in order to be affected, which is why your Death Scythe was unable to break it."

"Very good, Kid. Sergeant Fiona?" The Death God invited, making a wiggle-gesture to the new crystal piece. "Would you mind returning a fragment to Sid? I have an investigation I would like him on, and if you can instantly get from one shard to another… you could help us keep in contact with him when he can't call into the Death Room."

"I thought you didn't want me outside Death City?" The dead woman asked, picking up her new crystal node.

Could she use Minato's hiraishin to get from one to another? She knew, approximately, how the old version went. Powdered soul crystal might work better than blood for the whole fūinjutsu ink issue.

Maybe she could carve the seal into the crystal shard instead? There was a thought.

Carved fūinjutsu could not be that different than Minato's touch-seal trick, and she was little more _than_ chakra in nature. It probably wouldn't work on any other surface, but… even if it didn't work then she'd have crystal powder to try ink with.

"I don't, really." Shinigami-sama readily admitted, folding the rest of her soul crystal into his cloak for safe-keeping. "Too tempting of a target if my Soul Wavelength isn't smothering yours. I'd rather not learn if the crystallized part of you is like candy to certain others. Sid would be able to keep himself and a part of you safe. So we will at least know instead of merely fear."

"Fair enough. Who's taking over Sid's classes then?"

"Well… why don't you take care of that?"

Fiona blinked again, but smiled slightly at the God of Death. "Me…? I always did like teaching…"

"Perfect. You can be our substitute teacher when needed."

Even before Natsumi, Fiona liked teaching a few of the military classes to her fellow soldiers. That wasn't really too bad of a side-job while she waited for… whatever it was to happen to finally happen.

"Alright."


	27. Behind the Mirror

_Death Room in Death Weapon Meister Academy, Death City, Nevada_

"Wasn't this exactly _why_ you have a bit of my soul-crystal hanging off your key ring?" Fiona shortly informed the blue-skinned zombie of Sid Barett.

Said zombified man coughed sheepishly, running a hand over his cornrows. "Well… yes? But… you were training the kids when I got called in, Fiona."

The ex-Kurama clan kekkai genkai scowled at him, then glanced up to the very thoughtfully posed old god hosting them all. "...so, zombies are a thing here?"

"Not typically, no." Shinigami-sama informed her absently, still more-or-less distracted by what was going on in his… skull. "We were very lucky Stein turned Sid into one, if only to be sure of what he was sent to check out was… not right."

"I don't remember too well, Shinigami-sama."

"...ah, unfortunate."

"Who is Stein?" As the substitute teacher, Fiona had met a lot of the meister and weapon pairs that took on teaching the next generations. She didn't recall meeting one by the name of Stein.

"Doctor Franken Stein is one of my best meisters." Whipping around to actually look at his two tiny human-shaped-but-not teachers, Shinigami-sama pressed his floppy hands together and peered down at them over it. "He's a genius, to put it bluntly. A bit… insane. Immoral certainly. Has a bit of a sadistic streak. Good man, good man."

Running a hand over her face, the ghost of a dead woman tried not to think about _why_ a man considered a genius and a bit insane by a literal _god of death_ would want to turn someone into a zombie. Or how he did it.

"So…" Sid offered after a moment when it became apparent she wasn't going to bite. "...can I go now? I really want a shower."

Fiona dug the crystal spire, which she no longer needed since she now had her own, out of her pocket and chucked it at the zombie's head more than a little irritated. She had the spire on her dog tags now, she didn't need his keys to walk around on her own. " _Keep it on you this time._ "

"Sid. I wonder… if you would help me with a little something."

"Shinigami-sama?"

"A few students require some… remedial classes."

"Black Star and Tsubaki, for sure." Sighed the substitute.

As much as she liked Sid's adoptive son and his weapon partner, the kid had no sense of subtlety… or what an indoor voice should be. Which, paired with a fighting style that _required silence as a rule and relied on surprise takedowns_ , meant his targets tended to get away from him often.

"Maka Alban and Soul Eater as well." Tacked on Shinigami-sama evenly, ignoring the exasperation his teacher pair were experiencing.

"I thought they were doing well?" Fiona objected in confusion, because from what she could remember of the student rankings she was helping keep the pair was almost finished with turning Soul into a Death Scythe.

"Ah… they ran into a little problem when it came to the last soul, the one of a witch's. The two failed to acquire one in time, and now have to start over at zero souls."

Ouch. Harsh.

"Stein agreed to assist, Sid. You know him, the opportunity to study a few students and their methods to compare with those he knew from his time as a student was enough of a draw to ensure he wouldn't go too overboard." The old god paused, a flat and broad hand smoothing up the lower underside of his mask. "Well… as long as nothing… _exciting_ happens to derail his attention."

Sid really only took a moment to consider it before agreeing, which Fiona understood even if she didn't want to see the man wander off after being recently zombified.

Getting to help his adoptive son, teach a few lessons to his students, and maybe take it easy for the few days it would take for the lesson to be over?

Fiona sighed heavily, and then turned her attention to the upcoming lesson plan she had to teach Sid's classes while he was off being 'dead'.

At least she'd get paid as a teacher when substituting instead of as an aide for the week.

\V/

"Father… Sergeant Hanson." Death the Kid greeted the two already within the old god's office-desert room. "You called for me?"

"Ah… yes, yes." Shinigami-sama waved one of his over-sized hands at the ornate mirror situated in the middle of his 'office'. "I wanted your perspective on the remedial class I have arranged to take place, and the students taking it. It's almost ready to start."

"Fair enough." Giving his 'father' a nod, the younger shinigami seated himself on the small human-sized throne Fiona had moved into the desert-like room on request.

His twin demon weapons, otherwise known as the Demon Twin Guns or the Thompson Sisters took up a position just behind and to the right of their meister.

The soldier in her would've approved, except the younger sister Patty immediately got distracted by the floating wispy clouds that drifted through the Death Room at random. Liz's expression suggested it was a normal thing, and even Death the Kid ignored his weapon's wandering attention.

"Where is it taking place?"

"Hook Cemetery." Shinigami-sama cheerfully announced, tapping his mirror with a finger to tune it to the desired location. "I'm sure you've heard the rumors of a not-quite-dead yet former teacher of ours?"

"Sid Barett." Flicking a glance at Fiona's likely less than completely neutral face, the young shinigami leaned back in his throne. "You've sent the remedial students after him, Father?"

She could somewhat sympathise with Death the Kid's confusion, except she knew it was really little more than a somewhat convoluted test. This was, after all, Shinigami-sama's bit to ensure both his son enrolled into the DWMA _and_ that he wouldn't lose four very promising students to unfortunate circumstances.

Black Star's lack of progress was mostly just him, but Maka's was more understandable given she had nearly completed turning Soul into a Death Scythe only to fail because she picked the wrong target.

On the other hand, it wouldn't really look good if one of their teacher's children flunked out of the academy. Especially not one Sid had rescued and personally taught, who was pretty much the last remaining member of a near-murdered clan of assassins.

That had been bewildering to learn.

"It's started." Shinigami-sama announced, turning his masked face to regard the image in his mirror.

Fiona did have some amusement, carefully kept off her face, in watching Sid bat his students around playfully. The zombie teacher seemed to be having fun, a solid kick to the solar plexus from his adoptive son aside.

Maka had some decent flexibility to squeeze through Sid's tombstone attack.

She really only paid more attention, rather than be a prop for Shinigami-sama's aims, when the blonde meister hefted her demon scythe in a way she hadn't seen before.

'Mirror-san' was a very tall, ornate, brass edged mirror. It had to be, given the height of the old god that used it. Since Fiona was paying minimal attention, it spared her a crick in her neck trying to keep track of everything going on. Death the Kid was seated back far enough he had a more comfortable time watching past his 'originator's' concealing black cloak.

Soul's transformation when he and his meister used the attack 'Witch Hunter' was near blinding.

Shinigami-sama seemed unbothered by the bright lights, and his son equally unmoved. Liz, Patty, and Fiona all winced.

Which meant they missed how someone fell out of the mirror to land almost on the hem of the old god's robes.

...was that a _plinth helmet?_

" **ZOMMMBBIIIEEEE!** "

Fiona twitched, but kept her eyes on the new arrival instead of see who had entered the fight against Sid. He could take care of himself, newly dead or not, but the unknown…

Almost faster than she could see, which was alarming in it's own way given she had the skills to keep up with _shinobi_ in mid-battle, the green-haired and bespectacled man snatched up his helmet and righted himself. Resetting the tan hard-hat on his head, he reached behind him… to grasp the thermos set on his belt.

Unscrewing the lid, he poured himself a cup of what seemed to be coffee and took three sips in quick succession. "Hmm… unfortunate. I hadn't expected to be separated from my team. How… vexing."

The ghost of a dead woman coughed lightly, which had the man all but _zipping_ around to fully face her.

"Hmm?"

Fiona pointed up.

"Good evening." Shinigami-sama offered pleasantly, tucking his hands away into his robes and nearly bent half to clearly see the newest arrival. "May I ask who you are?"

"Bartholomew Oobleck, Doctor Oobleck I would rather. Instructor at Beacon Academy. A pleasure. May I know who I am being addressed by?"

"Charmed, charmed. I am Shinigami-sama. Old god, Reaper of Death. Whichever you would prefer." Said god of death made a motion with one flat hand at the collection of more human-sized figured staring at the two of them. "May I introduce my son, Death the Kid? With him are the Thompson Sisters and Staff Sergeant Fiona Hanson, my current substitute teacher."

Dr. Oobleck paused a full moment, glancing lightning quick between the god of death and his son. "...fascinating. I wonder, would you mind answering a few questions? Out of pure academic interest, I assure you."

Fiona coughed again, this time a lot less hesitant than before. "While this is all nice and fine, gentle… uh, _beings_ , the students?"

She was only somewhat sure Shinigami-sama was male by choice.

"Ah…" Oobleck _again_ all but blurred as he rounded back around to examine the mirror. _Fast_ seemed to be his natural speed setting. "Yes, forgive my distraction… how did you know I have students?"

"You're an instructor, of course you have students. But I was referring to…" The dead soldier trailed off, finally getting her own look at what had happened on Sid's end. "...I take it the newcomers fighting alongside our students are yours?"

"Indeed. Yours?"

"A remedial class." Shinigami-sama interjected as Fiona came up to stand between itself and the new arrival. "They are tasked with taking down a fallen previous instructor of mine, and the wirepuller behind his recent zombification. Miss Fiona, again, is our substitute when my teachers are needed elsewhere."

"...speaking of, Shinigami-sama? Who's teaching the Crescent Moon class while I'm here and not doing it?"

"Mmm? Why Spirit is, of course!"

The dead woman felt her right eye twitch, only to feel it twitch again when a second rendition of a horror movie's soundtrack sounded.

" **ZOMMMBBIIIEEEE!** "

"...oh dear." Oobleck commented, raising his thermos cap full of coffee for another lightning-fast sip. "Daichi wouldn't happen to be fighting against an _actual_ undead revenant, would he?"

"...Sid Barett is dead, and has been zombified in truth." Fiona confirmed warily. The skepticism was understandable given they had said it was a remedial class. Before she ended up as something called Lord Death's substitute teacher she would've been as skeptical that dead things could really act on their own. Her own existence aside. "Why?"

"Young mister Daichi has a… phobia. Of zombies. Miss Adel had him watch a number of films with her, and I'm afraid my student becomes quite… _intent_ on destroying anything possibly both undead and still embodied."

"...do ghosts count?"

The politely inquiring expression behind the round glasses now tilted in her direction made the ex-Kurama kekkai genkai grimace. "I may or may not be more dead than alive myself. Just… not as physical as my fellow teacher now is."

"...Sergeant Hanson? Mr… _Doctor_ Oobleck?" Death the Kid spoke up, now studying the both of them quite seriously with his yellow eyes. "Could the two of you slow down, please? I am having a little trouble keeping up."

"Like seriously!" Patty chirped up with a silly grin. "We can't understand you when you go too fast. It's more like a buzzz~"

Their green-haired guest's eyebrows rose up, and he glanced to the dead woman next to him. "Truely?"

"I'm dead. I'm exactly what I imagine I am, since I don't have any biological processes my form needs to go through to process or react."

"SO!" Liz interjected pointedly, a rather irked expression on her face as her younger sister started giggling. " _Doctor_ Oobleck, would you mind telling us why you're here?"

The man examined the taller of the Thompson Sisters, gave a professionally brisk nod, and took yet another sip of his coffee."Ah yes. Team CFVY (pronounced 'coff-ee') was assigned to investigate an odd anomaly scaring away monsters of our home by the name of Grimm. Along with our civilian advisor, we arrived at the forest where the anomaly was and were unfortunately promptly swallowed up by it. After an indeterminate amount of time we have apparently ended up here, in your world. Or rather, I have ended up here in front of you, while my students and our escort arrived in the middle of your local graveyard."

" **ZOMMMBBIIIEEEE!** "

"And one of your students seems to be spazzing out~" Patty cheerfully tacked on to the end, pointing to the very image being transmitted to them through whatever voodoo of Shinigami-sama's operated the mirror.

The young man in question, with tan skin and green-brown robes under light-green armor plates, who tried to brain the zombified-teacher in the head with an overhead swing of his sword.

Oobleck accepted that point with admirable grace. "Well, yes. I _did_ explain Mister Daichi's paranoia when it comes to the living dead."

Fiona risked a glance upward, but the old god's attention was more on the on-going fight and the newer arrivals than their conversation. She wasn't remotely going to bet on that being true, but since she had a lack of orders…

"Who is your civilian advisor? Would we need to extract him?"

They had a way, even if it would be unpleasant. Fiona had figured out how to imbue her soul crystal shards with a copy of Minato's hiraishin sigils.

"Mr. Orion is perfectly capable. He was attached to the team since he had prior experience in these anomalies that had appeared in our own world." Oobleck reassured her evenly, pouring himself another thermos-cap of coffee to sip his way through. "As unfortunate as it is that I was separated from Team CFVY, he _can_ and likely will step in my place."

"...ah?"

"Mmm… may I ask an inquiry of my own?"

The entirely unwanted ninja side of her immediately bristled, but keeping in mind exactly how unuseful it had been the ex-Kurama kekkai genkai nodded once firmly. "Sure."

" _Can_ you extract someone? I was of the opinion that we are somewhat removed from the images being… shown."

"We are." Death the Kid offered more or less absently, having been distracted by the abilities of the CFVY team. "Hook Cemetery is at least half a day's walk from Death Weapon Meister Academy, where we are currently."

Oobleck blinked at him, shot a quick glance to the windows seemingly suspended in space well over their collective heads but not Shinigami-sama's, then back to the mirror showing how the team he had been attached to was pulling back together to assist the fight against a zombified former teacher. "I see."

Fiona privately doubted it. "I can… teleport. I actually have two methods to do so, but both require an item specifically prepared to allow it. Sid has one such item on him."

"Really?" She suddenly got the man's full attention, and had to suppress a flinched reaction that would've once let Natsumi reach a kunai without much suspicion. "By what method can you teleport? Quantum? Can you generate wormholes? Why would a token be required?"

"Space-time fuinjutsu."

"I… beg your pardon?"

"Space-time fuinjutsu." Fiona repeated patiently, well aware it was likely a completely unhelpful answer. "I can write instructions into a specific bit of crystal and use it as a teleportation node."

"- **maggot ridden** _ **brain dead UGLY CORPSE!**_ **"**

"Can you show me?" Oobleck asked eagerly, ignoring the on-going fight in favor of staring hopefully at someone with the paranoia of a master assassin. "Here?"

"...erm? Maybe later…" Pointing to the mirror's surface, and the image of Black Star finally getting his act together to trap his adoptive father, the ghost of a dead woman warily inched backwards until she was closer to Shinigami-sama's robes. "I think they're wrapping up?"

Oobleck checked the same thing, smiled rather proudly at Coco taking charge of the 'interrogation' only to wince as the threat being used finally reached them. "They… seem to be handling things well enough. Can I assume your students will lead mine back here?"

"The remedial class isn't over quite yet, I'm afraid."

Death the Kid stood up and walked over to those closer to the mirror. "All that's left now is the wirepuller who zombified Sid-Sensei, right?"

"Yes, yes." Shinigami-sama nodded to his son's commentary.

"Who is it, Father?"

The old god made an absent noise, which Fiona fully understood. While this might also be a bid to get the younger shinigami involved with the meisters and demon weapons he would likely command some time down the line, it was also a test for the students to overcome.

Death the Kid's test as much as Maka's, Soul's, Black Star's, or Tsubaki's.

It wasn't like he could comment to that respect, not when he was still trying to get his son to join the Academy and especially not in front of an outside instructor.

"He's no small-timer, is he?" The old god's son continued evenly.

"Death Scythe is the greatest weapon around at the moment." Shinigami-sama offered after a long moment. "You know which meister trained him up, don't you?

"The Thompson Sisters are demon weapons, as are Soul Eater and Tsubaki." Fiona added for Oobleck's benefit, jerking a thumb at the mirror behind them so the man would get the idea.

"Shapeshifters, fascinating."

Death the Kid allowed their side-conversation to stop before continuing. "Mm-hmm, Maka's mother, right? What about it?"

Shinigami-sama nodded. "As it happens, Maka's mother was Death Scythe's second partner."

The younger shinigami wasn't slow on the uptake. "Which means… by any chance, was it his first one?"

"The wirepuller's name is Doctor Franken Stein." Admitted the personification of Death itself. "He was Death Scythe's first partner and greatest meister to ever graduate from DWMA. He's a tough one."

"You told them to go fetch this guy's soul, right?" The taller of the Thompson sister asked with a slight frown, looking concerned.

Her younger sister didn't share her concern. "Still, you'd beat this guy easily, Sis."

"I'm just an unremarkable weapon." Liz quickly denied, becoming depressed. "Patty, you give your sister too much credit. It's safe to say I'd be dead in an instant."

"Such an assignment for a remedial class is a bit too difficult, isn't it?" Continued Death the Kid, ignoring his demon weapons' side-conversation with as much grace as he had the instructors' aside.

Shinigami-sama refrained from commenting.

"There's no doubt about it, they will die."

"...Sergeant Hanson, am I right in assuming your teleportation trick will be able to evacuate the students who get in over their heads?" Oobleck announced just a shy away from a demand, turning rather intently on the ghost of a blonde woman and thermos cup forgotten halfway to it's destination.

In mid combat? Fiona checked to see exactly how many had been added to the number she might have to grab in a fast hurry. "...we might want to prepare a few infirmary beds. I wasn't expecting-"

"Hm?" The old god hummed a little, inspecting the goings on through the mirror.

"...that… that SON OF A _BITCH!_ " Snapped the soldier, glaring at the reflection of the thief that took her soul from Sid. _AGAIN._ The _next asshole_ that removed the damn thing from her fellow teacher was going to be kicked in the teeth until she felt better. Even if it was Sid himself.

Oobleck frowned, if from her volume, obscenity, or from hearing his civilian advisor looting the pockets of a downed opponent was debatable.

"Well…" Shinigami-sama offered as the people being shown by the mirror all started at least wandering in the same direction. "...it will take them a little while to reach where they're going. How about we take a little break, hmm? And possibly share a few questions and answers? Doctor Oobleck?"

\V/

_Death Room in Death Weapon Meister Academy, Death City, Nevada_

"-BITCH! GRRRAAAAGH-" Orion collapsed to the floor, holding his head between his hands. "Fucking goddamn mother of god pissing-"

Thankfully, his expletives died down to a mumble after that, BEFORE the children in attendance were scarred any more.

"Doctor Oobleck, your students." Fiona cheerfully informed the green-haired man with a sweeping gesture to the extras she hadn't counted on moving as well when the situation had been set up.

The man damn-near teleported himself, checking over his very disorientated and battered students each in turn. When he was satisfied they were more or less intact, he gave the dead woman a sharp nod. "Much appreciated, Sergeant Hanson. Although… why are they worse-off?"

"The hiraishin technique is a bit disorientating." Admitted Fiona, side-eyeing the thoughtfully looking Stein who was one of the few besides herself still on their feet. "Kind of like blacking out momentarily, but the arrival is also like experiencing whiplash. You get used to it eventually."

Black Star was the only other, and from the looks of it he was only upright and not passed out because Sid had a firm hold of his shoulder. The zombie-man himself had been forced to a knee, but given exactly how much he had been through that evening it was understandable.

"Wonderful. Are we all here?" Shinigami-sama clapped his wacky, oversized hands together cheerfully.

"FUCK YOU REAPER MAN AND FUCK YOU LADY! Gaaah… I finally forgot what fear tasted like!"

Fiona very delicately stepped on the man's ribs. "Be nice, brat. That's an old god you're talking to."

Orion growled darkly. "I fucking noticed, he's pretty much radiating madness. And I don't much care, now get off before I figure out how to shoot you from here."

"Oh honey. I'm dead. What would shooting me do?" However, the dead soldier got off the kid that _stole her soul from Sid_ in order to return the same bit of her crystalized soul to the zombie in question. "Sid… again?"

"Wasn't my fault." Offered the blue-skinned undead, taking back the spire and shakily rising to his own feet. "Blame him."

"I saw."

"Hmmm…?" After inspecting the newcomers, the gigantic masked god of Death turned to his instructors. "Sid, Fiona? Would the two of you kindly arrange some beds for our unexpected guests? They _did_ attempt to assist our students, even if it _was_ a remedial lesson they were doing."

"Shinigami-sama? I was promised-"

"Fiona, if you would?"

Drawing out the crystallized soul of Fiona's, the old god held it out so the ex-Kurama genkai kekkai could break yet another spire off the inner core.

Stein took it with a smirk as Shinigami-sama returned the crystal to his voluminous cloak. "Why thank you, sir."

"Remedial Lesson? What kind of place is this that you have kids fighting zombies as a _remedial lesson?_ Point of fact, who _are_ all of you people?"

"Miss Adel, may I introduce you to a literal god? Shinigami-sama, who is going to be hosting us while we are somewhat displaced?" Oobleck answered Coco before anyone else could. "Continuing, Sergeant Fiona Hanson who conducted your extraction. Sid Barett, who was the assisting instructor in Miss Alban's, Mister Eater's, Mister Star's, and Miss… Tsubaki's remedial exam. And finally, Doctor Franken Stein. Who volunteered to assist in said exam."

"So this entire battle… Was a set up?"

"Well… yes." Shinigami-sama answered for her. "Yes it was. You see… Black Star and Maka Alban are both meisters here in Death Weapon Meister Academy, who both have exactly zero souls fed to their respective demon weapons, Soul Eater and Tsubaki. Maka's difficulty occurred through a miscalculated error that lost her ninety-nine souls, and Black Star… well…"

The god paused, aimed it's mask at the zombified Sid, then shrugged.

"In any case, your involvement actually made things a bit harder than they needed to be."

"Surprisingly enough, no we're not in hell. It's Nevada." Fiona offered on her own end, looking rather annoyed by that fact.

"Um… sir?" Maka tentatively asked as she pulled herself up to a kneeling position next to Soul who looked as if he wasn't going to bother for a while. "Did we at least pass?"

"You pass." Stein offered absently, inspecting the chunk of crystallized soul he was holding up. "Risking your life to protect your partner, a very admirable trait."

"... What kind of world do you live in that kids _collect souls_?!" Coco spoke up, aghast.

"Obviously, not a pleasant one." Fiona offered flatly, jerking her thumb to the god in the room. "Otherwise do you think Shinigami-sama would be just hanging around here?"

"Eight hundred years ago, the world was protected by the Eight Shinigami Legions. Lead by Shinigami-sama himself." Maka started off, always eager to answer. "However, they broke up when Shinigami-sama's own apprentice went evil and wrecked havoc on the world with his Madness Wavelength. The D.W.M.A. was formed directly after the Eight Shinigami Legions broke up, to combat the possibility of another soul becoming a Kishin like Shinigami-sama's old apprentice."

"Fine answer, Maka." Sid nodded a few times, rubbing a blue hand along the underside of his equally blue chin. "There's more to it, but as a shorthand answer that's fine. Either way, we stand in the way of evil here."

"Graa… Essentially… What they do here is similar to what Beacon does, only with more human enemies." Orion spoke up, dragging himself up from the floor. "And less guns. And more soul weaponization. And shapeshifters."

"From what Sergeant Hanson has informed me, the souls the students 'hunt' are those that hunt innocent souls themselves." Oobleck added from where he was blocking Yatsuhashi's view of Sid. "But Mister Orion is correct in his comparison."

"Maka, Soul Eater, Black Star, Tsubaki? Since you all have passed the remedial mission, consider yourselves excused for the day. As well as some of tomorrow, given how late it has become." Shinigami-sama offered to his students, beckoning the four to the guillotine lined pathway out of his office. "Sid, Fiona? Those arrangements for our guests?"

"Professor? What exactly are we doing now?" The bunny faunus finally managed to recover from her disorientation and momentary bout of nausea.

"Hmm… I have no idea, Miss Scarlatina." Oobleck announced bluntly. "Mister Orion?"

"Yeah?"

"How _would_ we return to Beacon from here?"

"Gonna be honest here? No clue. Last time I had to deal with this kind of crap, I didn't leave Remnant, other shit just ended up in it. Stupid demon plant of doom… I might have an idea though." Orion admitted, cracking his neck. "That's going to bug me for the next couple of hours, I swear…"

"What idea?" Fiona asked idly, shifting to continue the Doctor's work in keeping Sid out of the green-and-brown swordsman's view as he left the room to put some kind of housing arrangement together.

"Well, two. First one involves on how good… Wait no, that would require locking onto a dimension with no coordinates for the Hiraishin, never mind on that one. Plan B might work." Orion commented absently, eyes unfocusing for a moment as he was thinking deeply about something.

"Let's not do blind jumps with the hiraishin, please."

"Good plan. Messing with Space Time bad. Oi, Reaper Man who's disgustingly powerful?"

Shinigami-sama actually chortled a little bit. "Oh? Did you need something?"

"Your room is in an alternate dimension, yeah? Separate from even the DWMA?" Orion asked, refocusing back on his surroundings.

"And if it is?"

"Connected via mirrors to other dimensions?" Orion continued, counting the god's question as a positive answer.

"Hmm… my students can contact me through any reflective surface and the correct code, yes." Shinigami-sama confirmed cheerily. "I foresee a flaw, though. How can I find your specific dimension out of all the ones possible? Miss Fiona over there came from a completely different one that this one or yours, for example."

The dead soldier herself pulled a face at the attention the god drew to her.

"I… might be able to help there, Shinigami-sama." Stein offered pleasantly, tucking his new test subject away in his patch worked lab coat and giving the people warily regarding him a cheerful smile of his own. "I might need to… do some tests, but I'm sure I can help tune your mirror to their originating reality."

"If you attempt to experiment on me, I will castrate you with my shotguns." Orion commented warily, edging away from the psycho.

Reaching up with one hand, Stein idly cranked the screw lodged in his head a few times. "...well, if you're going to be stubborn about it… anything you _know_ for a fact is unique to your world? For… the process of elimination, you understand. If I can't study you and match a world that way, it will take longer."

"You can't use me then." Orion shrugged. "I'm not exactly native to that world myself."

Fiona slapped a hand over her eyes. Stein turned a frankly terrifyingly eager grin on him. "Oh…? Really…"

"I have shotguns. And hyper awareness of my surroundings. I don't care if you're my ticket back, I will blow your fucking head off, stay away." Orion growled. "Dissect her, she's even less of a native!"

He pointed at Fiona.

"Not physical enough to be dissected, kid. Out of luck there."

"Then make random shit for him to play with."

"Nothing I can make would have internals." Fiona explained with exaggerated patience. "Everything I have, all of it, is merely a chakra construct. Even my own body. That bit of my soul is the only physical part I have, and he's already got a bit of it."

"And shadow clones pop when they first get cut… Greeeaaaat. How the hell does a US Sergeant end up learning the Hiraishin anyway?"

"...I'm going to abstain from commenting." The ex-Kurama kekkai genkai muttered after a long moment of silence. "Anyways. I'm going to go see where Sid is in arranging you a place to crash. Have fun trying to bribe the mad doc to abstain from cutting you apart."

She gave a bastardized salute, then flicked out of existence to catch up with the zombified Sid.

"Up yours too lady. Anyway. Hey Psycho doctor, if I give you a sample of what I was using to crack your ribs, will you leave me the hell alone in my sleep at least?" Orion grumbled loudly to Stein, digging in his pocket.

Another few cranks of his skull screw, and the mad Meister nodded with a small grin. "From nine at night to… say six in the morning?"

"Deal. Catch." Orion underhand threw a vial of black dust to the man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ****_So! Peeps, I have a guest writer. If you couldn't guess. Orion Smith of An Odd Turn, as noted in last chapter._  
>  Hello! Yes yes, to all of Vixy's diehard fans… I'm infringing. In my defense! This has been planned for the past… 8 or 9 months? I just finally got to the point in my story where I could pull it off… So yeah. Welcome to what might be the first SI crossovers from multiple fandoms. Orion from RWBY, Fiona from Naruto/Soul Eater. Technically.  
>  _For clarifications sake, yes the bit at the end of the Mesuji-verse meets the Canon cast where we found out the Uzumakis all didn't die off is also included in this great big mess. We'll… or rather Orion Smith's readers, will eventually cover that. And as will I, eventually. When Fiona and Natsumi re-met up. Eventually._  
>  Huh, I think when they do we will redefine "Catfight", Vixy. I find that hilarious. Also, was it me or you who decided to link that part at the end of your last bit for Pawprints? I can't remember who's fault that was...  
>  _….we're going with your fault. This is my fic, and what I say goes._  
>  Oi, I took the blame last time! It's your turn damnit! Ah well. Thankfully, we won't be touching RR at all with this mess. I'm pretty sure Sonya would try to kill me if we did, or at least try to kill Orion.  
>  _Sonya would like you to remember she's the least-violent Cloud in existence. And also, she wouldn't touch your boy with her Bec de Corbins._  
>  Considering recent events, that's really NOT reassuring. Regardless of Orion's ability to survive or not. Even when I finally get around to fully unlocking his Semblance and getting him the rest of his gear, I still wouldn't let him pick that fight.  
>  _Alright, enough with RR. Not quite on tangent, remember. I try to at least be coherent in these._  
>  You're no fun. Whatever. Anyway, as mentioned in my fic, I'll be dragging Fiona into the world of An Odd Turn. And there will be many shenanigans, quite a few of which are actually planned.  
>  _Fiona already regrets I have her be completely non-alcoholic. They don't seem to get along well, do they?_  
>  Orion's had a long day, he'll probably apologize later. Also, I find it funny that of the SIs between us, Orion is the youngest and the one who drinks the most.  
>  _I don't know, Sonya might actually drink more… admittedly, it doesn't affect her much… damn it. My bad._  
>  I win! Anyway, yeah, they're off to a rocky start, but they'll figure it out. It'll help that they're both from a Earth, so things to talk about. And Orion has… technically had some basic military (specifically army) training, so he will give Fiona more respect. When he stops tasting fear and hearing purple.  
>  _My head hurts just thinking about it. Continuing! This is the last? part I'm posting. Supposedly. The rest will show up in An Odd Turn. Continuing with… A day in the life of Itachi (Age 13) when I pick up next. Hopefully. According to my plans. But then again, my Deja vu readers know full well my plans for anything related to the story get derailed some way or another._  
>  As a reader, yes. Yes they do. And you're more than likely going to end up cross-posting the Fiona vs. Natsumi part here due to importance.  
>  _...probably. But hey, in ALTERNATE-DIMENSIONS! Woo~_  
>  You know, you seem a bit more excited over all this then when we first suggested it. Is Fiona finally getting over herself? Or are Natsumi and Tatiana influencing you more now? Don't care either way, Orion just wants to go drinking with Jiraiya at some point.  
>  _Likely to happen. Cherep is sad he can't join… and moving on quickly before we figure out who's at fault this time. Again, the rest of this thread will be posted to his An Odd Turn story._  
>  When I find time to write…. Hopefully I'll have more for a bit. And let's be honest Vixy? KHR CANON already deals with parallel universes. We aren't that lucky to keep them separate. Or rather, this is Orion's luck that makes Harry fucking Potter look blessed. It's probably going to end up happening whenever we get bored and the idea of how to do it randomly pops in our heads.  
>  _Nope, RR only goes through the time-travel bullshit. You can figure out how to deal with Byakuran taking over multiple universes on your lonesome._  
>  Eh. I'll probably just use high explosives. Or lasers. Or hax via Semblances. Anyway, I'm done now, I swear, all you Vixy.  
>  _...I've got nothing. I don't' normally do very long ANs. Continuation of normal chapter snippets to follow, peeps._


End file.
